ILX Parenting 6: "Put Some Goddamn Pants On Before You Go Outside!" is a thing I say now

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have at it

Οὖτις, Friday, 10 July 2015 19:51 (one year ago) Permalink

"because I'M the parent!" is a thing *I* say now.

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Friday, 10 July 2015 20:47 (one year ago) Permalink

I find myself saying giving the weirdest instructions sometimes

Οὖτις, Friday, 10 July 2015 21:00 (one year ago) Permalink

completely frivolous post but: ex-coworker pregnant w second baby. she's naming it "Macyn" and I am pretty IA about it tbh

ugh. just call the fuckin kid mason jeeeeeeezus christ almighty

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 19:48 (one year ago) Permalink

boy or girl? I'm guessing girl.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 22:50 (one year ago) Permalink

just intentionally mispronounce it from now on

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:00 (one year ago) Permalink

"makin? like yr makin a baby?"

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:00 (one year ago) Permalink

we've moved beyond the "why" stage to the "no" or simply ignoring stage which is slowly sapping my will to live and/or self-image as a nice guy

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 15 July 2015 12:53 (one year ago) Permalink

Hey all. Haven't been around for a while but K now has a baby sister, E. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 00:58 (one year ago) Permalink

Good job.

Jeff, Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:02 (one year ago) Permalink

Oh yay! I was just thinking about you, man alive, and hoping you'd come back and say hello. Congratulations!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:45 (one year ago) Permalink

Aw! Nice to not be forgotten by ILXORs, at least a few nice ones.

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:47 (one year ago) Permalink

yes you were missed dude

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:12 (one year ago) Permalink

we even posted in the ilx milk carton thread a while back iirc

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:13 (one year ago) Permalink

anyways good to have a new thread

J is starting to ask "what is ____" about everything, it is really cool, like he is really trying to get at the deeper meaning of it, e.g. he has been eating oatmeal for a good two years now but now he wants to really know "what is oatmeal???"

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:15 (one year ago) Permalink

haha also xp man alive i misread your post to say "K now has a babysitter, E" so i did not comment b/c that seemed unremarkable, but yea congratulations!

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:24 (one year ago) Permalink

So yeah, two kids is pretty crazy. OTOH in the final months before the birth I hustled hard and found a better job -- better pay AND more flexible with time, and that's been making things a lot easier.

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 03:13 (one year ago) Permalink

Oh awesome! Congratulations on the new job AND the new baby!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 03:17 (one year ago) Permalink

yeah two kids is nuts. fwiw three is not as nuts as two is, in case you're inclined in that way

we just flew back to the usa for a couple of weeks and my kids did well, but then my youngest is 8 so why would it be bad. tons of movies on demand with the little screens, they keep bringing you food and drinks, you get to snuggle, what's not to like.

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 12:01 (one year ago) Permalink

fwiw three is not as nuts as two

this needs explaination

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Thursday, 16 July 2015 17:36 (one year ago) Permalink

two is fucking crazy

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:45 (one year ago) Permalink

I assume when you have three you let the oldest child be in charge of the other two. Parenting over!

Οὖτις, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:46 (one year ago) Permalink

im dying here w/ 2, it is intense

my mom had 5 and i just can't even comprehend that

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:48 (one year ago) Permalink

i think maybe people who say the jump to 3 is not a big deal is maybe because at that point the older ones are a little more manageable since they are older?

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:49 (one year ago) Permalink

also some of you may recall i mentioned J's autism diagnosis on the previous thread, things were super stressful for a long while especially after F's birth but things do seem to be falling into place a little w/ his services and planning for preschool next year. we found some really incredible home-based therapists and b/c of his diagnosis J also got offered a spot at one of our city's best public schools allowing us to bypass some of the anxiety-inducing byzantine lottery process. one benefit i guess to having a kid with special needs. also J is just doing amazingly well right now and we've seen so much growth and progress, it is really hopeful.

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:54 (one year ago) Permalink

Oh good! That's good to hear.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:21 (one year ago) Permalink

Thanks for the update Marcos, that's good to hear.
My friend with 3 kids says the jump to 3 is the craziest ever. You only have 2 hands for a start!

kinder, Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:44 (one year ago) Permalink

Yeah I've heard that 3 is the hardest - harder than two, harder than four.

LOL survey says - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/07/three-children-is-most-st_n_3229032.html

I think we'll stick with one to be on the safe side.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:58 (one year ago) Permalink

http://adequateman.deadspin.com/14-things-you-will-say-to-your-kids-a-million-goddamn-t-1717985943

I would add "Put on your shoes" to this list.

Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:11 (one year ago) Permalink

Ivy's only 19 months so some of those don't apply but we're already well on our way with "Careful," "You're fine," and "Don't eat that."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:16 (one year ago) Permalink

yeah I dunno with #3, #1 was already 6 years old, so didn't need the kind of management that newborns do, and got along well with #2 so our lives were fine. plus we knew what we were doing by that point, at least as well as we ever were going to. but when #2 was born...I don't know how we survived tbh

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:44 (one year ago) Permalink

Oh god, "careful!" is getting a lot of use now, as well as the related "gentle hands!" F's top three words are "no", "nono" and "nonononononono".

Madchen, Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:55 (one year ago) Permalink

"Did you take another bite of your dinner yet?"

how's life, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:03 (one year ago) Permalink

Ivy's daycare teachers use the Spanish "linda" to mean "nicely," which Ivy picked up on early so we say that instead of "gentle hands." And we say that a lot... Also my mom's old favorite: People are not for hitting. People are for loving. Usually said through gritted teeth after Ivy smacks my glasses off my face.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:15 (one year ago) Permalink

our perfect granddaughter, who always slept through the night even from birth and has never been the slightest bit difficult during year one, has FINALLY has her first tantrum, tried to scratch her mom with her little fingernails. we breathed a sigh of relief tbh, thank god she's not some pod person experiment and is actually human.

I have a couple of new Isolde pics as well, will post later

sleeve, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:31 (one year ago) Permalink

Damn straight.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 22:00 (one year ago) Permalink

"gentle hands" wtf does that mean, like what is the situation

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:47 (one year ago) Permalink

pets?

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:48 (one year ago) Permalink

ime it is another way of saying "don't scratch my fucking face, boy"

marcos, Friday, 17 July 2015 00:06 (one year ago) Permalink

Yeah like "don't hit scratch slap pinch me/your dad/this other child/the cat."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Friday, 17 July 2015 00:39 (one year ago) Permalink

"What did I just say?" is another thing I say a lot.

Οὖτις, Friday, 17 July 2015 02:39 (one year ago) Permalink

I've been trying to get a little more real about "rules" lately, especially with eating, e.g. I keep repeating "we don't get something else until we finish what we have," because she has a really annoying habit of asking for something, taking a few bites and then asking for another thing. Also trying to stop snacks in the stroller and carseat so she'll actually eat her goddamn meals instead of snacking all the time, but that one is challenging (because on the morning where she DOESN'T eat her goddamn breakfast, you feel guilty sending her to school hungry).

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (one year ago) Permalink

Also we have a grandparent who sees her every week and undermines all this

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (one year ago) Permalink

gah, that thing when your newborn is finally asleep and completely quiet and then you keep checking every twenty minutes to make sure they're alive.

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:02 (one year ago) Permalink

:)

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:19 (one year ago) Permalink

double congratulations, man alive!

estela, Friday, 17 July 2015 05:28 (one year ago) Permalink

small man still alive

wisdom be leakin out my louche douche truths (k3vin k.), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:29 (one year ago) Permalink

So I may have missed something, but I think Nora only woke at midnight and 3am last night. It's 7am now and she's still asleep. And it's Em's birthday.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:18 (one year ago) Permalink

Ha, I slept straight through a 5am waking..,

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:24 (one year ago) Permalink

Happy birthday Em. I was just thinking I hadn't seen her over at the other place for a while. If it's any consolation, our sleep has gone back into a bad pattern after having a really good thing going for a couple of months. Hoping we find that groove again.

kinder, Friday, 17 July 2015 08:33 (one year ago) Permalink

It almost makes me want a third child just to have the illusion of prolonging this phase of life.

yea, i've thought about that too, we're not having another but i've often thought about having another so i can postpone having to say goodbye to these early childhood years, which tbh are racing by. other times though i can't wait to get some of this horrible shit (tantrums, no sleep, etc) over with. i look at some family members with kids who are 8, 10, 13 etc and it seems so much easier

marcos, Wednesday, 7 September 2016 14:37 (five months ago) Permalink

We're really thinking about having another kid right now. We're so unprepared for it, especially financially, but if we wait much longer we'll probably be too old. Like, if he had a third kid now, my wife would be 60 when they graduated from high school. I'm really stressing about this and not sure what to do. Our youngest just started kindergarten this week and our oldest is in 7th.

how's life, Wednesday, 7 September 2016 14:44 (five months ago) Permalink

We're sort of in the same position, like ideally another 3-5 years before having another kid would be best financially (because I don't see affording an actual house before then), but then we'll be pushing the "older parents" envelope in terms of risks, energy etc.

the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Wednesday, 7 September 2016 14:50 (five months ago) Permalink

I'll be 52 and Carl will be 58 if/when our kid graduates from high school. We will not be having another. Unless we find one on the street then maybe we would keep it.

Jeff, Wednesday, 7 September 2016 15:04 (five months ago) Permalink

My fourth (a boy) was born last night!

ArchCarrier, Wednesday, 7 September 2016 15:37 (five months ago) Permalink

wow congrats!!!

the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Wednesday, 7 September 2016 15:37 (five months ago) Permalink

teens > little ones, except for cuddling. easier? I dunno, you have to be more on your game the older they get. but it's more fun. at least for me, but I don't like babies, despite having raised 3 of them.

xp nice! I don't think we're gonna go for 4 but I see the appeal (here in France mothers win a medal from the government for having 4 kids)

droit au butt (Euler), Wednesday, 7 September 2016 15:39 (five months ago) Permalink

congrats!

Mad Piratical (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 7 September 2016 15:42 (five months ago) Permalink

Heh, thanks everyone :)

Unfortunately we don't get a medal here in Holland, and also no discounts and other perks like big families get in Belgium.

Still, four kids feels alright somehow. They were all born about two years apart from each other, so they all grow up together.

ArchCarrier, Wednesday, 7 September 2016 16:05 (five months ago) Permalink

ah that's great! Congrats! Would quite like a second, now, but cannot ever imagine wanting more than that...

kinder, Wednesday, 7 September 2016 16:12 (five months ago) Permalink

Congrats Arch!

Le Bateau Ivre, Wednesday, 7 September 2016 16:22 (five months ago) Permalink

Aw! Congratulations!

how's life, Wednesday, 7 September 2016 16:29 (five months ago) Permalink

congratulations!

marcos, Wednesday, 7 September 2016 16:30 (five months ago) Permalink

dates to 1920, when France needed babies after WW1

we get perks for 3 kids, reduced tariffs for entry into museums/cultural things etc., and on transport. but to get the bronze medal we need 4, silver is 6, gold is 8.

droit au butt (Euler), Wednesday, 7 September 2016 16:51 (five months ago) Permalink

Well done arch!

I hear from this arsehole again, he's going in the river (James Morrison), Thursday, 8 September 2016 00:30 (five months ago) Permalink

three weeks pass...

This weekend, I checked my kid's search history prompted by Tracer's story. I came up clean! He could be using some sort of "Incognito" mode though. I wouldn't put it past him because he's pretty savvy, but I didn't worry about it today.

I did find out that he has a YouTube channel though! He makes videos of himself playing Call of Duty and other games while telling little stories about his life or trying to be funny. His history of liked videos was mostly the same. Anyway, there wasn't any worrying content in the videos except for at one point he inadvertently doxxes one of his friends from school, who also has a channel doing the exact same thing: "Oh, and let me tell you about [channel] name. His name is [the kids' full name]..." *sigh* The video doesn't have enough views though for me to be worried about it though.

Anyway, just wanted to share the results of my snooping.

― how's life, Sunday, June 5, 2016 9:39 AM (three months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Ha ha. This youtube channel thing went bad pretty fast. I'm not going to give any details on here, but for the love of god people, don't miss any opportunity to spy on your kids online. Track that shit!

how's life, Monday, 3 October 2016 15:33 (four months ago) Permalink

😕

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Monday, 3 October 2016 15:35 (four months ago) Permalink

yeah it's been that way-ish for us as recounted on either this or another thread, but I dunno, he's 13, I'd been checking out my dad's playboys and penthouses for years by that point. also is there really much that's that bad on youtube? my kids watch *tons* of youtube (pretty much no tv anymore, by their choice) and they mostly seem to watch minecraft videos etc. is there much gore or boobs on youtube? (not talking about the rest of the net OBV)

droit au butt (Euler), Monday, 3 October 2016 15:58 (four months ago) Permalink

No, it's not about the rest of youtube's content for me. It's about his. There's a cyberbullying angle to it. I'm pretty disappointed.

how's life, Monday, 3 October 2016 16:37 (four months ago) Permalink

oh, I see, wow. ugh.

droit au butt (Euler), Monday, 3 October 2016 16:38 (four months ago) Permalink

I'm worried similarly about the 11yo in our household. I've overheard him being really quite aggressive/bossy to his friends online on Skype when they game online. He's a good kid, but god boys are dicks on the internet.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, 3 October 2016 22:48 (four months ago) Permalink

Yeah, I just got done chewing him out about it and I'm pretty depressed.

how's life, Monday, 3 October 2016 23:29 (four months ago) Permalink

Was going to post this in the lurking clowns epidemic thread, but it became increasingly ILP-M as I wrote it:

We HAD given our children a warning about clowns, because one of the earlier supposed sightings wasn't far from us. That one turned out to be a hoax, but to be honest, the whole thing is unnerving anyway. "Ok, is this clown going to be another college kid hoax or is somebody going to do something actually malicious eventually?"

So we took my daughter to a colleague's daughter's birthday party. The parents had hired a magician. He shows up in this jester outfit with skulls all over it.

My girl was so terrified she clung to her mom for the entire 3 hour party.

Poor guy, I had never been to one of those parties where the hired entertainment had to work a really tough crowd of disinterested children. He did alright though. He was really good with balloon animals too and when we left, my kid kept crying "balloon animal! balloon animal!" But she wouldn't go back and ask the magician for one because of his spooky clown outfit.

And that's how I spent Sunday evening becoming an expert at balloon animals!

how's life, Thursday, 6 October 2016 13:32 (four months ago) Permalink

how you gonna make balloon animals with a nail through your hand

the notes the loon doesn't play (ulysses), Thursday, 6 October 2016 13:59 (four months ago) Permalink

Magic?

how's life, Thursday, 6 October 2016 14:04 (four months ago) Permalink

the notes the loon doesn't play (ulysses), Thursday, 6 October 2016 14:20 (four months ago) Permalink

three weeks pass...

Well she was adorable tonight except for being completely rude at the first five houses and not saying thank you which I was ready to just kill the whole escapade at house #3 but mom was right - in part - that she needed to warm up a little, shyness etc. but I will not suffer rudeness!!! ARRGH.

Anyway I think part of it was feeling silly in costume, which I totally get, and I think the way I turned Halloweeen around for myself was by dressing up as various genuinely terrifying things and actually scaring people. I suggest: What about next year we dress up as something scary? And try and scare people, like Dad used to do?

"Next year I'm going to be a mean cheerleader that only likes girls!"

OK!

ELECTION (no comey I) (El Tomboto), Monday, 31 October 2016 23:23 (three months ago) Permalink

Someone gave my daughter a kazoo for halloween and I'm not sure if I like her anymore.

how's life, Saturday, 5 November 2016 13:35 (three months ago) Permalink

hahaha

kinder, Saturday, 5 November 2016 13:59 (three months ago) Permalink

lol

Flamenco Drop (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 5 November 2016 20:44 (three months ago) Permalink

one month passes...

how have you all talked to your kids about death and dying?

my four-year-old has been asking a lot of questions. his great aunt gave him a little dreamcatcher in his room with feathers on it and he asked how feathers fall off of birds and i told him that they either fall off naturally the way our hair falls out or else we can pluck them from a dead bird. he asks "how do birds die?" to "where do birds go when they die?" to "what happens when i die?" he's heard language about death and dying before in passing but he's only now started to ask a lot of questions.

i gave him some answers but im not sure there is any satisfactory way of going about this. i talked about how our bodies shut down and we become part of the earth (im agnostic so i didn't talk about heaven and eternal souls and all that, though my wife has mentioned heaven a little bit to him). fundamentally i find it comforting that we do become part of the earth when we die. but i also talked about how we live on in the memories of people who loved us. i have an uncle who died about 10 years ago, an artist who created thousands of prints, and whose work is on the walls of our house and in all of my family members' houses. my son knows who that uncle is even though he died before my son was born so i talked about how my uncle got sick from cancer and died and become part of the earth and now he lives on in our memories and our love for his art. my son creates a lot of art too so i thought he might connect to that. but who the fuck knows really?

now he's asking questions right before bedtime about where he goes when dies, when he goes into the earth what happens to his pajamas, his toys, etc. he definitely seems a little alarmed and confused by it all but still asks questions about it in that everday incessantly curious way he asks questions about basically anything that four-year-olds wonder about too though.

I've read Ta-nehisi Coates. (marcos), Tuesday, 6 December 2016 18:40 (two months ago) Permalink

my stock answer to "where do we go when we die?" is "we go back to where we were before we were born". tbf neither of my kids have gotten too death obsessive - it certainly hasn't registered in any serious way with my 4yo, who enjoys "playing dead" and has seen various dead things (animals mostly) but I don't think really grasps the enormity of it. My daughter was about that age when my great-grandmother died (at 101) and so she's been through the thing of a relative dying but she never seemed particularly fixated on it.

I realize the above is not helpful at all, lol...

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 6 December 2016 18:51 (two months ago) Permalink

"where do we go when we die?" is "we go back to where we were before we were born".

i like that answer a lot actually

I've read Ta-nehisi Coates. (marcos), Tuesday, 6 December 2016 18:54 (two months ago) Permalink

i talked about how our bodies shut down and we become part of the earth

This is basically how we spoke to our kids about it. Neither of my kids have had anyone close to them die yet, other than small pets. We always stop to examine dead animals when we find them in the road or the woods or wherever.

My nephew, who is in seventh grade like my oldest kid, had a friend die on Sunday. I haven't gotten any reliable word on how it happened. I never met the friend, but it's been heavy to think about. Nephew himself is already being treated for severe depression, so it's gotta be extra hard on him.

how's life, Tuesday, 6 December 2016 18:57 (two months ago) Permalink

i used to have pretty bad death-phobia as a kid, waking up at night in full panic - as a little kid i was constantly running into the living room at night saying "i dont want to die i dont want to die" etc. those panic attacks lasted until a year or two ago when i started doing yoga.

i dunno how to retroactively say what could have been done to thwart it but definitely honest, but caring, conversations can only help imo. my parents never really talked much about it, just platitudes etc

it also dovetails with fears of loss of control, so coming at it from that angle could help?

i've read where it can manifest as ocd in some kids in extreme cases

Flamenco Drop (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 6 December 2016 19:28 (two months ago) Permalink

Mom's been out of the house for a few days, so it was inevitable that my 7-year-old son and I would finally begin discussing the JFK assassination.

HIM: Well it's good that the wives didn't get hurt. Did they get blood on them?

ME: Oh, yeah. And the first lady walked around for the rest of the day with it all over her.

I know it sounds horrible out of context, but it was a real casual conversation. We were sorting and folding his clean laundry, he started asking about snipers....

pplains, Tuesday, 6 December 2016 19:52 (two months ago) Permalink

looool

I've read Ta-nehisi Coates. (marcos), Tuesday, 6 December 2016 19:55 (two months ago) Permalink

kinda lol also O_O

Flamenco Drop (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 6 December 2016 19:56 (two months ago) Permalink

My 4.5yo was surprisingly concerned about the death of her great grandmother, whom she met only once at 20 months old and maybe skyped with a few times, although she had seen a lot of photos of her and stuff. She kept saying she missed her and asking when we could see her again. She may partly just have been parroting her mom's sadness. At the same time, I didn't sense a lot of anxiety or fear around it. I think kids at that age just don't conceptualize death.

the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Tuesday, 6 December 2016 20:03 (two months ago) Permalink

when my oldest kid was 3 his great great grandmother died so we talked about it then. i didn't have anything really wise to say, just that death means it's over, you just stop. i said that some people believe in heaven, like a place you go after you die, but that i didn't really believe that. he was surprisingly down with that. just sort of accepted it, yup, that's how it goes. next!

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 6 December 2016 22:46 (two months ago) Permalink

for those of you who celebrate christmas (as a religious or seasonal/family holiday, for me it's the latter) do you do anything about santa w/ your kids? i don't want to, i'm fine w/ it being a fictional story that would be fun to imagine w/ my kids the same way we have fun reading fictional books but im not down on telling them that a man physically comes down our chimney to deliver gifts to them and every other kid. my wife feels differently and wants to do it. my older son is extremely literal-minded and analytical and if we told him this actually happens then his questioning about how this is logically possible would be very intense and i don't think i can sustain that much myth-making w/ him.

I've read Ta-nehisi Coates. (marcos), Thursday, 8 December 2016 19:11 (two months ago) Permalink

if it ever comes up, I plan to tell them that Santa sub-contracts out to us

¶ (DJP), Thursday, 8 December 2016 19:18 (two months ago) Permalink

lol i was talking with friends about this last week -- when they learned abt santa and such -- and they said their parents had basically taken the view that they had paid good money for all presents bought and no way were they handing over credit for that to a fat bearded made-up man in a red onesie

mark s, Thursday, 8 December 2016 19:36 (two months ago) Permalink

I'm pretty anti-Santa and xmas in general, but it's inevitable with a 3 year old that goes to daycare where they are always doing seasonal/holiday stuff, she gets drawn into it. Even though she doesn't understand it, I tell her that it is a myth/fictional/not a real person. But don't tell other kids that because they may not want to hear it.

Jeff, Thursday, 8 December 2016 20:46 (two months ago) Permalink

I don't know if my 6 year old believes or not. I haven't made any special effort to rope her into believing. We pushed it a lot with her big brother when he was younger and he ended up believing until he was 10, very opposed to ideas that there may not be a Santa Claus. Like, he'd get angry at us. That was a weird scene.

how's life, Thursday, 8 December 2016 20:54 (two months ago) Permalink

I dig Christmas as a purely secular seasonal holiday deal and a have an almost pathological opposition to anything remotely supernatural so I really struggle with how to deal with Santa. The kid is 2 now so definitely aware of Santa as a concept but no real understanding of the mythology or anything.

Not sure how I deal with this in a way that sort of plays along enough for it to be fun but also isn't making him the SANTA ISN'T REAL kid who ruins it for others at school some day.

joygoat, Thursday, 8 December 2016 22:03 (two months ago) Permalink

i just try to stay out of it. if my kids ask me about santa i just go yes well itisamystery.jpg

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 8 December 2016 22:32 (two months ago) Permalink

Re: talking to kids about death--

I'm don't do kiddo grief counseling (just adults), but a client recently recommended this kids' book about death and dying: https://www.amazon.com/Ida-Always-Caron-Levis/dp/1481426400

OTOH one of my hospice social work colleagues has a kid with ASD and she has found that kids on the spectrum benefit from something way more realistic than two polar bear pals, so she's written one herself and has publishing deal! Will post that once it is available.

Anyhow, just talking about death and not avoiding it or minimizing it or using vague stuff like "gone to be with (dead) grandad" seems to be the best strategy, at least that is what I was taught in social worker skool.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Friday, 9 December 2016 22:53 (two months ago) Permalink

quincie my son has ASD so yea please share that when it's published!

I've read Ta-nehisi Coates. (marcos), Saturday, 10 December 2016 00:24 (two months ago) Permalink

one month passes...

https://twitter.com/CharlesFinch/status/823942113838542848

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 24 January 2017 20:18 (one month ago) Permalink


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