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Pirates (2005)

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JG from Dobbs Ferry, NY
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73 out of 89 people found this review helpful.

Why edit a porn and turn it into a rated R flick? Cinemax and Showtime have better soft porn than this.
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EB from Portland, OR 2
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56 out of 62 people found this review helpful.

I too have seen orignal of this, and thought that the soft version hurt. The sex scenes could have lasted a little longer than 30 sec. You hae some of the most gorgeous porm actresses, and we barely get to see any of them. Honestly, there are other movies to see that offer more skin than this. I would leave it on the shelf.
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KD 152009
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39 out of 43 people found this review helpful.

Unless you are into soft porn I would highly suggest you skip this one. I could not handle 10 minutes of this.
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KC 1741093
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1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

This movie was horrible. The acting sucked and there was nothing great about it. The graphics even sucked.
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TS 1911140
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3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

Wow...yikes! Dont bother, get it from the adult store, the acting is soooo bad that it needs the sex scenes desperately. I watched it in fast forward with the volume down. I found myself thinking be quiet & get on with it. Way too much blondes & fake body parts. I was way more heated from Colin & Rosario not having sex on Alexander the great. She has real body parts & hasnt shaved everything.
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SA 1938049
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2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

Wish Id read the reviews before I picked this one! What a BOMB! Lousy acting, lousy storyline, and why didnt they rate this XXX? Dont bother with it!
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g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 01:33 (seventeen years ago) link

Womb Raider (2003)

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RS 229366
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57 out of 66 people found this review helpful.

All i can really say is "BOOBIES!", and plenty of them. Forget that the acting is horrible, and the effects stink, this movie is a must see.
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Chicky from LA
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39 out of 50 people found this review helpful.

alot of bad acting, but even more T&A mostly it's girls finding reasons to get naked, set to a tomb raider theme. not a real winner
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BS 1422975
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22 out of 23 people found this review helpful.

Great bodies but it hurt to watch the storyline and acting. Did I mention GREAT bodies!
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MT 1334150
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Whoa! Boobies! I originally rented this thinking it would be a campy B' movie with sex thrown in... boy was i wrong! This movie was awesome! When you're not staring at wet naked women, they say crazy cheesy lines, which kept me laughing between nude scenes. I definately reccomend this for your next bored group gathering.
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VM from Brooklyn, NY
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This is a Fast Forward Special... Horrible acting from ALL! Even the simulated scenes seemed fake... If you are renting this disc, you should not be watching it. Just Fast Forward til you see the TWINS, then press play. Enjoy.
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MD 417303
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2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

Let me start by saying this movie wont win any awards (except maybe a Razzie). Dont get me wrong, the women in this movie are BEAUTIFUL and HOT! But the acting, especially by the men, are attrocious! There is quite a bit of nudity, but as the movie gets further along, the sex scenes get tamer and tamer until they are almost laughable. Ive seen better sex scenes on HBO! This is bad soft-core porn (is there any good soft-core porn??) I cant help thinking that somewhere there is a more edgier, hard-core version of this movie. But if youre a fan of cheesy acting, a good amount of nudity and dont care about a plot, this is the movie for you.
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g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 01:35 (seventeen years ago) link

Emmanuelle 6 (1992)

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lanalucy
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88 out of 93 people found this review helpful.

I put this on my queue just for fun, and because of the rating (strong sensuality, my fat white a$$). My first clue was when the audio track was noticably off the video track, and there were no subtitles. I began fast-forwarding to see if there were any good parts. There were 3 or 4 (badly) simulated sex scenes, and a lot of scenes with women running around undressing or naked. None of it was even remotely appealing, and I "saw" the entire movie in 20 minutes. What acting there was, I could have done better. My suggestion? Skinemax After Dark is better than this.
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Aaon from Washington, DC
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18 out of 23 people found this review helpful.

This is so boring - I don't get it. It's not even interesting in any possible way. Blah!
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DW 44638
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9 out of 13 people found this review helpful.

I agree with the guy who says, "Walk your dog". It will be better entertainment.
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EP from Sun City, CA
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1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

No plot, No acting, no talent. This vid hovers blandly between ultra softcore and the drivvel that is now featured on most teevee soaps. The models are attractive and typically braindead. This series I think began the so-called "bimbo-stereotype of skinny SWF's" for many young wannabe actresses back in the day. There are several "Emmanuelle" spin-offs (EMMANUELLE & THE LAST CANNIBALS) that are much better. Not to be too overly critical, the photography in this vid is great, but not enough to waste valuable rental $$ and viewing time. That's my spin. EP
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Lloyd from Richmond VA
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6 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

This movie proves the impossible. I never thought that naked women could be boring.
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BB from Dedham, MA
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5 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

Bring back Sylvia Krystal! This segment of the famed series is so awful..I won't waste much time on it. yes, there are nude ladies and yes there are simulated sex scenes, but even by 'Emmanuelle" standrads they're awful. Most have potential to be good and are then cut off right when they start. Blow this off and rent either "Emmanuelle In America", "young Lady Chatterley" or "Cheeky!". Trust me..you'll hate this.
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g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 01:37 (seventeen years ago) link

The Cheerleaders (1973)

http://cdn-4.nflximg.com/us/boxshots/large/60029624.jpg

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biv in lala land
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87 out of 92 people found this review helpful.

This “comedy” is an early version of soft core porn (the type you’ll find late at night on Showtime or Cinemax). The plot is ridiculous and the acting is terrible, but who cares? There is a lot of T&A (including a fair bit of full frontal nudity) and the lead actress (Stephanie Fondue) doesn’t look a day over 16. I actually felt a bit guilty renting this, but it was justified since I watched it with the wife. Be sure to check out the second and third installments for more Cheerleader fun!
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Safety Rope
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31 out of 33 people found this review helpful.

I found one review funny from a concerned parent. Apparently she thought that this movie was like Bring it On. This is nothing like bring it on, the only reason you should rent this is if you like to look at nice 70's butts. there's a lot of them in this. this is the best out of the cheerleaders collection, although the 3rd one is pretty good. The middle one (the swinging cheerleaders) is pretty awful.
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Don from Fremont ,CA
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16 out of 20 people found this review helpful.

Geeze, I can't believe it. I rememeber when this movie was made. My girlfriend is in the marching band in this movie (Del Mar H.S. Maching Band San Jose, CA 1972) She is the flute player who goes the wrong way in the marching band sequence. I would love to put her name in here, since she is now a professor at a western college, but I won't. We went to see the premier of this film at a drive in and it was great, or at least I remember the sex as great, the movie was so so. That was in my mom's new pinto wagon. Well back to the movie, it just brings back a lot of great memories. Not a great movie, but lots of t & a, so that makes up for the high school cheerleaders who look like they are 25. Go ahead and rent this movie. The t&a is worth the hour and a half spent with the lousy acting.
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MS from Surprise, AZ
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2 out of 10 people found this review helpful.

IT'S IS THE GREATEST 70'S T/A DRIVE-IN FLICK OF ALL TIME. I WAS READING ANOTHER REVEIW FROM AN ANGRY PARENT. I OVER THE YEARS HAVE BECOME A BIT OF AN EXPERT ON DRIVE IN / B-MOVIES AND I WOULD LIKE TO ASSIST THE PARENTS OUT THERE.CHEERLEADER MOVIES HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A STAPLE DRIVE-IN FLIMS FOR 30 YEARS( WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?). 99.9 % OF THE TIME THE "CHEERLEADER TYPE FILM" IS A SEX COMEDY W/ LOTS OF NUDITY AND CRUDE HUMOR. "BRING IT ON" (2000)IS WHERE THIS CHANGES. ANY MOVIE WITH A CHEERLEADER PLOT BEFORE THIS DATE IS A "R" "X" OR "xxx" RATED. "DEBBIE DOES DALLAS"(78) IS A CHEERLEADER MOVIE FOR GOODNESS SAKES! DEBBIE AND HER TEAM WERE WORKING JOBS TO PAY FOR A TRIP TO A TEXAS PRO-COMPETION, DOING ODD JOBS LIKE CAR WASHES ( YEP!THINK ABOUT THAT WHEN YOUR KIDS OUT ON A STREET CORNER HOLDING A CAR WASH SIGN IN A SWIM SUIT, BAD MOVE PARENTS, STOP DOING THIS BEFORE YOUR KID ENDS UP ON A MILK CARTON.) EVERYBODY SHOULD KNOW THE FOLLOWING FLIM FACT. IF THE FILM HAS CHEERLEADERS AND A 70'S DATE IT'S A T/A SEX COMEDY OR PORN. PARENTS WATCH ALL MOVIES BEFORE YOU HAND IT OVER TO THE KIDS. WATCHING IT TOGETHER IS A BAD IDEA. WATCH IT COMPLETELY FIRST. HEY, HOW MUCH OF THIS MOVIE DID YOU WATCH! THERE IS FULL FRONTAL SLEAZY LOCKEROOM NUDITY BEFORE THE OPENING CREDITS( 90 SEC.FROM WHEN YOU PRESSED THE PLAY BUTTON). IN THE CREDITS ONE OF THE ACTORS IS "RICHARD MEATWHISTLE" GET A CLUE.
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DD 1744081
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6 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

I saw this in Colorado Springs circa 1974 and, in the theatre, it was originally an "X" rated movie. But very cool to go to in those days. Now it barely qualifies for the R and late night HBO soft core. Still, if you're appreciate a classic "adult" film from the 70's it is a hoot with a lot of cute flesh.
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Hawkeye Viewer
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4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

This flick stars Stephanie Fondue, Jovita Bush, and Rick Meatwhistle. It was written by Ace Baandige. That should tip you off that it won't share any lists with "Gone With The Wind" The plot, such as it is, the cheerleaders party too hearty with the team the night before the big game. To keep their chances alive, they then drain the energy of the opponents too. One of more of the cheerleaders is showing it all a majority of the time.
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g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 01:41 (seventeen years ago) link

Pleasurecraft (1999)

http://cdn-7.nflximg.com/us/boxshots/large/20684267.jpg

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Willi
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116 out of 125 people found this review helpful.

This film delivers as promised! The space theme is icing on the cake. If you like sci-fi and hot, big breasted, naked women then you should rent this dvd! I had to watch it over at a friend's apartment though since my wife was NOT happy with this rental. ;(
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Guicciardini
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81 out of 105 people found this review helpful.

This film genre is instantly recognizable to anyone who has ever wasted five bucks on an "adult" movie in a hotel room. There is actually a plot and a set, lighting and some degree of acting. But principally, the film is a device to string soft-core porn scenes together. Because the sexual privates may never be seen under the rules of the game, a lot of time is spent warming up, looking at breasts and simulating action. Its actually funny in that the "act" is often anatomically impossible from the position of the bodies, but, oh well. So, a poor drama interrupted frequently by long, inconsequential sex scenes. The worst of both worlds. I suppose one day some of these films may be regarded as the equivalent of camp, but that still won't make them worth the time it takes to watch them.
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MB 848889
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23 out of 31 people found this review helpful.

If you like obviously fake breasts and very strange faces during sex scenes, then this movie is for you. Granted I didn't expect much going in, but it wasn't even campy enough to laugh at.
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JK from Mooland
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2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

Heres the story: Manly men run a space freighter, but theyre so very lonely with only their weights and VR Olga to keep them company. Their ship is attacked by a reject from the KISS Space Army, but they get away. The attack wakes their cargo, three Space Hotties. While the men repair the ship, the hotties keep each other entertained with much nekkid goodness. Then the hotties entertain the crew, a lot, all over the ship, down on a planet, on the set from Leave It To Beaver, you name it. Then...um, Im pretty sure theres some more plot involving hottie cloning and a reject from the WWF or something. I kept waiting for the captain to say Ladies, please! One at a time! OK, three at a time! But he never did. So the movie loses a star. Then it gains a star back for the gratuitous cheerleader scene. To be honest, this movie has comparable production values (and storyline) to many Star Trek: Enterprise episodes, but way more nekkid Space Hottie scenes. Worth renting.
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BC 1840931
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2 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

So, this is basically the Star Trek: Next Generation episode "The Perfect Mate" done as softcore porn, but with three women instead of one. Decent sets, average chicks, sex camera angles to be expected for something not supposed to be explicit.
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Lloyd from Richmond VA
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5 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

This movie succeeds in doing what I thought was impossible. THIS MOVIE MADE NAKED WOMEN BORING!
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g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 01:53 (seventeen years ago) link

Black Emmanuelle is the hottest Emamnuelle - I recommend the one where she goes to Bangkok. This is based on my recollection of watching it with the sound very low when I was 14 years old and probably changing the channel a lot.

Hurting 2, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 02:03 (seventeen years ago) link

Dead Sexy (2000)

http://cdn-5.nflximg.com/us/boxshots/large/60021215.jpg

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GA 176604
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124 out of 138 people found this review helpful.

and you like all the B-movie T&A that her movies have then this is a definite rental. This movie even has somewhat of a plot and a twist ending that you may not have figured out completely by the end. But, of course, it is the naked women that we watch these movies for and this one had some very beautiful ones to watch. A+ for Shannon fans!
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MovieDog
104 out of 112 people found this review helpful.

I don't know of anyone who would rent a Shannon Tweed movie for story or acting. You know you're in for a B-movie... but you also know you're in for a sexy, provocative experience. And "Dead Sexy" is all that. You'll also be pleased to know that the story, acting and photography is actually pretty good. Go in with low expectations on those points and you'll be pleasantly surprised. Plenty of T&A in this one! All the guys out there would love this movie.
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SB 43671
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75 out of 89 people found this review helpful.

This movie is an R, leaning towards an X. Lots of T&A and frontal nudity. Provocative, sexy, has a twist. Shannon Tweed does a great job and is believable. This could be considered soft porn but it is tastefully done, looking forward to the sequel Forbidden Sins woo hoo
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SW from Richfield, MN
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3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

The movie was so very so, so. The skin was very sub standard. Shannon Tweed's one nude looked like a body double (a fake body double at that). It's a flick that's watchable if you have nothing better to do.
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EG 759102
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13 out of 15 people found this review helpful.

Dead Sexy can be anything to connect the MOST WANTED INVISIBLE DOT here by the clever director Robert Angelo in 2000. This is the right movie for the right business including the election of any leadership. Whenever there is a crying wolf or thief, the suspect is not too far from that person since he or she will be the invisible dot no matter how you connect the dots from end to end. You must see this movie and replace the character in a case will apply. A great movie for 5 stars!
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VV from VA 2
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8 out of 11 people found this review helpful.

If you rent B movies to enjoy the nude scenes and expect no plot, this film will disappoint you. The sex scenes in this one are virtually identical from one to the next, simply substituting one silicone altered chest for the one before. Ho hum. The plot, on the other hand, actually exists and isn't totally bad. I wish I could say the same for the "acting."
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g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 02:48 (seventeen years ago) link

Sexual Matrix (1999)

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DB from Glendale, CA
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92 out of 97 people found this review helpful.

If you are looking for The Matrix, don't rent this film. If you are looking for top quality acting, don't rent this film. If you are looking for a porn...rent a porn. If you are looking for tons of sex...again, rent a porn. If you are looking for an Adrian Lynne, Zalman King style erotic romance... click elsewhere. It's like renting Corman's Carnosaur and comparing it to Jurassic Park. If you want a Cinemax Late Night flick with some hot girls and some type of plot (just a little) then check it out. Jay Stewart, Mia, and Amber Newman are all great. AND to the reviewer who said that it seemed like it was written at 3am the night before shooting... it was 4:30. Also this is the R rated version not the Unrated one... the Unrated one has ALOT more sex. And for you late night cable fans, most of these late night films are structured to air overseas as half hour shows. Each 30 mins must be able to be watched independently, so you have to re-introduce/sum up the plot and have a “closing/ending” every half hour…. Oh and also have 3 sex scenes every half hour, equally spaced out, lasting 3-4 mins each. So you get a nice 3 and a half mins from the end of your last sex scene until the beginning of your next one… plenty of time to develop quality characters, and plot.
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RA from RI
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61 out of 73 people found this review helpful.

most of these reviews say it all. Don't rent this if you want a n engrossing movie to talk about at work, rent it if you want to see a lot of horizontally inclined people...
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DD 1863839
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42 out of 46 people found this review helpful.

This satifies the erotic appetite very well as it serves up volumptuous men and women doing very erotic shows. What a great premise for a sex movie: A machine that brings fantasies to life. There were plenty of scenes and a eye-popping array of bodies one after the other. Done in taste. Nothing more than soft porn.
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JK from Ponte Vedra, FL
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THe acting in this movie was not too bad. I would not be suprised to see some of them in a main stream film. THe plot set itself up in a way as to get down with plenty of T&A and soft core action without a shaky set up. I personaly found it quite arousing and tastfuly done.
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MG 1064458
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2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

I was not looking for porn. I was looking for a sexy movie. The movie was not sexy. The actors did take their part seriously, but that is the only positive part of the movie. By the way, if your looking for porn, you will not find it here either!
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SL from USA
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8 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

My wife and I liked it. My wife likes "soft porn" and that is exactly what you get with this movie. Don't rent it for the storyline because it is corny. But it does have some pretty hot scenes. My wife and I actually enjoyed imitating some of the scenes while watching the movie. If you rent it with the right expectations, you might find it enjoyable as we did.
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g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 02:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Don from Fremont ,CA

Geeze, I can't believe it. I rememeber when this movie was made. My girlfriend is in the marching band in this movie (Del Mar H.S. Maching Band San Jose, CA 1972) She is the flute player who goes the wrong way in the marching band sequence. I would love to put her name in here, since she is now a professor at a western college, but I won't. We went to see the premier of this film at a drive in and it was great, or at least I remember the sex as great, the movie was so so. That was in my mom's new pinto wagon. Well back to the movie, it just brings back a lot of great memories.


Don from Fremont, I salute you.

forksclovetofu, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 02:54 (seventeen years ago) link

Scorned 2 (1996)

http://cdn-6.nflximg.com/us/boxshots/large/11811886.jpg

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AH from UT 3
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10 out of 13 people found this review helpful.

The only reason why I am giving this movie a two and nothing less because of the women in it. The story itself in theory isn't a bad one if only the director would have follow through. A total waste of time.
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AP 330115
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7 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

Inspite of all the bad reviews, I think this movie is not bad. Tane McClure looks sexy in the movie with many sex scenes. Wendy Schumacher also looks hot and plays the role of young college student with a crush on her professor well and also has some good sex scenes. The plot and the story is pretty good for a soft porn movie. If only the sex scenes were a little longer, I would have given it a 5 star.
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RN from IA
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8 out of 11 people found this review helpful.

If you saw the first Scorned with Shannon Tweed, this one makes the first one seem like Oscar material. Simply bad acting. Bad plot. No suspense. I can see why Shannon wouldn't want to have anything to do with this sequel. Was Andrew Stevens bored? See the first one, which is good. Don't bother with this one.
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JC from CA 47
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6 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

OK, I'll say it. Tane McClure is heinous. She can't act nor 'simulate' other scenes. Keep the fast forward on for all but 2 scenes. Wendy Schumacher is hot but really really dull.
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GL 1222673
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6 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

The reviews you've read are right. Not worth watching. Then again, any movie with Wendy Schumacher is awful. Her other flick, Capital Conspiracy is identical.
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KC from NV
6 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

Though the plot may not be supenseful, the skin flys with the former playboy model Shannon Tweed showing off her birthday suit. An intersting love triangle happens when tweeds husband sleeps with a very attractive student. The sex scenes are just below soft porn which leaves me tuned in for more.
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g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 02:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Sexual Matrix (1999)

lol

Curt1s Stephens, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 03:28 (seventeen years ago) link

do they have Caligula?

milo z, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 03:58 (seventeen years ago) link

do they have Nekromantic?

David R., Tuesday, 15 May 2007 05:18 (seventeen years ago) link

ha - they have Nekromantic 2! & Caligula!

David R., Tuesday, 15 May 2007 05:21 (seventeen years ago) link

"The Germans appear to have the market corned on necrophiliac cinema. This film is just bad. And fairly disgusting. To add to the atmosphere they cut up a dead seal which sounds bad, but is actually very tedious. You can pass on this one please"

David R., Tuesday, 15 May 2007 05:22 (seventeen years ago) link

four years pass...

Nude For Satan

There is only one reason a person would be interested in this film and that would be to see a fantasy which is; a beautiful young woman comes jogging down the park path and her lovely bosom is bouncing and you wonder what she would look like right now without a bra or blouse. Well, in this movie you get to see what she would look like.

JoeStork, Wednesday, 7 September 2011 12:17 (twelve years ago) link

I watched it for nudity. There I said it. The scenes in between the nudity were boring and scarce. You see one pair of great breats and the rest are more like nipples that got carried away. If you're like me and watching it hoping for it to be a b-rate skin flick, save yourself for something better.

JoeStork, Wednesday, 7 September 2011 12:18 (twelve years ago) link

good thread idea.

thank got forks showed up (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 7 September 2011 14:21 (twelve years ago) link

My mind is blown that movies like Emmannuelle 6 exist in any other context beyond 15 year olds sneaking down to watch Cinemax at 3am

all shitley (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 7 September 2011 15:14 (twelve years ago) link

two years pass...

i wish that the movies and tvshows all streamed in sted of haveing to spend more money that i dont have to wacth some thing that gives me a little pleasere in this life

0 out of 1 members found this review helpful

Whiney G. Weingarten, Monday, 23 September 2013 05:01 (ten years ago) link

actually on a review of 'All in the Family' but w/e

Whiney G. Weingarten, Monday, 23 September 2013 05:02 (ten years ago) link

Dead Sexy can be anything to connect the MOST WANTED INVISIBLE DOT here by the clever director Robert Angelo in 2000. This is the right movie for the right business including the election of any leadership. Whenever there is a crying wolf or thief, the suspect is not too far from that person since he or she will be the invisible dot no matter how you connect the dots from end to end. You must see this movie and replace the character in a case will apply. A great movie for 5 stars!

Panaïs Pnin (The Yellow Kid), Monday, 23 September 2013 05:14 (ten years ago) link

Sexual Matrix (1999)

lol
― Curt1s Stephens, Monday, May 14, 2007 11:28 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hahaha they were just like "fuck it" with this title

#fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Monday, 23 September 2013 15:32 (ten years ago) link

eight months pass...
four months pass...

http://i.imgur.com/3lflnmR.png

1313: Cougar Cult
2012TV-14
Average of 15,461 ratings: 1.8 stars

Three college guys score the summer job of their dreams working at a swanky mansion ... only to discover they've landed in a nightmare.

---

Cougars? More like velociraptors! These worn out cows moo about the mansion rubbing on mostly naked 20 something young men (who are not packing quite as much in those tidy whites as one might expect). When the old cows get going, these ridiculous clip art cougar faces (generated by a 486 computer, no doubt) appear over their real faces. Then we get generic halloween music, or the occasional dramatic score from the 1950s. WTF? This isn't even close to being softcore porn, it is just a bunch of gay actors [I mean literally homosexual--not meaning "gay" as a pejorative--I am gay] wondering around in their underwear, (or rubbing their naked chests obsessively as if they have the hives), in a nursing home, dodging mid-90's special effects.

68 out of 68 members found this review helpful

╲╱\/╲/\╱╲╱\/\ (gr8080), Sunday, 12 October 2014 16:04 (nine years ago) link

I mean literally homosexual--not meaning "gay" as a pejorative--I am gay

my jaw left (Hurting 2), Sunday, 12 October 2014 16:12 (nine years ago) link

im tidy white btw

the other song about butts in the top 5 (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 12 October 2014 17:36 (nine years ago) link


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