Defend the Indefensible: Jared of Subway

The Jon Lovtiz Subway ads are annoying but nowhere near as shoot-the-fukken-Television-like-Elvis annoying as Jared was.

This stupid book has been turning up in all of the new releases catalogs . It is haunting my dreams.

1. force self to pull faces at "fried chicken"
2. masturbate furiously to Land o Lakes girl while crying into pillow
3. take speech classes to pronouce "six inch chicken teriyaki" perfectly
4. cease and desist the drinking of clarified butter
5. make muscles to self in mirror
6. more crying into pillow
7. snake bites
8. purchase and skim yoga book
9. upgrade from NES to SNES
10.change underwear
11.tie hams to ankles
12.rescue variety of rabid dogs from pound
13.weight-losing hilarity ensues

http://www.subway.com/subwayroot/promos/08/win02/subway-w2-jared10-banner.jpg

CONGRATS JARED!

The revolution will not be downsized.

This Jared business, is terrible marketink idea.

assumed this was an RIP thread

http://i29.tinypic.com/2d9zepc.jpg
http://i30.tinypic.com/2q88sb7.jpg
http://i27.tinypic.com/24xeyqp.jpg

u guys should really avoid getting on jareds bad side - trust me

That smile is so fake - it reminds me of those NHS anti-smoking ads where someone has a fishhook in their cheek.

jared is love

There's a life-size free-standing cutout of him smiling hideously in the corner of my all-but-abandoned local franchise.

i must have this.

this might as well be a RIP thread, because those pictures are from the final 'tour de pants'

more levity plz

The whole thing with the pants is bullshit. He wasn't fat, just into nu-metal.

is the swastika tattoo thing true

What bugs me is the way people who eat at Subway always refer to it by name, ie "I went out and got some Subway," instead of "I went out and got lunch,"--as though it's something to be boasting about. FUCK YOUR SHITTY WEIRD-SMELLING SANDWICHES, MAN!

I pray for a bio-warfare holocaust just to see Jared's face eaten alive by billions of microbes

are you sure you'd be there at the moment of his death

is the swastika tattoo thing true

-- s1ocki, Sunday, March 16, 2008 10:20 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

?

is the swastika tattoo thing true

-- s1ocki, Sunday, March 16, 2008 10:20 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

BAHAHAHAHHAHA classic s1ocki

remember the denis leary wannabe who would drive up to McDonald's and ask for a steak and cheese sandwich? HE was actually worse than Jared.

BAHAHAHAHHAHA classic s1ocki

figured as much, lol

http://www.blogrocker.com/blog/uploads/bilder/sub_wayne_01.jpg
http://www.blogrocker.com/blog/uploads/bilder/sub_wayne_01.jpg

http://www.roger-live.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/subwayne_2.jpg

http://www.roger-live.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/subwayne_1.jpg

revive for mandee

it looks like an anthropomorphic alien cock

NICHT SO FRISCH, SUBWAY

What in fucking fuck is that?

Little Pants, Big Heart

I saw you on the tele-tube,
I knew you ate the yummy food,
I saw you lost weight and looked good,
You did and so could I dude.

You went from thick and then to thin,
You walked all over and walked right in,
To my heart and to my den,
And gave me thoughts akin with sin,

I lost some weight, not as much anyhow,
Such hope you gave this little cow,
Your curtain has fallen so take a bow,
You’re eating fresh with angels now

Amanda J. – Hartford, CT

REPRAZENT

http://jaredremembered.com/

(note: he's not dead at all)

RIP big guy

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/webscout/2008/06/of-all-the-peop.html

Jared the Subway Guy Is Engaged!

6-grams-of-fat-or-lessssss

jared was across the street from my house today at the local elementary school, giving a talk about healthy eating