shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

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("wacky"/weird news does not apply)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/donald-j-trump/my-new-golf-course-a-sour_b_323741.html

banned, on the run (s1ocki), Saturday, 17 October 2009 08:05 (4 years ago) Permalink

I was mentioned in the Press & Journal once - that should give you an idea of how prestigious Mr Trump's historian is.

Anyway, is that entire site an Onion parody?

Ismael Klata, Saturday, 17 October 2009 10:38 (4 years ago) Permalink

lol comments

"As a leader of Intimacy Retreats and the author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day, I always recommend that couples schedule time for intimacy."

banned, on the run (s1ocki), Saturday, 17 October 2009 14:56 (4 years ago) Permalink

While over 90% of the locals, politicians, businesses and top historians support my project\\

lol

Ned Trifle II, Saturday, 17 October 2009 15:02 (4 years ago) Permalink

LOL at that trump article

a perfect urkel (gbx), Saturday, 17 October 2009 15:20 (4 years ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

http://www.thedeclaration.org/article/more-just-secondhand-news

I know what you’re thinking. I don’t want to read another review of that frickken Phish show! Plus I can totally download the concert for free off the internet. HELLZ NO. Last week, I saw Fleetwood Fucking Mac, and it was the greatest night of my life, and I’m going to tell you all about how much it ruled.

ian, Friday, 20 November 2009 03:42 (4 years ago) Permalink

3 months pass...

f1ocki (s1ocki), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:05 (4 years ago) Permalink

also file under "shit that looks like a hipster runoff post but isn't"

f1ocki (s1ocki), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:06 (4 years ago) Permalink

file under 'headlines that would've made absolutely no sense to anyone 15 years ago'

i am a big fan of japanese women (donna rouge), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:25 (4 years ago) Permalink

"Fast-growing public fighting memes" is a pretty big category.

Dark Notion (Abbott), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:26 (4 years ago) Permalink

can you imagine actually reading an explanation of why this particular public fight meme has had an accelerated rate of adoption compared to other public fight memes?

f1ocki (s1ocki), Saturday, 20 February 2010 18:32 (4 years ago) Permalink

Is there even another public fight meme other than bumfights? I remember that grew pretty fast...

As your Dentist I recommend smoking: (Viceroy), Saturday, 20 February 2010 19:03 (4 years ago) Permalink

pretty much every article by the DPRK's news service

we like the cars. the cars that go burbbhrbhbbhbburbbb. (los blue jeans), Saturday, 20 February 2010 19:41 (4 years ago) Permalink

pithfork (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 23 February 2010 23:17 (4 years ago) Permalink

no, von trier, nooooooo!

Nhex, Thursday, 25 February 2010 04:54 (4 years ago) Permalink

badg, Thursday, 25 February 2010 05:14 (4 years ago) Permalink

Grandpa Wins $10000 iTunes Gift Card

this is awful I want Togo home (harbl), Friday, 26 February 2010 12:44 (4 years ago) Permalink

I would like to see von Trier incorporate all these stories into his Taxi Driver remake.

that guy who doesn't get it but doesn't know he doesn't get it (M.V.), Friday, 26 February 2010 18:16 (4 years ago) Permalink

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1254205/High-noon-Stamford-Bridge-John-Terry-comes-face-face-man-betrayed-shake-hands.html

The entire dailymail site had some choice cuts but I went with this one.

RubyNoir, Saturday, 27 February 2010 16:33 (4 years ago) Permalink

lol @ comments on stan's article.

ABBAcab (Trayce), Sunday, 28 February 2010 20:50 (4 years ago) Permalink

i like to read this thread title like:

shit! that looks like an onion article but isn't

bracken free ditch (Ste), Sunday, 28 February 2010 21:07 (4 years ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/03/22/real.men.eat.salad/index.html?hpt=Mid

(CNN) -- Real men eat salads. I know this because I am a dude. Right now, in my fridge, I have five bottles of hot sauce, a jar of Cheez Whiz and half a pack of hot dogs. But recently I went to lunch with a couple of buds, and I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

It was a basic frissée salad with bacon, shallots and a poached egg, tossed in a light vinaigrette. Frissée is a curly, toothsome leaf, bitter enough to balance bacon and egg but still possessed of a pleasant spring.

My friends laughed at me. They pointed. One ordered a burger, the other fried calamari. I was chastised for not eating "man food."

For those of you who aren't familiar with this gender normative term, "man food" is food that you'd imagine a lumberjack or a cowboy or a Viking would eat. Towers of butter-soaked pancakes. Pots of napalm-hot chili. Meat on a bone.

Thoroughly unsubtle, "man food" is rustic fare meant to satisfy a hearty appetite. Quantity is prized over quality. Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

But sometimes a dude needs a change. Specifically, a salad. A fresh, crisp, crunchy salad. Salads offer breathers between manly meals. Spinach, cucumber, tomato, red onions, mushrooms, chickpeas, oil and vinegar -- that is my usual jam.

I don't need any fancy, goopy dressings compromising my vegetables. (What does a ranch actually taste like, anyway?) Sometimes, I might throw some almonds or walnuts up in there. I've been known to be down with blueberries and mandarin oranges. I like bacon or grilled chicken on occasion. I am not a fan of unnecessary carbs like croutons. And then there are those moments I go crazy and get a frissée freakin' salad.

I didn't evolve without help. There was a time where, if I cut myself shaving, I'd bleed sausage gravy. My heart squeezed more than it pumped. And I also grew what I call "fat wings."

Luckily, the woman I was dating at that time didn't like any of those things. Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright, but I eventually learned that being attractive for your significant other is also pretty manly.

My girlfriend was a smart woman and didn't bring up my devolving into a human biscuit. What she did was announce that we were going to save money so that Saturday nights, we could go to the local barbecue joint and destroy some cow with our faces.

Obviously, my first thought was, "Aww, she wants me to help her lose weight." So I humored her. She came home from the supermarket with a stack of plastic disposable containers. In each, she put one potential salad ingredient. Not only the ones that would become my favorite but kidney beans, green peppers, corn and pepperoni slices.

She created a mini-salad bar in our fridge. It was easy, and I was told I could eat as much as I wanted. This became my lunch and occasional dinner.

You know what? We saved money. I lost weight. Gained energy. And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

I kept this up this salad-centric diet for months. My friends would come over to watch a fight or brawl on the PlayStation, and I'd meet them at the door with a salad in my hand.

The landlord would need my help with some drywall; I'd put my salad down.

At work, I'd articulate corporate strategy during lunch meetings spearing cucumbers in my lucky bowl of awesome salad. I made eating salad sexy. I made it macho, macho.

Is it rabbit food? Friend, if it's rabbit food, then that rabbit is the size of a ferocious bear.

My friends poked fun at me as I munched on my fancy salad. It was tasty. I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

We were out celebrating one guy's birthday. The other guy, an old friend from college, was "in-between gigs." It had been another tough year. "Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

Are salads manly? What is the manliest salad? Are you the sort of guy who wouldn't touch a salad if a gun was put to his head? Tell us in the comments whether you think salads can count as "man food."

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:33 (4 years ago) Permalink

where to start

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:38 (4 years ago) Permalink

I love how the warm yolk from the poached egg lightly coated the frissée, adding a dimension of hardiness to a dish with such leafy bounce. And the bacon chunks added just the right amount of fatty salt, more sturdy ballast. I wiped my mouth.

YUM YUM

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:38 (4 years ago) Permalink

Is that an Anderson Cooper piece?

FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT IN THE PARKING LOT! (milo z), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:40 (4 years ago) Permalink

Being able to sit in a bathtub full of buffalo wings is every dude's birthright

Who does this?

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:41 (4 years ago) Permalink

why doesnt he just call it a salad lyonnaise

max, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:42 (4 years ago) Permalink

good salad btw--i saw jacques pepin make one once on PBS, he poached the egg in like 2 inches of olive oil

max, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:43 (4 years ago) Permalink

where to start

― call all destroyer, Tuesday, March 23, 2010 4:38 PM

I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard. I ordered a salad. I ordered it hard.

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:44 (4 years ago) Permalink

"Salad is not man food," they mocked. Oh, but it is. I ordered a final round of beers. Then I picked up the check.

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:45 (4 years ago) Permalink

pooping before bathing in your tub of buffalo wings

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:46 (4 years ago) Permalink

but what about:

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.
And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:46 (4 years ago) Permalink

And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

xpost HA!

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:46 (4 years ago) Permalink

Calories are "fun points." The more "fun points," the tastier the belly filler.

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:47 (4 years ago) Permalink

"""""""""fun points"""""""""

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:47 (4 years ago) Permalink

this guy needs to advertise his services, like:

john devore, a local "dude," will talk to you about what is manly and how it is different from what you might think.

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:48 (4 years ago) Permalink

first of all, i want to know why this is on cnn.com? what is the market for this? do people read articles on cnn.com aside from actual news?

secondly, how is it that articles like this get pitched/accepted/assigned like... 5 years after a meme like "man food" became a "thing". if you had shown the text of this to me undated i would've been all "no way this was written after 2005, not a chance"

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:48 (4 years ago) Permalink

had no idea that calories were fun points. i mean, i like fun!

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:49 (4 years ago) Permalink

Maybe once age and decrepitude have strip-mined by palette, I'll think about swilling a Yoo-Hoo. The risk-taking of a convalescent. But even then, I doubt I'll wrap my wrinkled lips around a Yoo-Hoo jar.

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/lists/reasons-why-chocolate-drink-yoohoo-rocks-blog#ixzz0j2EUvn70

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:49 (4 years ago) Permalink

someone get howie long to comment on this

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:50 (4 years ago) Permalink

uuuuuuuuuuughh did he really say "whoopee time" -- was this even edited? C'MON MAN

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:50 (4 years ago) Permalink

okay, so maybe it's satire!

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:51 (4 years ago) Permalink

maybe?

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:51 (4 years ago) Permalink

no

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:51 (4 years ago) Permalink

http://www.johndevore.com/

i mean look at the guy

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:52 (4 years ago) Permalink

he says he's a satirist so it must be satire

harbl, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:52 (4 years ago) Permalink

take him down on twitter j0rdan s. like you took down JOSE CANSECO

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:52 (4 years ago) Permalink

i have to know if he has kids

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:53 (4 years ago) Permalink

is it possible that he trojan horsed cnn?

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:53 (4 years ago) Permalink

He's Facebook friends with ghost rider.

jam master (jaymc), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:54 (4 years ago) Permalink

someone get howie long to comment on this

lol.

how's your little mansalad there, john.

gelatinous rube (brownie), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:55 (4 years ago) Permalink

Editor's note: John DeVore is a former editor at Maxim magazine and maxim.com and former host of "The DeVore and Diana Show" on Sirius XM radio. He currently offers man-centric perspectives as a columnist at Guyspeak.com and TheFrisky.com. He's a lifelong food freak and yo-yo dieter and speaks fluent "dude."

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:56 (4 years ago) Permalink

hmmmm

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:58 (4 years ago) Permalink

omg fuck this guy

call all destroyer, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 20:59 (4 years ago) Permalink

shit that looks like an onion website but isn't

http://www.guyspeak.com/

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:01 (4 years ago) Permalink

If a guy confines a girl to the friend zone, does that always mean he finds her unattractive?
Panama Jackson answered this question on March 23, 2010 12:00 PM

Not at all. You can be the most attractive woman on Earth and be relegated to the friend zone. You see, you might ALSO be batsh*t crazy. There's no easier way to end up in the friend zone then pure insanity.

You see, ugly women end up in the friend zone by default. They don't get put there. They just live there because most men will not attempt to romance or win the love of a busted broad.

And even still, attractive women pretty much have to go way far out there to end up in the friend zone. Men will put up with a lot from attractive women. We'll deal with her strange comments and terrible taste in music. We'll build really big wooden horses and storm beaches until one of our homeboy's gets shot in his why-are-you-famous achilles heel. But there is always a point where you've gone too far. And it varies by man.

For instance, I couldn't deal with a really hot chick that got violent after being drunk. And I mean violent with pool sticks and throwing kettles into pots to make formal introductions.

So inconclusion, read my lips. If you're in the friend zone, it's probably not just because you are unattractive. You might be hot. It's probably because you are insane.

Thank you and good night.

It was written.

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:02 (4 years ago) Permalink

oh dear God

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:02 (4 years ago) Permalink

lol oh boy

http://www.guyspeak.com/personas/reformed-player/

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:04 (4 years ago) Permalink

o_O

harbl, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:04 (4 years ago) Permalink

Didn't Dave Eggers used to freelance/edit Maxim or some lad mag?

Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:37 (4 years ago) Permalink

Esquire

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:40 (4 years ago) Permalink

Eggers worked briefly at Esquire, which is a men's magazine but a touch classier than Maxim.

jam master (jaymc), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:41 (4 years ago) Permalink

That seems a bit like saying Playboy is a touch classier than Juggs.

he's always been a bit of an anti-climb Max (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:52 (4 years ago) Permalink

esquire occasionally has some good stuff

just sayin, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:53 (4 years ago) Permalink

Esquire used to (and maybe still does) run fiction and long form essays--don't think Maxim ever has. Esquire has gotten a lot trashier in the past few years, but still.

Mr. Que, Tuesday, 23 March 2010 21:54 (4 years ago) Permalink

maxim = #1 source for biting satire

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 22:18 (4 years ago) Permalink

☀☃ (am0n), Tuesday, 23 March 2010 22:20 (4 years ago) Permalink

This guy's shit reads so much like he's trying to overcompensate for complete lack of balls imo.

ABBAcab (Trayce), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 00:09 (4 years ago) Permalink

IM A MAN WOMEN ARE CRAZY SLUTS PS I EAT SALAD

I mean wtf.

ABBAcab (Trayce), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 00:10 (4 years ago) Permalink

For those of you who aren't familiar with this gender normative term

glad this guy went to college!

it is just like an unknown puzzle till the end of the world (dyao), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 01:14 (4 years ago) Permalink

lollll

ABBAcab (Trayce), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 02:12 (4 years ago) Permalink

Police: Shirtless man with sword 'hunting werewolves'

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 15:54 (4 years ago) Permalink

Should we tell Mr. Smedley?

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 15:57 (4 years ago) Permalink

Schizophrenic, Psychotic or Meth?

Il suffit de ne pas l'envier (Michael White), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 16:01 (4 years ago) Permalink

Why not a trifecta, really.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 16:03 (4 years ago) Permalink

now why would you make fun of someone who's trying to protect us all?

ksh, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 16:03 (4 years ago) Permalink

I'm philolycanthropic that way.

Il suffit de ne pas l'envier (Michael White), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 16:04 (4 years ago) Permalink

The man disarmed himself without incident

Given the circumstances, a certain Monty Python sketch comes to mind.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 16:05 (4 years ago) Permalink

hey look esquire still publishes fiction. and look who it is. Mr. Columbia MFA program

http://www.esquire.com/fiction/james-franco-fiction-0410

Mr. Que, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 18:36 (4 years ago) Permalink

saw that in the magazine, quit reading when I saw:

Joe sucks off his cigarette.

Aside from general juvenile LOLs I can't believe no one in his MFA program or at Esquire saw that and suggested he look for an alternate phrasing.

FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT IN THE PARKING LOT! (milo z), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 18:38 (4 years ago) Permalink

that has to be intentionally worded that way

ksh, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 18:40 (4 years ago) Permalink

gee, do you think

Mr. Que, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 18:41 (4 years ago) Permalink

Do any of you feel like correcting Mr. Franco's work like that one guy did to Dan Brown?

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 18:47 (4 years ago) Permalink

its not all that bad a story? i dont know if it wouldve been published if it werent franco but really its not dan brown-level

max, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 19:52 (4 years ago) Permalink

not very onion-esque either

☀☃ (am0n), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 19:58 (4 years ago) Permalink

sorry am0n

Mr. Que, Wednesday, 24 March 2010 20:05 (4 years ago) Permalink

;-)

☀☃ (am0n), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 20:28 (4 years ago) Permalink

Police: Shirtless man with sword 'hunting werewolves'

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, March 24, 2010 11:54 AM

haha C.H.U.D.s

☀☃ (am0n), Wednesday, 24 March 2010 20:33 (4 years ago) Permalink

the black gaping gap

W i l l, Thursday, 25 March 2010 14:28 (4 years ago) Permalink

That's kind of like the onion though - it's a funny campaign by a dairy consortium (you're weak because you don't drink enough milk, etc).

StanM, Sunday, 28 March 2010 14:11 (4 years ago) Permalink

haha, so it is

it is just like an unknown puzzle till the end of the world (dyao), Sunday, 28 March 2010 14:13 (4 years ago) Permalink

I kept on thinking though, if it's gonna take 2-30 weeks for delivery, that milk is going to be pretty gross by the time it gets to you

it is just like an unknown puzzle till the end of the world (dyao), Sunday, 28 March 2010 14:14 (4 years ago) Permalink

man, milk be doing virals huh?

forksclovetofu, Sunday, 28 March 2010 14:14 (4 years ago) Permalink

Pizza Pizza Royalty Income Fund and Pizza Pizza Limited Announce the Passing of Pizza Pizza's Chief Executive Officer 8:16 AM EST

puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 31 March 2010 16:32 (4 years ago) Permalink

Spotting this in the print edition today:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/science/medicine/article7080666.ece

Perhaps a bit more Iannucci than Onion.

Michael Jones, Wednesday, 31 March 2010 16:34 (4 years ago) Permalink

“One of the violators said he was confused by it,” Sgt. Dennis Smith told the News-Press. “He said he hopped in front of him.”

goole, Thursday, 1 April 2010 17:39 (4 years ago) Permalink

If only they had picked a bee costume for their sting, it would have been a lot less confusing.

StanM, Thursday, 1 April 2010 18:07 (4 years ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...

http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/Music/04/27/mia.music.video/index.html?hpt=T2


M.I.A. music video elicits strong online response

By Lisa Respers France, CNN

(CNN) -- If singer/rapper M.I.A.'s purpose was to get people talking about her new single "Born Free," she succeeded.

The Sri Lankan-born artist debuted the graphic video on Monday. Immediately, fans took to social media to debate its scenes of military force, violence and brutality.

"M.I.A. is a provocateur and someone who tries to rile people up in a variety of ways," said Saul Austerlitz, author of "Money for Nothing: A History of the Music Video from the Beatles to the White Stripes."

"I think one of the main routes that she takes to that end is the political, and this video has a lot of political resonances, things like Guantanamo, the Iraqi insurgency and the Taliban all sort of jumbled together and rebranded."

The almost nine-minute video for the song from her upcoming album includes nudity as well as scenes of brutality. Directed by filmmaker Romain Gavras, the video revolves around the rounding up of red-headed young men by a group of military commandos.

At one point, a boy is shot point-blank in the head and another young man is blown to pieces. YouTube reportedly yanked the video in light of its content.

Sasha Pasulka, managing editor for pop culture website "Evil Beet," said M.I.A. couldn't have played the publicity game better.

"It's much better for her that YouTube pulled it because now she gets to rant about that," Pasulka said.

And rant the artist did. She took to her official Twitter account to berate her record label, Universal Music Group, for the video being pulled.

"(Expletive) UMG WHO WONT SHOW IT ON YOUTUBE!" she wrote before tweeting four minutes later "OK NOT UMG FAULT!"

A request by CNN for comment from M.I.A.'s publicist did not receive a response.

Pasulka said M.I.A. is following the tradition established by artists such as Michael Jackson in using a longer video as a means of artistic expression. And while it is not clear exactly what message M.I.A. is trying to get across, Pasulka said it is obvious she is trying to provoke thought among viewers.

"If you look at M.I.A.'s life, there is a history of political activism," Pasulka said. "She's the daughter of a revolutionary who fought for an independent state in Sri Lanka, so she is obviously trying to make a political statement."

On Twitter, fans like one who goes by the moniker "ziggy0stardust" appealed to the artist for her inspiration by writing "@ M.I.A. can u tell us what u were tryin (sic) to say wiv (sic) the born free vid please" while other reactions ranged from those like "Hadge" who wrote "I just watched M.I.A.'s new music video for "Born Free" and now I feel like throwing up. What an awful, awful video" to those like SEFGray who tweeted "M.I.A's Born Free video blew me away, along with the actors."

MTV.com writer James Montgomery hailed M.I.A. for the unflinching video.

"Yes, it's brutal and at times a bit overly dramatic, but it's also a form of political protest, a downright subversive bit of art created by an artist on a major label, Interscope," Montgomery wrote.

Austerlitz pointed out that the video's director is the son of Costa Gavras, a noted filmmaker whose work has also blended politics and entertainment. M.I.A.'s video also took inspiration from the 1971 film "Punishment Park," written and directed by Peter Watkins, Austerlitz said.

"['Punishment Park' is] a movie about a totalitarian state where young people are rounded up, brought out to a deserted area and essentially told if they could outrun the police, they could live, but that the police would basically be hunting them," Austerlitz said.

"It's sort of a dystopian look at late '60s American protests and student movements," Austerlitz added. "It's clear that the second half of the video has been taken almost shot for shot from that film.

In an age where so many musicians are trying to break free from the pack and be viewed as artists with something to say, Pasulka said M.I.A. may have succeeded in generating even more buzz than the industry's current poster girl for all things provocative -- Lady GaGa.

"I would say she out-GaGaed Lady GaGa," Pasulka said. "This has the potential for even more coverage than all of the interest that surrounded 'Telephone.' "

by another name (amateurist), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 02:50 (4 years ago) Permalink

key passage:

And while it is not clear exactly what message M.I.A. is trying to get across, Pasulka said it is obvious she is trying to provoke thought among viewers.

"If you look at M.I.A.'s life, there is a history of political activism," Pasulka said. "She's the daughter of a revolutionary who fought for an independent state in Sri Lanka, so she is obviously trying to make a political statement."

by another name (amateurist), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 02:51 (4 years ago) Permalink

"...Continued Pasulka, 'We just don't know what about.'"

by another name (amateurist), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 02:51 (4 years ago) Permalink

Can we quit acting all surprised that an artist would make a vague and unreadable political statement?

he's always been a bit of an anti-climb Max (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 02:53 (4 years ago) Permalink

can we quit acting like it is acceptable for an artist to make a vague and unreadable political statement

stars on ?boardid=45 (Curt1s Stephens), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 05:57 (4 years ago) Permalink

why should we?

board free (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 06:06 (4 years ago) Permalink

i love that Green Day can makes two critically acclaimed albums of vague political statements but everyone's up M.I.A.'s ass

board free (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 06:07 (4 years ago) Permalink

i think a lot of people were up green day's ass, unless you discount, like, rolling stone & spin

ibaka flocka flame (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 06:09 (4 years ago) Permalink

like, the whole of this message board, for instance

ibaka flocka flame (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 06:10 (4 years ago) Permalink

Green Day never tweeted something like:

P4KTWITTERTAKEOVA M.I.A AYAMMAYA CONNECTED TO THE GOOGLE CONNECTED TO THE GOVERNMENT _IVVVVI____SIGNIN OFF http://twitpic.com/1iqlnk #miap4k

iirc

ksh, Wednesday, 28 April 2010 06:13 (4 years ago) Permalink

R MY C/LOK KEYS REALLY REALLY REALLLLLLLLLLY OFFENDING U OK ILL TAKE THEM OFF ▖ ▗ ▘ ▙ ▚ ▛ ▜ ▝ ▞ ▟ ▀▖ ▗ ▘ ▙ ▚ ▛ ▜ ▝ ▞ ▟ ▀▁ ▂ ▃ ▆ ▇ █ #miap4k

ksh, Wednesday, 28 April 2010 06:14 (4 years ago) Permalink

god it's 2:15 AM why am i awake

ksh, Wednesday, 28 April 2010 06:15 (4 years ago) Permalink

i don't see the connection, but in the defense of the twitter thing, like, her publicist obv pretty much forced her to tweet all day from pitchfork's twitter, so i think we can ease up on the "omg mia is being so retarded!" aspect of that whole stunt

ibaka flocka flame (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 06:16 (4 years ago) Permalink

not sure what i would've done in the same situation, is what i'm saying -- probably tweeted in oj da juiceman patois

ibaka flocka flame (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 06:16 (4 years ago) Permalink

chewbacca flocka flame

board free (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 06:18 (4 years ago) Permalink

i don't see the connection

there was none, i'm just exhausted and should've been in bed two hours ago

ksh, Wednesday, 28 April 2010 06:18 (4 years ago) Permalink

i have no idea what i would've done if i had the reigns of their twitter -- link to some good metal, maybe?

ksh, Wednesday, 28 April 2010 06:19 (4 years ago) Permalink

yeah, seriously.

telling people abut bands you like instead of just shouting fucking gibberish in all caps would be an awesome start

board free (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 06:22 (4 years ago) Permalink

yeah. or books! or painters! or something!

ksh, Wednesday, 28 April 2010 06:33 (4 years ago) Permalink

websites! videos! an infinite list of stuff

ksh, Wednesday, 28 April 2010 06:34 (4 years ago) Permalink

i love that Green Day can makes two critically acclaimed albums of vague political statements but everyone's up M.I.A.'s ass

yeah, you know I love green day more than M.I.A.!!!!!!!

stars on ?boardid=45 (Curt1s Stephens), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 06:42 (4 years ago) Permalink

Can we quit acting all surprised that an artist would make a vague and unreadable political statement?

― he's always been a bit of an anti-climb Max (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, April 27, 2010 9:53 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

i was more just amused by the hapless tone of that article and the quotes from the "music video expert" within it.

by another name (amateurist), Wednesday, 28 April 2010 08:17 (4 years ago) Permalink

omg @ first line

Fetchboy, Tuesday, 4 May 2010 13:02 (4 years ago) Permalink

comments on that story are :/

peacocks, Tuesday, 4 May 2010 13:05 (4 years ago) Permalink

but yes, the first line is amazing.

peacocks, Tuesday, 4 May 2010 13:06 (4 years ago) Permalink

dear cody brown: stfu

max, Tuesday, 4 May 2010 13:40 (4 years ago) Permalink

ahahaha that is bringing the serious lols

What do you think would have happened if George Orwell had the iPad? Do you think he would have written for print then copy and pasted his story into the iBookstore? If this didn’t work out well, do you think he would have complained that there aren’t any serious-readers anymore? No. He would have looked at the medium, then blown our minds.

...

Why not make it like a game so that in order to get to the next ‘chapter’ you need to pass a test? Does the content of the book even need to be created entirely by me? Can I leave some parts of it open to edit by those who buy it and read it? Do I need to charge $9.99, or can I charge $99.99?

...

I’m 21

going non-native (dyao), Tuesday, 4 May 2010 13:53 (4 years ago) Permalink

He would have looked at the medium, then blown our minds.

i mean, just looked at it.

by another name (amateurist), Tuesday, 4 May 2010 14:04 (4 years ago) Permalink

I mean I don't necessarily disagree with him and look forward to the creation of new mediums for art & expression but are you really gonna big up GEORGE ORWELL as some sort of misunderstood literary anarchist who just didn't have the proper tools to express himself with at the time

going non-native (dyao), Tuesday, 4 May 2010 14:07 (4 years ago) Permalink

if only John Betjeman had had the chance to write interactive e-poems with jaunty animated buttons, popup quizzes and livejournal-synced polls

xylyl syzygy (a passing spacecadet), Tuesday, 4 May 2010 14:12 (4 years ago) Permalink

imagine if james joyce has had access to the internet

scrappy dyaoo (darraghmac), Tuesday, 4 May 2010 14:29 (4 years ago) Permalink

if only george orwell had the means to charge $99.99 for his books :(

nitzer Ed (s1ocki), Tuesday, 4 May 2010 16:07 (4 years ago) Permalink

He would have looked at the medium, then blown our minds.
i mean, just looked at it.

Adam Bruneau, Wednesday, 5 May 2010 20:05 (4 years ago) Permalink

Records also show that Poulson was cited for assault in 2007 for throwing a dead cat through a McDonald's drive-through window in Cedar Rapids in late 2006.

Fetchboy, Thursday, 6 May 2010 07:56 (4 years ago) Permalink

okay that is funny

it means "EMOTIONAL"! (HI DERE), Thursday, 6 May 2010 14:44 (4 years ago) Permalink

orwell probably just woulda been an awesome blogger

iatee, Thursday, 6 May 2010 14:56 (4 years ago) Permalink

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/special/opinions/outlook/spring-cleaning/internet-memes.html

(Please note the identity of the author at the end of the article.)

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 6 May 2010 21:30 (4 years ago) Permalink

abanana, Saturday, 8 May 2010 10:55 (4 years ago) Permalink

The fuck.

Ned Raggett, Sunday, 9 May 2010 03:06 (4 years ago) Permalink

quiddities and agonies etc

Did you in fact lift my luggage (dyao), Sunday, 9 May 2010 03:30 (4 years ago) Permalink

That would be my favorite Onion article ever, if it indeed was one. Instead I'm just sitting here shaking my head and quietly weeping.

he's always been a bit of an anti-climb Max (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Sunday, 9 May 2010 03:50 (4 years ago) Permalink

http://events.nytimes.com/2010/05/12/dining/reviews/12rest.html

No reservations are taken, so unless you eat in daylight or draw good luck, there’s going to be a wait for a table, time spent standing at a bar that was crowded when you arrived and will be when you leave. Also, as the waiters will tell you when you do get a seat, the food comes out when the kitchen prepares it, according to the kitchen’s own needs and schedule, which means there is no real structure to the meals.

(latebloomer) (latebloomer), Thursday, 13 May 2010 02:21 (4 years ago) Permalink

just now on google news:

"Why My Skinny Jeans Don't Give You the Right to Rape Me "

call all destroyer, Thursday, 13 May 2010 17:43 (4 years ago) Permalink

http://www.boingboing.net/2010/05/13/bootsy-collins-launc.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+boingboing/iBag+(Boing+Boing)

Because a groove is a terrible thing to waste, this sonic learning institution will be unlike anything before, as Professor Collins and the finest bassists in music will unleash an intense curriculum, on the web, for intermediate to advanced funk disciples within the program.

NUDE. MAYNE. (s1ocki), Friday, 14 May 2010 15:24 (4 years ago) Permalink

Supernova is rich in calcium.

So drink some every day.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 20 May 2010 04:36 (4 years ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

Gillard takes the biscuit

Julia Gillard is the deputy prime minister of Australia, Joe Hockey is shadow minister for finance and quite a stout man.

badg, Friday, 4 June 2010 01:47 (4 years ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...

surfer blood for oil (Hurting 2), Thursday, 1 July 2010 19:55 (4 years ago) Permalink

Hahahah

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 July 2010 20:00 (4 years ago) Permalink

i just... i just...

all yoga attacks are fire based (rogermexico.), Thursday, 1 July 2010 20:01 (4 years ago) Permalink

hahhahahahahahah

_▂▅▇█▓▒░◕‿‿◕░▒▓█▇▅▂_ (Steve Shasta), Thursday, 1 July 2010 20:10 (4 years ago) Permalink

Oh shit :0

kkvgz, Thursday, 1 July 2010 20:18 (4 years ago) Permalink

Hey don't laugh at other countries! Thats so typical of us North Africans.

Evan, Thursday, 1 July 2010 21:19 (4 years ago) Permalink

North America, er, Africa, looks kind of like a velociraptor as it is.

surfer blood for oil (Hurting 2), Thursday, 1 July 2010 21:31 (4 years ago) Permalink

I always thought North America looks like a Harpy Eagle with South America in its talons

Jarlrmai, Thursday, 1 July 2010 22:15 (4 years ago) Permalink

it kind of is iirc

pass le corbusier (s1ocki), Saturday, 3 July 2010 17:20 (4 years ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

http://www.connecttristates.com/news/story.aspx?id=491087

Giving people a ride for free is illegal.

StanM, Tuesday, 3 August 2010 20:22 (4 years ago) Permalink

Ass, gas, or grass

no gut busting joke can change history (polyphonic), Tuesday, 3 August 2010 20:26 (4 years ago) Permalink

haha wait

Mayor Hickenlooper and the liberal agenda (HI DERE), Tuesday, 3 August 2010 20:29 (4 years ago) Permalink

Holy. Fucking. Shit. They should give that guy some kind of civic medal, not lock him up.

Chicago to Philadelphia: "Suck It" (Bill Magill), Tuesday, 3 August 2010 20:30 (4 years ago) Permalink

SISSI said: Yesterday at 10:49 PM
OOOH I FEEL ALOT SAFER NOW THAT HE IS OFF THE STREETS...WHEN ARE THE QUINCY POLICE OFFICERS GOING TO QUIT ACTING LIKE MALL COPS AND START CATCHING REAL CRIMINALS...THIS MAN IS ONLY TRYING TO KEEP DRUNK DRIVERS OFF THE ROAD..MAYBE IF THE TAXICABS WOULD RUN AT THE TIME THEY ARE NEEDED THIS WOULDNT BE A PROBLEM...I'M JUST SAYING...

SISSI OTMFM

Specify music my dick hair (Phil D.), Tuesday, 3 August 2010 20:31 (4 years ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...

Putin fires darts at gray whale from crossbow

what the fuck

dayo, Thursday, 26 August 2010 00:17 (4 years ago) Permalink

Sergei34 31 minutes ago Report Abuse
Greatest leader in History. No gay parades No Outsourcing jobs no Illegals just Slavic Power. Christianity in all schools. An invincible military No1 in Oil Gas and 3 in wheat except this yr just temporary. A 14 percent tax on all incomes not 40 like the West Slava Russia

Matt Armstrong, Thursday, 26 August 2010 01:02 (4 years ago) Permalink

When the boat skidded onto the beach, a buoyant Putin hopped off and made a beeline for waiting reporters. Clearly in his element, Putin replied jovially to a question as to whether the endeavor was dangerous.

"Living in general is dangerous," he quipped.

casual rigmarole, Thursday, 26 August 2010 19:38 (4 years ago) Permalink

putin kind of otm there

Cunga, Thursday, 26 August 2010 19:41 (4 years ago) Permalink

No1 in Oil Gas and 3 in wheat except this yr just temporary.

lol

dy (max) ia (crüt), Saturday, 4 September 2010 16:27 (3 years ago) Permalink

Pope's astronomer says he would baptise an alien

(+) (+ +), Friday, 17 September 2010 15:43 (3 years ago) Permalink

An alien – 'no matter how many tentacles it has' – could have a soul, says pope's astronomer

I will always think of you, while (quite) fondly, myself (Evan), Friday, 17 September 2010 16:25 (3 years ago) Permalink

This sounded like one of their op-ed pieces:

http://tinyurl.com/vrrr0000m (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 17 September 2010 16:31 (3 years ago) Permalink

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/pawprintpost/post/2010/09/dog-dies-in-hot-car-while-owner-tours-holocaust-museum/1

If only the owner had heeded the warning of the Scottish indie band.

jaymc, Friday, 17 September 2010 16:32 (3 years ago) Permalink

lol, the Waters headline just needs to be read in a slightly different inflection to be hilarious

Ground Zero Mostel (Hurting 2), Friday, 17 September 2010 16:33 (3 years ago) Permalink

Again, I'm doing the what now?

http://tinyurl.com/vrrr0000m (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 17 September 2010 16:39 (3 years ago) Permalink

the Waters one reminds me of this:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/you-know-i-used-to-be-kind-of-cool-once,10932/

Darin, Friday, 17 September 2010 18:21 (3 years ago) Permalink

I remember reading something about the origins of the Police that vaguely suggested that they were making a very deliberate and cynical attempt to capitalize on the punk trend but using their superior musicianship, or something.

Ground Zero Mostel (Hurting 2), Friday, 17 September 2010 18:26 (3 years ago) Permalink

I mean whatever, those records are good.

Ground Zero Mostel (Hurting 2), Friday, 17 September 2010 18:26 (3 years ago) Permalink

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-11416654

I'm not sure that an Onion article is the right comparison, but... yeah.

Antoine Bugleboy (Merdeyeux), Monday, 27 September 2010 12:48 (3 years ago) Permalink

Oh lord, just came to post that.

RIP

rammer jammer jan hammer (Hurting 2), Monday, 27 September 2010 13:35 (3 years ago) Permalink

If only that dead dog had been a German shepherd

xxxxxxxxpost

Myonga Vön Bontee, Monday, 27 September 2010 15:00 (3 years ago) Permalink

Saw this had been revived and new it had to be the Segway dude.

master of retardment (ENBB), Monday, 27 September 2010 15:40 (3 years ago) Permalink

headlines wishin they were Onion headlines: Swanky new Vegas hotel’s ‘death ray’ proves inconvenient for some guests

she's one intense bitch, she rides a unicycle (arby's), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 23:58 (3 years ago) Permalink

RIM Needs More Fart Apps, Not Fewer
All Things Digital - 7 hours ago

adamirl (Hurting 2), Thursday, 30 September 2010 17:46 (3 years ago) Permalink

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/30/us/30drug.html

Shortage of Widely Used Anesthetics Is Delaying Executions

zvookster, Friday, 1 October 2010 01:40 (3 years ago) Permalink

zvookster, Friday, 1 October 2010 01:43 (3 years ago) Permalink

huge LOL

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile (dayo), Friday, 1 October 2010 01:46 (3 years ago) Permalink

Not partic Onion-y, but the newspaper somebody was reading a seat up from me on the bus last night had a headline "Wyden voted for stimulus, not ants". I was chucklin at that fr some reason.

bear, bear, bear, Friday, 1 October 2010 01:49 (3 years ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

As prompted by buzza on the Los Angeles thread just now:

http://www.thisisbrandx.com/2010/10/five-things-la-could-learn-from-london.html

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 20 October 2010 22:51 (3 years ago) Permalink

I once got a sneaky blow job in London.

Posted by: Pussyman | October 19, 2010 at 07:50 PM

shart for shart's sake (unregistered), Wednesday, 20 October 2010 22:55 (3 years ago) Permalink

Plus, even the American chains are better in Europe. H&M for instance.

if, Thursday, 21 October 2010 00:25 (3 years ago) Permalink

It must be true.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 21 October 2010 01:49 (3 years ago) Permalink

Now we know what to put on the fourth plinth: a giant marble Pret sandwich. Hell, let's replace Nelson with a big old hoisin duck wrap.

A brownish area with points (chap), Thursday, 21 October 2010 02:59 (3 years ago) Permalink

NBC Develops Winery-Set Supernatural Soap

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 November 2010 14:19 (3 years ago) Permalink

Porpoises rescue Dick Van Dyke

Volvo Twilight (p-dog), Thursday, 11 November 2010 12:42 (3 years ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...

EU officials envy quality of US diplomatic cables

peter in montreal, Friday, 3 December 2010 17:58 (3 years ago) Permalink

Some Egyptian officials blame the Mossad for the deadly shark attacks in Sharm El-Sheik last week:

http://english.ahram.org.eg/NewsContent/1/64/1343/Egypt/Politics-/Experts-shoot-down-theory-that-Israel-is-behind-sh.aspx

StanM, Tuesday, 7 December 2010 09:24 (3 years ago) Permalink

the new york times

jeevves, Wednesday, 8 December 2010 10:11 (3 years ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

#!

Rejoice that you weren't eaten (chap), Saturday, 15 January 2011 14:22 (3 years ago) Permalink

You can apparently get your digital fix here.

I can't wait to understand these arguments! (R Baez), Saturday, 15 January 2011 14:54 (3 years ago) Permalink

H.R. 2: Repealing the Job-Killing Health Care Law Act

another al3x, Saturday, 15 January 2011 16:20 (3 years ago) Permalink

Still love this guy

hey boys, suppers on me, our video just went bacterial (Hurting 2), Saturday, 15 January 2011 19:00 (3 years ago) Permalink

Officials fear bath salts are growing drug problem

Alba, Monday, 24 January 2011 07:11 (3 years ago) Permalink

Vice President Biden called for jury duty in Del.

(AP) – 1 hour ago

WILMINGTON, Del. (AP) — Joe Biden may be the nation's vice president, but that doesn't mean he can avoid fulfilling his civic duty.

Aides say Biden reported Monday morning for jury duty along with 100 others at the New Castle County courthouse in Delaware after receiving a jury summons.

"I don't consider myself different than any other person," Biden told The News Journal of Wilmington, Del. "This is important ... It is an honor to be a part of the system."

Biden and several Secret Service agents waited with other prospective jurors in the jury assembly room. During a break, staffers and security poured in from a side door to consult with the vice president. Biden said he had to make several calls on a secure telephone during the break, including one to President Barack Obama.

There was no word yet on whether Biden will be chosen to participate in a trial.

Pleasant Plains, Monday, 24 January 2011 17:08 (3 years ago) Permalink

"Where you from, honey? Elsmere? Oh yeah, I know a great place over there that serves the best wings… Oh, hold on."

*cups the receiver*

"It's the President…"

*Screensaver appears on display*

Pleasant Plains, Monday, 24 January 2011 17:11 (3 years ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

Jodi Bieber won the World Press Photo award for her picture of a Middle Eastern woman who was disfigured by the Taliban.

Headlines, mostly in Belgium and Holland, apparently, where they're only just discovering such childish click-attracting misleading tabloid tactics:

Bieber Wins World Press Photo

StanM, Friday, 11 February 2011 15:32 (3 years ago) Permalink

wrong thread!

SEO hall of fame

progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Friday, 11 February 2011 15:35 (3 years ago) Permalink

ah
ok, sorry

StanM, Friday, 11 February 2011 15:36 (3 years ago) Permalink

Okay it's been 15 minutes and I still haven't stopped laughing at this

You know what? We saved money. I lost weight. Gained energy. And my girlfriend and I, well, let's just say we had the whoopee time.

frogbs, Friday, 11 February 2011 15:50 (3 years ago) Permalink

Whoopee time is good, but the whoopee time is better.

Evan, Friday, 11 February 2011 16:09 (3 years ago) Permalink

is it like the cushion?

StanM, Friday, 11 February 2011 16:12 (3 years ago) Permalink

Depends how much flab has been lost.

Inevitable stupid dubstep mix (chap), Friday, 11 February 2011 16:13 (3 years ago) Permalink

It's funnier if you actually picture somebody saying it. The whole thing just reminds me of this:

frogbs, Friday, 11 February 2011 17:29 (3 years ago) Permalink

"We had the whoopee time" is impossible to imagine without some think foreign accent for me.

Evan, Friday, 11 February 2011 23:42 (3 years ago) Permalink

thick*

Evan, Friday, 11 February 2011 23:56 (3 years ago) Permalink

I think ilx needs a thread about that article alone; it's terrible on so many levels and yet perfect in its own way.

frogbs, Monday, 14 February 2011 15:25 (3 years ago) Permalink

http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2011/02/13/JP-SEARCH-2.html


"Google’s spam cop, Matt Cutts, was not pleased about a campaign to make JCPenney.com seem more popular."

hey boys, suppers on me, our video just went bacterial (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 16 February 2011 21:44 (3 years ago) Permalink

hey boys, suppers on me, our video just went bacterial (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 16 February 2011 21:44 (3 years ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

"TSA was considering collecting DNA samples via Q-tip swab from the mouths of prospective airplane passengers. Steve Doocy pointed out how easy it would be to fake, saying 'all you gotta do is put someone else’s DNA in your mouth.'"

Will link a video when one shows up.

Wacky Way Lounge (Evan), Tuesday, 8 March 2011 04:48 (3 years ago) Permalink

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/03/110307130215.htm

adamj, Thursday, 10 March 2011 00:31 (3 years ago) Permalink

Holy shit! Oh man thats great.

Wacky Way Lounge (Evan), Thursday, 10 March 2011 02:16 (3 years ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

this was posted on I Love Vinyl but deserves a wider audience imho: http://www.bostonherald.com/entertainment/arts_culture/view/20110322young_people_with_old_souls_prefer_records_to_cds/srvc=home&position=recent

"her delicate hand on diamond-tipped stylus"

I only use this style of type when I choose it (DJ Mencap), Friday, 25 March 2011 16:53 (3 years ago) Permalink

lol

VegemiteGrrl, Friday, 25 March 2011 16:58 (3 years ago) Permalink

Between this and
today's best piece of "rock criticism"

happy dadrock day, y'all.

i have a hot bagel waiting for me in my bed so ill say this: (kkvgz), Friday, 25 March 2011 17:00 (3 years ago) Permalink

lolling over these from that Herald article

She has a job, college plans, but also a peculiar passion for a 16-year-old: She’s a vinyl junkie.
That’s right, analog

...her delicate hand on diamond-tipped stylus to spin from the dusty stash of records she found in the basement of her grandfather — yes, grandfather

"SAY WHAAA-?" (spits out coffee)

VegemiteGrrl, Friday, 25 March 2011 17:04 (3 years ago) Permalink

that's right, analog. and yes -- grandfather.

omar little, Friday, 25 March 2011 17:05 (3 years ago) Permalink

lmbo

omar little, Friday, 25 March 2011 17:05 (3 years ago) Permalink

xpost

omar little, Friday, 25 March 2011 17:05 (3 years ago) Permalink

analog? SERIOUSLY?
her grandfather? YOU DON'T SAY

VegemiteGrrl, Friday, 25 March 2011 17:05 (3 years ago) Permalink

(exaggerated record scratch)

frogbs, Friday, 25 March 2011 17:06 (3 years ago) Permalink

has the same tone as an NPR story, all wide eyed about what 'the kids' are doing these days

VegemiteGrrl, Friday, 25 March 2011 17:06 (3 years ago) Permalink

http://www.parade.com/news/backpage-OLD/mitch-albom/100418-take-in-a-real-game.html

Mitch Albom wrote an awful column on the "evil of fantasy baseball" that's way worse -

Spring is here, and throughout the land, baseball fans don their caps and root, root, root in the glowing warmth of...

...their computers?

Cliche...cliche...whaaaa?? **record scratch**

It's as if you took the best lines from Shakespeare and formed your own play. Or took rock's best guitar solos and strung them into "your" song. Fantasy baseball uses the talents but loses the stage. And in so doing, it loses much more.

The whole article is based on the completely ridiculous premise that fantasy players use it as a substitute for real baseball, which is something that absolutely no one does.

"Maybe people do it to feel like they're in charge of a real team. But it's nothing like a real team, believe me. A real team has personal problems, injuries, the long grind of the season. You plug in fantasy players, it's like robots. You're missing the human pulse."

The human pulse. Exactly. If you program a computer correctly, it can play an entire fantasy season without you. Try winning a real game without a human being on the mound.

You can practically see the smirk on his face right now!! "Yeah! You try winning a real game with a bunch of...of...robots!!"

I worry for this growing fantasy-sports world, not for what its followers are experiencing, but for what they're not. If you're so busy computing stats, you miss the real-life drama, you miss the physical artistry, you miss the electricity of a stadium and the unity of your neighbors cheering alongside you. Remember, no one does the wave alone in his basement.

Even if his premise was plausable at all, are we to accept the reason why you need to break out of your robot filled fantasy world is the wave"???

Baseball minus such things is just math. And let's be honest. Wasn't math class when we snuck the earphone from the transistor radio and enjoyed our original fantasies about the game?

*head explodes*

frogbs, Friday, 25 March 2011 17:27 (3 years ago) Permalink

xpost I'm irrationally annoyed by Americans referring to vinyl records as "vinyls".

Pop is superior to all other genres (DL), Friday, 25 March 2011 17:56 (3 years ago) Permalink

That's right, "vinyls".

Pop is superior to all other genres (DL), Friday, 25 March 2011 17:57 (3 years ago) Permalink

didn't realise this was a US thing, if it is, but yeah fucking stop it

(loosely related: someone tried to clown me a couple of days ago for saying that 'records', as in, say, "I have a big record collection" or "I can't wait for the new Linkin Park record to come out" could legitimately be used to refer to music releases in general, not just vinyl, as he asserted. Am I dumb and/or weird for using it this way for the last 15 years or so?)

I only use this style of type when I choose it (DJ Mencap), Friday, 25 March 2011 18:14 (3 years ago) Permalink

it should be ok. we say "album" still and you can't really say "CDs" anymore so it should be fine

frogbs, Friday, 25 March 2011 18:17 (3 years ago) Permalink

omg

I'm totally kidding. Congrats strangers. (Matt P), Friday, 25 March 2011 22:30 (3 years ago) Permalink

     
This is not
what a
feminist
looks like.
Feminists
are not
shirts.

administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 25 March 2011 23:14 (3 years ago) Permalink

"New Michael"

buzza, Friday, 25 March 2011 23:16 (3 years ago) Permalink

baaaaaaaaaaaaarf

http://www.gilroydispatch.com/printer/article.asp?c=196690

Dr. Laura says people should not have sex before they marry. The reason for this is that sex is the number one cause of pregnancy, and pregnancy is the number one cause of babies.

frogbs, Wednesday, 13 April 2011 13:15 (3 years ago) Permalink

I ran the boards for the Dr. Laura Show for my local station for three years and I still hate the Pointer Sisters.

Pleasant Plains, Wednesday, 13 April 2011 13:49 (3 years ago) Permalink

Joe Queenan on the Frank Gehry Glut

conrad, Tuesday, 26 April 2011 15:46 (3 years ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...

The three teenagers have been struggling to make sense of their shifting world, which started changing nearly two years ago when their mother, Abby Haddad Carson, left her job as a nurse to “sound the trumpet” on mission trips with her husband, Robert, handing out tracts. They stopped working on their house and saving for college.

Last weekend, the family traveled to New York, the parents dragging their reluctant children through a Manhattan street fair in a final effort to spread the word.

“My mom has told me directly that I’m not going to get into heaven,” Grace Haddad, 16, said. “At first it was really upsetting, but it’s what she honestly believes.”

this just depresses me

peter in montreal, Friday, 20 May 2011 15:12 (3 years ago) Permalink

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Friday, 20 May 2011 17:51 (3 years ago) Permalink

dammit

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Friday, 20 May 2011 17:57 (3 years ago) Permalink

http://i.imgur.com/p4CFW.png

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Friday, 20 May 2011 17:57 (3 years ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

http://onionlike.tumblr.com/

kinder, Saturday, 11 June 2011 02:34 (3 years ago) Permalink

There's a fine line happening here.

Pleasant Plains, Saturday, 11 June 2011 03:40 (3 years ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

http://www.voanews.com/english/news/middle-east/israel-and-palestinians/Israel-Approves-Jerusalem-Museum-Project-Despite-Muslim-Objections-125499758.html

I mean, the museum people may be right in the end that gravesites aren't normally given any special respect by muslim builders, but still -- Israel to build tolerance museum on muslim gravesite -- seems to fit this thread.

didn't even have to use my akai (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 19 July 2011 18:59 (3 years ago) Permalink

“He slipped because it was slippery,” said a sobbing Hick.

Fig On A Plate Cart (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 19 July 2011 19:20 (3 years ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...

love that the image for that article is this:

peter in montreal, Thursday, 25 August 2011 15:14 (3 years ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

They even mention how similar this is to a specific Onion article inside.

Al Qaeda slams Iran for peddling 9/11 conspiracy theories

Pleasant Plains, Thursday, 29 September 2011 16:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

"The Iranian government has professed on the tongue of its president Ahmadinejad that it does not believe that al Qaeda was behind 9/11 but rather, the U.S. government," an article in Inspire's latest issue argued, according to ABC News' Lee Ferrin. "So we may ask the question: why would Iran ascribe to such a ridiculous belief that stands in the face of all logic and evidence?"

Pleasant Plains, Thursday, 29 September 2011 16:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

On cnn.com right now:

sktsh, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 18:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

loll

Roberto Spiralli, Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:13 (2 years ago) Permalink

Ha there was something that rolled by the CNN news ticker this morning that said something like "COMMUNISM MORE POPULAR THAN CONGRESS AMONG US PUBLIC"

⚓ (gr8080), Wednesday, 16 November 2011 19:54 (2 years ago) Permalink

2 months pass...

Michael Brendan Dougherty
Pascal-Emmanuel Gobry

buzza, Wednesday, 8 February 2012 22:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

Before joining Business Insider, Michael Brendan Dougherty was Associate Editor of The American Conservative.

buzza, Wednesday, 8 February 2012 22:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

I xposted that to SEO hall of fame

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1tAYmMjLdY (dayo), Friday, 10 February 2012 23:14 (2 years ago) Permalink

If they hate it so much, why build the town there. It's like building a town at the bottom of a lake and complaining about the lack of oxygen.

Not only dermatologists hate her (James Morrison), Thursday, 23 February 2012 01:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/03/sc_county_gop_if_youve_had_pre-marital_sex_you_can.php?ref=fpb

Before you can join the Laurens County Republican Party in South Carolina and get on the primary ballot, they ask that you pledge that you’ve never ever had pre-marital sex — and that you will never ever look at porn again.

Last Tuesday, the LCGOP unanimously adopted a resolution that would ask all candidates who want to get on the primary ballot to sign a pledge with 28 principles, because the party “does not want to associate with candidates who do not act and speak in a manner that is consistent with the SC Republican Party Platform.”

Among the principles, according to Vic MacDonald & Larry Franklin of the Clinton Chronicle, is standard fare like opposition to abortion and upholding gun rights, as well as “a compassionate and moral approach to Teen Pregnancy” and “a high regard for United States Sovereignty.”

But then they get even more specific. From the Chronicle:

You must favor, and live up to, abstinence before marriage.
You must be faithful to your spouse. Your spouse cannot be a person of the same gender, and you are not allowed to favor any government action that would allow for civil unions of people of the same sex.

You cannot now, from the moment you sign this pledge, look at pornography.

It is unclear how they will precisely determine this (or regulate it), but an unidentified potential candidate for office in Laurens County told the Chronicle that candidates will be interviewed by a three-person subcommittee, who will then recommend to the full executive committee whether to allow the candidate on the ballot.

Flagpost Sitta (Phil D.), Tuesday, 6 March 2012 11:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

THE EATBEAT: Long-awaited Olive Garden receives warm welcome

After a lengthy wait for Olive Garden to open in Grand Forks, the lines were long in February. The novelty is slowly wearing off, but the steady following attests the warm welcome.

My first visit to Olive Garden was during midafternoon, so I could be sure to get in. After a late breakfast, I figured a late lunch would be fashionable.

The place is impressive. It’s fashioned in Tuscan farmhouse style with a welcoming entryway. There is seating for those who are waiting.

My booth was near the kitchen, and I watched the waiters in white shirts, ties, black trousers and aprons adorned with gold-colored towels. They were busy at midday, punching in orders and carrying out bread and pasta.

It had been a few years since I ate at the older Olive Garden in Fargo, so I studied the two manageable menus offering appetizers, soups and salads, grilled sandwiches, pizza, classic dishes, chicken and seafood and filled pastas.

At length, I asked my server what she would recommend. She suggested chicken Alfredo, and I went with that. Instead of the raspberry lemonade she suggested, I drank water.

She first brought me the familiar Olive Garden salad bowl with crisp greens, peppers, onion rings and yes — several black olives. Along with it came a plate with two long, warm breadsticks.

The chicken Alfredo ($10.95) was warm and comforting on a cold day. The portion was generous. My server was ready with Parmesan cheese.

As I ate, I noticed the vases and planters with permanent flower displays on the ledges. There are several dining areas with arched doorways. And there is a fireplace that adds warmth to the decor.

Olive Garden has an attractive bar area to the right of the entryway. The restaurant has a full liquor license and a wine list offering a wide selection to complement Italian meals. Nonalcoholic beverages include coolers, specialty coffees and hot teas.

On a hot summer day, I will try the raspberry lemonade that was recommended.

There’s a homemade soup, salad and breadstick lunch available until 4 p.m. daily for $6.95.

An olive branch on menu items signified low-fat entrees. There is a Garden Fare Nutrition Guide available for customers seeking gluten-free food. And for those with food allergies, Olive Garden has an Allergen Information Guide.

All in all, it is the largest and most beautiful restaurant now operating in Grand Forks. It attracts visitors from out of town as well as people who live here.

Olive Garden is part of the Darden chain of restaurants that also operates Red Lobster. There are about 700 restaurants, including four Olive Gardens in North Dakota’s major cities.

Olive Garden has gained a following since 1982 with its ample portions and relaxed ambience. It’s known for its classic lasagna, fettuccine Alfredo and chicken Parmigiana.

the Hilary Clinton of Ghostface Killahs (Phil D.), Thursday, 8 March 2012 14:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

At length, I asked my server what she would recommend.

oh to be a fly on the wall

brownie, Thursday, 8 March 2012 14:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

xpost: I don't get it?

StanM, Thursday, 8 March 2012 14:45 (2 years ago) Permalink

I like that either definition (after a long pause / over a long period of time) suggests he is possibly an asshole / savouring the plum assignment of his career, the one he'll tell the grandkids about.

xpost I think it's the in depth and lingering discussion of a generic chain restaurant, but then I am not an American.

Andrew Farrell, Thursday, 8 March 2012 14:47 (2 years ago) Permalink

oh, I didn't know what Olive Garden was - didn't seem to get that vibe from the site either, but ok :-)

StanM, Thursday, 8 March 2012 14:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

EAT STREET / THE KING OF THE EAT

lou reed scott walker monks niagra (chinavision!), Thursday, 8 March 2012 15:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

aahhh EAT BEAT, mangled it never mind

lou reed scott walker monks niagra (chinavision!), Thursday, 8 March 2012 15:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

I often enjoy reading effusive community newspaper prose on banal topics, but that's an especially fine example.

simulation and similac (Hurting 2), Thursday, 8 March 2012 15:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

Waxahachie Swap (Jimmy The Mod Awaits The Return Of His Beloved), Thursday, 8 March 2012 15:19 (2 years ago) Permalink

I love the image of Grand Forksians "long awaiting" the Olive Garden.

simulation and similac (Hurting 2), Thursday, 8 March 2012 15:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

"On a hot summer day, I will try the raspberry lemonade that was recommended."

Please report back!

simulation and similac (Hurting 2), Thursday, 8 March 2012 15:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

This article is beyond description.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 March 2012 15:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

"I was given a selection of food items to choose from. I indicated my preferences to the server, and some time later, those selections were brought to the table for me to eat!"

Three Word Username, Thursday, 8 March 2012 15:36 (2 years ago) Permalink

Crazy Bread, Super Pretzels, Dippin’ Dots, cotton candy, bratwursts and beer. Popcorn, prime rib sandwiches, freshly roasted almonds.

ಠ﹏ಠ i am dissapoint (diamonddave85), Thursday, 8 March 2012 15:38 (2 years ago) Permalink

Drinking water with her meal = why she's lived to be such an active 85-year-old.

pplains, Thursday, 8 March 2012 15:41 (2 years ago) Permalink

oh shit max just tweeted this

the Hilary Clinton of Ghostface Killahs (Phil D.), Thursday, 8 March 2012 15:42 (2 years ago) Permalink

it's all happening

the Hilary Clinton of Ghostface Killahs (Phil D.), Thursday, 8 March 2012 15:42 (2 years ago) Permalink

I saw this tweeted last night. Max, get on the ball.

pplains, Thursday, 8 March 2012 15:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

Grandfawker

pplains, Thursday, 8 March 2012 15:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

someone from grand forks tweets at me:

@max_read she's such a trooper - the week after her cancer diagnosis she reviewed Altru Hospital's room service #eatbeat

max, Thursday, 8 March 2012 16:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

Is it OK to still think this is funny then?

Waxahachie Swap (Jimmy The Mod Awaits The Return Of His Beloved), Thursday, 8 March 2012 16:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

yeah

max, Thursday, 8 March 2012 16:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

its a gentle, loving mockery

max, Thursday, 8 March 2012 16:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

That is actually amazing.

the Hilary Clinton of Ghostface Killahs (Phil D.), Thursday, 8 March 2012 16:17 (2 years ago) Permalink

guys guys guys... what if she's actually trolling us w this article?

Waxahachie Swap (Jimmy The Mod Awaits The Return Of His Beloved), Thursday, 8 March 2012 16:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

I think she is.

http://www.accessmylibrary.com/article-1G1-165736373/grand-forks-herald-n.html

Eric H., Thursday, 8 March 2012 17:00 (2 years ago) Permalink

"The big soft shell at first glance reminded me of lefse"

Eric H., Thursday, 8 March 2012 17:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

and yes — several black olives

diamanda ram dass (Edward III), Thursday, 8 March 2012 17:49 (2 years ago) Permalink

Gawker is on it. Not via max but anyway:

http://gawker.com/5891587/grand-forks-olive-garden-receives-positive-review

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 March 2012 17:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

i can't even

goole, Thursday, 8 March 2012 17:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

Only time will tell if the still-too-new OG will rise to the top of the list: http://www.urbanspoon.com/lb/152/best-restaurants-Grand-Forks

Eric H., Thursday, 8 March 2012 18:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

Your Olive Garden review has been getting a lot of attention on the Internet.

Yeah, I don't get it.

Hero.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 March 2012 18:49 (2 years ago) Permalink

I may sound a little on the defensive to you today because of the emails I've received. One was kind of snotty. But the other four or five were kind of friendly. But my daughter tells me I should go on Facebook and read all this crap. And I do not have time to let myself be bothered or read all that stuff. I have a Sunday column I'm doing now about a completely different subject. I don't have time to sit here and twit over whether some self-styled food expert likes, or does not like, my column. The publisher likes it.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 March 2012 18:54 (2 years ago) Permalink

I don't care whether they are or not. If anyone's got time to sit out there and nitpick, I kind of feel sorry for them. Get a life.

goole, Thursday, 8 March 2012 18:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

glad the internet could get its shit together on a thursday to laugh and point at an old lady for doing her job

wham city bitch, wham wham city bitch (some dude) (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 8 March 2012 18:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

She told everyone where to get the fuck off, and provided perfect context for it all as well. Any laughing I was doing earlier is rightly erased because she just pwned the world.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 March 2012 18:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

Yo Whiney it didn't make it into the VV piece linked above but she also a hella Community fan.

the Hilary Clinton of Ghostface Killahs (Phil D.), Thursday, 8 March 2012 19:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

Hahahah

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 March 2012 19:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

under 16,000 views on gawker
about 150 likes on the gawker article on facebook
she's received six e-mails

i thought the internet was bigger than this

da croupier, Thursday, 8 March 2012 19:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

I like marilyn hagerty

(he did what!) (Austerity Ponies), Thursday, 8 March 2012 19:13 (2 years ago) Permalink

She seems like a cool lady

polyphonic, Thursday, 8 March 2012 19:14 (2 years ago) Permalink

Small towns do their own thing, I'm down with Marilyn.

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 8 March 2012 19:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

Also, tbf I had to write stuff that I myself would probably make fun of when I worked at a community newspaper.

simulation and similac (Hurting 2), Thursday, 8 March 2012 19:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

I haven't checked lately because I'm in the middle of writing a Sunday column, and I hit the wrong key, and it flew away, and so I had to start all over again.

classic

simulation and similac (Hurting 2), Thursday, 8 March 2012 19:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

under 16,000 views on gawker
about 150 likes on the gawker article on facebook
she's received six e-mails

i thought the internet was bigger than this

― da croupier, Thursday, March 8, 2012 2:04 PM (16 minutes ago) Bookmark

well i mean, think about how many times you've clicked on a 'funny link,' or shared it w/ people you know, and out of all those times how often you've decided to personally e-mail the person the funny story is by/about

HalfNelson (some dude), Thursday, 8 March 2012 19:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

who the hell sends an email just to say 'pathetic'?

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 8 March 2012 19:24 (2 years ago) Permalink

can you imagine what the internet will be capable of when we're all her age?

its terrifying.

⚓ (gr8080), Thursday, 8 March 2012 19:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

I was just thinking of what's going to take the place of Olive Garden by then.

pplains, Thursday, 8 March 2012 20:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

cyber olive garden 2 point infinity

max, Thursday, 8 March 2012 20:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

OLIVE GREEN IS MADE OF PEOPLE

da croupier, Thursday, 8 March 2012 21:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

mama...she loves the soylent garden

da croupier, Thursday, 8 March 2012 21:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

A good comment from elsewhere:

When you read Marilyn’s review, try reading it in your head in the voice of actor Sam Elliott.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 March 2012 22:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

exactly

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 8 March 2012 22:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

If anyone's got time to sit out there and nitpick, I kind of feel sorry for them. Get a life.

Surely this is an impending board description.

Trying To Do A ‘Gotcha’ Moment (Deric W. Haircare), Thursday, 8 March 2012 22:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/08/marilyn-hagerty-olive-garden_n_1332753.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003

Not that the Grand Forks Olive Garden is resting on its laurels. When we asked to speak to the location's general manager, Donald Szutenbach, we were told he was in Italy, training at the brand's Culinary Institute of Tuscany.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 March 2012 23:33 (2 years ago) Permalink

when did the onion switch to a paid content model, that is fucking ridiculous

desperado, rough rider (thomp), Thursday, 8 March 2012 23:35 (2 years ago) Permalink

Ages ago! And yes.

Medical Dance Crab With Lesson (Trayce), Thursday, 8 March 2012 23:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

the onion's whole website is shit now unfortunately

A Little Princess btw (s1ocki), Friday, 9 March 2012 01:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

:D

Marilyn takes America by viral storm

And there's video!

Ned Raggett, Friday, 9 March 2012 16:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

The NY Daily News ran an item yesterday about the danger of illegally imported beauty products that contain mercury. This part struck me as Onion-ish:

Here are some ways to tell if your products contain mercury.

Check the label for “mercurous chloride,” “calomel,” “mercuric,” “mercurio” or “mercury.” If you find any of those ingredients in your products, discard them immediately in a plastic bag or leak-proof container.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/mercury-found-lotions-cosmetics-fda-products-sold-ethnic-neighborhoods-online-article-1.1034686#ixzz1odgfzcsd

Josefa, Friday, 9 March 2012 16:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

<3 guilelessness, <3 Marilyn

Carlos Pollomar (WmC), Friday, 9 March 2012 20:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

"The website postings were because residents of more metropolitan areas found it amusing that a chain restaurant would be reviewed. In larger markets, newspaper reviews are reserved for exclusive, high-end eateries that offer fine dining"

the prurient pinterest (Hurting 2), Friday, 9 March 2012 20:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...
2 weeks pass...

between this and the tupac hologram, what year am I living in?

dayo, Monday, 16 April 2012 19:19 (2 years ago) Permalink

we must stop this ska-on-ska violence.

kate78, Wednesday, 18 April 2012 05:42 (2 years ago) Permalink

(featuring former members of Smash Mouth, White Zombie and Bad Brains)

goole, Wednesday, 18 April 2012 13:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

greag camp of smash mouth, qball of sublime lbc, ivan de prume of white zombie, isreal joseph of bad brains.

beachville, Wednesday, 18 April 2012 13:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

'longbeach rehab band' <--- code for sublime cover band, innit??

dayo, Wednesday, 18 April 2012 14:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

Isn't that just the weirdest thing?

wolf kabob (ENBB), Friday, 20 April 2012 11:47 (2 years ago) Permalink

feel terrible for considering that these cows are probably still edible

dayo, Friday, 20 April 2012 11:49 (2 years ago) Permalink

Lazer Woolf?!

sktsh, Saturday, 21 April 2012 14:41 (2 years ago) Permalink

I guess his mother really liked Fiddler on the Roof?

Andrew Farrell, Saturday, 21 April 2012 15:48 (2 years ago) Permalink

Classic pic.

HE HATES THESE CANS (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 24 April 2012 14:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

kylie

goole, Tuesday, 24 April 2012 14:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

that url is great

wolf kabob (ENBB), Tuesday, 24 April 2012 14:34 (2 years ago) Permalink

http://www.jta.org/news/article/2012/04/23/3093586/man-can-sue-over-anti-semitic-comments-though-not-jewish

NEW YORK (JTA) -- A New Jersey appeals court has ruled that a man can sue for enduring anti-Semitic slurs from former employers despite not being Jewish.

Myron Cowher, a former truck driver for Carson & Roberts Site Constructions & Engineering Inc., sued the company and former supervisors after allegedly enduring anti-Semitic comments for more than a year. His suit alleges discrimination that resulted in a hostile work environment.

The Appellate Division of New Jersey Superior Court reversed a Superior Court judge in a 3-0 decision. The appeals court stated that the “proper question” is what effect the derogatory comments would have on “a reasonable Jew,” not on Cowher, who is of German-Irish and Lutheran background.

hahahahhahahaha

dharunravir (k3vin k.), Tuesday, 24 April 2012 19:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

And although this is a fight I can lose/
The accused is A REASONABLE JEW!

pplains, Tuesday, 24 April 2012 20:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

I used to get called "Jew" back in elementary school, but I never knew how to complain about it since it would somehow legitimize the word "Jew" as an insult?

It was the intent, I guess. Maybe I should sue and find some reasonable Jews as character witnesses.

pplains, Tuesday, 24 April 2012 20:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

isn't that the name of a Coen Bros film?

i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 24 April 2012 21:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

Denny's going to get sued by African-Americans who have been victims of anti-Candadian remarks.

pplains, Tuesday, 24 April 2012 21:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

Canadian.

pplains, Tuesday, 24 April 2012 21:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

It's just 'a reasonable man' who is Jewish

L'ennui, cette maladie de tous les (Michael White), Tuesday, 24 April 2012 22:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

So you're saying I'm not reasonable then.

pplains, Wednesday, 25 April 2012 00:49 (2 years ago) Permalink

hamburger lady reminds me of:

http://www.sonsofstevegarvey.com/2007/09/hey-kid-pass-this-to-david-ortiz.html

♆ (gr8080), Wednesday, 25 April 2012 02:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

turns out, I do know how to speak German.

pplains, Wednesday, 25 April 2012 19:47 (2 years ago) Permalink

http://now.msn.com/now/0506-dolphins-heroin-overdose.aspx

"Dolphins died of heroin OD after rave at zoo, report says"

Sad and sick as hell, actually.

Johnny Fever, Tuesday, 8 May 2012 00:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

For animals with sonar hearing, a possibly dubstep-heavy event was already considered a strain.

♆ (gr8080), Thursday, 10 May 2012 03:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

seriously would that ever be an onion article? not like an enquirer article or a wacky news of the world article or a human interest segment on the local news, but an onion article?

s.clover, Saturday, 26 May 2012 01:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

the late great, Tuesday, 5 June 2012 19:45 (2 years ago) Permalink

guh

goole, Tuesday, 5 June 2012 19:46 (2 years ago) Permalink

haha, that same story also has a headline link on CNN that says "Dismemberment victim's head missing"

well, no shit.

heated debate over derpy hooves (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 5 June 2012 19:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

imho it takes all the fun out of guessing which parts are missing

Convert simple JEEZ to BDSMcode (Austerity Ponies), Wednesday, 6 June 2012 16:00 (2 years ago) Permalink

Detachable penis is missing

pplains, Wednesday, 6 June 2012 16:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

The confessions of an ex-sex kitten

the late great, Friday, 8 June 2012 22:38 (2 years ago) Permalink

Somali Islamists offer 10 camels as bounty for Obama
By the CNN Wire Staff

http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/09/world/africa/somalia-al-shabaab-bounties/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

the late great, Saturday, 9 June 2012 21:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

Casey Anthony reading 'Hunger Games,' book about killing children

http://news.yahoo.com/casey-anthony-says-shes-gone-hell-232851938--abc-news-topstories.html

Godzilla vs. Rodan Rodannadanna (The Yellow Kid), Wednesday, 13 June 2012 04:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

OK that one *is* an onion article, right?

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Wednesday, 13 June 2012 09:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/

Nice work BBC!

Arvo Pärt Chimp (Neil S), Wednesday, 13 June 2012 09:17 (2 years ago) Permalink

Oh good lord.

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Wednesday, 13 June 2012 09:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

more goodness from CNN ...

"Snacks on a plane"

the late great, Wednesday, 13 June 2012 17:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

wat

goole, Monday, 18 June 2012 04:47 (2 years ago) Permalink

Ohshit yeah I read about that one on Popehat and I was so confused. The retraction sounds so backhanded. Also it implies no one ever even saw the photo in question and just ran with it anyway?

Ive seen the photo. It... really does look like a woman who flashed her bits. but by accident (slipped sideways gown) not on purpose. But its very hard to tell, as it could also be one of those bizarre illusory pics.

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Monday, 18 June 2012 05:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

like, the one definite illusion is ppl saying she's "lifting her gown" - she isnt, she's holding a magazine in her lap.

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Monday, 18 June 2012 05:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

bare genitals and private parts

sorry, that's BARE GENITALS AND PRIVATE PARTS

jacob von logflume (DJ Mencap), Monday, 18 June 2012 07:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

Yeah the level of detail is bizarre.

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Monday, 18 June 2012 08:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

Player 'completes' Diablo III video game

"Just over a month after the release of Diablo III, a pro player has managed to complete the game on its hardest setting"

ooooiiiioooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaoooooh un - bi - leevable! (LocalGarda), Friday, 22 June 2012 08:30 (2 years ago) Permalink

I am obviously reading different news sites, but that is an actual* news story. It's hardly Billy Mitchell, but still.

*I was going to say 'specialist', but then it sold 3.5 million on its first day..

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 22 June 2012 09:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

The hell is with the comments on that article!?

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Saturday, 23 June 2012 04:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

strongly suspect that article is making appearances on 'men's rights' forums

goole, Saturday, 23 June 2012 18:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

yeah those are the kind of comments they make, I've seen a few on our papers website; this whole "ALL women only want you for money and will ruin you and dump you" bitterness, it is frightening

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Saturday, 23 June 2012 23:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

look i know a sub-ed is fucking around here but

http://cumming.patch.com/articles/these-salads-should-be-tossed-says-fda

pvmic bellvm (goole), Wednesday, 27 June 2012 15:29 (2 years ago) Permalink

speaking of which, before I clicked on the link I was having a hard time visualising what "for-having-the-shepherd-express-the-onion" might mean in that url

jacob von logflume (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 27 June 2012 16:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

cnn does it again

Instagram down in mass power outage

Breakfasts everywhere went undocumented on social media Saturday morning because photo-sharing site Instagram is still down after a line of powerful storms caused mass power outages across the Midwest and Atlantic Seaboard on Friday night.

the late great, Saturday, 30 June 2012 20:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

haha

i was at a very hipstery gathering yesterday and addressed the 3 or 4 girls i was with: "so let me ask you something..." and was promptly interrupted by one saying "was instagram down last night?? YES."

♆ (gr8080), Sunday, 1 July 2012 22:54 (2 years ago) Permalink

so then did you talk about what you had had for breakfast or is that news stale after 2 pm?

the late great, Sunday, 1 July 2012 23:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

lol I read that earlier and thought about posting it here. hilarious.

(✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Sunday, 1 July 2012 23:46 (2 years ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...

more cnn

"Photos: Competing in the Hipster Olympics"

the late great, Sunday, 22 July 2012 18:36 (2 years ago) Permalink

Not a perfect fit --- needs tweaking, but the sentiment expressed is pure Onion:

http://aminiatureclaypot.wordpress.com/2012/07/20/so-you-still-think-god-is-a-merciful-god/

Vic Perry, Sunday, 22 July 2012 20:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

FFS new york times!

According to a D.J. in Brooklyn who goes by the Twitter handle Lil Internet, he coined the term “seapunk” last June after having a surreal dream, which he tweeted about: “Seapunk leather jacket with barnacles where the studs used to be.” His friends added a hashtag to “seapunk,” and a trend was born, like Aphrodite from the foam.

“The surprising thing is that it really was cohesive,” Lil Internet said by iChat; he declined to use his legal name, saying he is now known solely by his Twitter handle. He also described seapunk’s vibe as “Venice Beach Acid Rave 1995,” and cited surf-wear logos, yin-yang symbols and round holographic sunglasses as part of its look.

the late great, Monday, 23 July 2012 10:32 (2 years ago) Permalink

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/04/fashion/Seapunk-a-Web-Joke-With-Music-Has-Its-Moment.html

^^ all of the quotes are just ... no words

the late great, Monday, 23 July 2012 10:35 (2 years ago) Permalink

Great photo caption

funny-skrillex-bee_132455836669.gif (s1ocki), Monday, 23 July 2012 14:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

ha that was the first thing i noticed

goole, Monday, 23 July 2012 15:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

"no really, there's a good reason we took a picture of this guy"

goole, Monday, 23 July 2012 15:24 (2 years ago) Permalink

The spacey electronic dance music borrows from Witch House, Chiptune, Drum & Bass and southern rap

Will Chave (Hurting 2), Monday, 23 July 2012 15:34 (2 years ago) Permalink

As lol as that article is, I feel like I am finally starting to *get* the sensibility of the generation that has spawned chillwave, witchhouse, etc.

Will Chave (Hurting 2), Monday, 23 July 2012 16:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

i haven't read that yet but finding out that lil internet wasn't just a funny anonymous twitter guy but is a real dude who directs Diplo videos and does a streaming "best week ever"-style show on some blog was really deflating and sad for me

♆ (gr8080), Thursday, 26 July 2012 22:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

headline is prolly a nod to the Onion tbf

price lo matalan (DJ Mencap), Friday, 27 July 2012 18:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

A couple of people have put together "seapunk" playlists on spotify. It's mostly two bands: Teams and Unicorn Kid. Hadn't heard either before but it's alright in that chillwave "I'm not actually sure if this is supposed to be good or not" sort of way.

Will Chave (Hurting 2), Friday, 27 July 2012 20:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

“Seapunk leather jacket with barnacles where the studs used to be.”

it's like wu tang clan for the iGeneration

the late great, Friday, 27 July 2012 20:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

"yeah yeah my mom loves spongebob and finding nemo too"

"dude your mom is a seapunk MILF! awesome!"

the late great, Friday, 27 July 2012 20:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

i wonder if azaelia banks has seen the penis on the little mermaid dvd box

the late great, Friday, 27 July 2012 20:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

*get* the sensibility of the generation that has spawned chillwave, witchhouse, etc.

chillwave = rickrolled w/ the sound off

witchhouse = putting the webcam at odd angles in a dark room so boys can't see your body

the late great, Friday, 27 July 2012 20:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

new r&b = livejournal

new rap = blingee

this is actually a lot more pervasive than ringtones and hashtag lyrics

the late great, Friday, 27 July 2012 20:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

i'm sorry this has gone from jokes to capt obvious ideas for you

the late great, Friday, 27 July 2012 20:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

Are Daily Mail articles banned from this thread, well, for being the Daily Mail?

Was celebration of free health care in Opening Ceremony a coded message to the US? Americans are left confused
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2180227/London-2012-Olympics-Some-Americans-left-baffled-tribute-NHS-Mary-Poppins-Opening-Ceremony.html

Theodora Celery, Saturday, 28 July 2012 20:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

this is probably a work of fiction imho but there are tons of killer lines in there so I'm sharing it with respect not derision

price lo matalan (DJ Mencap), Saturday, 11 August 2012 07:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

it's a quality article

like a CD of the Smiths stapled to your forehead (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 11 August 2012 09:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

I'm an accountant and I have a giant tattoo of topless woman riding a motorbike in to hell on my back. It's never burdened my career

like a CD of the Smiths stapled to your forehead (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 11 August 2012 09:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

She needs counselling.

Know how Roo feel (LocalGarda), Saturday, 11 August 2012 09:05 (2 years ago) Permalink

she needs inversion therapy

like a CD of the Smiths stapled to your forehead (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 11 August 2012 09:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

this makes me more determined to get my robert musil tattoo.

and yes it will be him riding a motorcycle into hell.

Know how Roo feel (LocalGarda), Saturday, 11 August 2012 09:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

have always fancied having "KANT" and "HUME" tattooed across my knuckles

like a CD of the Smiths stapled to your forehead (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 11 August 2012 09:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

the no regrets tattoo alternative is to get those nike running shoes customised, you can't have "cunt" tho which sort of ruins it.

Know how Roo feel (LocalGarda), Saturday, 11 August 2012 09:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

Oh my god that woman needs help.That is the most fucked up self absorbed shit I have ever read, making it all about her being "redundant", acting like he was dead or something? Jesus christ.

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Saturday, 11 August 2012 09:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

We need a new thread for : Shit That Looks Like A Daily Mail Article (But Isn't)

Chewton Mendip (White Chocolate Cheesecake), Saturday, 11 August 2012 11:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

Tess Morgan is a pseudonym

kanye shiwen (dayo), Saturday, 11 August 2012 12:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

His father asks, "Does it hurt?"

"Yes," I say, cutting across this male bonding. "It does. Very much."

;_;

the late great, Saturday, 11 August 2012 17:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

that was the money line imo

the late great, Saturday, 11 August 2012 17:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

tbh i was ready for the big reveal to be that it was a "MOM" tattoo with a heart around it

○ (gr8080), Saturday, 11 August 2012 17:29 (2 years ago) Permalink

inside a goatse.cx

the late great, Saturday, 11 August 2012 18:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

"But what if he wants to be a lawyer?"

"Or an accountant."

Given that he's a student, you can easily tell if he wants to be one of these by finding out if he is studying Law or Accountancy. Given your relationship with him, I would suggest the easiest way to found out would be by writing to the Admissions Department of his FE institution.

she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Saturday, 11 August 2012 18:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

i didn't know that stuff about aristocratic tattoos

goole, Saturday, 11 August 2012 21:34 (2 years ago) Permalink

On day three, still in a fog of misery, I say to him, "Shall we talk?"

We sit down with cups of coffee. I open my mouth to speak and end up crying instead. I say, "You couldn't have done anything to hurt me more."

He is cool and detached. He says, "I think you need to re-examine your prejudices."

lost it here

goole, Saturday, 11 August 2012 21:34 (2 years ago) Permalink

god that tattoo article might as well be a transcript bw me and my mom regarding any significant life choice I've made in the last 5 years

electric point-electric counterpoint (m bison), Saturday, 11 August 2012 21:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

i didn't know that stuff about aristocratic tattoos

yeah this was kind of rad to learn about!!

○ (gr8080), Saturday, 11 August 2012 23:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

unbelievable

Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Sunday, 12 August 2012 02:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

tbh i was ready for the big reveal to be that it was a "MOM" tattoo with a heart around it

― ○ (gr8080), Saturday, August 11, 2012 12:29 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ditto

catbus otm (gbx), Sunday, 12 August 2012 22:54 (2 years ago) Permalink

I'm starting to feel like the Graun played us all, it just seems way too... weird. Like extreme irony.

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Sunday, 12 August 2012 23:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

drawings by teen cultists (Crabbits), Monday, 13 August 2012 02:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/08/24/entertainment-us-britain-prince-naked-idUSBRE87L08C20120824

not the reuters hed but the daily mail pictured

goole, Friday, 24 August 2012 15:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

(that's the sun, not the mail)

koogs, Friday, 24 August 2012 16:17 (2 years ago) Permalink

oh right

goole, Friday, 24 August 2012 16:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

crosspost that headline to passive aggressive notes

Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 24 August 2012 19:30 (2 years ago) Permalink

reuters on a roll with this

http://in.reuters.com/article/2012/08/25/us-usa-campaign-deathmetal-idINBRE87O03S20120825

goole, Sunday, 26 August 2012 15:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

already added to wikipedia's death metal page

get you ass to mahs (abanana), Sunday, 26 August 2012 16:34 (2 years ago) Permalink

idgi

the late great, Sunday, 26 August 2012 16:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

will two live crew also not be performing?

the late great, Sunday, 26 August 2012 16:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

http://www.militarytimes.com/news/2012/08/marine-fired-mattis-quote-tattoo-082712/

Union Pacific Railroad fired conductor Carl Newman of Kansas City, Mo., in 2010 because his tattoo violated the company’s “Violence in the Workplace” policy, according to a complaint filed in federal court Aug. 9.

The words were spoken by Gen. James Mattis, now head of U.S. Central Command, when he led Marines in Iraq in 2003.

Mattis, then a tough-talking major general known as “the Warrior Monk,” commanded 1st Marine Division during the invasion. According to Washington Post reporter Thomas E. Ricks’ book “Fiasco,” Mattis sent his tanks and artillery home after the successful invasion. He met with Iraqi tribal leaders and said, “I come in peace. I didn’t bring artillery. But I am pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you f--- with me, I’ll kill you all.”

goole, Monday, 10 September 2012 21:06 (1 year ago) Permalink

that reminds me of my modest proposal to make police who shoot people get tear tattoos for each person they kill

the late great, Monday, 10 September 2012 21:31 (1 year ago) Permalink

reposting this one from the "most important local news story" thread:

http://djournal.com/view/full_story/20188758/article-Wicks-n-More-consumed-in-fire

❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Thursday, 20 September 2012 16:57 (1 year ago) Permalink

ok except it's already a very old joke at this point, this has got to be the mother of them all

the late great, Thursday, 20 September 2012 22:09 (1 year ago) Permalink

Getting That Justin Vernon Body With Trainer Jeff Rogers

http://www.mtvhive.com/2012/09/24/bon-iver-workout/

goole, Tuesday, 25 September 2012 15:34 (1 year ago) Permalink

haha, the late great, I posted in the Amish thread the Cleveland Plain Dealer headline on that story, which falls just short of all-time greatness:

a shark with a rippling six pack (Phil D.), Tuesday, 25 September 2012 15:40 (1 year ago) Permalink

his name was mullet?!?

the late great, Tuesday, 25 September 2012 21:18 (1 year ago) Permalink

yeah his name was mullet. that kind of puts it more in mad magazine territory, though they'd probably change it to Potzrebie Mulletski or something.

Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 25 September 2012 21:21 (1 year ago) Permalink

Buddhist "Iron Man" Found by Nazis Is from Space

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=buddhist-iron-man-found

goole, Thursday, 27 September 2012 18:27 (1 year ago) Permalink

Bachmann: ‘We Must Ban Falafel’ in School Lunches

http://dailycurrant.com/2012/09/28/bachmann-we-ban-falafel-school-lunches/#.UGXBjenOHSI.facebook

"I have to ask Ms. Bachmann, why is that a problem? I mean some children like the taste of falafel, what's wrong with that?"

"Chris, falafel is a gateway food," responded Bachmann, "It starts with falafel, then the kids move on to shawarma. After a while they say 'hey this tastes good, I wonder what else comes from Arabia?' "

"Before you know it our children are listening to Muslim music, reading the Koran, and plotting attacks against the homeland."

"We need to stop these terror cakes now, before they infiltrate any further."

flopson, Friday, 28 September 2012 18:53 (1 year ago) Permalink

the daily currant is a shitty onion-style fake-news website

max, Friday, 28 September 2012 18:55 (1 year ago) Permalink

lol now i'm one of those people!

flopson, Friday, 28 September 2012 18:58 (1 year ago) Permalink

terror cakes is roughly B+ tho

Ham Lushbaugh (Eric H.), Friday, 28 September 2012 18:58 (1 year ago) Permalink

"It starts with falafel, then the kids move on to shawarma."

OTM

has important things to say about gangnam style (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 2 October 2012 14:34 (1 year ago) Permalink

Falafel and kebab are totally opposite demographics over here.

I got the Boyzone, I got the remedy (ledge), Tuesday, 2 October 2012 14:36 (1 year ago) Permalink

christine lagarde from the IMF threatening argentina with a red card if they don't comply with their orders.

"Argentina is good in football and it certainly understands what we are talking about," said Ms Lagarde.

such condescension! good thing cristina fernandez told her to fuck off.

so, apparently we're not in a cave. we're in a.. monsters belly! (wolves lacan), Tuesday, 2 October 2012 14:49 (1 year ago) Permalink

http://www.startribune.com/local/minneapolis/172500101.html?refer=y

Undisclosed 'concern' has Mpls. South HS in lockdown; police involved

Minneapolis South High School is in a lockdown Wednesday for what officials are calling a “concern in the school community.”

During the lockdown, classes are being conducted as usual, but students will remain in the rooms, the campus was closed during the lunch period and students with an open hour are not allowed to leave the building, said School District spokeswoman Rachel Hicks.

The district has yet to disclose what has prompted the lockdown.

“We are working collaboratively with the Minneapolis Police Department to monitor the concern,” Hicks said in a written statement. “However, we are unable to share details of the concern because of our ongoing investigation.”

Police Sgt. William Palmer confirmed that his department is involved “to a degree,” but he referred questions back to the district.

goole, Wednesday, 3 October 2012 20:08 (1 year ago) Permalink

That would certainly be one of the drier Onion stories.

pplains, Wednesday, 3 October 2012 20:13 (1 year ago) Permalink

certainly would.

goole, Wednesday, 3 October 2012 20:14 (1 year ago) Permalink

http://consumerist.com/2012/10/03/fancy-new-taco-bells-hope-to-go-upscale-with-eaterys-image/

“We wanted a look that’s totally different, to show that we’re an upscale brand,” said the executive VP of big-time Taco Bell franchisee Alvarado Companies. “You walk in and it feels new and fresh.”

bell biv devo (Stevie D(eux)), Wednesday, 3 October 2012 23:41 (1 year ago) Permalink

haha OMG is taco bell gonna try to 'dinner service' like burger king did in the late 80s???

balls, Wednesday, 3 October 2012 23:48 (1 year ago) Permalink

I'd never seen Demolition Man before, but a friend pointed out on fb that this is a movie prophecy come true. Wiki says: "All restaurants are Taco Bells, which "won the franchise wars" and evolved into fine-dining establishments that serve nouvelle cuisine."

Johnny Fever, Thursday, 4 October 2012 00:05 (1 year ago) Permalink

Norwegian prisoners livid about having to wear slippers in the visiting room.
Hard to play football (google-translated link)

Øystein, Thursday, 4 October 2012 09:03 (1 year ago) Permalink

sadly that doesn't sound like an onion article to me at all ... not because someone died but because since that lady died during the water-drinking contest it doesn't seem so unlikely anymore

the late great, Tuesday, 9 October 2012 17:20 (1 year ago) Permalink

Yeah but water intoxication is a thing and roach intoxication just isn't.

OTOH it's possible he died from suddenly being massively, massively squicked out.

Plasmon, Wednesday, 10 October 2012 03:16 (1 year ago) Permalink

Police use Taser on blind man after stick mistaken for sword

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lancashire-19979184

koogs, Wednesday, 17 October 2012 12:34 (1 year ago) Permalink

Like they need an excuse to beat up someone.

abanana, Wednesday, 17 October 2012 16:45 (1 year ago) Permalink

lol

zvookster, Friday, 19 October 2012 04:09 (1 year ago) Permalink

BREAKING: A former Minnesota actor is currently looking for work.

Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Friday, 19 October 2012 14:31 (1 year ago) Permalink

oof.

Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 00:59 (1 year ago) Permalink

Hah, srsly misunderstood that as "the Help! director" - Richard Lester to helm madcap romp based on the life of James Brown

Faster than food (Myonga Vön Bontee), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 15:43 (1 year ago) Permalink

Me too.

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 16:04 (1 year ago) Permalink

see that would be something

Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 16:59 (1 year ago) Permalink

Bush's FEMA Director During Katrina Criticizes Obama For Responding To Sandy Too Quickly

http://thinkprogress.org/security/2012/10/30/1110901/bush-fema-director-katrina-hits-obama-sandy/

pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:39 (1 year ago) Permalink

is that, like, allowed?

crüt, Tuesday, 6 November 2012 03:23 (1 year ago) Permalink

Bush's FEMA Director During Katrina Criticizes Obama For Responding To Sandy Too Quickly

http://thinkprogress.org/security/2012/10/30/1110901/bush-fema-director-katrina-hits-obama-sandy/

― pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Tuesday, October 30, 2012 12:39 PM (6 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

wow, seriously? are we sure this isn't a joke

Raymond Cummings, Tuesday, 6 November 2012 03:45 (1 year ago) Permalink

i read that for 5 minutes before i realised this wasn't the real Onion thread

movember spawned a nobster (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 6 November 2012 03:49 (1 year ago) Permalink

awesome

A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Tuesday, 6 November 2012 03:51 (1 year ago) Permalink

lmao @ the schoolbus passing video

❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Tuesday, 6 November 2012 21:50 (1 year ago) Permalink

More from Cleveland, this time from our free weekly, SCENE, a review of chain restaurant/Hooter's competitor The Tilted Kilt. Some highlights:

The Tilted Kilt has been labeled a "breastaurant," but looks will only go so far. It takes more than a good-looking staff with partially exposed assets to survive.

...

The clientele was a virtual Ellis Island of diners. To our right, a family of four with two teenagers dined. Sprinkled around the rest of the bar and seating area were business people in suits, a group of women celebrating an occasion, some families, and groups of guys watching the game. They all seemed to be comfortable and enjoying the sports bar atmosphere.

A kilt-wearing server arrived quickly, and showing professional training, identified herself, asked if we had ever eaten there before, and walked us through the menu. She told us that the staff is encouraged to sit with guests and strike up a conversation, which is exactly what she did, talking with us about everything from the Browns to the casino and Cleveland in general.

. . .
We started off with the Irish nachos. Replacing the usual tortilla chips with house-made potato chips is a unique take on this perennial favorite. The Kilt wisely uses "old school" liquid cheese sauce, and as a bonus, the sauce is a blend of cheeses, giving it a slightly elevated taste. The ground beef on the nachos was uneventful and under-seasoned, calling to mind Taco Bell's Nachos Bell Grande.

Read it all, I beg you.

C-3PO Sharkey (Phil D.), Thursday, 8 November 2012 16:54 (1 year ago) Permalink

that woman actually did it multiple times!

乒乓, Thursday, 8 November 2012 17:36 (1 year ago) Permalink

xp Even though we were stuffed to the gills, I pleasantly coerced myself into a dessert.

I think he means he jerked off.

Deafening silence (DL), Thursday, 8 November 2012 17:47 (1 year ago) Permalink

yeah i assumed by the camera and the tone of the driver's voice that she'd done this routinely. bizarre that it didn't occur to her to just leave ten minutes earlier or choose a different route.

balls, Thursday, 8 November 2012 19:18 (1 year ago) Permalink

"Irish nachos" seems offensive somehow

Number None, Thursday, 8 November 2012 22:13 (1 year ago) Permalink

Irish Nachos are like regular nachos but instead of tortilla chips there are crispy sliced of baked potatoes on the bottom!

oh ffs

pplains, Friday, 9 November 2012 00:06 (1 year ago) Permalink

Jewish Nachos = Matzchos

Knut Horowitz, Able-Bodied Investment Banker and Ladies Man (Hurting 2), Friday, 9 November 2012 00:46 (1 year ago) Permalink

nice try tho

CGI fridays (Edward III), Friday, 9 November 2012 17:09 (1 year ago) Permalink

The newspaper says court documents don't detail the ingredients, but a deputy found several pieces of lunchmeat on the carpet outside a bedroom and some pieces of bread in the bedroom.

Oh god...

Evan, Friday, 9 November 2012 18:13 (1 year ago) Permalink

whoa, a nsfw warning would've been nice for that headline.

pplains, Monday, 12 November 2012 14:43 (1 year ago) Permalink

lol i just clicked it and they change the headline. now i can't remember what it said but it was better. it was like Grover Norquist: Romney a 'poopy head'

Online Webinar Event for Dads (harbl), Monday, 12 November 2012 14:52 (1 year ago) Permalink

Interview is here: http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50134975n

About 1:45 in.

Bobby Ken Doll (Eric H.), Monday, 12 November 2012 14:53 (1 year ago) Permalink

pplains, Monday, 12 November 2012 15:15 (1 year ago) Permalink

Mitt Romney: Painted As Poop

pplains, Monday, 12 November 2012 15:16 (1 year ago) Permalink

Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Monday, 12 November 2012 18:24 (1 year ago) Permalink

was waiting for that

Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Monday, 12 November 2012 18:26 (1 year ago) Permalink

pretty sure she came up on the lifecoach guru nuthouse thread

goole, Monday, 12 November 2012 18:28 (1 year ago) Permalink

I should have known better than to start reading the comments section.

nuts spats (Austerity Ponies), Wednesday, 14 November 2012 18:22 (1 year ago) Permalink

???

goole, Sunday, 25 November 2012 19:09 (1 year ago) Permalink

I know right?

Evan, Monday, 26 November 2012 05:17 (1 year ago) Permalink

"among other things"

aw :/

obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Monday, 26 November 2012 23:57 (1 year ago) Permalink

so i saw this "killer karaoke" thing on fb today and am wondering if that is real or onion-y or what?

obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Monday, 26 November 2012 23:57 (1 year ago) Permalink

i guess the u.s. is still in a depression huh

http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2012/11/28/is-praying-for-a-lottery-win-frowned-upon-depends-on-who-you-ask/

abanana, Thursday, 29 November 2012 07:56 (1 year ago) Permalink

http://gothamist.com/2012/12/05/red_cross_drops_off_trashbag_of_ham.php

Red Cross Delivers Trashbag Of Broken Hamburgers To Sandy Victims

drunk 'n' white's elements of style (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 5 December 2012 19:49 (1 year ago) Permalink

haha jeez

pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Wednesday, 5 December 2012 19:52 (1 year ago) Permalink

my heart wants to believe that those came from the mitt romney non-campaign event

i dream of booze pinata (jjjusten), Wednesday, 5 December 2012 19:53 (1 year ago) Permalink

maybe it's some kind-of "art prank" like what this guy did: 'Hamburglar' Artist Throws Gnawed Cheeseburgers at People From Bike

Spectrum, Wednesday, 5 December 2012 19:58 (1 year ago) Permalink

Sean Penn blasts fellow actors for putting money before art
http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2012/dec/14/sean-penn-blasts-fellow-actors

wolves lacan, Friday, 14 December 2012 18:57 (1 year ago) Permalink

Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Friday, 14 December 2012 21:07 (1 year ago) Permalink

whoops, first one should have been

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/story/2012/12/18/quebec-theft-maple-syrup-court.html8M Quebec maple syrup heist leads to arrests

silverfish, Tuesday, 18 December 2012 21:15 (1 year ago) Permalink

$18M Quebec maple syrup heist leads to arrests

silverfish, Tuesday, 18 December 2012 21:16 (1 year ago) Permalink

4 weeks pass...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-21043693

A security check on a US company has reportedly revealed one of its staff was outsourcing his work to China.

The software developer, in his 40s, is thought to have spent his workdays surfing the web, watching cat videos on YouTube and browsing Reddit and eBay.

Matt DC, Thursday, 17 January 2013 10:59 (1 year ago) Permalink

Well done that man!

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 17 January 2013 11:05 (1 year ago) Permalink

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 17 January 2013 11:06 (1 year ago) Permalink

there was (still is) a blog called 'four hour work week' where he pretty much advocates doing this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_4-Hour_Workweek

koogs, Thursday, 17 January 2013 11:18 (1 year ago) Permalink

xp some discussion of that stupid graphic in batshit rightwing cartoons: 2012 and imaginary romney presidency years edition

Neil S, Thursday, 17 January 2013 11:20 (1 year ago) Permalink

well that's certainly taking the thread title literally.

s.clover, Friday, 18 January 2013 16:31 (1 year ago) Permalink

ha

zero dark (s1ocki), Friday, 18 January 2013 16:45 (1 year ago) Permalink

headline ambiguity funnies

http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/story/2013/01/20/us-fake-sept-11-coins-settlement.html

abanana, Sunday, 20 January 2013 14:17 (1 year ago) Permalink

9/11 coins was a hoax

zero dark (s1ocki), Sunday, 20 January 2013 16:20 (1 year ago) Permalink

Manti has an Adidas football cleat box filled with them

Rihanna Tootysalsafroyo (Sufjan Grafton), Sunday, 20 January 2013 17:18 (1 year ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

Snow Plow Driver Brags About Burying Cars In YouTube Video

elan, Sunday, 24 February 2013 18:41 (1 year ago) Permalink

Cannibal Cop Seemed Like Regular Cop At Work

arby's, Sunday, 3 March 2013 03:48 (1 year ago) Permalink

"Nick Cave To Unleash 30 Multi Coloured Horses At New York’s Grand Central Terminal"

http://www.yatzer.com/HEARD-NY-by-Nick-Cave

(which looks great and is only funny because of the name (it's not THAT nick cave))

koogs, Friday, 15 March 2013 15:06 (1 year ago) Permalink

Cops: Teen who said Ninjas attacked him actually shot himself

A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Saturday, 16 March 2013 19:56 (1 year ago) Permalink

ha, best use of non-parallel construction ever

space phwoar (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 March 2013 20:09 (1 year ago) Permalink

@beautypill 3m
The last line of this article is absolutely intended to read like an Onion piece. Tell me I'm wrong. http://wapo.st/11ztSXg

some dude, Sunday, 24 March 2013 22:10 (1 year ago) Permalink

http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/weird/NATL-Irish-Town-Legalizes-Drinking-and-Driving-199867031.html

Healy-Rae told the Times he thinks the measure will help preserve pub culture, lower the risk of suicide and attack isolation in the small town.

❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Tuesday, 26 March 2013 18:55 (1 year ago) Permalink

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4203460/Schools-ban-children-making-best-friends.html

Actual article not Onion-esque, but the concept has promise.

ljubljana, Saturday, 30 March 2013 12:43 (1 year ago) Permalink

The picture and caption of this article look Onionish.

Josefa, Tuesday, 9 April 2013 22:35 (1 year ago) Permalink

that link starts 2 videos with sound when you open it

abanana, Friday, 19 April 2013 22:54 (1 year ago) Permalink

the chains of worry are forged in idle hours

The description of my page is: Gargoyles Swimsuit Special (Matt P), Friday, 19 April 2013 22:58 (1 year ago) Permalink

oh wait "borowitz report" nevermind

the Upperchest (crüt), Wednesday, 24 April 2013 19:40 (1 year ago) Permalink

smh

ampersand cooper black (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 24 April 2013 19:40 (1 year ago) Permalink

\o_O/

the Upperchest (crüt), Wednesday, 24 April 2013 19:41 (1 year ago) Permalink

Fuckin Borowitz

how's life, Wednesday, 24 April 2013 20:10 (1 year ago) Permalink

quite literally "shit that looks like an onion article but isn't"

Chuck E was a hero to most (s.clover), Wednesday, 24 April 2013 20:24 (1 year ago) Permalink

2 months pass...

i added that dude on facebook back when that all went down and he accepted my request some time after he got back

ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Wednesday, 26 June 2013 12:59 (1 year ago) Permalink

Last line of the article is such an Onion punchline.

Vinnie, Wednesday, 26 June 2013 14:00 (1 year ago) Permalink

"15 per cent of of girls under 16 are thought to become pregnant every year"

what the holy fuck is wrong with people?

Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 9 July 2013 17:02 (1 year ago) Permalink

this is why political change that doesn't involve severe beatings is never gonna work

the SI unit of ignorance (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 9 July 2013 17:03 (1 year ago) Permalink

15% of girls but some of them are 4 yrs old, for the 15 yr olds it must be more like 80%

the most promising US ilxor has thrown the TOWEL IN (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Tuesday, 9 July 2013 17:05 (1 year ago) Permalink

actually that's a flaw in the question -- most people would probably think you meant something like 13-16 year olds, not all girls under 16.

i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 9 July 2013 17:06 (1 year ago) Permalink

survey doesnt cover the most enduring political calumny of the social right -- the notion that the ECHR is part of the EU, which lots of university educated people subscribe to

the most promising US ilxor has thrown the TOWEL IN (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Tuesday, 9 July 2013 17:08 (1 year ago) Permalink

from the article Hurting i'm guessing they asked people to guess at figures, not make a choice. and i don't care how you skew the numbers, 15 percent?????

the SI unit of ignorance (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 9 July 2013 17:09 (1 year ago) Permalink

i've explained the difference between the ECHR and the EU to people on several occasions and to be honest they didn't give a shit even when they knew the difference

the SI unit of ignorance (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 9 July 2013 17:10 (1 year ago) Permalink

they usual express mild confoundment when told that the conservative party & st winston were its progenitors

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/libertycentral/2009/oct/04/human-rights-act-conservatives/print

the most promising US ilxor has thrown the TOWEL IN (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Tuesday, 9 July 2013 17:17 (1 year ago) Permalink

quand le peuple sera-t-il donc éclairé?

jamais

Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 9 July 2013 17:26 (1 year ago) Permalink

http://www.brentwoodgazette.co.uk/inside-story-Holiday-Inn-sex-den/story-19562484-detail/story.html

this reads like a brilliantly nailed-on parody of investigative tabloid articles, but I don't think it's supposed to be

I was wearing a liturgy t shit and i noticed your liturgy tattoo (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 24 July 2013 15:37 (1 year ago) Permalink

bewildering it just stops when it was about to get... interesting

Neil S, Wednesday, 24 July 2013 15:49 (1 year ago) Permalink

matt cannon is the max read of brentwood

Roberto Spiralli, Wednesday, 24 July 2013 16:42 (1 year ago) Permalink

specialisms: group sex, pies

There shouldn't be a thread for Dennis Perrin tweets. (stevie), Wednesday, 24 July 2013 16:45 (1 year ago) Permalink

OMG Holiday Inn Sex Den!

PJ. Turquoise dealer. Chatroulette addict. Andersonville. (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 24 July 2013 16:56 (1 year ago) Permalink

It's also amazing how the first 4/5 of that article are about him fucking up his attempts to clandestinely record the events.

PJ. Turquoise dealer. Chatroulette addict. Andersonville. (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 24 July 2013 16:58 (1 year ago) Permalink

http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/insight-pharmaceuticals-considers-bananacin----banana-flavored-anacin-tablets----after-worlds-oldest-man-credits-combo-as-secret-to-long-life-217133321.html

Insight Pharmaceuticals Considers 'Bananacin' -- Banana-Flavored Anacin Tablets -- After World's Oldest Man Credits Combo As Secret To Long Life
Scientists rush to lab to concoct new over-the-counter remedy for longevity


Bananas + Anacin = The Secret to Longevity? (PRNewsFoto/INSIGHT Pharmaceuticals, LLC)

TREVOSE, Pa., July 26, 2013 /PRNewswire/ -- Moments after learning that the world's oldest man credits his longevity to a daily dose of six Anacin tablets and one banana, scientists at Insight Pharmaceuticals began to investigate whether 'Bananacin' – a banana-flavored Anacin tablet – might be the elixir for longevity.

According to multiple news reports, 112-year-old Salustiano "Shorty" Sanchez-Blazquez of Grand Island, New York, credits the banana-Anacin combo for his extended life. Born in 1901, Guinness World Records now recognizes Shorty as the world's oldest man.

"Historically, apples are the fruit most associated with staying healthy and avoiding doctors," said Jennifer Moyer, vice president of marketing for Insight Pharmaceuticals. "Our scientists had never looked into the banana before. But now that the certified oldest man in the world credits bananas and Anacin as his life-extending combo, we're certainly going to explore whether a new 'Bananacin' product makes sense."

Anacin, invented in 1916 by William Milton Knight, is one of the oldest brands of pain relievers in the United States. Its unique formula contains two important ingredients – aspirin and caffeine – to deliver fast pain relief from headaches. Anacin is currently available in regular and maximum strength tablets as well as regular strength caplets; Insight Pharmaceuticals is exploring a banana-shaped capsule for the new 'Bananacin' flavor.

"Forget the fountain of youth – 'Bananacin' could be a game-changer for life expectancy," Moyer noted. "If nothing else, 'Bananacin' sounds delicious! And it only makes sense that the oldest man in the world recognizes the benefits of Anacin, which is one of the oldest brand pain relievers in the U.S."

While Insight Pharmaceuticals scientists work to bring 'Bananacin' to drugstores nationwide, headache sufferers can visit www.Anacin.com to download a $2 coupon for any original Anacin product. Bargain hunters can follow Anacin on Twitter (@Anacin) to double their coupon to $4.

"We're committed to helping people have better days by giving them fast pain relief – especially for those great nights that are followed by rough mornings," Moyer continued. "And if we can somehow discover how to help them add days to their life with 'Bananacin,' it's a win-win."

Remember! The cormorant is a big brrd. It has got a long neck. (unregistered), Friday, 2 August 2013 00:23 (1 year ago) Permalink

Insight Pharmaceuticals is exploring a banana-shaped capsule

drop everything

Our scientists had never looked into the banana before. (weatheringdaleson), Friday, 2 August 2013 00:48 (1 year ago) Permalink

The meat, which contained no fat, was fried in a pan with copious amounts of butter by an English chef and presented on a plate with a bun, lettuce and tomato slices to Dr. Post, Mr. Schonwald and Hanni Rützler, an Austrian food scientist. Pleas from the journalists and others in the audience for a bite were dismissed by Dr. Post, who said he did not have enough to go around.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/06/science/a-lab-grown-burger-gets-a-taste-test.html

sassy, fun, and RELATABLE (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 6 August 2013 18:40 (1 year ago) Permalink

wow, that article fits this thread topic to a T

Nhex, Wednesday, 7 August 2013 17:42 (1 year ago) Permalink

man I wouldn't like to be a collector of original 7-inch vinyl Happy Mondays singles right now

the secret life of bantz (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 7 August 2013 17:56 (1 year ago) Permalink

http://www.complex.com/sports/2013/08/the-time-i-dunked-on-gilbert-arenas

The Time I Dunked on Gilbert Arenas and Sharted My Shorts

frogbs, Wednesday, 7 August 2013 18:06 (1 year ago) Permalink

over two pages? really?

sassy, fun, and RELATABLE (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 7 August 2013 18:29 (1 year ago) Permalink

reprinted elsewhere with a picture that totally looks like an onion picture too:

http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/brand-dear-daughter-i-hope-you-have-awesome-sex/

scott seward, Wednesday, 14 August 2013 14:30 (1 year ago) Permalink

You know, that's one way to insure your daughter never has sex. Good thinking there.

pplains, Wednesday, 14 August 2013 16:47 (1 year ago) Permalink

sex insurance

socki (s1ocki), Wednesday, 14 August 2013 18:18 (1 year ago) Permalink

dear daughter if I ever blog about ANYTHING tangentially related to or even mentioning you having sex you can just disown me

HOOS next aka won't get steened again (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 14 August 2013 18:55 (1 year ago) Permalink

Noises from daughter's room.
Dad bursts in.
Daughter: (gasps) Dad!
Dad: I support you sweetie! Have an awesome time... carry on...

...just pretend I'm not here.

Evan, Wednesday, 14 August 2013 19:11 (1 year ago) Permalink

Ilxor: Nooooooooooooooo!

MAVEN! (Matt P), Wednesday, 14 August 2013 19:15 (1 year ago) Permalink

Conservatives Angry At 'Elysium' for Showing World Their Ideology Would Create

http://thecontributor.com/ari-rabin-havt-elysium-biased

Evan, Thursday, 15 August 2013 23:23 (1 year ago) Permalink

For the headline, mostly.

Evan, Thursday, 15 August 2013 23:24 (1 year ago) Permalink

oops sorry, I know you'll be desperate to read this, URL should be:
http://www.thisissurreytoday.co.uk/Unremarkable-men-walk-40-miles-particular-reason/story-19658769-detail/

Neil S, Friday, 16 August 2013 09:10 (1 year ago) Permalink

i hope nobody got paid to write that

Nhex, Friday, 16 August 2013 20:43 (1 year ago) Permalink

dear daughter if I ever blog about ANYTHING tangentially related to or even mentioning you having sex you can just disown me

My dad was this kind of dad and my sister's just fine. I'd post a photo of my nephew but... People have sex and eat and shit and sleep and whatevs.

Fais ce que voudra, occiderai de même (Michael White), Wednesday, 21 August 2013 18:52 (1 year ago) Permalink

Finding the unjustly homeless, and teaching them to code.
https://medium.com/architecting-a-life/fee8f3ee97a0

Neil S, Wednesday, 21 August 2013 19:00 (1 year ago) Permalink

this sounds awful already. making someone learn to code has got to sanctioned as some kind of torture somewhere

Nhex, Wednesday, 21 August 2013 19:13 (1 year ago) Permalink

http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2013/01/22/is-atheism-a-religion/atheism-cannot-replace-religion

(it's the headline combined with the author photo and the name "Phyllis Tickle" that does it)

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Thursday, 29 August 2013 18:00 (1 year ago) Permalink

pen name of Phil Listicle

Neil S, Thursday, 29 August 2013 18:03 (1 year ago) Permalink

Uri Geller mystified by letterbox on Thames Sonning Bridge

sktsh, Tuesday, 10 September 2013 12:30 (11 months ago) Permalink

Bridge got mad sonned. Shit was bananas.

sktsh, Tuesday, 10 September 2013 12:35 (11 months ago) Permalink

"Residents of Sonning-on-Thames, Berkshire, said the box could only be reached by river users."

idembanana (abanana), Tuesday, 10 September 2013 13:05 (11 months ago) Permalink

Geller: Is it true Bridge got sonned by a Thames over letterbox beef?

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 10 September 2013 13:42 (11 months ago) Permalink

sktsh, Tuesday, 10 September 2013 14:23 (11 months ago) Permalink

well I guess it is an "onion article" of sorts

http://mobile.theverge.com/2013/9/10/4713256/groupon-india-onion-deal-crashes-website

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 10 September 2013 14:35 (11 months ago) Permalink

http://www.nj.com/middlesex/index.ssf/2013/09/highland_park_becomes_first_town_in_nj_to_ban_fracking.html

(just tbc, fracking in highland park nj is already exceedingly unlikely). Also:

The borough also banned nuclear weapons in the 1980s.)

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 18 September 2013 19:49 (11 months ago) Permalink

lol Truthout:

Is Broad Opposition to War on Syria an Opportunity to End American Empire Responsibly?

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 18 September 2013 21:36 (11 months ago) Permalink

lol hurting xpost

Sick Rave and the Bad Speed (S-), Thursday, 19 September 2013 01:54 (11 months ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

Today's Sunday Express headline:

kinder, Sunday, 13 October 2013 14:02 (10 months ago) Permalink

ahahha

socki (s1ocki), Wednesday, 16 October 2013 14:16 (10 months ago) Permalink

Who would have thought that this might happen?
https://medium.com/weird-future/d19c8db85c2

I like to think I have learnt a thing or two about music (Neil S), Friday, 18 October 2013 13:21 (10 months ago) Permalink

if anything that guy is waaay too easy on McConlogue, but i notice that piece is being hosted on the same site, so...

Nhex, Friday, 18 October 2013 14:11 (10 months ago) Permalink

iirc the last time McConlogue tried this shit, Billy Ray and Louis totally played him w/OJ futures

sktsh, Friday, 18 October 2013 15:36 (10 months ago) Permalink

http://blogs.wsj.com/experts/2013/10/28/suzanne-somers-the-affordable-care-act-is-a-socialist-ponzi-scheme/



What will the Affordable Care Act mean for retirees?

SUZANNE SOMERS: As a writer of 24 books mostly on health and wellness and by using my celebrity to get to the best and brightest doctors, scientists and medical professionals in the alternative and integrative health-care world, I have come to the following conclusions...

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 29 October 2013 14:21 (10 months ago) Permalink

subsequent correction also applicable:

An earlier version of this post contained a quotation attributed to Lenin (“Socialized medicine is the keystone to the arch of the socialist state”) that has been widely disputed. And it included a quotation attributed to Churchill (“Control your citizens’ health care and you control your citizens“) that the Journal has been unable to confirm.
Also, the cover of a Maclean’s magazine issue in 2008 showed a picture of a dog on an examining table with the headline “Your Dog Can Get Better Health Care Than You.” An earlier version of this post incorrectly said the photo showed and headline referred to a horse.

Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 29 October 2013 14:50 (10 months ago) Permalink

looooool

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 29 October 2013 15:39 (10 months ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...
3 weeks pass...

I bet Ward Sutton was aware of that.

zanarkand bozo (abanana), Sunday, 15 December 2013 06:17 (8 months ago) Permalink

David N. Mayer, professor of law and history at Capital University Law School in Ohio

signed, J.P. Morgan CEO (Hurting 2), Sunday, 15 December 2013 06:37 (8 months ago) Permalink

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/10/22/sports/deadspins-tim-burke-waits-to-turn-offbeat-moments-into-gifs.html?_r=5&

― ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Tuesday, October 22, 2013 11:27 AM (1 month ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

This one kills me

christmas candy bar (al leong), Thursday, 19 December 2013 15:40 (8 months ago) Permalink

2 weeks pass...

http://www.philly.com/philly/food/20140102_Jewish_foods__non-wheat_noodles_top_2014_trends.html

food trends in 2014 to include pickling, food trucks, "hipster Asian"

queen bey backers (Stevie D(eux)), Friday, 3 January 2014 03:00 (8 months ago) Permalink

fucking hell

Strangers look on with a discernible, barely contained ‘wow’. (forksclovetofu), Friday, 3 January 2014 17:27 (8 months ago) Permalink

probably bullshit but fun to think about

Eyeball Kicks, Friday, 3 January 2014 19:49 (8 months ago) Permalink

(report is "unconfirmed")

DNP-dizzy (weatheringdaleson), Friday, 3 January 2014 19:51 (8 months ago) Permalink

Rad Hourani’s Adolescence Smelled Like Sperm & Baby Powder

I wanted something transformable, representing life from birth to death. The top note is baby powder mixed with the smell of sperm, but a sperm that is not necessarily vulgar or filthy. It's more a smell you can't put your finger on...Christopher [the perfumer] went as close to the sperm smell as possible and made it really elegant and beautiful.

His magesty's satanic walnut farm (Sanpaku), Tuesday, 21 January 2014 22:06 (7 months ago) Permalink

the word you're looking for is bleach dude

this harmless group of nerds and the women that love them (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 21 January 2014 22:20 (7 months ago) Permalink

Amazon to ship things before you're even thought of buying them

Lee626, Wednesday, 22 January 2014 00:57 (7 months ago) Permalink

cool thx for the gift amazon this seems very likely and like a real thing

lag∞n, Wednesday, 22 January 2014 01:01 (7 months ago) Permalink

Bad headline. Seems to be more like "amazon considering shipping stuff to warehouses close to places they expect to sell items soon."

Øystein, Wednesday, 22 January 2014 13:16 (7 months ago) Permalink

which would be an excellent headline and why CNET usually consults me on these things.

Øystein, Wednesday, 22 January 2014 13:17 (7 months ago) Permalink

xp: Not bleach. Spermine is the polyamine in semen with the distictive smell - they could easily just add enough spermine (or related compounds spermidine or putrecine) to get that top note just right.

His magesty's satanic walnut farm (Sanpaku), Thursday, 23 January 2014 01:35 (7 months ago) Permalink

"SodaStream accused of using conflict bubbles"

Philip Nunez, Thursday, 23 January 2014 01:43 (7 months ago) Permalink

for the subheadline

Dolly Dilly Dally (soref), Saturday, 25 January 2014 20:25 (7 months ago) Permalink

nyt, sub-sub-onion, not even gonna waste teh effort to bypass the paywall

Opinion
Pastoral Icon or Woolly Menace?
By RICHARD CONNIFF

Sheep. They’re not as harmless as they seem.

j., Sunday, 26 January 2014 23:22 (7 months ago) Permalink

lolololol

Dan I., Wednesday, 29 January 2014 07:26 (7 months ago) Permalink

as onion knock-offs go this is pretty good http://the-toast.net/2014/01/29/everyone-imposter-syndrome-except/

eric banana (s.clover), Thursday, 30 January 2014 18:56 (7 months ago) Permalink

huh, interesting that this came out a few days later; basically the same piece
http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-today-the-day-they-find-out-youre-a-fraud,35133/

PSY talks The Nut Job (forksclovetofu), Monday, 3 February 2014 15:38 (7 months ago) Permalink

Chevron apologizes for fracking well explosion with coupons for free pizza
Residents affected by the massive explosion and fire are also eligible for a 2-liter bottle of soda

silverfish, Thursday, 20 February 2014 15:57 (6 months ago) Permalink

haha, i was thinking about posting that one

Nhex, Thursday, 20 February 2014 16:41 (6 months ago) Permalink

ilxor.com

Nhex, Friday, 21 February 2014 21:13 (6 months ago) Permalink

Carter Too Jewish For Jewish Role

British actress HELENA BONHAM CARTER stunned director PAUL WEILAND with her Jewish accent on the set of their new movie SIXTY SIX and even had to be asked to tone down her impersonation The PLANET OF THE APES actress, who has Austrian Jewish roots, stars as social-climber ESTHER REUBEN in the British film and reveals it wasn't hard to do because of her family upbringing She says, "People always think I'm indelibly English, but actually I was brought up in Golders Green (north west London) and there's tons of Jewish blood on my mother's side " Of her role as Mrs Reuben, Carter laughs, "I was off-the-Richter-scale Jewish I sounded like MAUREEN LIPMAN (of THE PIANIST fame)!"

soref, Sunday, 23 February 2014 22:27 (6 months ago) Permalink

14 Insane Moments From RT's Coverage Of The Russian Invasion Of Ukraine
www.buzzfeed.com

james franco tur(oll)ing test (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 4 March 2014 16:26 (5 months ago) Permalink

"Relax, Chipotle won't stop serving guacamole because of global warming"
-LA Times

Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 5 March 2014 18:06 (5 months ago) Permalink

Study finds 1 in 10 Americans think HTML is an STD

Lee626, Friday, 7 March 2014 14:47 (5 months ago) Permalink

Wait so this jackass didn't think to include the shipping cost in the amount he was asking per book?

james franco tur(oll)ing test (Hurting 2), Friday, 7 March 2014 22:24 (5 months ago) Permalink

Campbell said he spent $30,000 of the Kickstarter money to print 2,000 copies of the 200-page hardback book and then spent more money to include a dead wasp inside of each book.

lol whatta maroon

PSY talks The Nut Job (forksclovetofu), Friday, 7 March 2014 22:27 (5 months ago) Permalink

Sorry to hear that u failed to print stick figures on paper and put them in the mail, guy

Dan I., Saturday, 8 March 2014 02:06 (5 months ago) Permalink

this is the best because the only losers in this story are people that would pay money for a book of webcomics

perfect puppy (Whiney G. Weingarten), Saturday, 8 March 2014 02:32 (5 months ago) Permalink

He's probably mentally ill tbh; and he did deliver 700 books to people. Obviously lost his mind

Nhex, Saturday, 8 March 2014 03:47 (5 months ago) Permalink

yeah, i'm def sad for dude's mental health, but good luck getting me to find a modicum of empathy for people who gave some dude $35 for a book of stick figures

perfect puppy (Whiney G. Weingarten), Saturday, 8 March 2014 04:04 (5 months ago) Permalink

must... refrain... from... hipster... puppy... book... comment...

PSY talks The Nut Job (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 8 March 2014 07:29 (5 months ago) Permalink

ahahha

socki (s1ocki), Saturday, 8 March 2014 15:28 (5 months ago) Permalink

uhh i've been following this guy's comics for like five years now. he's very good at what he does and has a history of deep trolling. iirc he previously claimed that he just pretends to be depressed for the $$$ etc

micah, Saturday, 8 March 2014 16:02 (5 months ago) Permalink

sounds like denial, depression is not a good money maker

Nhex, Sunday, 9 March 2014 03:29 (5 months ago) Permalink

publish-books-burn-them-alley

j., Thursday, 13 March 2014 13:13 (5 months ago) Permalink

xpost looks more like a daily mash article

tsrobodo, Thursday, 13 March 2014 16:48 (5 months ago) Permalink

apologies for two Mail links in a row but this is great

trying to emulate Kirk Cobain with a shrill, shouting voice (DJ Mencap), Friday, 14 March 2014 15:33 (5 months ago) Permalink

lol what the fucking fuck

james franco tur(oll)ing test (Hurting 2), Friday, 14 March 2014 15:34 (5 months ago) Permalink

ws time distortion pill

Eric H., Friday, 14 March 2014 15:49 (5 months ago) Permalink

Ellie Lolzwhatthefuckingfuck

glumdalclitch, Friday, 14 March 2014 15:54 (5 months ago) Permalink

futuristic techniques in torture is pretty much exactly what we should expect from the mail adding its new profile as a tech-forward news enterprise to its traditional profile

Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 14 March 2014 16:00 (5 months ago) Permalink

Correctional policy ideas from a 12-year-old boy

james franco tur(oll)ing test (Hurting 2), Friday, 14 March 2014 16:01 (5 months ago) Permalink

"New Technology To Extend Criminal Suffering Until The Nightmares Stop And We Can Finally Live A Normal Life After What That Bastard Did And Not Have To Look Over Our Shoulder When Doing Something As Mundane As Going To Get Groceries Or Even Go Outside For That Manner"

Evan, Friday, 14 March 2014 16:24 (5 months ago) Permalink

Fans time vasectomies for NCAA tourney

"If you are going to be laid up on the couch for a few days, you might as well get (a vasectomy) done when there is some great college basketball on TV," said Mike LaSalle, a 40-year-old father of two who had a vasectomy Friday. "You had all the conference championship games over the weekend and the NCAA tourney starts this week."

christmas candy bar (al leong), Monday, 17 March 2014 01:06 (5 months ago) Permalink

makes sense

gbx, Monday, 17 March 2014 01:26 (5 months ago) Permalink

BUY TICKETS!

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 18 March 2014 13:26 (5 months ago) Permalink

excellent

Nhex, Tuesday, 18 March 2014 14:19 (5 months ago) Permalink

Mad Men's Creator: Don Draper Represents American Society

james franco tur(oll)ing test (Hurting 2), Thursday, 20 March 2014 20:22 (5 months ago) Permalink

lmao

°ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Thursday, 20 March 2014 21:28 (5 months ago) Permalink

don't know if this 100% fits the thread, but it's a very embarrassing profile that might as well be called "Adam Driver: Why Is He So Hot?"

http://www.bkmag.com/2014/03/03/a-man-among-girls-adam-driver/

james franco tur(oll)ing test (Hurting 2), Friday, 21 March 2014 22:11 (5 months ago) Permalink

Tattoo of gun leads to SWAT standoff

ENERGY FOOD (en i see kay), Saturday, 22 March 2014 18:33 (5 months ago) Permalink

wha?

pplains, Saturday, 22 March 2014 21:52 (5 months ago) Permalink

i'm guessing it's related to this - http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/maine-man-sparks-police-standoff-gun-tattoo-stomach-article-1.1726889

what a dumb fucking tattoo

balls, Saturday, 22 March 2014 21:55 (5 months ago) Permalink

what a dumb fucking tattoo

― balls, Saturday, March 22, 2014 4:55 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

pplains, Saturday, 22 March 2014 22:01 (5 months ago) Permalink

lol sometimes my clipboard refuses to copy the right thing, yes it's that story

ENERGY FOOD (en i see kay), Sunday, 23 March 2014 00:59 (5 months ago) Permalink

it's probably wrong to say "someone that stupid deserves to be shot" but...

Nhex, Sunday, 23 March 2014 22:50 (5 months ago) Permalink

some of his other tattoos are even dumber.

how's life, Sunday, 23 March 2014 23:17 (5 months ago) Permalink

Posted April 1

Sir Lord Baltimora (Myonga Vön Bontee), Wednesday, 2 April 2014 19:14 (5 months ago) Permalink

DEA Chief: Please, Think Of The Dogs Before You Legalize Pot

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/02/dogs-marijuana-pets_n_5078556.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

Mordy , Wednesday, 2 April 2014 20:46 (5 months ago) Permalink

xp - article notes it was an april fools joke played on the magazine editors (FR5T APR number plate etc.), but being a regular C/D reader am rather sure it's not their joke on the readers. Good Onionesque headline in any case.

Lee626, Thursday, 3 April 2014 04:38 (5 months ago) Permalink

https://roadtrippers.com/blog/harvard-discovers-three-of-its-library-books-are-bound-in-human-flesh

Of course, if this was from The Onion, the three books would be Fifty Shades of Grey, Kenny Loggins' autobiography, and Jimmy Carter's Revolutionary War novel.

Damnit Janet Weiss & The Riot Grrriel (C. Grisso/McCain), Thursday, 10 April 2014 03:41 (4 months ago) Permalink

^after repeatedly screaming

Congratulations! And my condolences. (Sanpaku), Thursday, 10 April 2014 20:46 (4 months ago) Permalink

aw. parrots are easily mentally damaged things.

sitting on a claud all day gotta make your butt numb (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 10 April 2014 21:14 (4 months ago) Permalink

yeah that's a horribly sad story

balls, Thursday, 10 April 2014 21:17 (4 months ago) Permalink

I don't know about this "owning a pet with a longer lifespan than you that also mimics the English language."

pplains, Thursday, 10 April 2014 21:27 (4 months ago) Permalink

christ that bird looks horrifying

Nhex, Thursday, 10 April 2014 21:48 (4 months ago) Permalink

You should see Sarah these days.

pplains, Thursday, 10 April 2014 22:08 (4 months ago) Permalink

Laboratory-grown vaginas implanted in patients

I've been wondering what Cronenberg was up to.

Congratulations! And my condolences. (Sanpaku), Friday, 11 April 2014 05:59 (4 months ago) Permalink

he's been fairly prolific over the last few years

socki (s1ocki), Friday, 11 April 2014 13:27 (4 months ago) Permalink

The full headline is closer to an actual news story but the headline I first saw on twitter was "Vice Journalist Smokes Marijuana During Interview": http://t.co/sRQ1Mf1v4H

posi riot (some dude), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 14:32 (4 months ago) Permalink

"What motivated him to throw a puppy at the Hell's Angels is currently unclear,"

Roberto Spiralli, Saturday, 19 April 2014 15:57 (4 months ago) Permalink

Arkansas ex-cop killed while trying to set anti-corruption blogger’s hot dog cart on fire

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/04/19/arkansas-ex-cop-killed-while-trying-to-set-anti-corruption-bloggers-hot-dog-cart-on-fire/

bi-polar uncle (its OK-he's dead) (Phil D.), Sunday, 20 April 2014 13:44 (4 months ago) Permalink

http://www.theguardian.com/world/gallery/2014/apr/21/obama-easter-bunny-egg-roll-white-house

"Barack Obama kisses first lady Michelle Obama alongside a masked adult dressed as a towering, man-sized rabbit whose unblinking eyes never stray from the president and his wife."

kinder, Monday, 21 April 2014 17:19 (4 months ago) Permalink

Nothing Justin Bieber-related ever surprises me/comes off as onion-y to me anymore.

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Thursday, 24 April 2014 01:54 (4 months ago) Permalink

ppl are just posting 'news of the weird' links now

balls, Thursday, 24 April 2014 22:20 (4 months ago) Permalink

oh cmon if you can't get down with

Those who are into "Beezin" say it adds to experience of being drunk or high.
Others say it helps to keep them alert.
So what's exactly causes that tingling sensation in Burt's Beeswax?

sitting on a claud all day gotta make your butt numb (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 24 April 2014 22:23 (4 months ago) Permalink

uncanny how much that's like the onion

balls, Thursday, 24 April 2014 22:31 (4 months ago) Permalink

stay ballzin

sitting on a claud all day gotta make your butt numb (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 24 April 2014 22:38 (4 months ago) Permalink

Those who are into "Beezin" say it adds to experience of being drunk or high.
Others say it helps to keep them alert.
So what's exactly causes that tingling sensation in Burt's Beeswax?

reads like it has been run back and forth through babelfish a few times

it definitely wasn't designed to be a pants pocket player (stevie), Friday, 25 April 2014 09:03 (4 months ago) Permalink

it was more "lol but sad" but I thought it was a parody when I first read the "NACCP Reconsiders Award for Donald Sterling" headline this weekend.

Just picturing his agent going, "Oooh, Donny. This is really going to hurt your chances getting that NAACP honor..."

pplains, Monday, 28 April 2014 14:16 (4 months ago) Permalink

Is that what Beez in the Trap is about?

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Monday, 28 April 2014 15:31 (4 months ago) Permalink

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2014/04/28/violent_dr_seuss_book_should_be_banned_from_library_patron_says.html

Pretty sure the patron in question is just trolling, but still:

This is the same work of fiction that former U.S. First Lady Laura Bush, an ex-librarian, said was her favourite children’s book. She told The Wall Street Journal in 2006 she even had photos of her twins, Jenna and Barbara, jumping on the belly of their father, George W., when he read to them. No assault charges were laid against the girls.

Sir Lord Baltimora (Myonga Vön Bontee), Tuesday, 29 April 2014 17:17 (4 months ago) Permalink

That book does get a little dark in some places:

pplains, Tuesday, 29 April 2014 17:27 (4 months ago) Permalink

http://www.macleans.ca/news/canada/community-fears-rotting-whale-carcass-is-set-to-explode/

more "news of the weird" than onion-like admittedly, but whatever, great article

Jenny Parsons, the owner of the Seaside restaurant in the town, said she fears the smell of the whale, which is about 500 metres from her business, will deter customers.

Parsons said she would like to see the whale towed to another location to finish rotting and then return its skeleton so it can be featured as a tourist attraction.

“The whale has got to go,” Parsons said. “But I think we have a limited amount of time to figure out where we could put the whale so we don’t lose the valuable part of the whale.”

silverfish, Wednesday, 30 April 2014 17:05 (4 months ago) Permalink

for the photo

sktsh, Friday, 2 May 2014 14:04 (4 months ago) Permalink

this thread is experiencing some mission creep.

socki (s1ocki), Friday, 2 May 2014 14:19 (4 months ago) Permalink

word.

how's life, Friday, 2 May 2014 14:28 (4 months ago) Permalink

That looks like a fetish suit

DDD, Friday, 2 May 2014 14:36 (4 months ago) Permalink

Hrm yeah. Maybe not best thread for it. Those eyes though.

sktsh, Friday, 2 May 2014 15:01 (4 months ago) Permalink

there's a shining carpet doormat you can buy also that i have to admit is tempting

balls, Friday, 2 May 2014 15:54 (4 months ago) Permalink

followup to silverfish's story:

http://www.weather.com/video/whale-not-expected-to-explode-47922?

thank god

tao lin wolf (unregistered), Sunday, 4 May 2014 02:42 (3 months ago) Permalink

Man Tries to Marry Porn-Filled Laptop

http://www.newser.com/story/186425/man-tries-to-marry-porn-filled-laptop.html

some dude, Thursday, 8 May 2014 11:20 (3 months ago) Permalink

"I was like, 'Dudes I have to piss so bad,'" Swonger said. "So I just went over to the wall [of the reservoir].I leaned up against the wall and pissed on it. Right there on the wall, dude. I don't know else how to describe it."

City officials disagree. "When you see the video, he's leaning right up because he has to get his little wee wee right up to the iron bars," Portland Water Bureau administrator David Shaff told the Oregonian. "There's really no doubt what he's doing."

christmas candy bar (al leong), Thursday, 8 May 2014 17:36 (3 months ago) Permalink

when city officials make public statements about the size of your penis to the local paper, it's probably time to move

sitting on a claud all day gotta make your butt numb (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 8 May 2014 18:05 (3 months ago) Permalink

I assumed it was a Portland thing, like turning a blind eye toward Nike or not being able to pump your own gas.

pplains, Thursday, 8 May 2014 18:42 (3 months ago) Permalink

Man Suing Stripper for $3k Because He Thought She Really Liked Him

http://blacksportsonline.com/home/2014/05/man-suing-stripper-for-3k-because-he-thought-she-really-liked-him/

some dude, Saturday, 17 May 2014 22:49 (3 months ago) Permalink

Boston Bomber’s Other Plan Was Opening Kazakhstan’s First Starbucks

― panic disorder pixie (Sanpaku), Friday, May 16, 2014 10:36 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is the most exemplary example of what i was looking for when i started this thread.

socki (s1ocki), Saturday, 17 May 2014 23:35 (3 months ago) Permalink

lol

Nhex, Sunday, 18 May 2014 02:46 (3 months ago) Permalink

The stripper’s stage name is Nomi

ok really though?

funny and lolexander (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 19 May 2014 12:04 (3 months ago) Permalink

we love to hate thos e fuckers

Brian Eno's Mother (Latham Green), Monday, 19 May 2014 14:00 (3 months ago) Permalink

In case you're curious, Brad and Matt drink Hopitoulas IPA. Not great, not bad.

panic disorder pixie (Sanpaku), Wednesday, 21 May 2014 00:58 (3 months ago) Permalink

Time magazine is really aiming for the Onion demographic.

Drunk Fish Totally Impress Sober Fish, Study Finds

panic disorder pixie (Sanpaku), Wednesday, 21 May 2014 17:49 (3 months ago) Permalink

thread has really gotten back on track in a big way

ςὖτ ιτ Οὖτ (some dude), Wednesday, 21 May 2014 17:55 (3 months ago) Permalink

ha, right down to the picture

goole, Tuesday, 27 May 2014 21:12 (3 months ago) Permalink

Thus far, the post has yet to be retweeted, but it has generated two favorites.

°ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Tuesday, 27 May 2014 22:05 (3 months ago) Permalink

and that first sentence, too!

Dan I., Thursday, 29 May 2014 17:14 (3 months ago) Permalink

It wasn't even... a fart...

Nhex, Thursday, 29 May 2014 19:40 (3 months ago) Permalink

so did all of those things happen in sequence, on the school bus, or

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Thursday, 29 May 2014 19:40 (3 months ago) Permalink

International Business Times

een, Thursday, 29 May 2014 20:55 (3 months ago) Permalink

Slightly guilty lols for posting this one, but http://bobbraunsledger.com/guest-top-newark-student-says-time-to-speak-is-now/

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Saturday, 31 May 2014 14:30 (3 months ago) Permalink

GUEST: Top Newark student says time to speak is now

Today’s guest blog was written by Jordan Thomas, a senior at Newark’s University High School where he is valedictorian and earned a 4.5 GPA. He was admitted to Princeton, Harvard, Yale, and Rutgers and will attend Princeton in the fall. He plans to go to law school and become a Constitutional lawyer. He was the student member of the Newark School Advisory Board for this school year. He delivered these remarks at Tuesday night’s board meeting.

“Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.”

This passage, derived from our nation’s founding text, the Declaration of Independence, details an individual’s natural propensity to tolerate, or, in some cases, suffer, rather than to excite disruption, engage in public denunciation, or demand absolute reformation in times of hardship and deficient leadership. Candidly, I admit that I have been one so guilty of remaining reserved and civil in both action and speech through the duration of the struggle that has occurred in the Newark Public Schools system these months past, blinded by a false sense of hope, a chimerical sense of promise, and a foolish belief that my words and admonitions would be heeded if conducted in a manner that coupled professionalism with discretion.

Unfortunately, an unspeakable decision that has been unveiled last week has revealed that approach to be ineffective, and, as stated by our founding fathers, there comes a time in which one must no longer hold his tongue or contain his extreme dissatisfaction.

Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Saturday, 31 May 2014 14:32 (3 months ago) Permalink

wow, the Smoking Gun headline on that one story is "Bus Sex Teen Busted After Queef Beef"

ςὖτ ιτ Οὖτ (some dude), Saturday, 31 May 2014 14:52 (3 months ago) Permalink

Dan I., Saturday, 7 June 2014 05:34 (2 months ago) Permalink

I give you all a fucking PRIME candidate here:

http://www.philly.com/philly/living/20140611_More_young_men_friends_embracing__and_it_s_in_no_way_gay_.html

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 12 June 2014 01:35 (2 months ago) Permalink

omg this sentence so good: "Pasko, it turns out, has wrapped his arms around a long-term trend: In a broad range of social settings, more men are embracing, well, embracing."

Mordy, Thursday, 12 June 2014 01:37 (2 months ago) Permalink

faux social science and puns: i "hold" both "dear to my heart" (hugging)

mattresslessness, Thursday, 12 June 2014 03:27 (2 months ago) Permalink

I don't get how that article can be read as "Onion style"? It depicts a genuine phenomenon (physical closeness becoming more popular among male friends and acquaintances) deeply rooted in social changes (the loosening of male gender norms, decrease homophobia), which is explained in the article. I don't see how it's supposed to be funny or something?

Tuomas, Thursday, 12 June 2014 11:50 (2 months ago) Permalink

McCormack said several types of gateway hugs are facilitating the shift.

°ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Thursday, 12 June 2014 13:56 (2 months ago) Permalink

didn't we lol at an article in the NYT or something a while back, that was essentially the same as this one

Kiss Screaming Seagull Her Seagull Her (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 12 June 2014 13:58 (2 months ago) Permalink

this feels like a clickhole listicle

http://www.cnn.com/2014/06/13/us/irpt-flag-day/index.html?c=us

christmas candy bar (al leong), Saturday, 14 June 2014 15:32 (2 months ago) Permalink

lol

°ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Saturday, 14 June 2014 15:36 (2 months ago) Permalink

tyler cowen but curious to read that since the argument apparently isn't 'cuz keynes'

balls, Sunday, 15 June 2014 20:24 (2 months ago) Permalink

SAN FRANCISCO - A handsome mug shot of a Northern California man arrested on felony weapons charges has gone viral on social media, attracting more than 33,000 "likes" and drawing comments praising his high cheek bones, chiseled face and striking blue eyes.

https://ca.news.yahoo.com/mug-shot-california-suspect-gets-30-000-facebook-034346359.html

dinnerboat, Friday, 20 June 2014 17:27 (2 months ago) Permalink

getting pretty close to a tipping point where the onion influences media more than it mocks it

°ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Saturday, 21 June 2014 00:56 (2 months ago) Permalink

ppl are just posting 'news of the weird' links now

― balls, Thursday, April 24, 2014 10:20 PM (2 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Kiss Screaming Seagull Her Seagull Her (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 24 June 2014 10:58 (2 months ago) Permalink

I don't recommend clicking through and increasing her "readership", but:

Coulter: Any growing interest in soccer a sign of nation's moral decay

panic disorder pixie (Sanpaku), Friday, 27 June 2014 02:50 (2 months ago) Permalink

"The three values that make up my stool of conservatism are faith, family and freedom," he says. "And I believe that many of the citizens of Saginaw share those same values."

Guy's a scat fetishist too

, Friday, 27 June 2014 16:18 (2 months ago) Permalink

Claire L. Evans (@TheUniverse) is the Futures editor of Motherboard and one-half of the conceptual pop group YACHT.

poop will eat itself (S-), Monday, 30 June 2014 05:35 (2 months ago) Permalink

I really don't see that appearing as an Onion headline

Nhex, Monday, 30 June 2014 06:59 (2 months ago) Permalink

ppl are just posting 'news of the weird' links now

― balls, Thursday, April 24, 2014 10:20 PM (2 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

― Kiss Screaming Seagull Her Seagull Her (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, June 24, 2014 6:58 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Suddenly I'm picturing a middle-aged lady telling an anecdote to her friend: "Oh my gawd, I mean it was like something out of an ONION ARTICLE, can you believe it?"

'arry Goldman (Hurting 2), Monday, 30 June 2014 10:41 (2 months ago) Permalink

... no

Nhex, Wednesday, 2 July 2014 16:35 (2 months ago) Permalink

was looking for that thread about the guy who tried to teach the homeless man to code, couldn't find it, this seemed like as good a bet as any

Barry Gordy (Neil S), Wednesday, 2 July 2014 16:36 (2 months ago) Permalink

Every Metro headline could be an Onion headline, except the Onion ones aren't actually this fucking stupid:

One-armed cyclist fined for riding with only one hand

Rare condition leaves singer smelling of rotting fish

My own tears could kill me: Meet the woman allergic to WATER

Cheeky Domino's staff spotted buying 59p wedges from Aldi

Wow! Van Persie has got outrageous beach tennis skills

Is this 100mph jacuzzi the coolest thing in the world?

The 13 things that will definitely happen on a dog walk

Has Bigfoot’s real identity been revealed?

poop will eat itself (S-), Thursday, 3 July 2014 02:56 (2 months ago) Permalink

None of those sound like Onion headlines at all.

'arry Goldman (Hurting 2), Thursday, 3 July 2014 13:51 (2 months ago) Permalink

Jesus have you guys ever actually read the fucking Onion?

Matt DC, Thursday, 3 July 2014 14:05 (2 months ago) Permalink

^^^

socki (s1ocki), Thursday, 3 July 2014 15:32 (2 months ago) Permalink

this isnt shit that looks like daily currant headlines

socki (s1ocki), Thursday, 3 July 2014 15:32 (2 months ago) Permalink

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/west-view-news-headline-james-lincoln-collier-headline-n-word

http://a5.img.talkingpointsmemo.com/image/upload/w_652/tqhdxqrxabvxt93flulv.jpg

i think the onion would phrase the point-counterpoint better (like, say WHICH headline offends the counterpointer), but the fact that this is even a point-counterpoint is just...

da croupier, Monday, 7 July 2014 18:04 (1 month ago) Permalink

wow

Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 7 July 2014 18:13 (1 month ago) Permalink

yeah that one qualifies

'arry Goldman (Hurting 2), Monday, 7 July 2014 18:36 (1 month ago) Permalink

correct

Nhex, Monday, 7 July 2014 18:49 (1 month ago) Permalink

There should be a third column by Collier named There Was Supposed To Be Quotation Mark Whose Editing This

da croupier, Monday, 7 July 2014 19:21 (1 month ago) Permalink

i had heard of the article, but had no idea about the counterpoint article. dying at this.

everybody loves lana del raymond (s.clover), Wednesday, 16 July 2014 18:39 (1 month ago) Permalink

lol nvm disregard that one, didn't realise it was an April Fool's thing. pretty good though!

Roz, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 06:54 (1 month ago) Permalink

NME report on the George Harrison thing calls him (until they edit it) "the late bass player in the Beatles" if you want an extra Jackie Harvey dimension

Kiss Screaming Seagull Her Seagull Her (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 22 July 2014 13:45 (1 month ago) Permalink

tbf considering some of the other ppl they've given the nobel peace prize to it would fit their MO

Mordy, Wednesday, 23 July 2014 16:24 (1 month ago) Permalink

Ha, fair point

What is wrong with songs? Absolutely nothing. Songs are great. (DL), Wednesday, 23 July 2014 16:25 (1 month ago) Permalink

ok, i'm gonna give that one a narrow pass

Nhex, Thursday, 24 July 2014 18:19 (1 month ago) Permalink

score

Evan, Thursday, 24 July 2014 18:26 (1 month ago) Permalink

http://vegnews.com/articles/page.do?pageId=6510&catId=1

, Monday, 28 July 2014 01:49 (1 month ago) Permalink

Ok this one is undeniable

http://www.timesofisrael.com/owl-hurt-by-hamas-fire-recovering/

'arry Goldman (Hurting 2), Monday, 28 July 2014 02:30 (1 month ago) Permalink

lol

EveningStar (Sund4r), Monday, 28 July 2014 02:34 (1 month ago) Permalink

wow

Nhex, Monday, 28 July 2014 02:49 (1 month ago) Permalink

those jerks at Hamas High thought they could mess with our mascot and get away with it?

chikungunya manatee (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 28 July 2014 03:06 (1 month ago) Permalink

Take it over to the rolling sf thread.

Two Ten O'clocks Clash (James Redd and the Blecchs), Monday, 28 July 2014 04:23 (1 month ago) Permalink

BREAKING: Dollar Tree to buy Family Dollar in deal worth about $9B to create dollar-store giant

http://bigstory.ap.org/article/dollar-tree-buying-family-dollar-85-billion

some dude, Monday, 28 July 2014 10:37 (1 month ago) Permalink

http://www.haaretz.com/mobile/.premium-1.607888?v=2E5EDB2B54F99F4D315F0539F0B55ABE

Israeli university rebukes professor who expressed sympathy for both Israeli, Gazan victims

'The matter will be handled with appropriate seriousness,’ says 'shocked’ Bar-Ilan University dean after students, parents complain.

tbh it's more like "shit that looks like a Borowitz article" but still

anonanon, Tuesday, 29 July 2014 20:02 (1 month ago) Permalink

UKIP candidate for Wells Jake Baynes resigns: claims Glastonbury occult infiltrated party

http://www.westerndailypress.co.uk/UKIP-candidate-Wells-Jake-Baynes-resigns-claims/story-22013433-detail/story.html

sʌxihɔːl (Ward Fowler), Wednesday, 30 July 2014 17:45 (1 month ago) Permalink

http://www.haaretz.com/mobile/.premium-1.607888?v=2E5EDB2B54F99F4D315F0539F0B55ABE

_Israeli university rebukes professor who expressed sympathy for both Israeli, Gazan victims

'The matter will be handled with appropriate seriousness,’ says 'shocked’ Bar-Ilan University dean after students, parents complain._

tbh it's more like "shit that looks like a Borowitz article" but still

this is astounding tbh

gbx, Wednesday, 30 July 2014 18:27 (1 month ago) Permalink

His attempt to savage the medical team is a heartening sign.

go ahead. make vid where u rap about this new TMNT movie. (forksclovetofu), Friday, 1 August 2014 21:43 (1 month ago) Permalink

et tu, hoote?

'arry Goldman (Hurting 2), Friday, 1 August 2014 22:08 (1 month ago) Permalink

Obama: 'We tortured some folks'

'arry Goldman (Hurting 2), Friday, 1 August 2014 23:48 (1 month ago) Permalink

Obama has condemned those techniques as torture before, but his administration has not sought prosecution of possible offenders. The president said Friday that people should remember all the pressure put on national security teams after 9/11, and "it's important for us not to feel too sanctimonious in retrospect about the tough job that those folks had."

Mordy, Saturday, 2 August 2014 00:36 (1 month ago) Permalink

dying from that second owl article...

If it really were the onion the body of the article would further tip back and forth between describing the increasingly encouraging improvement of the owl entirely based on how much more gruesome the attacks get day by day.

Evan, Saturday, 2 August 2014 01:23 (1 month ago) Permalink

I'm not ruling out the possibility that Time.com is an Onion-style website at this point

some dude, Saturday, 2 August 2014 16:46 (1 month ago) Permalink

yeah the original little english newspaper story about it was all over my feed for days, they followed it up a couple of days later w/ a 'so that guy who picks up the garbage is famous in america' story.

balls, Saturday, 2 August 2014 16:50 (1 month ago) Permalink

that's pretty funny

go ahead. make vid where u rap about this new TMNT movie. (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 2 August 2014 23:03 (1 month ago) Permalink

where's that article about sub-Onion fake news sites?

kinder, Sunday, 3 August 2014 09:32 (1 month ago) Permalink

Apparently this is real :-/

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/does-this-war-make-me-look-fat/

Barry Gordy (Neil S), Monday, 4 August 2014 08:04 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

GRARRRRRRGH!

'arry Goldman (Hurting 2), Monday, 4 August 2014 14:29 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

Just FYI, "Times of Israel" is apparently not an Israeli newspaper, it's just a blog site.

'arry Goldman (Hurting 2), Monday, 4 August 2014 14:31 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

?? wikipedia says its headquarters is in Jerusalem

een, Monday, 4 August 2014 14:59 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

oh duh you mean blog vs. newspaper

een, Monday, 4 August 2014 15:00 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

hah okay if it's just a blog then that's not quite so egregious, but even so...

Barry Gordy (Neil S), Monday, 4 August 2014 15:06 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

I guess anyway it's a relatively new site? Wiki claims 2 million readers so maybe it's bigger than I thought. I think it's sort of a Huffington Post style site.

'arry Goldman (Hurting 2), Monday, 4 August 2014 15:09 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

I mean, whatever it is, that's the third time this week I have seen something just mind-bogglingly offensive and un-self-aware on the site, this one being by far the least egregious.

'arry Goldman (Hurting 2), Monday, 4 August 2014 15:10 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

wow if that article is the least bad, I dread to think what other stuff it's coming up with

Barry Gordy (Neil S), Monday, 4 August 2014 15:15 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

They republished (but almost immediately took down) a piece from a small long island jewish paper posing the "question" of genocide in Gaza. Then another piece appeared in which a blogger likened the Palestinians to the Amalekites (which can be read based on the bible as a coded way of saying they should be wiped out).

'arry Goldman (Hurting 2), Monday, 4 August 2014 15:19 (4 weeks ago) Permalink

literally dying

'arry Goldman (Hurting 2), Friday, 8 August 2014 03:13 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

Deceased Steve Jobs sued by own shareholders

This is really a headline-only one.

Matt DC, Thursday, 14 August 2014 13:14 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

that's basically the only good thing left about facebook

go ahead. make vid where u rap about this new TMNT movie. (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 17 August 2014 19:31 (2 weeks ago) Permalink


so not gonna happen

go ahead. make vid where u rap about this new TMNT movie. (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 19 August 2014 17:55 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

no, that's just sad

micah, Thursday, 21 August 2014 02:45 (1 week ago) Permalink

Kid kills a dinosaur in a story, gets arrested: http://www.nbc12.com/story/26319685/cops-summerville-high-school-student-arrested-after-writing-threatening-message-on-assignment

StanM, Thursday, 21 August 2014 16:57 (1 week ago) Permalink

I mean first of all, we don't have dinosaurs anymore.

I love this woman

ogmor, Thursday, 21 August 2014 23:27 (1 week ago) Permalink

This thing, I swear:

http://m.sfgate.com/opinion/openforum/article/Techies-riding-Silicon-Valley-shuttles-are-not-5704848.php

'So seniors, disabled folks and outraged citizens - please stand back, stop protesting those tech shuttles, and set them free. My son has a dream to get to: the American Dream.'

Susan Ahern of Richmond, Va., is the mother of a computer engineer who lives in San Francisco and works in Silicon Valley.

Ned Raggett, Saturday, 23 August 2014 16:11 (1 week ago) Permalink

that kid's either really embarrassed or really troubled

linda cardellini (zachlyon), Saturday, 23 August 2014 18:07 (1 week ago) Permalink

How the Irish Got Jobs at Google

een, Saturday, 23 August 2014 18:58 (1 week ago) Permalink

From the headline, I actually thought this *was* an Onion piece:

http://www.salon.com/2014/08/21/college_dudes_worried_that_movement_to_take_rape_seriously_is_ruining_their_sex_lives/

dinnerboat, Thursday, 28 August 2014 17:44 (6 days ago) Permalink

incredible strawman of a headline

een, Thursday, 28 August 2014 19:47 (6 days ago) Permalink

best/most onionlike part of that article is the stock photo

the dickering of salm on race (Treeship), Thursday, 28 August 2014 20:01 (6 days ago) Permalink

the dickering of salm on race (Treeship), Thursday, 28 August 2014 20:02 (6 days ago) Permalink

make a few bucks posing for some stock photos why not, what's the worst that could happen

Merdeyeux, Thursday, 28 August 2014 20:04 (6 days ago) Permalink

the late great, Friday, 29 August 2014 05:28 (5 days ago) Permalink

http://www.cnn.com/2014/08/28/us/isis-fort-hood-shooter/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

kinda LOL but mostly sad

the late great, Friday, 29 August 2014 05:29 (5 days ago) Permalink

h*ll fr*cking no

linda cardellini (zachlyon), Friday, 29 August 2014 05:37 (5 days ago) Permalink

the NRA tweet is the kicker lmao

een, Friday, 29 August 2014 17:46 (5 days ago) Permalink

http://pitchfork.com/thepitch/234-sun-kil-moon-benji-glossary/

Though the musical components of Sun Kil Moon’s Benji rarely amount to more than Mark Kozelek’s voice and acoustic guitar, its lyrical universe is incomparably vast, spanning countries and decades, populated by dead relatives, high school friends, indie-rock peers, serial killers, and corporate-franchised eateries alike. Like the catalog of samples heard on the Beastie Boys’ Paul’s Boutique, the production credits on Yeezus, or the movie-credits-length list of people who’ve played in the Fall, a supplementary directory of references is required to fully appreciate its magnitude.

Mark Kozelek’s mom: She’s 75, and the closest friend Kozelek has.
Scrabble: A classic board game that Mark Kozelek likes to play with his mom.

Domino’s: The preferred pizza provider for Kozelek and his cousins when staying over at his aunt and uncle’s.
Happy Days: Comedy series created by Garry Marshall that aired on ABC from 1974-84. A favorite among the Kozelek clan.

KFC: a.k.a. Kentucky Fried Chicken—the fast food of choice served at the funeral for Kozelek’s uncle (“and that’s how he would’ve wanted it”).

The Doors: L.A. classic-rock icons who can be found in Jim Wise’s record collection.
Stevie Nicks: Ditto.

Maybe Clickhole rather than Onion proper here.

Matt DC, Sunday, 31 August 2014 15:23 (3 days ago) Permalink

the mind boggles
Boggle: a classic board game that Mark Kozelek likes to play with your mom

the other song about butts in the top 5 (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 31 August 2014 15:43 (3 days ago) Permalink

What an amazing insight into Mark Kozelek's shitty taste.

poop will eat itself (S-), Monday, 1 September 2014 03:50 (2 days ago) Permalink

What is a blue crabcakes? Somebody help!

post...aftermath (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 1 September 2014 13:43 (2 days ago) Permalink


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