Polyamory

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mary the irony of you decrying polyamory is not lost on me, thanks.

jess (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 19 July 2003 01:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

best of luck jess. i mean it. speaking as someone who might one day end up in a similar situation, i really hope it works out for you both.

di smith (lucylurex), Saturday, 19 July 2003 02:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

thank you di. i know we've gotten into our mess of scraps on the boards, but i mean that.

jess (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 19 July 2003 02:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

Jess, I think you and N. need to talk about what is going on.

I'm the other guy? Who knew?

N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 19 July 2003 02:16 (twenty-one years ago) link

i'll cut you, mang.

jess (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 19 July 2003 02:18 (twenty-one years ago) link

god this is like revisiting the scene of the crime or something

jess (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 19 July 2003 02:19 (twenty-one years ago) link

best of luck. hope everything works out for the best for the both of you.

Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Saturday, 19 July 2003 08:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

Jess, honestly, I didn't see this reviving as some auto-bio of yr life and I still don't get what everyone is talkign about.

I only think you've brought up some good arguements.

Perhaps as someone wbo is still dealing with this herself, I appreciate it. But I think this is a good thread, dumb-ass responses and all.

oh, and ESOJ, I'm completely serious.

That Girl (thatgirl), Saturday, 19 July 2003 08:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

i'm a little far away though :(

electric sound of jim (electricsound), Saturday, 19 July 2003 13:20 (twenty-one years ago) link

Jess, I don't know you and your girlfriend. Chances are, opening up your relationship to other people will be the best thing that ever happened to either of you. As this step has not yet been taken, I was simply trying to give my * opinion* of the matter. You seemed bummed out about the whole thing, so I was suggesting that as nothing has happened yet, there is still time to rethink it. If you had posed the scenario as already-in-progress I would have dealt with it on its own terms. If you are having problems dealing with this issue in the abstract, things are likely to get much worse as they become concrete. I think your anger to me on this thread is misplaced -- ie, it is really directed at N.

Mary (Mary), Saturday, 19 July 2003 14:19 (twenty-one years ago) link

i still don't see why I get the blame.

N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 26 July 2003 01:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

because blaming HStencil is played out?

Texas Sam (thatgirl), Saturday, 26 July 2003 01:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

Can't we all just learn to love each other? We could call it polyamory or something.

N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 26 July 2003 01:11 (twenty-one years ago) link

how bout you just eat my fuc instead

strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 26 July 2003 01:13 (twenty-one years ago) link

Yeah, that's OK too - whatever!

N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 26 July 2003 01:15 (twenty-one years ago) link

Tomorrow I am making cookies that spell F, U, C, and K. I really want to pass them around on a plate saying "here, eat my 'fuc(k)'"

rosemary (rosemary), Saturday, 26 July 2003 04:21 (twenty-one years ago) link

I've decided to let the girlfriend fuck whoever she wants. Pretty nice of me huh? Especially since she dumped me about 3 years ago

dave q, Saturday, 26 July 2003 14:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

five years pass...

who the hell is otis

lol (roxymuzak), Monday, 23 February 2009 05:54 (fifteen years ago) link

og poster from '01

velko, Monday, 23 February 2009 05:57 (fifteen years ago) link

ha i think we gathered that dude

suggban stevens (J0rdan S.), Monday, 23 February 2009 05:58 (fifteen years ago) link

name: Otis

suggban stevens (J0rdan S.), Monday, 23 February 2009 05:58 (fifteen years ago) link

well, i mean he was here a lot, not just some dude who posted a few times and split.

velko, Monday, 23 February 2009 06:00 (fifteen years ago) link

holy shit i posted on this thread haha...i believe in yesterday

GLEEPGLOP BLOOPBLORP (nickalicious), Monday, 23 February 2009 07:17 (fifteen years ago) link

/ paul mccartney

GLEEPGLOP BLOOPBLORP (nickalicious), Monday, 23 February 2009 07:17 (fifteen years ago) link

http://img509.imageshack.us/img509/7425/imageuploadimage.jpg

----> (libcrypt), Monday, 23 February 2009 13:36 (fifteen years ago) link

Velko, are you some OG poster too? What name did you previously use?

Tuomas, Monday, 23 February 2009 13:40 (fifteen years ago) link

Christ I have no idea who I was referring to in my example way back in 03... but if it is who I suspect, he's since married and settled down, haw.

one art, please (Trayce), Monday, 23 February 2009 20:16 (fifteen years ago) link

Otis was a dude that Jordan S. and his friends gathered

nabisco, Monday, 23 February 2009 20:17 (fifteen years ago) link

Also a friend of Ally's and one reason for the founding of ILE

nabisco, Monday, 23 February 2009 20:17 (fifteen years ago) link

Otis Redding - I've been loving youn

and how (PappaWheelie V), Monday, 23 February 2009 20:20 (fifteen years ago) link

Odd the train of thought that led me from here to how do i become a mason .

----> (libcrypt), Monday, 23 February 2009 20:43 (fifteen years ago) link

five years pass...

weird thread upthread but let's do the all important thing where we ignore stuff from 5 years ago.

simple maybe stupid question, maybe better suited for the genderqueer thread but thought i'd put it here--anybody have resources on navigating being a straight primary partner for a queer person? their desires are ~not about me~, obviously, but i could use some help or advice dealing with the strange feeling i get when i stay home while they go for a prowl at pride.

purposely lend impetus to my HOOS (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, 2 June 2014 16:01 (ten years ago) link

(also, as a favor to me, i'd appreciate it if folks didn't get real 'girl/boy problems' thread on me--this isn't a 'relationship problem,' just a request for help if folks can direct me to any.)

purposely lend impetus to my HOOS (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, 2 June 2014 16:11 (ten years ago) link

If you're not into the polyamorous thing then you should discuss it with your partner. The worst thing you could do imo is pretend you are okay with something you're not. You will start feeling resentful, and then suppress this feeling because you feel bad about feeling it, and then your partner will pick up that you are repressing feelings of discomfort and feel guilty, but then resent you for making you feel guilty, and then feel guilty again for resenting you when you never explicitly said you felt weird about what she was doing in the first place, etc.

Treeship, Monday, 2 June 2014 16:14 (ten years ago) link

(sorry i didn't read your second post. hope you find relevant info hoos)

Treeship, Monday, 2 June 2014 16:15 (ten years ago) link

just to focus what i said a little better--i **do** have a few places in our relationship where i feel a twinge, and my interest is in getting /beyond/ that rather than ignoring it. i'm sort of looking for someone to tell me how to think through this stuff in order to become ok with it, because that's ultimately what i want even if i'm not 100% there yet right now.

purposely lend impetus to my HOOS (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, 2 June 2014 16:21 (ten years ago) link

I was in the same situation 5-6 years ago, hoos - I'm a pretty unjealous person to begin with, but once I thought of my gf's other bf as just another friend, I felt more comfortable. There were times when I would go out with friends and she would stay home; there were times when she would see her other bf and I would stay home. The only difference was the... activities. It sounds a little simplistic but it worked for me (though I ultimately had other issues with poly).

Vinnie, Monday, 2 June 2014 16:54 (ten years ago) link

have you read The Ethical Slut? not for everybody but it might be helpful.

sleeve, Monday, 2 June 2014 17:10 (ten years ago) link

sounds like a license to smash imo

troy na'vi (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 2 June 2014 17:12 (ten years ago) link

have you read The Ethical Slut? not for everybody but it might be helpful.

― sleeve, Monday, June 2, 2014 5:10 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i haven't, actually--been hearing about it for a while but haven't picked it up. good idea!

purposely lend impetus to my HOOS (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, 2 June 2014 17:14 (ten years ago) link

useta be ppl w aberrant ethical outlooks would form intentional communities w/likeminded practitioners in outlying areas rather than disseminating their experiments in living in the midst of the society of norms

j., Monday, 2 June 2014 17:17 (ten years ago) link

advice dealing with the strange feeling i get when i stay home while they go for a prowl at pride

I can't assist you with the particulars, but the generalities may be good enough.

This is matter of feelings. The feelings give rise to thoughts, but the thoughts are only there to give the feelings a more definite form. The thoughts are neither true nor false, but simply exist as expressions of that feeling. They are bound to be ornate, involved, and ultimately misleading, while the feeling itself is extremely simple. Just dive straight at the feeling and feel it; the superficial thoughts will fade into irrelevancies and the essence of the situation will become clearer.

I hope that helps.

put 'er right in the old breadbasket (Aimless), Monday, 2 June 2014 17:25 (ten years ago) link

i'm sort of looking for someone to tell me how to think through this stuff in order to become ok with it, because that's ultimately what i want even if i'm not 100% there yet right now.

is there a particular reason why you want this?

macklin' rosie (crüt), Monday, 2 June 2014 17:31 (ten years ago) link

because for me this partner is worth closing the gap.

purposely lend impetus to my HOOS (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, 2 June 2014 17:46 (ten years ago) link

That's why I was willing to try it with my then-gf too, a few years into our relationship. It was new territory for me, her, and the other guy, and we all tried to make it work. I don't regret the experience, but it had its pitfalls

Vinnie, Monday, 2 June 2014 17:53 (ten years ago) link

Also I never read the Ethical Slut, but she had a copy and it was an illuminating book for her

Vinnie, Monday, 2 June 2014 17:55 (ten years ago) link

I'll definitely grab TES at the library this week.

purposely lend impetus to my HOOS (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, 2 June 2014 18:08 (ten years ago) link

Are you seeing other people as well?

Treeship, Monday, 2 June 2014 18:14 (ten years ago) link

I'm not actively pursuing anybody--not enough time, honestly--but I'm open to it.

purposely lend impetus to my HOOS (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, 2 June 2014 18:16 (ten years ago) link


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