How did you know that you were ready?

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You know . . . to start the people-making!

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Friday, 16 January 2009 15:40 (eight years ago) Permalink

You're never ready.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 16 January 2009 15:44 (eight years ago) Permalink

Prepare to be unprepared.
Expect the unexpected.

One of the biggest comforts I had personally as I held this one-day old shrieking human was that, there was no way I could possibly know what I was doing, but somehow, even 25,000 years worth of ancestors had done it before me in less-than-stellar circumstances.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 16 January 2009 15:45 (eight years ago) Permalink

As far as the when part, sunny and I had planned on planning something when it just happened.

You know how when you're at a family gathering and someone's got a baby and they say "here, hold the baby" and you say, "no, I don't want to hold the baby" and they say "just take the baby" and they hand you the baby and then ten minutes later, you don't want to give the baby back? The whole thing's a bit like that.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 16 January 2009 15:48 (eight years ago) Permalink

I thought we were ready as we'd been trying for almost 2 years, boy was I wrong!

Honest answer - we knew we wanted kids, we knew if we waited for the right time it would never come along, so we decided that we should just get on with it. Good job we did in the circumstances!

Vicky, Friday, 16 January 2009 15:49 (eight years ago) Permalink

I know, I know but I guess that at some point you're more ready than you were previously? I know that it definitely won't be a reality for us for at least a year but now a year sounds really soon and when thinking about it I get all nervous/excited/etc. It's just such an enormous decision and change.

Yeah, that's the other thing that scares me when thinking about it. I have absolutely ZERO experience with really little babies. I'm so afraid that I just won't know what to do but you make a v good point.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Friday, 16 January 2009 15:49 (eight years ago) Permalink

that was x-post to pp.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Friday, 16 January 2009 15:50 (eight years ago) Permalink

Vicky - that's my other fear that when we finally try it'll take a really long time and as I'm already 31 time won't exactly be on our sides. Man, this stuff is complicated.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Friday, 16 January 2009 15:51 (eight years ago) Permalink

If there's anything you want to do that you know having kids will make difficult - e.g. you love doing city breaks etc - then get them in now. Also try to be on a financially sound footing if you can. Redundancy when you're young and carefree is an opportunity. With a child it's very scary indeed....

31's not that old, too early to start panicking about that, but it's a good reason not to put it off until your mid-30s

Vicky, Friday, 16 January 2009 15:52 (eight years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that's exactly what we're trying to do at the moment and one of the reasons that it's still at least a year off.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Friday, 16 January 2009 15:55 (eight years ago) Permalink

Sometimes I envy the people for whom it just kind of happens because they don't have to agonize through all these questions although of course I realize that then brings a whole other set of issues.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Friday, 16 January 2009 15:56 (eight years ago) Permalink

i was so anti-kids before we had beeps. like i used to see pregnant women on the street and snicker "sucker!". my biggest motivating factor to get pregnant was that time was running out and i might regret it later if i didn't. pretty shitty reason to have a kid but now i cant even remember what life was like without her.

tacos, fettucini, linguini, martini, bikini. (sunny successor), Friday, 16 January 2009 16:05 (eight years ago) Permalink

awwwww :-)

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Friday, 16 January 2009 16:05 (eight years ago) Permalink

oh yeah and i had zero experience with little kids being the youngest of 4. i think i spent the first week of beeps life sitting on our front porch crying and saying over and over 'omg what have we done??'. we really thought she would be this screaming, crying baby in arms mess for at least 2 years. i had no idea they grew so fast. i mean if you told me 1 year olds walk around and talk i would have told you to stfu liar!
probably the most comforting and simultaneously disappointing thing about parenting is that whatever you're going through, good or bad, its going to change really fast.

tacos, fettucini, linguini, martini, bikini. (sunny successor), Friday, 16 January 2009 16:13 (eight years ago) Permalink

Last night, she sort of worked out how to pause a pre-recorded TV program and go back to the live menu to see what's playing now.

We're talking about someone who was born in 2007.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 16 January 2009 16:21 (eight years ago) Permalink

a good sign that you're ready: starting threads asking if you're ready. you're already as ready as you're going to get if you're doing the mental exercises of thinking it through.

nothing can prepare you for the moment you leave the hospital with the baby strapped in the backseat... "who let this happen? don't they know we are incompetences?"

Edward III, Friday, 16 January 2009 16:21 (eight years ago) Permalink

Yeah see I still find it incredible that it all changes to quickly. I mean I can't believe the beeps in pics you post now is the same little thing that it seems was just born yesterday! She's like a little person now and not a baby anymore. It's incredible.

Edward - Yeah, I guess you're right. Also, I imagine that's exactly what I'll be asking upon leaving the hospital when the time eventually comes.

I am working with teen mothers right now and some of them are just so amazing. They DEFINITELY weren't ready and yet most of them, albeit usually w/ a lot of support, are making it work. I guess parenthood is something that you really can't anticipate and just somehow learn as you go along.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Friday, 16 January 2009 16:27 (eight years ago) Permalink

I agree with what the other parents are saying. My own spin would be: if you have your shit together, then let your body think for you, dangerous as that may sound.

Euler, Friday, 16 January 2009 16:29 (eight years ago) Permalink

One of the teens recently asked me how many kids I have and when I told her none she asked what the hell I was waiting for? I realized that a) to her I must have seemed REALLY old and b) in her world most women my age were probably done having all their kids. Was a really strange moment where I realized how different my world is from that in which most of them have grown up/live.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Friday, 16 January 2009 16:33 (eight years ago) Permalink

yea, very quickly it's years later and all the mii's your daughter creates are hueg zulu women or bearded ladies and your breakfast table is fulla kids harmonizing on "along came jones" complete with mouth-sax solos and yr son can explain what kidneys do better than you can and it's all frickin awesome so don't sweat it

Edward III, Friday, 16 January 2009 16:33 (eight years ago) Permalink

Hahahaha - that's awesome.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Friday, 16 January 2009 16:34 (eight years ago) Permalink

I mean I can't believe the beeps in pics you post now is the same little thing that it seems was just born yesterday! She's like a little person now and not a baby anymore.

I'm still amazed at seeing stuff like this.

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 16 January 2009 16:35 (eight years ago) Permalink

She said okay.

"Two Ears" Laybelle (Noodle Vague), Friday, 16 January 2009 16:35 (eight years ago) Permalink

Have just arranged to go dancing next weekend with my old roommate becuase I figure I probably should while I still can without having to make all sorts of complicated arrangements and can still sleep in. lol.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Friday, 16 January 2009 16:36 (eight years ago) Permalink

PP - I didn't read ILX when ANYC first had his kids but I can see how that would be completely weird and amazing to see.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Friday, 16 January 2009 16:37 (eight years ago) Permalink

can't wait till that little girl's in a scout niblett revival band

Edward III, Friday, 16 January 2009 16:40 (eight years ago) Permalink

yeah charlotte always blows my mind

"who let this happen? don't they know we are incompetences?"
yes, this!

erica, you also might need to account for a couple of years of 'trying'. you might hit it first time but you might not, you know? also, after the first, you might want more!

euler, OTM

tacos, fettucini, linguini, martini, bikini. (sunny successor), Friday, 16 January 2009 16:41 (eight years ago) Permalink

also, after the first, you might want more!

is this a teaser for beeps II?

Edward III, Friday, 16 January 2009 16:42 (eight years ago) Permalink

i wish

tacos, fettucini, linguini, martini, bikini. (sunny successor), Friday, 16 January 2009 16:44 (eight years ago) Permalink

erica, you also might need to account for a couple of years of 'trying'. you might hit it first time but you might not, you know? also, after the first, you might want more!

I know!! This is my big concern. If someone told me that it would happen right away in a year and a half or so and that I'd have my first at 33 then I'd have 0 issues waiting. It's the chance that it could take a while that makes me wonder if it's not something we should go for as soon as it's financially possible.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Friday, 16 January 2009 16:44 (eight years ago) Permalink

of course euler is the guy who recorded his child's screams and put them to dance music and then posted it on the internet so caveat procreator

Edward III, Friday, 16 January 2009 16:45 (eight years ago) Permalink

exactly, and this morning was a brutal reminder of how that went, as my littlest one screamed for 20 minutes and then vomited all over me. I maintained a detached cool throughout but fuck, what we put ourselves through.

Euler, Friday, 16 January 2009 17:05 (eight years ago) Permalink

I saw that movie it was called the exorcist

Edward III, Friday, 16 January 2009 17:07 (eight years ago) Permalink

tell me about it

Euler, Friday, 16 January 2009 17:10 (eight years ago) Permalink

What did you guys do to get ready once you decided to bring a baby on board, aside from saving up mula?

KitCat, Friday, 16 January 2009 21:40 (eight years ago) Permalink

Took off my socks...

•--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 16 January 2009 21:42 (eight years ago) Permalink

saving up money is ideal but some people use that as an indefinite stalling tactic. most important is to decide if you're ready and then the practical matters sort themselves out more or less as you learn to prioritize (assuming you're not starting from the depths of poverty)

Sug's jest bang (velko), Friday, 16 January 2009 21:47 (eight years ago) Permalink

What did you guys do to get ready once you decided to bring a baby on board, aside from saving up mula?

― KitCat, Friday, January 16, 2009 3:40 PM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark

omg are you guys having a baby

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Friday, 16 January 2009 21:51 (eight years ago) Permalink

Not yet!

KitCat, Friday, 16 January 2009 21:53 (eight years ago) Permalink

wouldn't it be sad if i found out we were having a baby on ILX?

congratulations (n/a), Friday, 16 January 2009 21:55 (eight years ago) Permalink

btw we are having a baby!

K!tCat (gbx), Friday, 16 January 2009 21:56 (eight years ago) Permalink

lol

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Friday, 16 January 2009 21:57 (eight years ago) Permalink

one thing is to really examine your healthcare coverage/job benefits so you know exactly what you're in for re: bills & time off

Sug's jest bang (velko), Friday, 16 January 2009 21:58 (eight years ago) Permalink

!

congratulations (n/a), Friday, 16 January 2009 22:01 (eight years ago) Permalink

my s.o. finally wore me down - isn't this every guy's answer?

Tracer Hand, Friday, 16 January 2009 22:29 (eight years ago) Permalink

Vicky - that's my other fear that when we finally try it'll take a really long time and as I'm already 31 time won't exactly be on our sides. Man, this stuff is complicated.

Oh man. At first in a relationship you're looking to AVOID pregnancy at all costs, then if you've decided to GO for it then it can't happen quick enough. We tried for a year. The month we would go for hormone shots - they had told us chances were slim - I was pregnant with Ophelia. Second time I was pregnant the same month I quit the pill.

When are you ready? Never really. It's good you can't imagine what a frigging change a child brings cause I think lots of parents would baulk at having kids then. :-) But then you'd also miss out on the great stuff. Life is never ever the same.

I always loved kids but having kids of your own is completely different.

What did you guys do to get ready once you decided to bring a baby on board, aside from saving up mula?

I suspect mula is lots of sex cause that's what we did. hahahahahahahahaha. Apart from that going to the OBGYN, rubbing my tummy and buying lots of babystuff.

Nathalie (stevienixed), Saturday, 17 January 2009 12:06 (eight years ago) Permalink

mula is money, but yeah it could be what you said....

Mark G, Tuesday, 20 January 2009 08:10 (eight years ago) Permalink

we had long ago decided to have at least one kid "when we're ready", then last year I realized that if we waited for that...

Oh Why, Sports Coat? (Dr. Superman), Tuesday, 20 January 2009 18:33 (eight years ago) Permalink

^^exactly

tacos, fettucini, linguini, martini, bikini. (sunny successor), Tuesday, 20 January 2009 19:16 (eight years ago) Permalink

six years pass...

i was so anti-kids before we had beeps. like i used to see pregnant women on the street and snicker "sucker!". my biggest motivating factor to get pregnant was that time was running out and i might regret it later if i didn't. pretty shitty reason to have a kid but now i cant even remember what life was like without her.

This is basically us.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 30 October 2015 15:42 (one year ago) Permalink

I feel like I could come up with a lot of signs of being "not ready" but there is no sign of "ready" other than I guess absence of major red flags? Not ready would be stuff like unemployed with tendency to get fired, drug addiction, complete unwillingness to change lifestyle in any way, tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt with no realistic plan to pay it off, etc.

Financial readiness for kids (beyond having a job and not being on the verge of bankruptcy) is highly subjective and probably heavily influenced by class expectations.

Mental/emotional/spiritual "readiness" is likely to be developed after you have the kid and as you reshape your life and expectations according to necessity.

on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Friday, 30 October 2015 16:22 (one year ago) Permalink

my uncle told me "it's never a 'good time' to have a kid" and I think he's right

frogbs, Friday, 30 October 2015 16:30 (one year ago) Permalink


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