That is so cute!
― incarcerated moonfaces (how's life), Monday, 27 August 2018 08:57 (five years ago) link
K (6): I'm going to fast.Me: You know, kids don't actually have to fast for Yom Kippur, only grown-ups.K: I know, but I'm going to skip breakfast.E (3): And I'm going to skip bedtime.
― Fedora Dostoyevsky (man alive), Tuesday, 18 September 2018 21:30 (five years ago) link
Found a list of house rules that my daughter made. 1. do not jrul on my toys2. dont force me to do tings3. If I want to do something dont tell me not to.extera4. do not sob in the corner
― how's life, Tuesday, 25 September 2018 23:05 (five years ago) link
Heck
― faculty w1fe (silby), Tuesday, 25 September 2018 23:08 (five years ago) link
daughter otm ;_;
― lbi's life of limitless european glamour (Le Bateau Ivre), Tuesday, 25 September 2018 23:08 (five years ago) link
My daughter's rules for her room at age 6 or so were
1. No cofee2. Be Nice3. Sam (her brother) is oh cay
― ~ cows come home (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 25 September 2018 23:13 (five years ago) link
jrul = draw or drool?
do not sob in the corner ;_;
― kinder, Wednesday, 26 September 2018 12:10 (five years ago) link
drool.
Also, she does not sob in the corner. Nor does anyone else in our house. And no one drools on her toys. We're all pretty happy and well-adjusted!
And ymp, I think that No cofee is a great rule for a 6 year old.
― how's life, Wednesday, 26 September 2018 12:27 (five years ago) link
my good friend's 3-year old was sitting with us and the Browns-Raiders game was on.
and he wrinkled his little nose and yelled "I WANNA WATCH...NOT THIS!!!"
― fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 2 October 2018 02:32 (five years ago) link
Normally I’d agree. Turned out to be a good game tho.
― DJI, Tuesday, 2 October 2018 06:36 (five years ago) link
In my son's preschool class they show the kids a picture, ask them to tell a story and write down what the kid says. This is the paper we got today: "The Witch flew into the night. A giant came and tied up the witch. The giant got sick and had to go to the giant doctor. Donald Trump ate the giant."
― President Keyes, Friday, 12 October 2018 20:23 (five years ago) link
had this fun conversation with my almost 3 year old daughter:D: I want us to buy a green car without a roofme: A green car without a roof? what will we do if it rains?D: paint it another colour
― silverfish, Saturday, 13 October 2018 16:31 (five years ago) link
“The Sandman came in my eyes last night”
― brush ’em like crazy (morrisp), Saturday, 13 October 2018 16:32 (five years ago) link
o_O
― Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 13 October 2018 20:59 (five years ago) link
lol
― circa1916, Saturday, 13 October 2018 22:15 (five years ago) link
"who's the crustiest person in the entire universe"
who
"crustiano ronaldo"
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Monday, 15 October 2018 00:38 (five years ago) link
My almost four year old just started talking about dreaming last month - "did you know sometimes there are videos behind your eyes when you sleep? and you can jump right in!".
He also encountered a DVD for the first time, as he had only known about streaming video and the only physical media he's ever encountered are vinyl albums. So he calls DVDs "record movies".
There's also been a lot of Peppa Pig lately, and at times he's started speaking in a british accent and calling my wife "mummy". Note: we are not british.
― joygoat, Monday, 15 October 2018 18:18 (five years ago) link
oh wow, those are all so great.
― how's life, Monday, 15 October 2018 18:19 (five years ago) link
my four year old K got interested in great british bakeoff when it started autoplaying an ad on netflix. she insists on watching it every once in a while but is only interested if they're baking cakes. she heard mary berry pronounce something to be "scrummy." until the end of the show K kept pointing at cakes and saying "CUMMY!" much to my relief it did not carry on after the show ended.
― wmlynch, Monday, 15 October 2018 18:21 (five years ago) link
Wow, that dream quote is brilliant.
― ArchCarrier, Monday, 15 October 2018 18:26 (five years ago) link
Just found a picture of Joygoat's kid getting ready for bed.
https://i.imgur.com/t1BtGIT.gif
― pplains, Monday, 15 October 2018 21:09 (five years ago) link
<3
― Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 15 October 2018 22:01 (five years ago) link
(Reading slowly:) “Man... Can... Van...”Me: Do you know what a van is?“Yeah — it’s one of those little cars you can live in! When I grow up, I’m gonna buy a van, so I can live in it, and drive it to the store to buy groceries.”
― a neon light ablaze in this green smoky haze (morrisp), Wednesday, 17 October 2018 02:03 (five years ago) link
I asked my friend's 3 year old what he was doing, he says
"Trying to hold the poopoos back"
― fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 17 October 2018 14:28 (five years ago) link
Tonight I was asked why they didn’t change the logo when they made the “lady Ghostbusters” movie, so that the ghost in the logo “has boobs.” SMDH
― a neon light ablaze in this green smoky haze (morrisp), Saturday, 20 October 2018 03:48 (five years ago) link
Me, to 5yo daughter: You're so cute!Her: That's a common opinion.
― Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Saturday, 20 October 2018 07:18 (five years ago) link
3 year old: '[baby brother] snatched my toy ON PURPOSE. He needs to go to prison!'me: 'we don't put babies in prison.'3yo: 'they do in AMERICA'(me in very Alan Partridge voice: 'er, I was probably making a point about something else there')
― kinder, Saturday, 20 October 2018 14:31 (five years ago) link
― Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 20 October 2018 17:30 (five years ago) link
whoa!
― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Wednesday, 24 October 2018 21:05 (five years ago) link
My 4 year old is fast becoming an expert with the ol’ f-bomb (obv because he’s learning from the experts). Leaving a store yesterday evening:"Fuckin Christ it's a 'lectric door!"
― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Wednesday, 24 October 2018 21:07 (five years ago) link
:)
― Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Wednesday, 24 October 2018 23:55 (five years ago) link
hahaha it would make my day to hear that out at the supermarket
― kinder, Thursday, 25 October 2018 08:35 (five years ago) link
HEY WHATS FOR DINNER COWPOO SIR IT IS THE FRENCH WAY— Kids Write Jokes (@KidsWriteJokes) October 28, 2018
― mark s, Tuesday, 30 October 2018 12:25 (five years ago) link
ok thats p great
― Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 30 October 2018 23:47 (five years ago) link
Best punchline ever, I will be stealing that
― Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Wednesday, 31 October 2018 01:35 (five years ago) link
it's like the ending to a Samuel Johnson anecdote
― Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Wednesday, 31 October 2018 01:36 (five years ago) link
5yo daughter has been treating me with her toy doctor's kit: so far I have been treated for "goose bladder", "savage earlobe" and the dreaded "cushion problem".
― Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Tuesday, 13 November 2018 09:22 (five years ago) link
three great band names right there imo
― the Stanley Kubrick of testicular torsion (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 13 November 2018 09:35 (five years ago) link
just remembered the toast my london-bred niece (11) invented last night -- four of us (her, her parents, me) sitting eating thai and overlooking the hastings sea-front as a police car went back and forth below us
"to the FILTH! we ain't done nuffink"
― mark s, Sunday, 18 November 2018 14:37 (five years ago) link
yessss t1lst3r :D
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Sunday, 18 November 2018 14:39 (five years ago) link
just remembered the toast my london-bred niece (11) invented last night -- four of us (her, her parents, me) sitting eating thai and overlooking the hastings sea-front as a police car went back and forth below us"to the FILTH! we ain't done nuffink"
― gbx, Tuesday, 20 November 2018 00:46 (five years ago) link
Magical.
Also, just saw this one:
I told my daughter showing her chewed up food to her brother in public is gross and she goes 'well I'm not here for the people'— Saladin Ahmed (@saladinahmed) November 19, 2018
― Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Tuesday, 20 November 2018 06:18 (five years ago) link
had a very confusing discussion about smoking and death with the 4-year-old yesterday in which she told me that when you die your body turns hard and then people give your bones to dogs
― na (NA), Tuesday, 20 November 2018 15:40 (five years ago) link
son's 4th birthday. the day before, he was being a huge brat so we were talking about what happens if birthdays are cancelled: presents go back to the shop, no cake and you stay 3 forever.him: so... that means I won't ever die.Somehow he always manages to win the argument!
― kinder, Sunday, 2 December 2018 18:53 (five years ago) link
lol that is outstanding
― Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 2 December 2018 19:16 (five years ago) link
flawless victory
― crispy fun in a bun (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 2 December 2018 20:06 (five years ago) link
overplayed your hand, tbh
― A is for (Aimless), Sunday, 2 December 2018 20:26 (five years ago) link
yeah I know! He's frighteningly good at assimilating new information with stuff he learned ages ago and drawing logical conclusions. Then asking relevant questions.
― kinder, Sunday, 2 December 2018 22:29 (five years ago) link
We're reading the Hobbit. We're a bit more than halfway through, at the spiders in Mirkwood.
My 7 year old daughter asks "Why are there no girls in this book?"
― fajita seas, Monday, 3 December 2018 01:08 (five years ago) link
damnalso otm
― Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 3 December 2018 05:25 (five years ago) link