Nult satis nisi optimum: Phil McNulty 2011/12

have at it

will have at it

Wolves and McCarthy rightly celebrated staying up but they will hope that a club of their calibre can perhaps have more than survival as their sole aim when next season kicks off. It should be about more than that for them.

philmcnulty Phil McNulty
No owner should let fans pick manager but no-one in right mind can expect Villa fans to be happy with the man who took arch-rivals down. #fb
3 hours ago

nult exposing contradictions unwittingly.

real or imagined quotes here?

mine is real...

real

always real

real madrid
real salt lake
real nult

How can he fit so many bewildering exposed wires of mangled logic into one <140 character sentence with no punctuation?

No owner should let fans pick manager but no-one in right mind can expect Villa fans to be happy with the man who took arch-rivals down =

nult in 'not of right mind' admission shock?

many seasoned nult readers will know the title is a reference to his supposed favourite team, storied merseysiders everton

i don't know if that is true but liverpool fans in the comments sections of his blogs suggest he is a 'bluenose'

The comments on the Nult blogs have a creepy twilight zone vibe of their own, half of them are "another great blog, Phil" and the other half are accusing him of some imagined bias towards a team, and I end up feeling like CAN NONE OF YOU SEE THAT HE IS JUST WRITING GIBBERISH? HOW CAN HE BE BIASED HE DOESN'T EXPRESS ANY OPINIONS

al-zawahiri will be mindful of how former wigan #2 chris hutchings came acropper as manager when he takes the reins of controversial wahabbist outfit al-qaeda

yeah ferg otm, if ever you wanted grim proof that people online don't give a fuck about writing and just want even the vaguest opinion to bounce their misanthropy off then nult's comment section is it

truest bounce is from a surface with absolutely no angles innit

If McLeish turns out to be a success, his appointment will be regarded as an inspirational move by an owner willing to fly in the face of public opinion. If the Scot is a failure, it is almost impossible to see how Lerner can retain the faith of Villa's fans

amidst the grammar mockery it's worth taking a look at how fucking tedious nult is. if this hated choice doesn't succeed then maybe the fans will be annoyed at the chairman...maybe!

McLeish will have to succeed at an impossible level for anybody to be happy with his appointment i think

that one thing is sure

If Lerner manages to successfully swoop over the Holt End using a home-made set of wings, the decision will be regarded as an inspirational move by an owner willing to fly in the face of public opinion.

fly @ u o_o

The Nult first with the news

Phil McNulty
Author

presumably he doesn't write the headline, because nowhere in that article does it say that Chelsea are going to appoint Villa Boas. It just states that his buyout clause is 15m Euros. iirc Messi's buyout clause is around 300m Euros so they may as well put an article up on BBC sport website that Chelsea/Man City etc are going to buy Messi.

the Villas-Boas article is pretty coherent and grammatically correct, if hampered by that one-sentence-per-paragraph thing. The Nult will perhaps have thought he had been a modernist stylist extraordinaire when he left the BBC house style behind and filled his blog with temporal contortions.

nah the nult will have been subbed properly for a big news piece like that...

no ~the~ svp

nuuuuuuuuuult

sometimes on a day so warm yr laptop has died, all you can think of is a cool glass of chablis and a fresh nultblog on the iphone

By Alan Hansen
BBC's Match of the Day football pundit
United were soundly beaten by Barcelona in last month's Champions League final
Sir Alex Ferguson knew major work was needed to rebuild his Manchester United team - and he has responded in style with his dealings in the transfer market so far.
Ashley Young's arrival from Aston Villa comes swiftly after the signing of Phil Jones from Blackburn Rovers, with Atletico Madrid goalkeeper David de Gea and a high-class midfield player also expected to make the move to Old Trafford.
The loss to Barcelona in the Champions League final at Wembley did not exactly do United a favour but it would have confirmed in Ferguson's mind that his side was obviously on the wane.
Some may have been fooled into thinking everything was OK given United's success in the Premier League but they were the best of a bad bunch last season and Ferguson is brutally realistic.
I stand by my belief that he dragged those players to the title and would have claimed the crown with any of the other top sides had he been in charge of them.
Continue reading the main story
United were awful for long spells last season and really suffered against Barcelona - the fact they won the league was a work of art in itself
How United won the title playing as badly as they did away from home, where they were abysmal on so many occasions, was almost beyond belief. Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.
Ferguson had two factors to address. First, the team was awful for long spells last season and really suffered against Barcelona. Secondly, the natural passage of time has resulted in the retirements of Edwin van der Sar, Gary Neville and Paul Scholes, while Ryan Giggs is edging ever nearer towards the end of his career. Giggs was magnificent last season but can you see him having another season like that at the age of 37? I can't.
Ferguson has bought defender Jones, who is only a youngster and is clearly a signing for the future. Young, a winger, is a proven, fabulous player with great delivery who will add much.
If you watched United last season, they were weak all over. The fact that they won the league was a work of art in itself, the sign of a great club and a great manager, with Ferguson as the key component.
Continue reading the main story
If I was Ferguson I would break the bank to land Luka Modric -he is a class act
The loss of Scholes and the fact that Giggs is another year closer to the end of his career means Ferguson is almost certain to strengthen in midfield. He has been linked with Tottenham's Luka Modric and Wesley Sneijder from Inter Milan, both fabulous players.
I do not know where Modric is going, or even if he is going because Spurs chairman Daniel Levy gave Chelsea very short shrift last week, but if I was Ferguson I would break the bank to land the Croatian. He fits the bill perfectly.
Modric is a class act and his performance when Spurs won at Liverpool on the final day of last season was as good as it gets. When the ball comes to him, he doesn't just instinctively know his three options, he knows the best one to take. He also always has time and space in abundance - the hallmark of the great player.
Ferguson will obviously recruit a goalkeeper to replace Van der Sar, who was a major reason for their success last season and has been for the last five years.
De Gea appears to be the chosen one but the hardest person to replace in your team is always the goalkeeper, as proved by United's struggles to find a quality successor to Peter Schmeichel. Bringing a foreign keeper into the English game is always hit and miss because a big part of the game here is the ball into the box.
We have seen the likes of Heurelho Gomes struggle to cope with that aspect of the game whereas Van der Sar was consummate and his communication skills were wonderful. De Gea is only a young boy, so it will be very intriguing to see how he goes if he does sign for United.
Van der Sar will be tough to replace
Retirement and age have taken some of Ferguson's best players out of the equation but he is a master when faced with this sort of situation.
He will also be aware of the challenges coming from elsewhere. United and Chelsea undoubtedly came back towards the pack last season, while Manchester City may feel they will never have a better chance of winning the Premier League than next time around.
They will spend, Roman Abramovich will back new Chelsea boss Andre Villlas-Boas, while over at Anfield, where not much escapes Ferguson's attention, they now have the Kenny Dalglish factor.
Liverpool will clearly strengthen their squad this summer and there is still the feel-good factor following Dalglish's arrival, which galvanised the whole club. Luis Suarez will also be ready for his first full season in the Premier League. The striker was sensational after coming to Anfield in January.
But history tells us there is nobody better at coming out on top in a pressurised position than Ferguson. He clearly means business after taking stock of the current condition of his squad.
And you would never back against him - you can't back against him - because if he can take his team to the title playing the way they did last season then they would have to start as favourites next season as he begins the process of building his latest Old Trafford model.

Alan Hansen was talking to BBC Sport's Phil McNulty

last para is v much his master's voice tho obv the a true picture of nulto-hansenic relations is yet to emerge

the

Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.
Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.
Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.
Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.

<3

haha i wanted to post this, so fucking shameful that nult puts his own dirty mark even on an interview. i read it and knew from the first line it'd say nult had done the interview.

like all the great auteurs, nult does his best work with other people's scripts

sometimes on a day so warm yr laptop has died, all you can think of is a cool glass of chablis and a fresh nultblog on the iphone

― tipper gore (nakhchivan), Monday, 27 June 2011 14:24 (1 hour ago) Bookmark

irl lol

only one direction for my thought to go when, reading W.G. Sebald's 'The Emigrants', I come across the phrase 'one thing is certain'. Damn you Nult.

Wonder what Nult thinks of Austerlitz and its long multi-clause sentences, can he read German do you suppose.

No matter how often I tell myself that chance happenings of this kind occur far more often than we suspect, since we all move, one after the other, along the same roads mapped out for us by our origins and our hopes, my rational mind is nonetheless unable to lay the ghosts of repetition that haunt me with ever greater frequency. One thing is certain: Sir Alex will be delighted.

very much enjoying wg sebald but he does have a habit for slightly nult via thomas mann lengthy future perfect sentences in his reimaginings of past lives

― kid 606: the nultness (nakhchivan), Tuesday, March 29, 2011 7:47 PM (3 months ago)

@chrisbevan have a read of wg sebald, excellent prose. @jonathanstevo #themagicmountainmate #alliteration sir alex will have cogitated

By Mark Ashenden

1055: England's Paul Casey will have had better starts to a major championship. Four pars and three bogeys leave him struggling on +3.

I like how in its simplest form that construction just reads as "I can't be bothered to verify whether this assertion is true." Has Casey had better starts in majors? He will have had, I should think.

By Phil McNulty

Manchester City are moving to finalise the signing of Atletico Madrid's Sergio Aguero despite the collapse of Carlos Tevez's move to Corinthians.

City boss Roberto Mancini has decided to press on with a deal for Aguero even without finance from the sale of Tevez.

The two sides are moving towards agreement on the £39m buy-out clause in the 23-year-old's contract.

can someone tell nult that buy-out clauses are legally binding and no agreement is necessary if they are fulfilled

I seem to remember reading (maybe on here?) that the buyout clauses in Spain only apply to deals with other Spanish clubs. Could be bullshit i dunno

was just thinking i was missing pasting nult's every awful sentence on ilx.

think he's had a few weeks off

nult

Cesc Fabregas' future, or lack of it, has once again dominated the summer

The weaknesses that cost Arsenal last season, vulnerability in central defence and a physical presence in midfield, have not yet been addressed.

They may well arrive once the saga of Fabregas' seemingly inevitable move to Barcelona is concluded. And their success will shape Arsenal and Wenger's season.
If they are, Arsenal may cling on to fourth place - if they are not then there is the real possibility of the Gunners dropping out of the select quartet at the top of the Premier League.

IF WHAT ARE YOU CUNT

Dalglish has problems to solve at left-back and in central defence, but if he does that successfully I expect Liverpool to seriously threaten Arsenal and Spurs for fourth place - and well worth a few pounds of anyone's money to win a cup without the added fixture congestion of the Europa League.

and well worth

Atlanta are a Sumerian building site, utilising the wheel for the first time and marvelling as huge weights are moved from one place to another, Everton are the site of the Egyptian pyramids, Koeman on the sideline resembling a slavemaster beating his slaves to death as they haul rocks along with logs underneath. One for the oldies there.

Atalanta*

thought you were using the Sumerian spelling

Good work all 'round guys

Atalanta are a HEL MD photon cannon that can fire 50 to 60-kilowatt laser blasts while Everton are that bone that the monkey throws at the beginning of 2001: A Space Odyssey

lol

lmao

But there is a cold reality to consider here. If Arsenal played like this week in, week out, then they could be proclaimed as title challengers - but they don't, so they aren't.

This article bursting with hot takes could've just been summed up with the above. But Nult ploughed on last night and wrote a long read on why Spurs and Arsenal won't be champions.

Arsenal do have a quiet consistency about them at home but then images of the horror show at Liverpool, where they were lucky to only lose 4-0, invade the memory bank and title aspirations are doused in cold water.

Images invading the memory bank is a nice touch tbf

He'll grind out copy like this well after the apocalypse, I imagine.

read that absolute doggerel earlier.

"here's why arsenal and spurs won't win the league" - because man city are fucking walking it in an unprecedented fashion.

Otm.

Won't someone think of the children though? If Nult is the alpha and omega of football writing - the piece could've been three times as long and still written better by a bot, I'm fairly certain - what young lad/lass would ever pick up the trade? Why bother?

I've been getting into baseball this year, and a big plus is the writing about it. Not the dazzling stats mumbo jumbo, but solely the match reports are a breath of fresh air. It's so diverse, there are so many different (literary) forms. There's freedom and experiment in baseball writing. It seems to flourish. Where, if at all, is this (still) happening w/r/t football?

Eamon Sweeney's article on todays sunday independent on why O'Neill should stay made me chuckle a few times. There was even a good Metal Machine Music joke in there

https://www.independent.ie/sport/soccer/international-soccer/eamonn-sweeney-lets-just-keep-calm-and-carry-on-36332809.html

The Irish, as always, light years ahead of the Brits when it comes to fitba/sports writing. I enjoyed that.

Sam Allardyce is second favourite with the bookies yet he would probably adopt the same approach as O'Neill and be unlikely to do it as well.

i enjoyed that article but this is a strange statement. i'm not pushing mon out the door but big sam would be fucking perfect for this irish team. i would genuinely love to see what he'd do.

XP ito posters anyway, otm

Don't think Big Sam is perfect for any team tbh. Keep him your side of the bay. His nickname is carrying him further than life meant to.

Yeah I'd rather stick with MON than Big Sam

Brace yourselves

O'Neill is doing fine imo

If it's time for anyone to go it's Dunphy.

Yeah, Dunphy Out. I do disagree with Sweeney regarding Jack Charlton's departure. There was a lot more to it than just getting beaten by Holland in the playoffs. The infamous Harry Ramsden challenge for example and generally the rot was starting to set in

yeah that was rose-tinted spectacles for sure.

if his name was Sean Athenry you'd all be backing him for the job.

looooow lie the fields of allardyce

he did manage Limerick back in the 80s tbf

In a typically frenetic Anfield atmosphere, which boiled over in the disgraceful scenes before kick-off when Manchester City's coach was damaged, Pep Guardiola's side had been looking to take the heat out of the game.

past perfect verbiage from the scouse soccer scribe

guiltily confess that i was thinking of the multiple possible meanings of the word "coach" in context, but yes! that too!

idk if it's Ronay's influence but every big game report now seems to involve time standing still, a momentary hush as the ball seemed to hang in the air blah blah

Keith Jackson going a bit Nulty in the Daily Record:

They knew that beating was on the cards just as they will have sat in their own living rooms yesterday bracing themselves for something very similar.

Gerrard completes 'jaw-dropping' deal

Tom English

Chief sports writer, BBC Scotland

"Those of us who love Scottish football will love it a little more now that this jaw-dropping deal has been done to bring Steven Gerrard down from football’s Hollywood Hills and into our world. It’s ambitious, it’s glamorous, it guarantees that every cough and splutter of the Gerrard reign will reverberate around football, not just Scottish football.

"It will be gripping to see how it all turns out. An act of genius or of utter folly? Who knows? Finding out will be a whole lot of fun, though. There is no doubt that this is a gargantuan gamble by Rangers. Going for a rookie manager when their problems are so vast is a spectacular roll of the dice. At this remove, it looks reckless. How can a novice survive in the intense climate that Gerrard is about to walk into?
Steven Gerrard
Reuters

"If he does, it will be a miracle to stand alongside Istanbul in 2005 when his brilliance sparked one of the greatest on-field comebacks we have seen in European football. He now has to spark another comeback. What an appointment and what a eye-wateringly daunting job he faces."

Next level Nultism

every cough and splutter of the Gerrard reign will reverberate around football, not just Scottish football.

keep telling yourself that son

Mcnults seems to be suggesting that England should warp the space/time continuum
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/44637064

“This was a very painful, public indignity and will surely have been noted in red ink in Chelsea's corridors of power.”

Sort of Manson family/The Shining vibe

The 48-year-old landed the job on the back of impressive work at Walsall and Brentford, but this was a well-respected figure destined to return to Villa, the club that coursed through his veins as a lifelong supporter of the club where his father Ron used to be a steward.

do u reckon this is a wind up

even by Nult's low standards that is particularly garbled

very good piece of nult

If Liverpool's rivals did not exactly fear their potential renaissance, they will have known the vast potential waiting to be released once they got it right - which they now have, quite spectacularly.

playing the hits

This eminently sensible, mature and rounded character will know as well as anyone the risks he would be taking in accepting a job that has eaten up and spat out more experienced managers than him - twice in Jose Mourinho's case.

And, for all the goodwill that will cut him a lot more slack than others, Lampard will know Abramovich is not so sentimental that he will preside over any serious period of underachievement without acting decisively, no matter how glorious his new manager's past is at Chelsea.

pardon

There Will Have Wanted To Have Been Blood

hahahaha

England manager Gareth Southgate will have struggled to decide whether his glass was half-full or half-empty as he reflected on a thud and blunder night against Kosovo at St Mary's.

First things first - everyone at Southampton enjoyed a thrilling Euro 2020 qualifier that led to a rousing ovation for both sides at the conclusion of England's chaotic 5-3 victory.

And Southgate will have revelled in England's magnificent attacking display, spearheaded by a world-class performance from Raheem Sterling, who scored once as well as setting up two goals for Jadon Sancho and another for Harry Kane.

Damn

Lampard's strategy was even more high-risk against Liverpool given the fact both his goalkeeper and the current Chelsea defence represent accidents waiting to happen, which they duly did

Liverpool have struggled to find high points this season as their Premier League title defence disintegrated spectacularly and their Anfield form has made history of the wrong sort - but could this traumatic campaign yet have a satisfactory ending?

But manager Jurgen Klopp's beaming smile was back after Liverpool took Arsenal to the cleaners at Emirates Stadium in a 3-0 win that was not close to being an accurate reflection of their total domination.

vintage fare

Just terrific stuff
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/60774931

And the sight of Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp's traditional triple fist pump after the final whistle could just as easily have been the sound of a gauntlet being thrown down in front of Manchester City counterpart Pep Guardiola after this 2-0 win at Arsenal.

lovely. classic nult

Marc Cucurella looked to panic as the ball came in and grabbed at Erling Haaland with inevitable results.