Is Jack Colback the least glamorous footballer in the Premier League?

Brad Smith just made his debut yesterday. One to watch though

Who was the young Danish guy on for Cardiff?

Andreas Cornelius?

Yeah. I think that's him.

£8.5m striker whose purchase arguably cost Iain Moody and Malky Mackay their jobs? Yeah, he ain't on this thread.

he also looks sort of glamorous in a provincial danish sort of fashion

nicklas helenius is one of those penumbral nonglams who will always be occluded by cornelius and will also always be not kozak who is himself not benteke

However:

STOKE CITY

*sniffs air contentedly*

Ah, the land of the utility men. Running around, doing a job... Yep, this is prime anti-glam territory. Hey there, Marc Wilson. 'Sup, Geoff "All-American Greg Halford" Cameron. Erik Pieters, he could probably fill in in the holding role, I guess. Can anyone remember a time before Steven N'Zonzi and Glenn Whelan?

More FPL goodies: they reckon Jon Walters is both a midfielder and Stoke's most valuable player. They also believe Stoke only have two strikers, and one of them is Kenwyne Jones.

is wilkinson still there

andy i think is the forename

Aye, but he's not really been seen this season.

And in any case:

SUNDERLAND

This thread has an appointment with Paolo Di Canio's legacy.

Sunderland were probably the only club whose transfer window rivalled Palace's for incomprehensibility, as Paolo ushered in wave upon wave of players who may or may not be FM regens. Unfortunately, the likes of David Moberg Karlsson, Charalampos Mavrias and "Cabral" haven't actually seen much action so far, but we still have Ondrej Celustka and Valentin Roberge to conjure with. Particularly excited by Roberge, who appears to be the kind of classically gifted defender whose entire game plan involves getting outpaced, lunging in and then vigorously wagging his finger at the referee.

But of course, the man we're all here for is still wor Jack. Since this thread began, Colbs started carving out a niche for himself at left-back, then spent some time on the bench, then back to midfield, then bench again, and then last weekend, he crystallised: a last-minute equalising goal that went in via a hefty deflection off Steven Caulker's arse, and which MOTD marked by immediately cutting to Steven Fletcher's face. Jack celebrated his goal by running to the corner with the rest of the team and attempting to kick an advertising hoarding. It was hard to tell, but I think he missed.

Colback is our favourite because Colback endures. Whenever Sunderland need a lad to do a job - and Sunderland will always, always need a lad to do a job - he will be there. Unless they go down, in which case I think he will be legally obliged to sign for Fulham.

SWANSEA CITY

Hmm. Swansea are the reigning champs of the semi-obscure import game, which unfortunately means I'm not quite sure if I should have heard of, say, Jose Canas, or Alvaro, or Alex Pozuelo, or Jordi Amat. I think we're on safe ground with Gerhard Tremmel (who gets a solid amount of action for a nominal second-choice keeper), Dwight Tiendalli and Roland Lamah; Britton, Rangel and Monk have too much of that started-at-the-bottom glam to count. Unsure if Neil Taylor counts; he was pretty hyped before Ben Davies usurped him as Swansea/Wales's hottest young left-back prospect (a conversation Cardiff's Declan John might find himself in one day).

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR

Yes, Spurs bought lots and lots of people, but they were all very, very expensive and therefore none of them count. Not even Chadli.

The only person even vaguely in the orbit of this thread is Danny Rose, and he is nowhere fucking near the orbit of this thread.

WEST BROMWICH ALBION

If Morgan Amalfitano hadn't scored that really good goal against Man Utd, he'd be on here like a shot. Anichebe, Ridgewell too well known, Gabriel Tamas, Markus Rosenberg and Goran Popov have fallen off the radar; I'm not really sure where to stand on McAuley and Olsson, who have a kind of thrillingly understated consistency to their partnership - like the Nelsen and Samba de nos jours, except not really as good. Yacob is probably too good for inclusion. And everyone loves Zoltan Gera, don't they?

Which I think leaves us with Billy Jones, a player that I don't think anyone notices, ever, even with his perm. He looked alright in the highlights of West Brom's last game, pootling off down the right flank, doing the odd stepover, that kind of thing.

Oh, and James Morrison. Forced out of the top 50 GIS results for his name by the very, very mediocre singer songwriter of the same name. Poor sod.

maybe he should go by Jim

Harry kane is reasonable imo

Fucking hell, it's past midnight. Oh well, just the one left, and it's quite a big one:

WEST HAM UNITED

James Collins! He isn't Danny Collins!

Joey O'Brien! He isn't Andy O'Brien, plus he looks like a Bond villain's henchman!

Mostly, though, Modibo Maiga. As I think I said near top of thread, the striker who does not sodding score is a very special type of anti-glam, and Maiga's lack of shine is added to by spending most of this season as the lone striking representative of one of the most notoriously goal-averse sides in the top flight, and yet somehow their lack of goals was never pinned on him. Pretty much right up til last weekend, when he scored a Sensible Soccer aftertouch special against West Brom, I'm not sure anyone had noticed Maiga existed, a situation probably not helped by Allardyce often choosing to play no strikers rather than take a punt on Maiga - the player who's not even sufficiently noteworthy to make up the numbers.

Isn't Kane permanently on loan, though, like Simon Dawkins except presumably younger?

Harry is 26 and likes digestives

http://www.football365.com/tottenham-hotspur/9100362/Transfer-news-Derby-sign-Tottenham-midfielder-Simon-Dawkins

jinx

FA Cup confirms existence of El-Hadji Ba

albeit that the major legacy of Norwich's Movember drive is that Robert Snodgrass and Bradley Johnson now appear to be twins

― William Bloody Swygart, Monday, 30 December 2013 18:22 Bookmark

ha they obv hatched this plot cos of the murphys

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-2324979/Norwichs-twin-wingers-Josh-Jacob-Murphy-ready-cause-havoc-Premier-League.html

tonight steed malbranque was playing for lyon vs psg in the league cup final, formerly perhaps the least glam actually good fitba player in the mid 2000s epl and one of the best non-internationals of his day

quite incongruously non-glam at the age of 34 at the stade de france sharing the field with cavani, thiago silva etc, non-glamness exacerbated by lyon have veolia as shirt sponsors and malbranque ambling about the place looking like he might have spent the last half decade clearing up fly tips

now there's a fucking name

always twinned him with sylvain legwinski in my head, but the latter was less good (although possibly even less glam)

colback is out of contract in the summer

going rate for an epl proven versatile midfielder/utility drone on a free transfer probably £50k a week at least?

steve sidwell got £50k a week from chelsea seven years ago when he signed on a free transfer during that brief period where they espoused parsimony and filled the squad with tat like him, pizarro and ben haim

also i'm captivated by felix magath's interviews at the moment, with his womblish demeanour, faultless politeness and surprisingly good english, he couldn't possibly appear less glam or risqué for a former golden era west germany attacking midfielder, ex-bundesliga winning manager and supposed dictatorial lunatic

he is verging on ASMR territory

(fwiw I've diced with ASMR Begovic as a display name but it doesn't quite work)

i have decided never to wiki who william kvist is

steed malbranque apparently named by his parents on account of looking like a very english baby & the avengers being the chief english cultural touchstone in belgium in the 70s, idk

yesterday I learned that Kvist has won Danish player of the year twice.

Russell Martin is now Norwich captain, with 70+ premier league games and 11 Scotland caps. I couldn't pick him out of a line-up.

Martin remarked before a game against Croatia in June 2013 that he was not recognised by Scottish taxi drivers transporting him for Scotland matches.[17]

I think the taxi driver test is a good benchmark - anonymous cab rides are never going to get Jim Whyte shouting about you on Transfer Deadline Day.

April 1997 Ireland Mickey Evans Southampton FW [13]
don't even know who that is

― every soulless meta poster is a ✰ (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Thursday, 7 February 2013 00:05 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

His solitary cap:

"Michael James Evans for Tony Cascarino (85 mins)"

Transfer fees at £600k then £750k then dwindling away to £0.

An entire career of hardly ever scoring and never scoring against anyone good with that one month featuring four goals (vs Forest, West Ham and Coventry) getting him the POTM award.

Ongoing shitness being put down to a previously undiagnosed "asthmatic-related complaint".

He attended St Boniface's Catholic College and played Junior football for Prince Rock Youth during his schools days.[citation needed] He is nicknamed "Trigger" after a character from Only Fools and Horses.

GISed russell martin and im fairly surely ive never seen him before

probably watched four of five norwich games in which he has played

rip

lol

tgp

otm

http://felixkeith.wordpress.com/2014/10/29/the-premier-leagues-most-unremarkable-players/

took me a while to find this thread because i'd forgotten jack colback's name

http://i.imgur.com/EPSrX2U.jpg

is there an epl player with the accomplishments and current standing of gary cahill who is as determinedly nonglam

hes probably in the top 10 central defenders in the world, misrecognised as a big rather than as a koscielny type nippy recovery cb

Don't forget Gary Cahill!

― the funk soul custos (country matters), Sunday, June 28, 2009 12:45 PM (5 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

Gary Cahill @GaryJCahill · Apr 18

Great training session today, massive few weeks coming up - bring it on!#ComeOnYouBlues #CFC

thats p much as interesting as his social media presence gets

ordinary bloke doing a job

...which involves being a subtle & talented reader of play & a man with fairly high responsibility for a champions league win

It's his name, plus his really quite lengthy apprenticeship at decidedly unglamorous places like Villa and Bolton and Burnley. The idea of him ending up winning a Champions League medal and being a first team regular at Chelsea seemed entirely preposterous until the moment when it actually happened.

Full name Craig Dawson[1]

Prior to becoming a professional footballer, Dawson worked as a glass collector at his local pub, while playing for a local team called Rochdale St Clements.[2]

john carver doing what he can to add a bit of intrigue to perennial non-glam contender mike williamson

http://ichef.bbci.co.uk/onesport/cps/480/cpsprodpb/11DC7/production/_89895137_pe_00609529.jpg

Euro 2016 beats everything - NI's Baird
Northern Ireland midfielder Chris Baird says playing in Euro 2016 "beats everything" in his 78-cap international career.

Meanwhile Krul’s friend Jack Colback has been informed he will be sent to train with the academy players if he does not agree a move away from St James’. Unwanted by Benitez the midfielder saw a loan move to Wolves break down last night. Colback wants to stay in the north east and has been offered to Sunderland, his old club and Middlesbrough. Sunderland have said they do not want him, Middlesbrough appear lukewarm. Hull would like him on loan but Colback would prefer to stay closer to home.