my son has changed his Apple ID username to 'rasting clart'
― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 8 June 2023 21:11 (one year ago) link
“Daddy, are you familiar with the show Seinfeld?”
― Day 1 fan (morrisp), Saturday, 17 June 2023 04:08 (eleven months ago) link
LOL
― budo jeru, Saturday, 17 June 2023 04:25 (eleven months ago) link
my 8 year old loves to watch those "try not to laugh videos" on Youtube. I try to supervise it because some of those get pretty adult but we had people over today and I couldn't. anyway he comes out and asks what "deez nuts" means. that made me laugh pretty hard, which in turn inspired him to say it four dozen more times.
― frogbs, Sunday, 18 June 2023 04:32 (eleven months ago) link
My kid’s been reading Tolkien, who uses the adjective “queer” a lot… the kid only knows it in the modern context, and he asked me about a section where I guess someone says, “Everyone in this town is queer”; and Bilbo goes, “But even I, myself, am queer.” My son said he was like – huh? (I couldn’t help but chuckle at his genuine misunderstanding, even tho this wouldn’t be something to remark upon otherwise)
― Day 1 fan (morrisp), Sunday, 18 June 2023 05:01 (eleven months ago) link
ha that's the mirror of an unusually memorable middle-school experience caused by the exact same passage: asked by jeering classmates if i'm queer i answer earnestly "sure but everyone's queer" to great hilarity+alarm. otm tho
― difficult listening hour, Sunday, 18 June 2023 12:50 (eleven months ago) link
I'm reminded of us being read a passage from (I think?) Lion the Witch & the Wardrobe, where there was a passing comment about a "dead bluebottle on the windowsill".
I distinctly recall all us kids going "ew gross!". Becasue where I grew up, that meant a dead jellyfish on the windowsill.
― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, 19 June 2023 06:57 (eleven months ago) link
"How many subscribers do you have?"
― silverfish, Friday, 23 June 2023 17:29 (eleven months ago) link
"You what's strange is that Taylor Swift has been singing for a really long time, and she's still not good at it. I thought if you practice so much at something you're supposed to get better."
― Alito Bit of Soap (President Keyes), Friday, 23 June 2023 17:47 (eleven months ago) link
she is hilarious
https://i.imgur.com/ZkS17m0.jpg
― frogbs, Saturday, 24 June 2023 04:20 (eleven months ago) link
Couple of kids around 8 years old fist bumping everyone getting off the overground. Then announce triumphantly "NOW WE CAN MAKE DNA".
― Daniel_Rf, Sunday, 9 July 2023 11:52 (eleven months ago) link
I went and visited my buddy to drop something off today, and his 5-year old and 7-year old were home. I hadn't seen them in a while, so daddy and Uncle Neanderthal and the two kids were having a good time being silly, and then 7-year old asks my buddy if he was alive during the Titanic sinking. so my friend, being a wiseass, says in actuality, it wasn't an iceberg that sunk the Titanic, but Godzilla, but few people knew that. and we said that Godzilla sunk the Stockton Rush submarine because they "got too close to the truth".
so both the 7-year old and 5-year old started giggling, ran with it and began spinning wild Godzilla tales, but the 7-year old busts out with Jesus coming down and fighting Godzilla, initially bodyslamming him, WWE style into the ocean, killing him. before he was mysteriously resurrected, and came back and fought Jesus again, only for God to show up and kill BOTH God and Godzilla. and then both came back to life, but according to the 7-year old, not until he took a humongous dump in the ocean.
― linoleum gallagher (Neanderthal), Saturday, 22 July 2023 19:02 (ten months ago) link
*both Jesus and Godzilla
― linoleum gallagher (Neanderthal), Saturday, 22 July 2023 19:03 (ten months ago) link
Happiness is submission to Godzilla
― hardcore technician gimmicks are also another popular choice f (President Keyes), Saturday, 22 July 2023 22:33 (ten months ago) link
I’d watch that movie
― hrep (H.P), Saturday, 22 July 2023 22:51 (ten months ago) link
My 6-yr-old asked why Neanderthals died out. I said, “I think they were outcompeted by humans… Humans were better at finding food.”She said, “That’s when restaurants started, right?”
― Nonhuman biologics enthusiast (morrisp), Sunday, 30 July 2023 03:46 (ten months ago) link
Ahem...
― linoleum gallagher (Neanderthal), Sunday, 30 July 2023 04:08 (ten months ago) link
lol - present company excepted (sorry, N)!
― Nonhuman biologics enthusiast (morrisp), Sunday, 30 July 2023 04:14 (ten months ago) link
"What's a good present for adults? Batteries?"
― silverfish, Wednesday, 25 October 2023 13:21 (seven months ago) link
well
― maf you one two (maffew12), Wednesday, 25 October 2023 13:28 (seven months ago) link
I mean, yeah
― G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Wednesday, 25 October 2023 22:50 (seven months ago) link
it’s not NOT true
― werewolves of laudanum (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 25 October 2023 23:14 (seven months ago) link
On hearing Devo's "Whip It" in the car.
"This is like a song they would sing in a musical when they're getting ready to go fight a giant crocodile."
― Beyond Goo and Evol (President Keyes), Monday, 27 November 2023 16:56 (six months ago) link
haha
― a very very unfair (Neanderthal), Monday, 27 November 2023 17:04 (six months ago) link
when a problem comes alongyou must whip itwhen a croc threatens your flockYou must whip it
― a very very unfair (Neanderthal), Monday, 27 November 2023 17:05 (six months ago) link
"What do you want to wear to your recital?"
10yo: "A button that says 'It's piano time, bitches'"
― Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Saturday, 2 December 2023 06:42 (six months ago) link
omg
― mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Saturday, 2 December 2023 07:41 (six months ago) link
hell yes
― werewolves of laudanum (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 2 December 2023 16:55 (six months ago) link
The 19-year-old son of a friend of mine, who is struggling a little in his freshman year, told his parents, “You should have pushed me harder.”
― immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Saturday, 2 December 2023 16:57 (six months ago) link
"What do you want to wear to your recital?"10yo: "A button that says 'It's piano time, bitches'"― Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Saturday, December 2, 2023 1:42 AM (two days ago) bookmarkflaglink
― Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Saturday, December 2, 2023 1:42 AM (two days ago) bookmarkflaglink
Would wear this button.
― peace, man, Monday, 4 December 2023 12:37 (six months ago) link
2 things that don't really belong here but I have to share. First, last night 2 hours after bedtime Opal comes out of her room, sits down on the couch and says what sounds to me like "the cold and the mouse cages" or something. I ask her again what she said and she says the same thing. I ask her if she's cold and she nods no. She just sits there staring into space and says that a few more times. My wife comes out halfway through and doesn't get anything else, then she says "do you want me to come help you get back to sleep?" to which opal nods and my wife carries her back in and that's it. This morning she denies it ever happening. Mostly weird because like her mother, she never remembers her dreams and never has nightmares, except the one time where she had a nightmare and I asked if it was because I had been reading her a lot of greek mythology stuff (which she's obsessed with) and she said "no" and I said what was the nightmare about and she said "a woman's head with snakes for hair chasing her".
What I really want to share is her poetry. She just started within the last few months, sometimes writing with a classmate. She got really into it and made a petition to have her class have a poetry program. There were a few a few weeks ago that were so so good that I was gonna share but then I felt like she wouldn't want me to and it just seemed like so much "oh look how clever my child is" bragging so I didn't. But then yesterday she wrote this and I was in tears it's so fucking good. We read a lot of Dr. Seuss and Shel Silverstein and I think that's had some impact.
She'll be 7 in march. Here's her latest, I fixed a few misspellings:
I am wandering and ponderingthe questions of the world
Is earth flat or is it curled?
Why does goofy talk but pluto doesn't?
I thought it was that waybut maybe it wasn't.
So next time you're wandering and ponderingjust think which way?
And soon it will start to sculpt that old clay
― dan selzer, Wednesday, 24 January 2024 15:34 (four months ago) link
whoa, that's really good
― silverfish, Wednesday, 24 January 2024 15:47 (four months ago) link
Thanks. This is the best of her last batch:
Poems are magical fantastical thingsThey can seem to be sharp or seem to have wingsSharp harp notes to make a songCome on come on come dance along!
I seriously can't comprehend how good these are. Saying poems are things, that they can be sharp, then saying sharp harp notes. Like does she register "sharp" notes as in the scale as opposed to just sharp as in piercing? I don't know but I do know I couldn't come up with something like this in a million years and we're very proud of her.
― dan selzer, Wednesday, 24 January 2024 15:51 (four months ago) link
These are sooo goood
dan there's a really good telling of the Greek myths suitable for kids that has this neat framing device of a storyteller who's travelling to a storytelling competition, and the stories are all as if he's telling them to people he meets along the way. I'm on a train but I'll try to find it when I get home. The language is really nice and the stories are a good length. Ah hang on I found it - Atticus the Storyteller's 100 Greek Myths - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/337789.Atticus_the_Storyteller
― Humanitarian Pause (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 24 January 2024 15:55 (four months ago) link
Cool, will check it out. She has a book or two on greek myths, but most of her knowledge comes from repeated listening to the podcast Greeking Out. She still agrees that she's not quite ready for the Percy Jackson books, which people tend to recommend for age 8 or so.
― dan selzer, Wednesday, 24 January 2024 15:59 (four months ago) link
Those poems are both amazing!!!My daughter now 11 burned through many Percy Jackson books a few years ago. I read the first one aloud with her and wasn’t impressed. I found both the writing and the character depth to be a cut below most of the oodles of other kids’ fantasy series we’ve read. I imagine as you get deeper into it you get invested, it’s a pretty big extended universe, but I would agree that 7 is young. They’re violent.
― Lavator Shemmelpennick, Wednesday, 24 January 2024 17:30 (four months ago) link
yeah. the writer has a "presents" series of other mythological stories and one sounded good and was supposed to be ok for younger, called Race to the Sun. It was actually pretty violent and scary at times but she was never bothered by it.
― dan selzer, Wednesday, 24 January 2024 17:36 (four months ago) link
"Why does goofy talk but pluto doesn't?" made my brain explode, I love that so so much. Very New York school, which obv makes sense ;-)
― butt dumb tight my boners got boners (the table is the table), Wednesday, 24 January 2024 23:44 (four months ago) link
awesome poems!
― kinder, Thursday, 25 January 2024 20:57 (four months ago) link
tired kid got in a shit tonight about having to turn his light out before finishing his book. after about 10 minutes in bed he came down to where we were watching TV and said "I'm going to say ten words including these ones. Sorry." then disappeared to bed again.
― kinder, Friday, 2 February 2024 20:53 (four months ago) link
That's brilliant.
― Kim Kimberly, Friday, 2 February 2024 20:55 (four months ago) link
whoa!
― peace, man, Saturday, 3 February 2024 12:31 (four months ago) link
5yo"don't think about telling mom i went in the store without a coat"" ... ""YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT IT"
― maf you one two (maffew12), Sunday, 11 February 2024 19:28 (four months ago) link
Opal wrote and drew a valentines day car, with an image of a Dachshund. It says "We Be-long together".
When she recites it she puts a lot of emphasis on LONG. Then says "get it?"
Then she asked me what melancholy meant after it was mentioned in Through the Looking Glass which I'm reading to her every night. After explaining it (more or less) she said I can remember that because watermelon is great and cauliflower isn't and if you put them together it's gross and that would make me sad.
Then she came up with an as-yet drawn valentine card that would be a drawing of a slice of watermelon saying "I would be MELON-choly without you"
Emphasis on MELON obviously.
I told her we should go into business making cards and I suddenly regret selling all of my letterpress equipment.
― dan selzer, Sunday, 11 February 2024 22:27 (four months ago) link
aw
― peace, man, Sunday, 11 February 2024 23:43 (four months ago) link
melon cauli is an awesome concept
― kinder, Monday, 12 February 2024 13:03 (four months ago) link
My younger kid asked the question every parent dreads:“Daddy, why did they take the ‘HBO’ out of HBO Max?”
― atmospheric river phoenix (morrisp), Friday, 16 February 2024 02:02 (three months ago) link
Time for the talk
― Lavator Shemmelpennick, Friday, 16 February 2024 02:20 (three months ago) link
A question a child might ask, but not a childish question
― Beyond Goo and Evol (President Keyes), Friday, 16 February 2024 02:37 (three months ago) link
Today she asked my wife — “Mommy, what is ‘Robert Lowe’ famous for?”
― Bison UpChg (morrisp), Monday, 19 February 2024 02:30 (three months ago) link