ahahahhahahahaha
― Ballistic, Saturday, 27 February 2010 00:58 (fourteen years ago) link
wait standing wiper what
― RAYBAN L01US J@gg3r (jjjusten), Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:01 (fourteen years ago) link
I prefer the jump and wipe.
― Jeff, Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:02 (fourteen years ago) link
its like some sort of poop olympics in here
― RAYBAN L01US J@gg3r (jjjusten), Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:03 (fourteen years ago) link
poolympics
― waka flocka pedia (J0rdan S.), Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:07 (fourteen years ago) link
i won the gold medal but was dqed from the last event
― Ballistic, Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:14 (fourteen years ago) link
pooping standing up sounds so inefficient because your buttcheeks are pushed closer together
― anywhere somebody might like a giant cheeseburger (Stevie D), Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:16 (fourteen years ago) link
IT'S HOW THE PACK OF WOLVES TAUGHT ME
― Ballistic, Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:18 (fourteen years ago) link
wolves don't have buttcheeks, so it's all well and good for THEM
― oɔsıqɐu (nabisco), Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:50 (fourteen years ago) link
ok, this is an appropriate thread to quote these lyrics:
Plagued with diarrheal secretions Post-anal drip Unable to stop the flow of fecal matter Colostomy irrigation necessary Colon brought to the surface of the skin For intestinal drainage Obsolete anus sewn closed Remnants of my bowels flood into a bag
I have a new ass
Porthole constantly leaking Cavity always stinking I just long to be normal Secrete from an open bunghole Overflowing liquified feces I can't keep it a secret, the evidence stains my clothes Colostomy has a hole
I soiled myself
("Bag", Malignancy)
― Ballistic, Saturday, 27 February 2010 01:55 (fourteen years ago) link
People where I work like to sing hymns and pray while poopin'.
― she is writing about love (Jenny), Saturday, 27 February 2010 02:24 (fourteen years ago) link
Amazing Deuce?
― Ballistic, Saturday, 27 February 2010 02:30 (fourteen years ago) link
I never poop at work, but today was my last day at a job where the toilets are like McDonald's clean, they're inspected every hour, so I thought what the hell.
― I only listen to Vantablack Metal (snoball), Friday, 25 July 2014 17:49 (nine years ago) link
wait, standing wiper
― your favourite misread ILX threads (darraghmac), Friday, 25 July 2014 20:58 (nine years ago) link
Well yes both actually.
― I only listen to Vantablack Metal (snoball), Friday, 25 July 2014 20:59 (nine years ago) link
I mean, the restroom was clean, but not that clean.
wait so.... when you need to poop during the day do you go to starbuck's or something? idgi
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Friday, 25 July 2014 21:04 (nine years ago) link
i was also not aware that mcdonald's bathrooms were a byword for cleanliness, times must have changed
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Friday, 25 July 2014 21:05 (nine years ago) link
I was gonna say, if you're using McDonald's as your bathroom cleanliness barometer there is pretty much no bathroom you won't find acceptable for pooping
― Star Gentle Uterus (DJP), Friday, 25 July 2014 21:07 (nine years ago) link
xp Well McD's are inspected every hour or something, so they're probably clean. And to clarify, I was at work. Or at least where I used to work up until late this afternoon. And no it wasn't a McDonald's.
― I only listen to Vantablack Metal (snoball), Friday, 25 July 2014 21:07 (nine years ago) link
xp I actually haven't been in a McDonald's - toilet or the establishment in general - for about 10 years, so I guess they've gone downhill?
― I only listen to Vantablack Metal (snoball), Friday, 25 July 2014 21:08 (nine years ago) link
did you get fired for pooping?
― john wahey (NickB), Friday, 25 July 2014 21:09 (nine years ago) link
No, my short term contract ended. Although I could have got fired for using my mobile on the premises (big signs warning that YOUR MOBILE MUST BE SWITCH OFF and MOBILE PHONE USE WILL RESULT IN INSTANT DISMISSAL). Or possibly excessive breaks resulting from excessive pooping.
― I only listen to Vantablack Metal (snoball), Friday, 25 July 2014 21:12 (nine years ago) link
i actually got the sack once for taking too many toilet breaks. production line at a door-knob factory, i wasn't heartbroken
― john wahey (NickB), Friday, 25 July 2014 21:14 (nine years ago) link
http://images.static-bluray.com/reviews/5576_4.jpg
― who cares? the moon sucks. (The Yellow Kid), Friday, 25 July 2014 23:13 (nine years ago) link
No, my short term contract ended.
euphemism or...
― Neanderthal, Friday, 25 July 2014 23:19 (nine years ago) link
what is wrong with pooping at work you get paid and it feel so good except for the flush splashback. flushback
― ledriver, Saturday, 26 July 2014 03:40 (nine years ago) link
nobody wants a bead of wet poo in the eye
I have to say that upthread I was against pooping at work, but pooping just before leaving the office for the day results in a relaxed feeling of well being that makes the bus trip back home a lot less stressful.
― Hugh G. Wreckjoke (snoball), Thursday, 26 March 2015 18:37 (nine years ago) link
Not least of all because you know you're not going to have to poop again any time soon.
― Hugh G. Wreckjoke (snoball), Thursday, 26 March 2015 18:50 (nine years ago) link
this little story transcends categorization
it's a little bit of poop, a little bit of general washroom talk
anyway
i go into the washroom just now and give myself a quick look at the mirror to take in the view of my dashing self, and fix the hair a bit
as i turn to one stall a colleague comes in
and we stare into each others eyes like deer in headlight
so i say to him, you look a little out of it today, which stall do you prefer? to break the ice
i talk to him often outside the washroom but this was our first time double teaming it
he confesses he does have a preference, so i being the gentleman that i am, ask him to proceed before me and i say okay well we gonna let this place have it!
and he rushes inside his stall and he screams it's a tag team and makes a high pitch laugh
he continues, o this place is gonna be a gas chamber, and breaks into laughter again
i am already in the other stall and as dragon is dangling in the cold, white, stoic room, he says "you know it's just the drive that kills me"
i grow unsure of what to say or do because i just heard his zipper and pants drop
and i say in befuddlement o ya well at least it's not gonna rain...
people from los angeles hate driving in the rain, i don't blame them, everyone drives like a maniac here, and it's been raining on and off, so i try to show a little compassion
and then he continues to talk about the weather and how there's rain in the forecast this weekend, all the while making grunts and pushing sounds
i urge dragon to empty itself out by swinging it a little, as if it had a mind of its own, which is foolish i know, and my visage distorts into a messy puzzle
o i see, is all i can muster
and there is a strange silence for a few seconds, then a grunt, and then the sound of a heavy, dense ball landing deep in water
never had i been so happy about running dry
but he kept evacuating his army out into the sea
and he continues hey have you watched the return to macon county?
i'm shaking off clean and i say making?
-the return of MACON county
oh the return of MAKE-UN county, no
-well you know it's a car movie, i know you're not really into that
i'm done and out the stall and say well you never know
another silence for a few seconds as i do my hygienic ritual
and then my parting words:
well i will leave you to it coach
― F# A# (∞), Thursday, 15 March 2018 18:27 (six years ago) link
...
― marcos, Thursday, 15 March 2018 18:32 (six years ago) link
that was a great story though i did only read the line breaks and not the sentences btwn them
― sleepingbag, Thursday, 15 March 2018 18:34 (six years ago) link
https://images1.miaminewtimes.com/imager/marco-rubio-pleads-for-tolerance-for-his/u/original/6560364/marco_rubio_thumb_560x383.jpg
― Another helping of mouthwatering cobbler? (Old Lunch), Thursday, 15 March 2018 18:35 (six years ago) link
the prohibition on talking while going to the washroom in islam is good imo
― Louis Jägermeister (jim in vancouver), Thursday, 15 March 2018 18:37 (six years ago) link
please never refer to your penis as the dragon ever again
― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Thursday, 15 March 2018 20:02 (six years ago) link
or any penis for that matter
just don't
― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Thursday, 15 March 2018 20:03 (six years ago) link
i have a snake
― (•̪●) (carne asada), Thursday, 15 March 2018 20:17 (six years ago) link
XpTbf that name was bestowed to my member by another person (a woman), not meI’m just trying to remain an objective observer as all great writers have been
― F# A# (∞), Thursday, 15 March 2018 20:18 (six years ago) link
i don't shit in a multi-stalled bathroom at work
we put in a single-use gender-neutral bathroom and that's what i use
― marcos, Thursday, 15 March 2018 20:19 (six years ago) link
I am such a quiet stealth pooper at work that I admire the women who blow the place up while other people are having conversations by the sinks.
― Yerac, Thursday, 15 March 2018 20:36 (six years ago) link
Our HR person makes such horrific noises and sighs so much when she's in the stall that someone requested they pipe music in and they actually did.
― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Thursday, 15 March 2018 20:45 (six years ago) link
Every place needs to pipe in music. It's such a stupid thing that they don't. I love all the toilets in Japan that have a button for white noise or music.
― Yerac, Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:03 (six years ago) link
i like to sound an airhorn continuously while i poop at work
― in conclusion, it is good to peel the sheeps (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:04 (six years ago) link
someone needs to invent a reverse-panopticon bathroom design where no one can see (or hear) anyone
― scoff walker (diamonddave85), Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:11 (six years ago) link
Toilets here are generally in fully walled stalls so you can’t hear others
― droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:13 (six years ago) link
must be nice. today someone pulled the ol' peep thru the crack in the stall to see if it was truly occupied but i'm not psychotic enough to hang a strip of toilet paper over the crack while i go
― scoff walker (diamonddave85), Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:18 (six years ago) link
The single stall/handicap bathroom at work (unknown people would come from other floors to poop in it lol) had the worst design. The lock was one of those that you weren't ever sure if it was fully locked, when you went to test it, it would unlock. And the toilet was far from the door, so if the door was indeed not locked and someone walked in, you would have to stand up and run three steps to the door to shove it close. I understand that the room needed the space but that f'ing lock.
― Yerac, Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:34 (six years ago) link
A bar I used to go to in Prague had a single toilet in a long room, with a door with a broken lock that opened up to the whole room. And that wasn't even the worst thing about the place, it was a skinhead bar we only ever went to because we knew we could buy weed there.
― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:37 (six years ago) link
xp I discovered a while ago that the cubicle doors at my work are easy to unlock from the outside. luckily I feel like I do not work with anyone who would do such a thing and I'm usually paranoid enough to make sure nothing would be visible by default anyway, but still not ideal
(the lock indicator was in a halfway position and I'd already checked the cubicle was empty but for some reason decided to push the outside of the lock gently with my finger, and in fact the entire lock could move all the way from locked to open and back by swiping the outside vacancy indicator)
current peeve: the sanitary bin is taller than the toilet seat and barely an inch away from it so if you are a larger lady you have to arrange yourself quite carefully on the seat to avoid the bin touching your bare thigh
I keep thinking about complaining about this and then thinking of the horror of writing to the facilities guy to say "hello, here is how fat I am, now think about my bare thighs. signed, a fatty"
― a passing spacecadet, Thursday, 15 March 2018 22:10 (six years ago) link