Craigslist hilarity

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2 small real pumpkins

Reply to: sale-489-✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-11-26, 10:54AM EST

Does anyone have any use for these?

Brigadier Pudding, Monday, 26 November 2007 22:40 (sixteen years ago) link

two months pass...

lolcollege

To My Five Dumfuck Roomates
Reply to: pers-569989✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2008-02-10, 10:49PM CST

To start this on a lighter note, YOU ARE ALL FUCKING RETARDS.
Now that I've said that maybe ill try to tell you why you all deserve to have the right to add to the genetic pool removed.
1. I have a life outside of the house, None of you do.I go out to bars, restraunts , museums, coffe shops, I read indie magazines, I do not like any stereotypical male activities. (exception for sex but read on for that.) I have a life where it does not involve watching the game, drinking a couple of beers, and laughing at something that is hip on youtube. It is precisely this reason that I throw myself into school, culture, and not being at home. You're all 21 get a life past high school shit.

2. I have a double major, one in art and one in theoretical mathematics , which requires approximately 9000 percent of my time not spent sleeping and making myself not look like a bum. So if I on occasion forget my laundry in the dryer, or dont get to the single plate, cup, and pot that i dirtied ten seconds ago, please do not get outrageously bent out about it. Next time I find that my clean clothes were thrown on the disgusting basement floor, or dishes that I had used half an hour ago to make dinner with are in my nice clean bed, let me say that I will burn your section of the house down.

3. Please dont remind me that I'm not from a wealthy family by making sarcastic jokes about having a job, I can hear you and I swear to god that your car will not start ever again if i have to listen to how nice it is to be rich. Also eating all of my food, and then ordering pay per view which you expect me to help pay for is also off limits, along with running a space heater in your downstairs bathroom because you dont want a cold ass. Deal with it, I paid an extra 80 bucks for that shit last month, and trust me I'm going to fucking send you the bill.

4.On the topic of school, you are all unable to find majors that involve sports and burping, so you choose bullshit ones. Great for you, I didnt. Mr. Business major who never does homework, never leaves from the couch, and will not let me check the weather, You will probably make more money than me ever. But you're dumb, and so is that barely legal freshman you rail every weekend. My history major roomate, your parents are rich beyond absurdity ( they seriously bought you a thirty thousand dollar car after you smashed up your used bmw) and you will live off of them till you get your phd, good luck on doing anything with that when you can barely write a paper, or hold a conversation (exception for those about sports). The industrial engineer who lives with me, you are my best friend, but you are still dumb, you couldnt cut it as an ME, or a CE, or even as a consulting major, so you took engineers for business. Sorry. The ornmantel horticulture major, you're nice, but going to school to learn how to cut grass is a waste. and finally my construction management roomate. Actually you're not dumb, just never there to talk to.

4. I am not dumb because I am studying art. Once more and ill make art from your fucking cd collection.

5. Hour shower roomate, get the hell out of there, i want to be naked and wet too.

6. If I listen to a record, using headphones, at two in the morning with my door shut and the light on dim, please do not disturb me, Im tired and relaxing.

7.All of you drive nicer cars that your parents bought you, and I can understand that you dont want them scratched, but just because I drive a nicer used VW that I am personally paying for each month does not mean you can take my keys and park it in the little old ladies driveway she lets us use. I have a 4 inch clearence, and if my bottom if fucked, all of you are getting the bill. Trust me and let me park in the spot my rent is paying for, I promise i will not dent your car.

8. On the topic of sex, I have it on occasion, with the same steady partner, who no longer wants to come over due to the catcalls, pounding, and yelling. When you all are getting some, I have the curtesy to be quiet and in my room. Do the same or i swear you'll never get any again.

9.I work about 35 hours a week, and study for about 100 or something, so when i sleep i try to be quiet and not wake you up, six in the morning shouting about lifting when I've been asleep 45 minutes is not acceptable. A bat to your face just might be.

10. I'm done with this one. Nicknames are stupid, use my full name when i am around my friends and collegues or so help me god, I will tell the world all of your drunken secrets. Including the one about doing a chick who used to be a guy mr business major.

Thank you and goodnight I fucking hope.

Jordan, Monday, 11 February 2008 23:33 (sixteen years ago) link

He's got some atrocious spelling and grammar for someone so "smart".

jon /via/ chi 2.0, Monday, 11 February 2008 23:38 (sixteen years ago) link

I pity whoever this man marries. If he really works that hard, does he really have a life, outside the house or otherwise?

Although the dumping laundry on the basement floor or putting dishes into beds is kind of bullshit, unless its a chronic thing.

I REALLY don't miss college at all.

B.L.A.M., Monday, 11 February 2008 23:47 (sixteen years ago) link

if these douchebags are so rich why do they need roommates?

get bent, Tuesday, 12 February 2008 00:00 (sixteen years ago) link

Wow

Mr. Goodman, Tuesday, 12 February 2008 00:39 (sixteen years ago) link

I have a life where it does not involve watching the game, drinking a couple of beers, and laughing at something that is hip on youtube.

^^THIS IS THE ROOT OF YOUR PROBLEM DUDE

J0rdan S., Tuesday, 12 February 2008 01:11 (sixteen years ago) link

If he's so hung up on wealth he probably shouldn't be doing a double major in arts & theoretical maths

badg, Tuesday, 12 February 2008 01:38 (sixteen years ago) link

ts:

1. I have a life outside of the house

vs

I work about 35 hours a week, and study for about 100 or something

omar little, Tuesday, 12 February 2008 01:42 (sixteen years ago) link

EXACTLY.

B.L.A.M., Tuesday, 12 February 2008 01:53 (sixteen years ago) link

I think this guy will go on to become a real life Frank Grimes.

Bee En Juan, Tuesday, 12 February 2008 02:51 (sixteen years ago) link

one month passes...

I can't tell if this one is as funny as I think it is or not:

hot blonde waitress at Max and Ermas - m4w - 53

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Reply to: pers-604782✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2008-03-13, 9:02AM EDT

You waited on us. Group of 10 by the Sundae bar on Tuesday the 11th. You are so hot. I don't know if you come here or not, but it is worth a shot. You are so HOT!!!

nickalicious, Monday, 17 March 2008 20:56 (sixteen years ago) link

LOOKING FOR THE WOMAN WHO TRADED HERSELF FOR MY TV - m4w - 40

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Reply to: pers-612224✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2008-03-19, 10:58PM PDT

Spring 2003.

I was moving out of L.A. and selling some stuff on Craigslist.

I wanted $175 for my television. You answered my ad.

You said you needed a new TV but offered me something other than cash.

I waited for you downstairs.

You came rollin' down the sidewalk.

Two guys bumped into one another while looking at your delicious apple bottom.

I showed you that my TV worked. I put the cat outside.

Much better than $175.

I'm back in L.A.

I have another T.V.

omar little, Thursday, 20 March 2008 20:13 (sixteen years ago) link

Freddy Crooner is o_O

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/muc/612752647.html

his homepage is even more fucked up

dan m, Thursday, 20 March 2008 20:44 (sixteen years ago) link

Bloeing (???)

The left channel is a Boeing "feel good about us" promotional ad which I mess up by shifting pitch and playback speed via Photon X25 midi controller & Ableton. The right channel is a text-to-speech synthesized voice reading descriptions of weapons from their web site.

Holy shit!

nickalicious, Thursday, 20 March 2008 22:41 (sixteen years ago) link

Police offer amnesty to people who stole from Craigslist hoax victim

12:17 PM PDT on Tuesday, March 25, 2008

By AP and kgw.com Staff

JACKSONVILLE, Ore. -- Police say belongings removed from a Southern Oregon man's property have begun slowly reappearing at his home, a day after a pair of hoax ads on Craigslist cost Robert Salisbury much of what he owned.

And police said people who return the items voluntarily will not be prosecuted.

The ads popped up Saturday afternoon, saying the owner of a Jacksonville home was forced to leave the area suddenly and his belongings, including a horse, were free for the taking, said Jackson County Sheriff's Detective Sgt. Colin Fagan.

But the ads were a hoax. Robert Salisbury had no plans to leave.

The independent contractor was at Emigrant Lake when he got a call from a woman who had stopped by his house to claim his horse.

On his way home he stopped a truck loaded down with his work ladders, lawn mower and weed eater.

"I informed them I was the owner, but they refused to give the stuff back," Salisbury said. "They showed me the Craigslist printout and told me they had the right to do what they did."

The driver sped away after rebuking Salisbury. On his way home he spotted other cars filled with his belongings.

Once home he was greeted by close to 30 people rummaging through his barn and front porch.

The trespassers, armed with printouts of the ad, tried to brush him off. "They honestly thought that because it appeared on the Internet it was true," Salisbury said. "It boggles the mind."

Jacksonville police and Jackson County sheriff's deputies arrived but by then several cars packed with Salisbury's property had fled.

He turned some license plate numbers over to police. By late Monday, s ome people who learned of the hoax began to return items taken from the home. Authorities weren't able to say how much or what had been returned, but did say that by late Monday afternoon, items were "starting to piling up" in Salisbury's driveway.

Michelle Easley had seen the ad that claimed Salisbury's horse had been declared abandoned by the sheriff's department and was free to a good home.

"I can't stand to see a horse suffer so I drove out there and got her," Easley said. "The horse didn't look abandoned. She is in good shape for being 32 years old."

But it looked odd, so she left a note on Salisbury's door explaining the ad. She then decided to call to make sure the ad was legitimate when the second similar ad appeared.

"I feel bad because I was a part of it," Easley said. "It felt right to call the police."

Fagan praised Easley's honestly but said prosecution was likely for anybody caught with Salisbury's property.

Officers were still contacting people who were seen leaving Salisbury's house with his stuff. If they return the taken items, no charges will be filed. But people who don’t return what they took may face charges.

Items can be returned with no questions asked, Fagan said.

Detectives have contacted Craigslist's legal team to try to trace the ad.

Meanwhile, Salisbury could not even relax on his porch swing -- someone took it.

deej, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 22:38 (sixteen years ago) link

Apparently it was a disgruntled niece who done did it!

Alex in SF, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 22:52 (sixteen years ago) link

"They honestly thought that because it appeared on the Internet it was true," Salisbury said. "It boggles the mind."

deej, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 22:55 (sixteen years ago) link

Allegedly real ad in bay area cl. I got it in email. Smells like bs, but whatever

<img src=http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j278/oilyrags/ATT00001.jpg>;

Oilyrags, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 23:02 (sixteen years ago) link

http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j278/oilyrags/ATT00001.jpg

Oilyrags, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 23:05 (sixteen years ago) link

Who is alleging this ad to be real?

Alex in SF, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 23:23 (sixteen years ago) link

whoever began sending it round, I guess.

Oilyrags, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 23:25 (sixteen years ago) link

According to Snopes it's a non-doctored pic, but that's bigger than any mastiff I've ever seen so I'm guessing there is either some trickery going on here.

http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/bigdog.asp

Alex in SF, Tuesday, 25 March 2008 23:31 (sixteen years ago) link

The easiest sort of 'trickery' I can imagine that doesn't involve doctoring the pic would be if that woman is unusually petite.

Oilyrags, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 12:57 (sixteen years ago) link

And the dog disturbingly massive.

The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 15:39 (sixteen years ago) link

look at her hand on the dog's leg. it's not that big, its just closer to the camera.

max, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 15:40 (sixteen years ago) link

one month passes...

http://shipdisturbers.com/bestofcraigslist.jpg

Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 6 May 2008 16:26 (sixteen years ago) link

stomp around on the buildings, just don't break em'!

jon /via/ chi 2.0, Tuesday, 6 May 2008 16:34 (sixteen years ago) link

imitation crab meat

omg

elmo argonaut, Tuesday, 6 May 2008 16:36 (sixteen years ago) link

if that doesn't top the ad from the dude who wanted to jerk off into a tornado, then surely it's a close second

elmo argonaut, Tuesday, 6 May 2008 16:42 (sixteen years ago) link

lock thread, surely.

Sparkle Motion, Tuesday, 6 May 2008 17:07 (sixteen years ago) link

25-70

Oilyrags, Tuesday, 6 May 2008 17:08 (sixteen years ago) link

http://hudsonvalley.craigslist.org/muc/677453250.html

tehresa, Saturday, 17 May 2008 01:20 (sixteen years ago) link

these two need to hook up

Need man to set up wireless network - 33
Reply to: pers-320771✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-04-28, 7:02PM CDT

My ex-husband tried and got things even more screwed up.
I need a good looking man, 21-45, to come to my home and set up my wireless network. We have one desktop and two laptops. We have DSL. What's so hard about that?
One BJ for payment, and then our relationship is over.
Interested?

* Location: Norwood Park
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 320771195

LOOKING FOR THE WOMAN WHO TRADED HERSELF FOR MY TV - m4w - 40

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Reply to: pers-612224✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2008-03-19, 10:58PM PDT

Spring 2003.

I was moving out of L.A. and selling some stuff on Craigslist.

I wanted $175 for my television. You answered my ad.

You said you needed a new TV but offered me something other than cash.

I waited for you downstairs.

You came rollin' down the sidewalk.

Two guys bumped into one another while looking at your delicious apple bottom.

I showed you that my TV worked. I put the cat outside.

Much better than $175.

I'm back in L.A.

I have another T.V.

sunny successor, Saturday, 17 May 2008 05:26 (sixteen years ago) link

"I put the cat outside"

sunny successor, Saturday, 17 May 2008 05:27 (sixteen years ago) link

My pedals are alphabetized so that I can easily find them in the middle of "battle".

dying

When you've been in the business as long as I have, you tend to come up with little time-saving tricks like that.

dying more, gagging on own vomit

get bent, Saturday, 17 May 2008 08:40 (sixteen years ago) link

poughkeepsie

tehresa, Saturday, 17 May 2008 08:45 (sixteen years ago) link

that's where rock 'n' roll dreams come through!

get bent, Saturday, 17 May 2008 08:46 (sixteen years ago) link

photo taken in attic = still lives with parents?

get bent, Saturday, 17 May 2008 08:47 (sixteen years ago) link

i dunno but i saw a guy wearing chain mail in orlando once. maybe these two should hang out.

tehresa, Saturday, 17 May 2008 08:49 (sixteen years ago) link

they can be the houseband at medieval times

get bent, Saturday, 17 May 2008 08:53 (sixteen years ago) link

I'm back in L.A.

I have another T.V.

wow this could be the chorus of a great song (including the rest of it as verses obviously)

Ludo, Saturday, 17 May 2008 11:56 (sixteen years ago) link

I showed you that my TV worked. I put the cat outside.

flintstonesopeningcredits.jpg

Dom Passantino, Saturday, 17 May 2008 12:01 (sixteen years ago) link

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ksc/395322346.html

sleep, Wednesday, 21 May 2008 17:52 (sixteen years ago) link

We could go get dinner (under $20), and watch a movie. Also I’m allergic to cats.

B.L.A.M., Wednesday, 21 May 2008 19:31 (sixteen years ago) link

Oh hell no.

http://littlerock.craigslist.org/zip/692592254.html

Pleasant Plains, Tuesday, 27 May 2008 18:29 (sixteen years ago) link

someone doesn't really want to part with that printer.

chicago kevin, Tuesday, 27 May 2008 19:11 (sixteen years ago) link

We have DSL....let me say that I will burn your section of the house down. I thought I was done after those two and then I read the christian wife ad and the cinderblock one. Craigslist; don't ever change.

VeronaInTheClub, Wednesday, 28 May 2008 00:25 (sixteen years ago) link

I partake in only adventure/fantasy role play, no creepy goth stuff, it’s too weird.

The Reverend, Wednesday, 28 May 2008 01:05 (sixteen years ago) link


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