Bah Humbug - The Elf on the Shelf

Finally, for once, Facebook comes through for me.

https://scontent-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/q71/1493205_10153585717635494_1939651066_n.jpg

Note the 'death lights' in the background. Another totally authentic not-in-any-way-bogus Christmas tradition brought to you by XmasMegaCorp Inc. Also available in a flashing 'photo-epilepsy' edition.

Yup, we received one yesterday as a gift. Even though my husband and I have already agreed on it creepiness and general unacceptability, we feined enthusiasm. So now I'm worried how to respond next year when she wants to know what we named it etc.

― franny glass, Wednesday, 26 December 2012 17:37 (11 months ago) Permalink

Haha. We responded to this situation by conveniently forgetting it in the box at her place since last Christmas, and not bringing it up again.

Haaaa nice one.

I used to get a lot of tacky, inappropriate stuff from my step family that I would "leave" at my parents' house when I went back home after the holidays. Good tactic.

Waitamo:

Although they cannot be touched, or else they may lose their magic,

If the point is these things are santa's eyes n ears, then surely the *first* thing any enterprising kid would do is touch, nay, DESTROY the elf, that it may never get the truth back to Santa!

...or was I just a twisted little kid?

KILL THE ELF. IT KNOWS TOO MUCH

So what's Santa going to say if Dingles the Elf doesn't show back up to report on the Muldrew household? What if he sends MORE ELVES to investigate?

I don't think you've thought this through, Trayce.

Obvious as hell, but I LOLed.
http://i1301.photobucket.com/albums/ag118/floralefay/elfonshelf1_zpsb806003c.png

So what's Santa going to say if Dingles the Elf doesn't show back up to report on the Muldrew household? What if he sends MORE ELVES to investigate?

I don't think you've thought this through, Trayce.

Aw shit.

I have a pretty dope shelf elf. It's at least 50 years old (family heirloom). It goes on the bannister.
It's an actual doll, though. It's an elf on a shelf, not The Elf On The Shelf (tm). It looks kind of like Liza Minelli

I have one very smart and literate friend who has been posting these to fb, and I'm sort of taken aback, but at the same time I know firsthand how stupid being a parent can make you

Idk about this magic business, i just like to be festive.

these elves are so shitty. they all need big velvet coats with gold trim or something.

There are a lot people with posts today about Elf on a Shelf. First of all, I know not everyone likes it and that is okay with me. However, don't tell me that I'm not a Christian because I do Elf on a Shelf with my boys. That is not okay with me. I'm a Christian because I have asked Jesus into my heart and he is Lord of my life and I have a personal relationship with him. This is why I'm a Christian and it has nothing to do with Elf on a Shelf. That is my rant for today!

Unfortunately, the Elf knows what's in their heart - that they haven't really accepted Jesus into their life and are just pretending to be a true Christian.

This elf makes me hate christmas.

The Elf is YOU.

http://files.mom.me/photos/2013/10/29/135-54572-mensch-1383084459.jpg

When our elf first showed up at our house I knew my kids didn’t know the rules of not touching him, so I covered our front room door with streamer to block them when they first woke up. It is also how our elf on the shelf got the name Streamer.

http://i.imgur.com/q7frDRJ.jpg

what the fuck

which came first, manic passive agressive parents or elf on the shelf?

I'm thinking.......... manic passive aggressive parents.

“Elfing” Just Got Easy for Parents with an iOS Device. Elf Help is the Absolute Best Elf Planning and Organization Tool Available

JACKSON, GA (December 11, 2014) – As it is for many parents, the Christmas season is one of the most hectic times of year for Georgia mother Jennifer Symmes. When she considered introducing the wildly popular Christmas elf tradition into her family of four, she was excited but overwhelmed at the idea of keeping up with the “magic” every night for an entire month. Between real-life responsibilities of being a wife, a mother to two toddler girls and full-time work as a professional communications specialist, the idea of “elfing” seemed more like an extra chore than actual fun.

“But then I thought, ‘Wait! I bet there’s an app for that,’ ” said Jennifer. “I searched and came up with nothing. I was looking specifically for an app that would help simplify the tradition of daily elf antics with a customizable daily planner. I couldn’t find one so I decided to create it myself.”

Elf Help’s customizable daily planner is what makes the app truly unique and useful compared to any other elf-related tool in the mobile app market. Jennifer said “Elf Help is not a resource for finding ideas for elves. Elf antic inspiration is abundantly available through thousands of other online resources like Pinterest pages, blogs, Facebook, Instagram, and even other apps. Elf Help is different. It’s extremely handy because it allows parents to choose their favorite ideas from all that they see online. Then, they can easily organize those ideas into a daily planner with the option to enter simple descriptions, upload photos, and enter supplies that are automatically added to an easy check-off shopping list.”

Elf Help also features an important custom message reminder tool so parents don’t forget about the elf’s nightly return to and from the North Pole. To help protect the elf’s “magic,” ambiguous alert messages like “Teach the dog to roll over”, “Train for a triathlon”, or “You Know!” can be selected as reminders for parents to take care of “elfing” business before they go to bed.

For those who like to share, a photo and camera tool is available through the Elf Help app so parents can take pictures of their elf each day to archive and share online via Facebook, Instagram and twitter.

A secret parent pin code can also easily be set so the elf’s magic is always protected from young curious eyes.

“Elf Help is a practical and modern day solution to accomplishing a simple but magically memorable holiday season with the Christmas elf,” said Jennifer. “Every ELFING family deserves that!”

Arrrggggghhhhhhhhh opt out! Opt out of the elf! Opt out of burdensome holiday traditions that mean more work and less sleep! Don't get an app! Just quit!

Death to the elf on the shelf!!!!

I spent my childhood watching my mother drive herself to exhaustion trying to make every Christmas perfect while my stepfather grumbled about his modest "honey do" lists and drank beer and it was sad and made me feel bad and annoyed and I'm not going to do it. You know what that elf can kiss my ass on the shelf is what.

The whole Elf on the Shelf phenomenon has a forced, Hubbard-esque "invent-a-religion" whiff to it.

Judging by how many "hilarious" pictures I see of elves pooping out Hershey Kisses, even those who take part realize, on some level, that the whole enterprise is full of shit.

FUCK ELVES, #MontyThePenguin 4 LYFE. Santa's elves are obviously bullshit, as we know from Tolkein they are busy making treetop castles and taking down those giant elephant motherfuckers.

I think I need to start a poll.

Judging by how many "hilarious" pictures I see of elves pooping out Hershey Kisses, even those who take part realize, on some level, that the whole enterprise is full of shit.

I haven't posted as many pictures this year as I did when this thread first got started. With all the naked Barbies, weed and torture now depicted in a casual image search of "Elf on the Shelf", seems like the magic might have gone away on this one.

Elf on the Shelf is the new flag pin. "W-w-what do you mean you're not wearing a flag pin?!?"

really into the mensch on a bench tbh

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp/2014/12/16/the-elf-on-the-shelf-is-preparing-your-child-to-live-in-a-future-police-state-professor-says/

Now I'm waiting for someone to create The Laddie With Zawadi

Second, yeah I get that the whole narrative of judging children on whether they've been nice or not has always been part of the game, but having a physical representation of Santa's unblinking eye hiding in the corners and sending back reports to headquarters? Just another way that adults in 2040 will think nothing of having government cameras monitoring them in their own homes.

Vindicated!

Also, didn't realize until now that this picture wasn't photoshopped.

http://img.washingtonpost.com/rf/image_908w/2010-2019/Wires/Images/2014-11-27/Reuters/2014-11-27T180140Z_01_NYK009_RTRIDSP_3_USA-THANKSGIVING-PARADE.jpg&w=1484

guy who stands outside of cvs all the time asking for money was there today and he kept saying "he's watching! who's watching?" trying to provoke people into saying "santa claus."

So there's 24 days of the advent calendar = 24 different wacky scenarios for EOTS. Multiply that by... we'll aim low and say eight years. That means 192 different wacky scenarios to be used.

So maybe you get to recycle one as "tradition" each year. Maybe you move to a new home in those eight years with a fresh game architecture. That's still 92 ways to fuck around with an elf doll you gotta come up with.

All that work and the kids will still hate you for this. Good job, elf people.

You could always just stage a wacky EOTS torture and dismemberment scenario over a number of days and then never have to worry about kowtowing to this scam ever again!

good luck, pp, I have a few magic-believing 12/13 yo students who are still freaked out they maybe killed elf on a shelf

You're kidding me.

Afwiw, there is no elf in my house a surprisingly low number of shelves, all things considered.

http://i.imgur.com/dCLxKCv.jpg

s/emptily/creepily

Also, why is he holding his hands in front of his crotch like that?

Probably freak out your guests if they can see his erection.

There's a rule when it comes to Elf on the Shelf: No touching.

That's why a 7-year-old Old Bridge, New Jersey girl panicked recently when she accidentally threw a ball and knocked over her Elf on a Shelf. Fearing that the Christmas magic was gone (that's an Elf on the Shelf rule, too) Isabelle LaPeruta made a desperate call to 911, NBC New York reported.

A 911 operator patiently told the frightened young girl that she can just explain she made a mistake and that no harm was done.

Police are required to visit a house where a child places a 911 call, however, even if it is just about a toppled elf. Once at the house, they found the girl in tears but were able to comfort her, according to Old Bridge Police Lt. Joseph Mandola.

"To her, it was an emergency when she touched the elf, and she's going to ruin Christmas, so that was her emergency," said Old Bridge Police Lt. Joseph Mandola. "In her mind, she did right, and it was fine with us."

The police said they girl apologized and won't call 911 again – unless it really is an emergency.

http://www.al.com/news/index.ssf/2015/12/girl_calls_911_after_knocking.html#

"We're happy that children are becoming more comfortable with notifying the authorities at the slightest indication on an aberration inside their household. Parents keep an eye on their kids, sure, but who keeps an eye on the parents?"

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http://dangerousminds.net/comments/fck_the_elf_on_the_shelf_heres_krampus_in_the_corner

I... I thought this was a joke at first. Like a Liartown gag, but no, you can really buy this.

https://i.imgur.com/7KzHxSQ.jpg

https://www.amazon.com/Elf-Surveillance-Santa-Camera-Dummy/dp/B0773S4KXM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1511967511&sr=8-1&keywords=Elf+Surveillance+Dummy+CCTV+Camera

why is it called "dummy child surveillance camera"?

(also: "elves behaving badly" -- indeed they are, spying is not very elfin at all! but this too seems a strange up-front admission)