my 5-year old son, shaking his head, after losing a mini game in Mario Party because he immediately walked off a cliff: "I just don't know how this happened"
― frogbs, Monday, 5 October 2020 21:19 (three years ago) link
lolling at all the good ones from today!
― DJI, Monday, 5 October 2020 21:25 (three years ago) link
Opal, 3.5 yrs. after hearing a parent say something was occupied “that’s when there’s more than one octopus”.
― dan selzer, Monday, 5 October 2020 21:47 (three years ago) link
massive lols at that
― visiting, Monday, 5 October 2020 22:05 (three years ago) link
omg occupied octopi! Hahaa
― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Monday, 5 October 2020 22:08 (three years ago) link
ahhh that is the best
― terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 6 October 2020 01:40 (three years ago) link
A few cute things from today:
* * *
Son: "Why do they give butterflies more respect than moths?"
Daughter: "UGHHH! This is so INTERESTING!"
Her mom: You mean 'frustrating'?
Daughter "...FRUSTRATING!!"
She's also been "spelling out" the names of things she wants (like her older brother does, to soften the blow when he suspects we'll say 'no'); but because she doesn't know how to spell, it's just meaningless strings of letters:
"I want a: Z... Y... L... N... A... W... X...."
― I Hate the Aedes (morrisp), Tuesday, 6 October 2020 01:58 (three years ago) link
my two-year-old daughter is obsessed with skeletons and spooky things in general at the moment, so i showed her a picture of king diamond at dinner and she was immediately entranced i played her the first track on DON’T BREAK THE OATH and when king diamond started singing she exclaimed ‘it’s a girl skeleton!’she proceeded to finish the last mouthfuls of her toast and beans, which she was refusing, after i told her king diamond would want her to eat upthen she asked me if king diamond was my best friend and if he had magic fingers then she rechristened mercyful fate as ‘magical feet’finally she wanted to know if they make stuffed kings diamond because she wanted to cuddle him
― you are like a scampicane, there's calm in your fries (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 11 October 2020 17:47 (three years ago) link
Super sweet!
― Bidh boladh a' mhairbh de 'n láimh fhalaimh (dowd), Sunday, 11 October 2020 17:57 (three years ago) link
Hah that’s hilarious
― calstars, Sunday, 11 October 2020 19:06 (three years ago) link
Opal met our 7mo pregnant friend and asked “does your baby like to watch Arthur and Esme and Roy?” (Her current favorite shows).
― dan selzer, Sunday, 11 October 2020 20:19 (three years ago) link
Getting really into knock knock jokes. Opal- knock knockMe- who’s there?Opal- life. Me- life who?Opal- life that goes on. Then I said that’s great I have to share that and she said “share that with the joke department.”
― dan selzer, Thursday, 15 October 2020 16:32 (three years ago) link
oh man we had an intense week or so of knock knock jokes like a month ago, he absolutely did not 'get' the whole concept other than the setup so it was endless knock knock / who's there? / total non sequiter exchanges
― joygoat, Thursday, 15 October 2020 16:42 (three years ago) link
yeah, she mostly was doing stuff like "knock knock, who's there, snap peas, snap peas who, snap peas that I'm eating"
― dan selzer, Thursday, 15 October 2020 17:05 (three years ago) link
Knock-knock jokes don't really make sense anyway. It's no wonder that kids haven't mastered the form.
When you think about it, the hypothetical scenario of a knock-knock joke is dated at best and absurd at worst.
Someone (someone you are not expecting) knocks on your door and you don't know who it is. There is no peephole or window to look out. You can't open the door slightly to check. So you rely on a verbal exchange. The verbal exchange starts with a first name, but you don't know who it is until you've determined their last name. What the fuck? In what universe is that even happening?
Doorbells, doors with windows in them, peepholes, and buzzers have all existed since way before any current people were born. And nowadays no one just drops by unexpected - surely there would have been a text at least, if not a thorough discussion of who was coming, when and why. And if someone shows up and only provides a first name, it's not like having the last name would clinch the deal and make me open the door. Like, if she says "Shelby Smith" I will open the door but if she says "Shelby Jones" I won't?
How many Shelbys do I know, in this scenario?
Finally, they almost always hinge on a cultural reference that would MAYBE work for your parents or grandparents. But a contemporary kid would just be like "huh?"
Two jokes picked at random from a joke book I have here:
"Shelby." "Shelby who?" "Shelby Comin' Round the Mountain."
"Sam and Janet." "Sam and Janet who?" "Sam and Janet Evening..."
YEAH GRANDMA GREAT JOKE, BYE, GONNA WATCH TIKTOK NOW
― nonsensei (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, 15 October 2020 17:19 (three years ago) link
that makes me think of how much i hate the amelia bedelia books. the whole thing is based on amelia taking expressions literally, but the kids don't know the expressions or what they mean either, so every two pages you have to explain the metaphorical and literal meanings of each command that amelia is misinterpreting. it takes like half an hour to get through a 20-page book and no one enjoys it
― na (NA), Thursday, 15 October 2020 17:29 (three years ago) link
yep
― nonsensei (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, 15 October 2020 17:31 (three years ago) link
The interrupting cowThe interrupting cow wh...MOOOOOOOOO!Never fails.
― Madchen, Thursday, 15 October 2020 17:50 (three years ago) link
sam & janet evening is v goodalso i am an old
― terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 15 October 2020 17:53 (three years ago) link
Me and 6yo were reading Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator and got to the part where one of the grandmothers takes too many age reversing pills and disappears
Son: Where did she go?
Me: She vanished because she hasn't been born yet.
Son: She's back in her mama's tummy. But her mama must be dead. So she will be born in a cemetery. Inside a coffin. And she will have to dig her way out of a grave with baby hands.
― Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Thursday, 15 October 2020 17:59 (three years ago) link
Son has a great future ahead as a D&D DM.
― (show hidden tics) (WmC), Thursday, 15 October 2020 18:05 (three years ago) link
sorry but "Shelby Comin' Round the Mountain" just made me lol.
― visiting, Thursday, 15 October 2020 18:07 (three years ago) link
the set-up for a knock knock joke isn't to set us a-dreamin of the days when ppl pounded on peephole-free doors -- as ymp says, even when this was an irl thing it didn't work the jokescript implies. it's simply to announce EXTREMELY SILLY PUN INCOMING, and to let you calibrate your comedy timing and rhythm against the anticipation of the person who's said "hit me with it"
― mark s, Thursday, 15 October 2020 18:36 (three years ago) link
Opal lives Amelia Bedelia. We have a whole thing where whenever I hear a phrase like “cut the deck of cards”I say “Opal! What would Amelia Bedelia do if you have a deck of cards and you ask her to cut the deck?” And she goes “she’d actually cut the deck!”
― dan selzer, Friday, 16 October 2020 01:24 (three years ago) link
A blunt opinion regarding St. Patrick from a seven-year-old: "He was dumb. Snakes are cool."
― Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Friday, 16 October 2020 02:35 (three years ago) link
2yo after sitting on potty: Mummy, this actually dream, isn't it
― kinder, Friday, 16 October 2020 09:57 (three years ago) link
Oh I loved Amelia Bedelia so much and I remember once in a while finding them confusing (specif remember when I didn't know the expression "draw the drapes") but I knew most of them! Maybe they're just getting a little out of date.
― Ima Gardener (in orbit), Friday, 16 October 2020 15:20 (three years ago) link
maybe i tried to introduce them too young.
― na (NA), Friday, 16 October 2020 15:25 (three years ago) link
Tbh I think the same book as "draw the drapes" also had "dress the chicken" and really neither of those are in wide use anymore, probably? See also, "sponge cake" which...idk? Has the GBBO saved sponge cake?
― Ima Gardener (in orbit), Friday, 16 October 2020 15:44 (three years ago) link
The UK still draws the *curtains* and definitely has sponge cake. I remember getting Amelia Bedelia from the library as a kid and it being how I learned that one could dress a chicken so maybe it should be considered an educational text.
― Madchen, Friday, 16 October 2020 16:27 (three years ago) link
What helped us probably is we read some new series first. Where she’s a young girl. But I don’t remember it. We definitely have to explain a lot of the phrases. Even things like “stealing bases” and “running home” don’t make much sense if you’ve never played baseball!
― dan selzer, Saturday, 17 October 2020 01:57 (three years ago) link
Opal asked me to read the rainbow fairy book then asked me to find a toy in her closet. I said you want me to both of this things and she said “there’s plenty of time daddy. Plenty of time to do everything because the world is never ending”
― dan selzer, Tuesday, 20 October 2020 12:57 (three years ago) link
opal not necessarily otm sadly
― mark s, Tuesday, 20 October 2020 14:37 (three years ago) link
I have to try VERY hard to not make my usual cynical "jokes" about how the world is gonna end any day now.
― dan selzer, Tuesday, 20 October 2020 16:19 (three years ago) link
The world is pretty durable. Seen on a geological time scale, it's been through quite a lot and is still here.
Civilization, human life, and the biome, not so much.
― they see me lollin' (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 16:29 (three years ago) link
“You know what’s cooler than magic? Science is cooler than magic. Science is like a kind of magic.”
― dan selzer, Thursday, 22 October 2020 12:26 (three years ago) link
my son keeps calling people “bro” and “bruv”he also swears like a sailorapparently he has seen at least one episode of sex education at someone’s househe is 11what is going on
― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 22 October 2020 15:57 (three years ago) link
sounds like he's just a really cool guy
― superdeep borehole (harbl), Thursday, 22 October 2020 15:59 (three years ago) link
yeah he is way cooler than i was, or am now. speaking of sex education he gives people advice on their “relationships” at school. i don’t have any template to fit this into. my whole life has been quintessential “teacher pleaser” and he’s just like, school sucks, all i want to do is play basketball and talk to girls. if i was in his grade at school i’d probably feel inadequate.
― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 22 October 2020 16:04 (three years ago) link
(I somehow missed this whole borad. Will be posting more.)
A few years ago my son got a plush Kangaroo with a baby in the pouch.
Him, holding the mom up:"This is Kanga."
Me:"Aww, and is the other one Roo?"
Him: "No, Sebatchi."
― Spencer Chow, Thursday, 29 October 2020 23:37 (three years ago) link
hahaha
― Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Friday, 30 October 2020 02:43 (three years ago) link
lol at everything, this thread is a reliable joy
― estela, Friday, 30 October 2020 04:28 (three years ago) link
My kid, who is just learning to read, watches a handful of Minecraft youtubers to learn how to do stuff in the game, so he’s picked up some of their internet vocabulary and delivery.This morning, he’s on the couch playing Minecraft: “M.O.G!”Me: “what?”Him, still playing: “What the?! M.O.G!”Me: ohhh...Lol
― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Saturday, 31 October 2020 12:47 (three years ago) link
last weekend i was in canterbury w my son. on the high street there was a five guys, a subway and a nando’s right next to each other. he saw them and pulled at my arm.“five guys. subway!” voice rising in intensity “nando’s! all in a row!!” he paused to take it in. then very seriously: “that hits hard.”
― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Saturday, 31 October 2020 14:19 (three years ago) link
Hahaha!
― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Saturday, 31 October 2020 15:38 (three years ago) link
kid: can i watch a screen nowme: you can in 15 minuteskid: 15 minutes?! but that's like AN HOUR!
― na (NA), Monday, 2 November 2020 19:47 (three years ago) link
perfect
― DJI, Monday, 2 November 2020 20:14 (three years ago) link
tell them they are allowed to watch the screen for 15 minutes
― superdeep borehole (harbl), Monday, 2 November 2020 20:15 (three years ago) link
This isn't really for this thread, but my 3.5-yr-old was watching "Mulan" (the OG animated film) and asked what "honor" means. It's one of the few times I've been flummoxed when it comes to explaining something to a kid (I'm not even sure I could define it for an adult!).
― Tim Simms (morrisp), Monday, 2 November 2020 20:20 (three years ago) link
Ha, I hit a similar roadblock a few days ago trying to define the word "concept" for my 8-yr-old -- we were playing 20 questions while hiking and she was looking for clarification about choosing a non-physical thing to make me guess.
― Lavator Shemmelpennick, Monday, 2 November 2020 20:55 (three years ago) link