The 100 Most Rubbish Hit Singles Ever..

There are loads of rubbish records, Kenny Everett did a "Worlds Worst Wireless Show" back in the seventies full of horrors from around the world, most were so bad they were not hits (of course, some were, changing times, all that)

But what of those that still made the chart?

I'm starting with :

100. Sex Pistols - "The Biggest Blow" / "No-one is Innocent" / "Cosh The Driver" (depending if you bought the 12" / 7" / live in France )

A triumph of marketing? It got banned from the airwaves, recristened with a situationist slogan, but in the end was a prank designed to outrage the people who weren't going to buy it anyway. Saving grace? The fact that the b-side (ostensibly) was Sid's version of "My Way" which probably impressed all those who hated the a-side. (oh, and that french edition had Sid's track as the undisputed a-side.

Yes, the pistols music was present and correct, but some old bloke singing badly over the top, sounding a lot like that "Barratts Liquor Mart" guy, being the comedy punk.

The other "Great Train Robbers" composed an answer single called "He was only the tea-boy", the funds were to go to "Whoever was looking after his son", but I believe this was withdrawn. It may be rare, but it's not valuable (check discogs if you want one).

Actually, I did hear "No-one is innocent" played once on Radio 1, it was on J.Sav's double top twenty a couple of years later. Well, well.

There are loads of these, novelty hits mostly – St Winifred's School Choir, Joe Dolce, The Birdie Song etc etc

Yes, but those were (at least) what they said they were.

Arnee & The Terminaters - I'll Be Back.

Awful opportunist novelty hit with a really bad Arnie impersonator over terrible sub-KLF industrial-rave.

The premise has been quite badly-defined in the original post, this is clearly just going to end up with a load of people listing shonky novelty records and songs they happen to really dislike.

That's why I gave an example. Apart from that, That's up to them.

1. Oasis

bingo

The first song that came to mind was 'No Way No Way' (or whatever it was called) by Vanilla.

Can't tell what this thread will become but heck, I'll throw one in, because it's been on my mind the last couple days - "Once You Understand," by fake studio band Think. In the US, it peaked at #23 in 1971, putting it in the same company as "Born To Run" and "You Can Call Me Al" despite its being a virtually unlistenable (and incoherent) spoken-word melodrama about kids and parents not getting along, and drugs, and "joining a group" and stuff. Who could possibly hear this and said "well, I've got to own that"?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haCqD9Ps0co

Once You Understand co-writer and co-producer Bobby Susser seems a good candidate for the "ppl who have written their own wikipedia page" thread

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bobby_Susser

(also, Once You Understand is great)

I mean, I think that there are good shonky novelty records and bad shonky novelty records and would definitely put Once You Understand in the former category, I wouldn't lump it in with the likes of St Winifred's School Choir

http://www.musicnotes.com/images/productimages/large/mtd/MN0089066.gif

That 'Once You Understand' track is very strange, it is hard to believe that it was a hit.

What in the heck is good about "Once You Understand"?! The script is rubbish, the acting is ham city... I mean the hook is kinda catchy but it's hard to say since they repeat it one million times - hard NOT to leave the song remembering how it goes. I guess I can give them credit for having all the microphones turned on, and remembering to hit 'stop' at the end... but, truly, I'm actually less interested in how godawful bad it is, and more in what chords it somehow struck at the time.

"mr kirk... your son is dead" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THCj2AJuNVE

come down to the station house, come down to the station house

Oh wow so that's where that sample comes from.

Mr Kirks Nightmare is great! What is the sample source though?

it's "once you understand", that's why i posted it.

Seems a remedial reading for comprehension course is in my future. Thanks for pointing it out. I've always assumed those samples were from a movie.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDW0rFH0oZE