ILX Parenting 6: "Put Some Goddamn Pants On Before You Go Outside!" is a thing I say now

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed

have at it

Οὖτις, Friday, 10 July 2015 19:51 (one year ago) Permalink

"because I'M the parent!" is a thing *I* say now.

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Friday, 10 July 2015 20:47 (one year ago) Permalink

I find myself saying giving the weirdest instructions sometimes

Οὖτις, Friday, 10 July 2015 21:00 (one year ago) Permalink

completely frivolous post but: ex-coworker pregnant w second baby. she's naming it "Macyn" and I am pretty IA about it tbh

ugh. just call the fuckin kid mason jeeeeeeezus christ almighty

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 19:48 (one year ago) Permalink

boy or girl? I'm guessing girl.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 22:50 (one year ago) Permalink

just intentionally mispronounce it from now on

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:00 (one year ago) Permalink

"makin? like yr makin a baby?"

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:00 (one year ago) Permalink

we've moved beyond the "why" stage to the "no" or simply ignoring stage which is slowly sapping my will to live and/or self-image as a nice guy

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 15 July 2015 12:53 (one year ago) Permalink

Hey all. Haven't been around for a while but K now has a baby sister, E. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 00:58 (one year ago) Permalink

Good job.

Jeff, Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:02 (one year ago) Permalink

Oh yay! I was just thinking about you, man alive, and hoping you'd come back and say hello. Congratulations!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:45 (one year ago) Permalink

Aw! Nice to not be forgotten by ILXORs, at least a few nice ones.

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:47 (one year ago) Permalink

yes you were missed dude

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:12 (one year ago) Permalink

we even posted in the ilx milk carton thread a while back iirc

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:13 (one year ago) Permalink

anyways good to have a new thread

J is starting to ask "what is ____" about everything, it is really cool, like he is really trying to get at the deeper meaning of it, e.g. he has been eating oatmeal for a good two years now but now he wants to really know "what is oatmeal???"

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:15 (one year ago) Permalink

haha also xp man alive i misread your post to say "K now has a babysitter, E" so i did not comment b/c that seemed unremarkable, but yea congratulations!

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:24 (one year ago) Permalink

So yeah, two kids is pretty crazy. OTOH in the final months before the birth I hustled hard and found a better job -- better pay AND more flexible with time, and that's been making things a lot easier.

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 03:13 (one year ago) Permalink

Oh awesome! Congratulations on the new job AND the new baby!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 03:17 (one year ago) Permalink

yeah two kids is nuts. fwiw three is not as nuts as two is, in case you're inclined in that way

we just flew back to the usa for a couple of weeks and my kids did well, but then my youngest is 8 so why would it be bad. tons of movies on demand with the little screens, they keep bringing you food and drinks, you get to snuggle, what's not to like.

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 12:01 (one year ago) Permalink

fwiw three is not as nuts as two

this needs explaination

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Thursday, 16 July 2015 17:36 (one year ago) Permalink

two is fucking crazy

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:45 (one year ago) Permalink

I assume when you have three you let the oldest child be in charge of the other two. Parenting over!

Οὖτις, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:46 (one year ago) Permalink

im dying here w/ 2, it is intense

my mom had 5 and i just can't even comprehend that

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:48 (one year ago) Permalink

i think maybe people who say the jump to 3 is not a big deal is maybe because at that point the older ones are a little more manageable since they are older?

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:49 (one year ago) Permalink

also some of you may recall i mentioned J's autism diagnosis on the previous thread, things were super stressful for a long while especially after F's birth but things do seem to be falling into place a little w/ his services and planning for preschool next year. we found some really incredible home-based therapists and b/c of his diagnosis J also got offered a spot at one of our city's best public schools allowing us to bypass some of the anxiety-inducing byzantine lottery process. one benefit i guess to having a kid with special needs. also J is just doing amazingly well right now and we've seen so much growth and progress, it is really hopeful.

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:54 (one year ago) Permalink

Oh good! That's good to hear.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:21 (one year ago) Permalink

Thanks for the update Marcos, that's good to hear.
My friend with 3 kids says the jump to 3 is the craziest ever. You only have 2 hands for a start!

kinder, Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:44 (one year ago) Permalink

Yeah I've heard that 3 is the hardest - harder than two, harder than four.

LOL survey says - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/07/three-children-is-most-st_n_3229032.html

I think we'll stick with one to be on the safe side.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:58 (one year ago) Permalink

http://adequateman.deadspin.com/14-things-you-will-say-to-your-kids-a-million-goddamn-t-1717985943

I would add "Put on your shoes" to this list.

Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:11 (one year ago) Permalink

Ivy's only 19 months so some of those don't apply but we're already well on our way with "Careful," "You're fine," and "Don't eat that."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:16 (one year ago) Permalink

yeah I dunno with #3, #1 was already 6 years old, so didn't need the kind of management that newborns do, and got along well with #2 so our lives were fine. plus we knew what we were doing by that point, at least as well as we ever were going to. but when #2 was born...I don't know how we survived tbh

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:44 (one year ago) Permalink

Oh god, "careful!" is getting a lot of use now, as well as the related "gentle hands!" F's top three words are "no", "nono" and "nonononononono".

Madchen, Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:55 (one year ago) Permalink

"Did you take another bite of your dinner yet?"

how's life, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:03 (one year ago) Permalink

Ivy's daycare teachers use the Spanish "linda" to mean "nicely," which Ivy picked up on early so we say that instead of "gentle hands." And we say that a lot... Also my mom's old favorite: People are not for hitting. People are for loving. Usually said through gritted teeth after Ivy smacks my glasses off my face.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:15 (one year ago) Permalink

our perfect granddaughter, who always slept through the night even from birth and has never been the slightest bit difficult during year one, has FINALLY has her first tantrum, tried to scratch her mom with her little fingernails. we breathed a sigh of relief tbh, thank god she's not some pod person experiment and is actually human.

I have a couple of new Isolde pics as well, will post later

sleeve, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:31 (one year ago) Permalink

Damn straight.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 22:00 (one year ago) Permalink

"gentle hands" wtf does that mean, like what is the situation

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:47 (one year ago) Permalink

pets?

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:48 (one year ago) Permalink

ime it is another way of saying "don't scratch my fucking face, boy"

marcos, Friday, 17 July 2015 00:06 (one year ago) Permalink

Yeah like "don't hit scratch slap pinch me/your dad/this other child/the cat."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Friday, 17 July 2015 00:39 (one year ago) Permalink

"What did I just say?" is another thing I say a lot.

Οὖτις, Friday, 17 July 2015 02:39 (one year ago) Permalink

I've been trying to get a little more real about "rules" lately, especially with eating, e.g. I keep repeating "we don't get something else until we finish what we have," because she has a really annoying habit of asking for something, taking a few bites and then asking for another thing. Also trying to stop snacks in the stroller and carseat so she'll actually eat her goddamn meals instead of snacking all the time, but that one is challenging (because on the morning where she DOESN'T eat her goddamn breakfast, you feel guilty sending her to school hungry).

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (one year ago) Permalink

Also we have a grandparent who sees her every week and undermines all this

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (one year ago) Permalink

gah, that thing when your newborn is finally asleep and completely quiet and then you keep checking every twenty minutes to make sure they're alive.

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:02 (one year ago) Permalink

:)

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:19 (one year ago) Permalink

double congratulations, man alive!

estela, Friday, 17 July 2015 05:28 (one year ago) Permalink

small man still alive

wisdom be leakin out my louche douche truths (k3vin k.), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:29 (one year ago) Permalink

So I may have missed something, but I think Nora only woke at midnight and 3am last night. It's 7am now and she's still asleep. And it's Em's birthday.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:18 (one year ago) Permalink

Ha, I slept straight through a 5am waking..,

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:24 (one year ago) Permalink

Happy birthday Em. I was just thinking I hadn't seen her over at the other place for a while. If it's any consolation, our sleep has gone back into a bad pattern after having a really good thing going for a couple of months. Hoping we find that groove again.

kinder, Friday, 17 July 2015 08:33 (one year ago) Permalink

yr kids are ...2? 3?

Οὖτις, Friday, 17 March 2017 16:33 (one month ago) Permalink

They just turned 3.

Rachel Luther Queen (DJP), Friday, 17 March 2017 16:34 (one month ago) Permalink

they mellow out a lot once they get closer to 4

my 4 year old occasionally has tantrums, somewhat related to his autism but we've been able to pin down the triggers and that helps us prevent them most of the time

marcos, Friday, 17 March 2017 16:34 (one month ago) Permalink

it doesn't go away until kindergarten or so in my experience. It definitely doesn't just miraculously vanish when they turn 3. A friend of mine remarked once when I was complaining about "the terrible twos", "wait until you get to the fuckin' fours" and now that Judah is four omg is that the truth. It's kind of worse when they're older because they get more physically powerful and it's harder to just scoop them up and deposit them somewhere.

Οὖτις, Friday, 17 March 2017 16:35 (one month ago) Permalink

I think being able to talk/communicate their needs is a real big part of it. Once they learn they can express themselves/be understood verbally then they have less of an emotional need to lash out. So getting them to talk about their feelings and understand that they're being heard is a big help.

Οὖτις, Friday, 17 March 2017 16:36 (one month ago) Permalink

yea that's all true

marcos, Friday, 17 March 2017 16:40 (one month ago) Permalink

tantrums for us are almost a mathematical thing, if the answers to the following questions are "no" then we are probably fucked:

1) did they get enough sleep last night/today?
2) did they eat enough today?
3) have they taken a shit today?
4) did they avoid sugary foods today?

marcos, Friday, 17 March 2017 16:42 (one month ago) Permalink

2 was actually pretty easy aside from the newly discovered delight in just destroying everything around them; it's only in the past few weeks or so (and really only with one of them) that screaming fits have been added to the repertoire.

I have noticed that fatigue and constipation play a large part in this; the more amiable child is the one who falls asleep faster and has more regular bowel movements. I'm not sure how to really manage this aside from slipping the other one Immodium roofies.

Rachel Luther Queen (DJP), Friday, 17 March 2017 16:54 (one month ago) Permalink

In my experience, a kid throws a tantrum when he/she runs into certain boundaries, and uses them to stretch those boundaries. If you set them beforehand, and let your kids know what the limits are in a certain situation, you have to make sure to keep the boundaries and not give in. The screaming will stop when they find it doesn't work. Of course, that's the hardest part, especially when there are other people nearby.

Short version: kids are not the center of the universe, you set the rules, they obey. Not a very popular attitude these days, but it works.

xp - Regular sleep is very important. Our kids (age 7, 5 and 3) sleep close to 12 hours every day. They go to bed at 7 PM every night, no exception. They napped from 12 till 2 until they were about four years old. Kids need a lot of sleep.

ArchCarrier, Friday, 17 March 2017 16:57 (one month ago) Permalink

tired-tantrums are def a thing. Judah can go into a weird violent fugue state - like, just wordless arms flailing and punching anybody in sight - if he's exhausted and not getting his way.

Οὖτις, Friday, 17 March 2017 17:02 (one month ago) Permalink

ok so I've got a 2 1/2 year old who does this thing now where you put him in the crib and he wants to hold your hand and sing songs and practice his entire vocabulary for like...half an hour before falling asleep. if I leave him at any point in this process he loses his mind. I can't let him cry himself to sleep but IDK what to do.

frogbs, Friday, 17 March 2017 17:51 (one month ago) Permalink

Whatever you do to change this behaviour, you should go slowly. You let it get to this point over two and a half years, so you can't expect him to change overnight. Talk with him during dinner about how you will sing three songs tonight and read one story or something. Make sure he understands. Then, when you want to leave and he does start crying, remind him of the new rules and leave. Let him cry. It will be heartbreaking if you're not used to it, but it won't hurt. He will learn.

We used to have the ten minute rule: if our oldest cried for more than ten minutes on end, we went to check on her. She hardly ever cried that long, although it sometimes seemed to last for hours.

ArchCarrier, Friday, 17 March 2017 18:25 (one month ago) Permalink

ten minutes can be excruciatingly long in child-crying-time, yeah

setting limits def necessary. whether or not they understand limits... well that will be revealed to you I guess lol

Οὖτις, Friday, 17 March 2017 18:27 (one month ago) Permalink

The most important thing is to set the new rules sometime before he goes to bed, when he's calm and understands. Remind him a couple of times before you take him to bed. He will try to get back to the old situation, but you have to keep in mind your ideal of reading him a bedtime story and leaving him. Our bedtime rituals (excluding reading time) hardly ever last for more than five minutes.

ArchCarrier, Friday, 17 March 2017 18:29 (one month ago) Permalink

its strange because he kind of did change overnight. used to be difficult to put him down, then all the sudden he was asking to go to his crib right away. he'd talk and sing to himself for a few minutes and then doze off. a couple weeks ago he asked for my hand and I gave it to him, so he's been doing it ever since

tbh I'm not sure what he gets and what he doesn't get. I think he understands more than he lets on.

frogbs, Friday, 17 March 2017 18:33 (one month ago) Permalink

like, if I say "I'll read a book to you and then I'm going to leave", I don't think he yet understands that

We used to have the ten minute rule: if our oldest cried for more than ten minutes on end, we went to check on her.

yeah this is the part that confuses me sometimes, b/c I've heard that doing this teaches the child that they get what they want if they cry long enough. but you don't wanna leave 'em in there forever.

frogbs, Friday, 17 March 2017 18:35 (one month ago) Permalink

you can also tell him that you are leaving but that you will come back and check on him. 2 1/2 is not too young to understand that concept. we've done that with our boys in the past and it helps calm their anxiety about us leaving quite a bit

marcos, Friday, 17 March 2017 18:36 (one month ago) Permalink

I think being able to talk/communicate their needs is a real big part of it. Once they learn they can express themselves/be understood verbally then they have less of an emotional need to lash out. So getting them to talk about their feelings and understand that they're being heard is a big help.

yeah, I've found that to be the case too. Like, when my son (29 months) starts flipping out we tell him to use his words and tell us what's wrong. When we want him to do something he's not ready to do, he now sits down and says "I want to be alone" We leave him be for about 20 seconds at which point he usually says "I feel better now" and is ready to move on. I think he learned some self control from that "Calm-Down Time" book. Of course sometimes communication is stuff like Me: "I want you to put your toys away." Him: "No. I don't want to. Daddy can do it."

duped and used by my worst Miss U (President Keyes), Friday, 17 March 2017 18:46 (one month ago) Permalink

I tell our more frequent tantrumer that I can't do anything to help him if he screams at me. About 50% of the time he will calm down and tell me what he wants (usually to watch/hear the Big Bang Theory theme song, which is surprisingly easy to memorize via osmosis, I've discovered)

Rachel Luther Queen (DJP), Friday, 17 March 2017 18:50 (one month ago) Permalink

my wife said that worked - just say something like "I'm going to go pee pee" (he understands that since we're trying to potty train him), and then just don't come back, unless he starts crying I guess. didn't work for me though.

one thing I should mention, we just had #2, and though he's been very good with the little one, he's definitely been looking for our attention way more since she was born

another thing I should mention, he's growing up bi-lingual. or at least we're trying to have him grow up that way. so his speech is a bit delayed.

frogbs, Friday, 17 March 2017 18:53 (one month ago) Permalink

Being bilingual shouldn't be a problem for understanding you.

A new baby in the house does shake things up sometimes, but it usually settles pretty quickly if you make sure to give the oldest some quality time, for example during the hours when the baby is sleeping.

ArchCarrier, Friday, 17 March 2017 19:26 (one month ago) Permalink

well, seems to have worked so far

I tell him, "ok, good night..." and walk away after a few minutes. He starts fussing after 30 seconds or so but gives up and falls asleep a minute or two later. So, hey.

frogbs, Monday, 20 March 2017 20:33 (one month ago) Permalink

Awesome, man.

ArchCarrier, Monday, 20 March 2017 21:42 (one month ago) Permalink

just putting this story here for the parents, just wondering if you have opinions. i have some.

http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/news/a43466/mom-kids-followed-in-ikea/

nomar, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 15:38 (four weeks ago) Permalink

sounds ridiculous to me

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 15:42 (four weeks ago) Permalink

Her story reads like the biggest bunch of bullshit. For one thing, these guys were not sex traffickers. They were almost certainly serial killers.

how's life, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 15:58 (four weeks ago) Permalink

they were clearly radical Islamic terrorists

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 16:08 (four weeks ago) Permalink

Come on guys. They were ghosts and you know it.

duped and used by my worst Miss U (President Keyes), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 16:10 (four weeks ago) Permalink

mark s, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 16:14 (four weeks ago) Permalink

Ghosts of her kids from the future, come back in time to warn them about their impending abduction by a sex trafficking ring.

how's life, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 16:15 (four weeks ago) Permalink

what a coincidence that she was alarmed by reading an account of sex-trafficker stalking and then was sex traffikicker stalked herself

duped and used by my worst Miss U (President Keyes), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 16:16 (four weeks ago) Permalink

This harrowing dance apparently continued for the better part of an hour, so eventually, Toyos's mother made a bold move. "She made eye contact, very clearly letting them know that we saw them," Toyos wrote.

nomar, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 16:28 (four weeks ago) Permalink

TAKEAN

duped and used by my worst Miss U (President Keyes), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 16:29 (four weeks ago) Permalink

"good luck" finding those guys in Ikea tbh

nomar, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 16:51 (four weeks ago) Permalink

My mom and I decided to sit down and wait for them to move on. We had a gut feeling something was going on, but we hoped we were wrong and they would move on. So we sat in one of the little display rooms. For close to 30 minutes. And they sat too. They sat down on one of the couches on the display floor that faced us. That was when we knew our gut feeling was right and something was off. They sat the whole time we sat, and stood up right as we got up.

sorry but these are the WORST human traffickers

nomar, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 16:55 (four weeks ago) Permalink

^^next Rob Schneider movie

duped and used by my worst Miss U (President Keyes), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 17:08 (four weeks ago) Permalink

"I always think, 'That could never happen to me,'" Toyos wrote, as a reminder. "But you guys, it did."

but you guys, it didn't

Bobson Dugnutt (ulysses), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 17:56 (four weeks ago) Permalink

and here's why

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 17:58 (four weeks ago) Permalink

SHOCKING: Two women and three children sit on an Ikea couch for thirty minutes near two men.

nomar, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 17:59 (four weeks ago) Permalink

who looked at them, don't forget the looking at them part.

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 19:57 (four weeks ago) Permalink

hello
born may 21, a son

dylannn, Friday, 31 March 2017 16:35 (three weeks ago) Permalink

woohoo congratulations!!!

marcos, Friday, 31 March 2017 16:36 (three weeks ago) Permalink

congrats! did u end up stayin in Japan or moving back to Canada?

Οὖτις, Friday, 31 March 2017 16:37 (three weeks ago) Permalink

also had did baby time travel back to our time from the future or what

Οὖτις, Friday, 31 March 2017 16:37 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Congratulations!!

ArchCarrier, Friday, 31 March 2017 16:41 (three weeks ago) Permalink

thanks. and, march! it was march. still in tokyo, seemingly the most expensive city on the planet to give birth to and raise a child.

dylannn, Friday, 31 March 2017 16:46 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Congrats Dylannn!

On Some Faraday Beach (Le Bateau Ivre), Friday, 31 March 2017 16:48 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Awwww. <3

DJI, Friday, 31 March 2017 17:02 (three weeks ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

'yeah! make that uvula spin!'

It's always (sunny successor), Wednesday, 26 April 2017 17:10 (yesterday) Permalink


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.