thread of inappropriate professional attachments

We work in Finance, we both deal with data analysis, so modelling in that context *always* means data modelling and mathematical projections. There was no reason for me to think "male model" except for the fact that he has the looks of one.

(Well, except for the height. He is actually shorter than me, which I am finding curiously adorable.)

God would this crush just go away already. It is warping my brain.

just to return to something upthread, let's not forget that a lot of people (nobody in particular) actually enjoy talking about how fucked up their lives are, and giving them unsolicited advice on how to fix things kinda fucks up that hobby

That was inflammatory and unnecessary.

Yes, agreed, and also I think it's more likely that some people have accepted their lives and the imperfections inherent in those lives, and the assumptions that random strangers have that 1) they understand those lives and imperfections better than the advisee and 2) have any right to comment on them or attempt to change them, are just really fucking arrogant, and can get tae fuck.

Let's not forget that a lot of people (nobody in particular) actually enjoy pissing on other people's chips, and people telling them "actually, we don't want you pissing on our chips" kinda fucks up that hobby, too.

nah it wasn't my intent to be inflammatory, i just think it's necessary to understanding the dynamic of threads like this

and why i generally stay off them nowadays

You are completely wrong, with regards to other people's motivations, and if you want to totally misunderstand the dynamic of this thread, that's your right. But it doesn't give you any special insight into what is going on here, and you're being a massive tit.

like some people might come on this thread and go "oh hey i should give some helpful advises" without actually realizing that's not the point, took me years to figure that out, incredibly dense as i am

so i thought i'd point it out to the n00bs

well, i am incredibly dense

"Threads like this" = what? Crush threads? Threads I'm posting on? Just fuck off with your condescending chip-pissing attitude. No one wants you here, least of all yourself, clearly.

Douche.

wow that was inflammatory

FUCK, OFF.

misplaced comma!

srsly i'll fuck off now, you're right this is not really my scene but i was just trying to be helpful in addressing your screed of Friday, September 7, 2012 1:29 AM

Thread really needed the DNRIYHM warning ;_;

http://skepchick.org/wp-content/uploads/girl-on-internet.gif

haha

meanwhile, back at the office: crushes worsen, imaginations run away, work does not get done

I just imagine f.Hazel working in an office filled with delightfully attractive young women in scanty outfits all trying to tempt him away from his spreadsheets. "No, you hussies, leave me be! I have Important Business!" he cries, until a hot chocolate appears at his desk. "Oh alright, just the once then..."

i usually go out of my way to be as boring as possible around co-workers in an effort to not develop any kind of relationship other than professional.

that said, the closest thing i have to a workplace crush is a Chinese national about the same age as me who speaks 4 languages and is charmingly awkward and cute and is always wearing something really smart and attractive. despite never really having "a thing" for Asian women, her accent kind of makes me melt.

she's married and is also a new mom so is obviously way off-limits but we have a kind of casual & sheepish mutual flirtation that is kept in check.

she's very good at her job-- which is a stressful one-- something i also find attractive. but at various points she's kind of let on that her current situation is the result of kind of getting cornered in to an unwanted marriage after finding out she was unexpectedly pregnant about this time last year, and that she might be content but probably isn't happy or fulfilled. this makes me a little sad when i think about it and causes me to daydream a little longer than i should some days.

2 anecdotes, regardless:

• a few weeks ago i changed into casual clothes in my office before grabbing my weekender bag and catching a ride to the airport. on my way out she stopped me in the hallway,grabbed my arm, and looked me up and down for a second or two before going "you look like.... Brad Pitt....or a movie star..." i said "thanks, i think" then we both had an awkward laugh and i left

• (tmi content) last week i heard her from around the corner exclaim "SHIT! I forgot to pump!!!" then run in to her office and slam the door. this caused a strange potpourri of reactions w/ me

anyway, thankfully i have IRL girl probs that keep this one nicely compartmentalized right where it belongs :)

that is an a++ workplace crush

literally right after posting that, another co-worker (who just found out his 2nd baby will be a boy) came by. the two of them got in to a discussion right outside my door about breastfeeding, conception, and the Chinese zodiac. at one point it turned to how old each of us were and she told me i look young "for a haole". *^_^*

new job finds me surrounded by bewildering arrays of beautiful bright young things temping, but it won't get even to crushing stage as we're all just hyperaware that permanent staff are so far above them that it could never be.

that just makes it sexier

oh man. i keep having embarrassing flashbacks to my last inappropriate workplace attachment.

and my new one looks v good today

he appears perfectly capable of having normal conversations/interactions with other people despite the fact that *our* encounters are always weird and awkward. ugh.

Maybe that means he ~likes~ you if he bumbles when he speaks to you.

otm

no, it's not that. i'm not the only one who's recognized that he is kind of weird, but no one else is inappropriately attracted to him, so they are capable of acting normally around him, which i think eases him into acting normally. I, however, seem to be incapable of smooth behavior when lust clouds my brain, so we just make each other act weirder by our own weirdness.

also he is married w/children, so even if it were mutual (which there is no way to know since we never actually talk), it's gotta stay an admiration thing

Ah, I see. Even more super highly inappropriate that way. (And probably more deliciously fun.)

ps am making a sign to post on my office door with this:

"No, you hussies, leave me be! I have Important Business!"

just need to find the right cat picture to use.

Whenever I try to be funny, it just comes out like I'm being rude.

Whenever I try to be friendly, it comes out accusatory in some way.

I basically fail at life. Woe.

(I am not actually sad before anyone jumps on me and tells me I shouldn't be posting things like this. Just full of PMT and self pity. And feeling sorry for myself because as I was leaving for lunch, OfficeBoy was reading XKCD and I went over and said "haha, you're not working, you're reading XKCD!" expecting him to go haha and tell me a funny physics joke. But instead he got slightly defensive and then OfficeGossip butted in on our conversation and started trying to talk to him about the work he was doing, even though we were both on our lunch, and now I feel miffed, and also, no physics joke. And I really want a funny physics joke because am feeling rub with PMT.)

BLAH.

And OfficeGossip keeps trying to drag him into conversations now, and it's just like... FFS. I am experiencing actual jealousy and annoyance and this is stupid.

Just going to put my headphones on and avoid fucking office chatter for the rest of time. I can't play these games, I hate them, and resent the fact that I've become even vaguely involved in them because of this inability to not pay attention to this idiot boy. :-(

new job finds me surrounded by bewildering arrays of beautiful bright young things temping, but it won't get even to crushing stage as we're all just hyperaware that permanent staff are so far above them that it could never be

But temp staff are like the work crushes it's socially acceptable to have.

seriously? ALL THESE MONTHS I'VE WASTED ;_;

Glasses. He is wearing glasses today. Ladyboner overdrive.

(Also, I gave him coded proof that he was right and OfficeGossip was wrong, in his argument with her, so we are friends again. I think.)

((God I am so fucking pathetic. But mostly bored.))

Physics makes us all its bitches.

i just read the "will be nice to have another lady around" (paraphrasing) incident - i read it like he thought you were saying you were only one around and when he said "dont let x hear you say that" he was implying that you didnt think SHE was a lady - i might be crazy tho

crush came in my office yesterday to talk about a client and i innocently and casually pointed out that she had some food crumbs on her lapel. i know that's negging 101 but i swear it wasn't my intent but holy shit that made her blush and get all self-conscious and act funny and i kind of had fun with it after that, telling her "don't come back in my office with food all over you ever again" as she was leaving.

:-]

haha oh grady bless your heart

have you considered 200 level negging, it sounds like you have what it takes

i was asking her about a meeting i wasn't in attendance at but my boss was. she kept saying that my boss had another colleague with him but she forgot the guy's name. i tried describing what my regional manager looks like, thinking it might have been him, but she said "i don't remember what he looked like... all i remember is he was not handsome."

:-]

I am trying to work out who it is in Gr8080's office that actually has the crush? It could be either of them.

I think I have figured out what he meant in the "lady incident" because he made another, similar joke yesterday, which was clearer. It relied on a difference in category-level, rather than gender this time. That all the big, client-facing bosses were out yesterday, and for an hour, it was just the 3 of us in the office (me, OfficeBoy, OfficeCreep) and I made a joke saying "Me and a gang of 20 year old boys alone in the office, ugh, this is someone's wet dream, but not mine" and he laughed and said "but what about Lady3?" (this is confusing because she has the same name as him) and the joke is from group dynamics, because clearly he thinks of her as part of their social cohort, while I think of her as being part of the "group of big bosses that goes out on the client facing calls" because she has been there a lot longer and she is about 100x more mature than them, even though she is a similar age. And I think the Lady Incident was along the same lines.

I hate this situation and I love it.

Because when he is nice to me, it is the best thing in the world, and makes me feel so good. (He saw me on the street in Croydon during lunch hours and came running up to me with a big grin, waving a Sainsbury's bag saying "Look, I'm eating lunch!" in reference to a conversation that I had forgotten we had even had - he remembers bits of old conversations and jokes which is flattering and attentive, because he has good social skills or something.)

But when he is horrible to me, or worse still, ignores me, it just makes work awful and horrible and tense and I don't like having that atmosphere somewhere I'm supposed to be able to feel safe and competent. I flip back and forth between thinking "oh god he must ~know~ that I have such a ladyboner for him" and therefore he is avoiding me because I am so gross. And then thinking "oh god he is oblivious" and therefore thinks that I am sometimes joke-horrible or teasing/negging towards him because I hate his guts, or am just a negative, bitter person (though this is actually true) when I'm actually trying in my weird way to be nice to him, but I have such a massive warping crush on him that pigtail-pulling comes out all wrong because of fear.

Torture. And yet.

I am trying to work out who it is in Gr8080's office that actually has the crush? It could be either of them.

i used the phrase "mutual flirtation" in my first post!

Sorry didn't catch that. I have almost no experience of crushes that are not totally one-sided.

WCC, it's really cool to read someone going through something fraught and electric in such a thoughtful way, thanks.