pards

it will have been speculated that he is the perfect man for mike ashley, a self-confident chancer with some charisma and an understanding of the sort of brainless attacking football that every newcastle fan craves & would feel deeply lost without

but also a loose cannon of surprising recidivism, absolutely raped hims and wanton headbutts multiplying into what's not quite a bartonian gallery of sin but certainly a copybook sufficiently blotted that much of the hagiography is elided

this of course increases, rather than decreases, his suitability as newcastle united manager, as does his actual management, which is built upon an almost preternatural, infraliminal sense of momentum - it is doubtful whether he intends his side to embark upon strange 6-match winning runs out of seemingly interminable ineptitude, but it happens, and then as soon as it happens it evaporates, as if he never quite knew what it was he was doing right. the result is a very newcastle sort of stasis, where contentment and its inverse mingle to extremes, leaving only the sunderland derby as a true bellwether of local pride

it has not been ever thus. his career before newcastle was a macrocosm of this dialectic. heroics at reading and west ham, including being a steven gerrard narrative locus away from fa cup glory (paul konchesky would have had the winner - a more apt goalscorer for pards i cannot name) and southampton contrasting with a major and almost unforgivable part in bluffing charlton from premiership to league one - arguably the damage had been done regarding the first relegation and form under pardew was not terrible, but his lackadaisical approach to stringing together results was never going to be enough. beat west ham 4-0 one week, lose to sheffield united the next (or whatever it was). he hadn't quite developed the instinct for the newcastle revenance then - or perhaps he hadn't assembled his francophone swarm of fitful attacking talent which could under the right heady & headless circumstances take other sides by surprise. of course, charlton's second relegation was pardew's exposure as charlatan and poseur - all his signings failed lamentably and he was left to watch hopelessly as the team responded abysmally to his essential lack of direction in a league far harder than he had clearly assumed it would be. he has been rather fortunate that this is the only such revelation

he is a good-looking man and a known philanderer. he has a stratospheric opinion of himself. curiously i ascribe his success, such as what it is, to these qualities (insofar as they can be separated)

he drives admittedly awful human beings to write moronic, affectatiously piqued articles like the following: http://www.themag.co.uk/the-mag-articles/importance-pardewed/

but that is part of pards - he is as i described lately a 'hilarious troll weasel', unintentionally so perhaps but coded a certain way so as to enrage & frustrate by inaction the fans of his clubs, before somehow getting himself out of it without seeming to change his methods much, which must bring its own confusions

newcastle fans should recognise that his bolshy cocksureness & behavioural unpredictability is the better part of his skill as a manager & a sign of his kindredness with the city

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BsLLZOrCYAAgzNd.jpg:large

perhaps the only glaring omission from my starter post was the relegation of west ham - the other such revelation - which definitely occurred in 98% of all parallel universes where his tenure ended when it did

saint curbs and the miracles of carlos were virtual proof of divine intervention & prevented pards' ghastly 2/3 of season from registering on my consciousness

nonetheless it represents another nadir & one which presumably the newcastle fans fear, although are yet to experience

a certain former poster has drawn my attention to the following important analysis

is it time to discuss pardew's beard yet

i mean he's clearly not a ~beard man~, one to take pride in the clean-shaven jawlines of straight talking management "professionalism", so this mutation into philbrownism is of psychological interest

is he feeling less in control and more like a babysitter for the french lads now you have to wonder

― r|t|c, Monday, March 18, 2013 12:30 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

or indeed has he caught sight of how age is softening his features to that of a kindly old granny and this is his failing bid to re-alpha

― r|t|c, Monday, March 18, 2013 12:33 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yeah re-alph, i would maybe burrow deeper and see if any of the francaises have geographical links or similar to the cité of limoux and the surrounding mountains, perhaps pardieu googled in a chummy getting to connaitre les lads fashion and happened upon yr cave drawings, sparking a crisis of intricate but catastrophic synaptic flares that can only lead to a startling regression from alan pardieu, smooth chinned and suited head of marketing and strategy at le tûne thru bearded alan pardew the coach (villa) to scruffy al what helps the kids (notts county) to neanderth-al in a loincloth (tactics at stoke obv)

― mister borges (darraghmac), Monday, March 18, 2013 1:06 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

does pards have any inherent dignity or is this merely an effect of the precious, entitled, vituperative loathing and resentment of the idiot nufc fans

Pardew, whose side have the third highest attendance in the Premier League behind Manchester United and Arsenal, added: "Of course, there's also the fact he would be playing in front of 50,000 Geordies every week at the third best-supported club in the country, or whatever it is we are.

No, he does not have any inherent dignity. Baying Geordie hordes OTM on this occasion.

He is probably the worst manager in the top flight at the moment, give or take a Warnock or a Lambo here and there. Even when Newcastle do string runs of wins together it feels like it's in spite of Pardew rather than because of him.

oh lord that isnt remotely true, so many worse managers than pards

pards lacks any sort of system but he generally gets a group of average to just above average epl players to play at that level

I dunno, Newcastle should really have been doing better over the past year or so, even allowing for injury crises. I'd even stoop to defending shitkickers like Allardyce and Hughes over Pards.

would be interesting to rank EPL managers by dignity

wenger quite obviously wins, but after that it gets interesting

Martinez over Wenger.

martinez needs to cross 60 first, then we'll talk

You have to remember his time at Wigan, losing week in week out and remaining composed and self-assured. Wenger is a terrible loser.

wenger deals with exceptional weight of expectation and has a certain dignity even in his outbursts. point taken, though - martinez is certainly a contender. his mettle is, i'd argue, yet to be truly tested

there's more to dignity than taking defeat well, of course - indeed, take it too well and you run the risk of sycophancy & acquiescence, which should be anathema to any dignity maven

koeman was so bad at valencia that its difficult to see him as too dignified but he has that ineffable confidence of the formerly great player like various other ex-barcelona managers without being quite so complacent as laudrup who has been quite open about how unimportant his second career is

pellegrini is probably the most dignified in an intrinsic sense, he won the league in his first season playing excellent football (first south american to win the epl) so the gradual entropic collapse of his second and most likely final season won't matter too much

Ancelotti is, I think, the most dignified of all managers, there's this constant sense that his paymasters don't quite rate him, despite his manifest successes, and are always on the lookout for something 'better', which he faces off admirably.

Pellegrini a good shout in the EPL though. Mourinho and Redknapp both have less dignity than Pards though. Maybe Hughes as well.

shd be able to check Pellegrini's dignity when they sack him next month

he had an entire career prior to coming to the epl and he didnt react too badly when he was fired after getting the records point total at madrid in his only season there

in all likelihood he will be replaced at the end of the season; simeone will be invited to write his own contract

ancelotti is the most dignified, that goes without saying, supposedly sorting out a second contract at madrid which is a rare achievement in itself

Newcastle go fourth in Premier League

pards da god

http://www.dolbyhome.co.uk/sammy-ameobi/

Ex-Sunderland striker and chairman Niall Quinn has already lamented the loss of Colback, explaining that the club did not nurture the 25-year-old to then see him star for their rivals.

But with so many local players in with a chance of representing Newcastle in what, for many supporters, is the biggest home match of the season, it fits in perfectly with the club's 'Black and White Derby' idea.

Posters have been displayed, emails sent out to fans and messages posted on the club website advertising the initiative and encouraging supporters to wear their replica shirts, bring along their Newcastle scarves and other attire to cover St James' Park in a 'sea of black and white.'

real talk tho v happy to see this awful fucker at palace

http://www.theguardian.com/football/blog/2014/dec/29/alan-pardew-crystal-palace-return-newcastle-united

not reading anything under fifield's new byline pic

http://i.imgur.com/Do6VWZH.gif

http://i4.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article4956600.ece/alternates/s1227b/PAY-Crystal-Palace-v-Tottenham.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/1NHNhVY.jpg

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CB7_RDKW0AA_RcK.jpg

isn't that the dude from Too Many Cooks?

Crystal Palace manager Alan Pardew says "it was like watching Brazil" at times during his side's 4-1 victory at Sunderland.

lol yeah he meant Sunderland

pards

Pards v Pulis would be an interesting ILF thought experiment of a poll.

my previous post to this thread is one I regret

stoked now 4 summer of transfer inaction and pardew leaving under a cloud the day before next season starts.

Nah you'll be in contention for the Champions League spots by Christmas, after which you will fail to win a game for the next three months.

no, they will amalgamate all other SE London league clubs into Crystal Palace United and then nuke Greenwich to quell dissent

top half lol

Pards.

what's he done now?

Front page of the Sun. Definitely him right?

“Naturally dominant, of course, but can switch seamlessly to a more giving role.”

OTOH "knickers off if we win away" would be pretty audacious given Palace's form this year.

maybe it was before a trip to everton

https://vine.co/v/iEg7AWVtDTL

pards

Cringe

for that brief moment nous étions all Pards

All pards will burn out

excuse me noodle vague

https://youtu.be/dGLTi9lKIpY

lol

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2016/oct/21/alan-pardew-england-crystal-palace

Cracking Pards interview here. My favourite bit is where he starts talking about himself in relation to the England job, without having been asked about it. Slightly ahead of where he takes credit for Southampton's success.

‘We’re close to a tie-in with a team in Spain who produce good young players with a view to setting up a cultural and coaching exchange

big deal son we're Champo and we get to loan all the Benfica kids we want

“When people ask me about England ... well, if I was still at Newcastle, I’d be pretty keen on that England job. But, with all this here, I’m left thinking: ‘Why would I really want to leave this club now?’ Obviously I’d like to win trophies, and that’s very difficult even if we did come ever so close last season. But that isn’t the only way to measure success. Success can be a legacy. Maybe I can create one here so that, one day, people look back and say: ‘When Pardew was there that was a great period for the club.’ I remember the chief executive at Southampton after Nicola Cortese thanking me for the platform I left them. That recognition is always nice. That’s like winning a trophy for me.”

a phonecall with Tony Pulis offered reassurance. “He’d walked away, but told me: ‘Pards, there’s a lot of growing that club could do. You can definitely take them forward.’

"And it wasn’t as much of a gamble as people thought. If I could keep Palace up, we’d be the only London-based Premier League team south of the river.”

https://66.media.tumblr.com/409a839ece0f3807d23861fc6e744568/tumblr_n6zdmspPiE1skh0gdo1_400.gif

hope he dies tbh

patience you must have my young pardewan

a phonecall covert meeting in an underground car park with Tony Pulis offered reassurance. “He’d walked away, but told me: ‘Pards, there’s a lot of growing that club could do. You can definitely take them forward.’