Chicago: Beef, Love and Understanding

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somebody needs to dust.

― kenan, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:28 (seventeen years ago) link

i am going to tell a porn store story because where do you tell such things if not ilx.

a sort-of-friend in rather desperate financial straits is working at a porn store for a while. it sounds draining and creepy, but she ends up with stories (which i can't tell nearly as well). anyway.

this big burly guy came in the other day and was looking for a suction-cupped dildo. they found a big one for him and he needed to show id to buy it, so he unzipped his hoodie to get his id. underneath, he was wearing nothing but a very lacy bra with silicone inserts to fill it out, with plentiful and dark chest hair all around. hey, another day at the porn store. he then proceeded to ask about how effective the suction cup base was, so they affixed it to the counter and he proceeded to nudge it and move it around until it was clear that it was very firmly anchored. and so he bent over and deepthroated it.

he explained after that he wanted to make sure that he could, since the other time he'd been able to deepthroat, the penis in question had cum (cummed?) before he could really get into it, and so he was unsure of his abilities.

― JuliaA, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Yeah, I guess I'll do it, although I haven't been taking many pictures since the screen on my digital camera broke.

― Jordan, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:29 (seventeen years ago) link

also, in my experience, office space is best seen more than once.

― JuliaA, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:29 (seventeen years ago) link

to cum
he came
she came
we came
he had come

― kenan, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:29 (seventeen years ago) link

hahahaha i was just going to say something about how it would be bugging me for a while now, the varieties of congugation of the verb "to come" in that particular context.

― JuliaA, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:30 (seventeen years ago) link

I love that episode of Chappelle's Show, Jordan. Erykah Badu's performance of "I Want You" is the greatest thing.

― horseshoe, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:31 (seventeen years ago) link

Totally. Is it included in any of the box sets?

― Jordan, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:32 (seventeen years ago) link

the penis in question had cum (cummed?) before he could really get into it, and so he was unsure of his abilities

I dunno... I'd call that positive feedback.

― kenan, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:34 (seventeen years ago) link

I think it's part of the season 2 DVD set. which I have at home, so I should really know for sure.

― horseshoe, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:35 (seventeen years ago) link

The episode "Music Jump-Off" which featured Chappelle visiting his old high school, The Duke Ellington School of the Arts, intercut with previously unaired skits and musical performances did not make either DVD set.

:( ?

― Jordan, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:36 (seventeen years ago) link

I got a job at a porn store once, but since I hadn't really looked for a job and didn't really need money, I decided to just look for another job. But a 50% discount on porn would have been nice. And all the interesting people!

― Jesse, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:36 (seventeen years ago) link

Who pays for porn anymore?

― kenan, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:37 (seventeen years ago) link

why wouldn't they include that on the DVD set? bastards!

― horseshoe, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:38 (seventeen years ago) link

OK, so igo cars are $6/hour + .50/mile + one-time fee of $75 and $25 annual renewal. There are 3 locations within as many blocks of my house.

Zipcar is $9/hour, includes 125 miles per day, $50 per year. Cheaper in the long run, but their cars are considerably farther away.

I think igo wins.

― Jesse, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:41 (seventeen years ago) link

I just saw this, and it's awes.

http://a788.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/53/l_1c45c779bab1bf08507197bdb6e9f0a3.jpg

― kenan, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:51 (seventeen years ago) link

is it just me, or is ben kinda hot?

― kenan, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:51 (seventeen years ago) link

It's the hair.

― Jordan, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:54 (seventeen years ago) link

hooray salt and pepper!

― kenan, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:54 (seventeen years ago) link

Ha ha. I look like crap in that picture. We were so so so so so so so fucking cold.

― n/a, Monday, 5 March 2007 18:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Hey, nobody contradict me or anything, that's cool.

― n/a, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:02 (seventeen years ago) link

Just kidding, I know I have a raw ham head in that photo.

― n/a, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:03 (seventeen years ago) link

that's a great pic!

― JuliaA, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:03 (seventeen years ago) link

that was an xpost

― JuliaA, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:03 (seventeen years ago) link

You all look fine, except for the blood being driven out of your faces by advanced hypothermia. Except for that, it's cool.

― Laurel, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:04 (seventeen years ago) link

lol at "raw ham head"

― kenan, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:07 (seventeen years ago) link

The Fake F1ctions, 'Raw Ham Head'

― Jordan, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:09 (seventeen years ago) link

Who pays for porn anymore?

The porn at the front of the store is just a loss-leader. It's the suction-cupped dildos (and the accompanying service plans) that bring in the real income.

― Eazy, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:09 (seventeen years ago) link

service plans?

― JuliaA, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Hey, that FFs photo is fantastic.

― Eazy, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:11 (seventeen years ago) link

i also am curious about these service plans.

― kenan, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:13 (seventeen years ago) link

I was just taking the business strategy for Best Buy and applying it to the sex shoppe.

― Eazy, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:13 (seventeen years ago) link

"5 year/50,000 mile warranty"

― kenan, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:13 (seventeen years ago) link

Eazy, what is your 'singing to an iPod' scam exactly?

― Jordan, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:13 (seventeen years ago) link

Someone signed up a guy I knew in college, let's call him Joe Levine, for a million catalogs and mailing lists, all to be sent to "Joe Levine's Sex Shoppe".

― Eazy, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:15 (seventeen years ago) link

Eazy, what is your 'singing to an iPod' scam exactly?

Wear headphones, sing a song you love. Onstage, or in a living-room parlor after dinner. You're singing along with the song, but the rest of us only hear your voice or watch you nod during the long instrumental parts.

Folks yesterday kept asking how it's different than karaoke, but when you're watching it, it's an entirely different and very funny thing.

― Eazy, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:18 (seventeen years ago) link

I do not wish for people to see me doing that. But if I'm up really late and afraid I'll bug the neighbor, I do it.

― kenan, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:19 (seventeen years ago) link

HOT
HAM
WATER

― n/a, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:19 (seventeen years ago) link

So we were going to hang onto our apartment for another year because we have too much shit to deal with this year with the wedding and all. But now they want to raise our rent again (not by a huge amount, but it makes the total a little ridiculous) and I'm wondering if it's insane to try and move now.

― n/a, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Yeah, it probably is.

― n/a, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Amazon.com: hot ham water
A community about hot ham water. Tag and discover new products. Share your images and discuss your questions with hot ham water experts.
www.amazon.com/tag/hot%20ham%20water - 70k - Cached - Similar pages

― kenan, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:22 (seventeen years ago) link

planning a wedding is stressful enough! a rent raise is a pain in the ass, but it seems worth it to postpone moving for a year.

― JuliaA, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:23 (seventeen years ago) link

I see this all the time in real life. In the office, on the street, esp. at the gym.

― Jordan, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:23 (seventeen years ago) link

Really? Singing aloud in public is NOT COOL. I thought everyone knew that.

― kenan, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:24 (seventeen years ago) link

It's insane, Nick. For ex., Ev4n wanted to have a crawfish boil the day after his wedding. Planning a crawfish boil is complicated enough without tossing it on top of a WEDDING. Moving is about twice as insane.

― Jordan, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:24 (seventeen years ago) link

nick, if you can pack your shit moving at the end of march isn't too bad. last year i moved in february and it sucked because there was snow all over the sidewalk making moving furniture from the truck to the spiderhole that much more difficult. before that i moved in the beginning of march, at night, and it wasn't so bad. the move before that was the week between xmas and new years. it was single degree weather and windy as hell and me and the woman got into a crankypants arguement.

― chicago kevin, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:25 (seventeen years ago) link

There are items in my house that I don't even want to think about moving. Like our couch, and the sideboard (or to me, the thing our TV sits on).

― n/a, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Really? Singing aloud in public is NOT COOL. I thought everyone knew that.

I KNOW!! And people do this at the library all the time. Kind of missing the point of headphones, if you're simply relaying what you're hearing from your ears through your mouth!

― Jesse, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:29 (seventeen years ago) link

I figure the arrangement with headphones is, "Don't bother me, I won't bother you."

― kenan, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:32 (seventeen years ago) link

yeah i have a sleeper sofa that weighs roughly 85,000 lbs. and the king sized bed is a bitch to move. in the previous apartment, we had a cast iron bed frame from the 1880's, the siderails alone were hernia inducing and the headboard and the footboard (is that what it's called?) were so awkward and heavy to move.

hire movers.

― chicago kevin, Monday, 5 March 2007 19:32 (seventeen years ago) link

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