― Norman Phay, Friday, 2 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link
― Tracer Hand, Friday, 2 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link
― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 20:19 (twenty years ago) link
my life is so weird sometimes
― teeny (teeny), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 20:52 (twenty years ago) link
― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 20:54 (twenty years ago) link
or ironic tooth loss
― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 20:55 (twenty years ago) link
― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 20:59 (twenty years ago) link
i dunno, it's been a weird couple of weeks
if anyone's ever fancied bumpin munchkins with me, dial 360-MIX-ALOT and kick them nasty thoughts
― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 21:01 (twenty years ago) link
― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 21:29 (twenty years ago) link
― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:10 (twenty years ago) link
― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:25 (twenty years ago) link
― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:27 (twenty years ago) link
― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:40 (twenty years ago) link
― anthony kyle monday (akmonday), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:50 (twenty years ago) link
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:51 (twenty years ago) link
― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:53 (twenty years ago) link
― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:00 (twenty years ago) link
― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:01 (twenty years ago) link
― Dada, Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:06 (twenty years ago) link
― oops (Oops), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:09 (twenty years ago) link
Poly, to me, always smacked a bit of one person getting all the cake, as it were, and everyone else just more or less putting up with the "arrangement" so they can at least keep the person they're shagging... but perhaps it is just a mindset I dont understand.
― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:42 (twenty years ago) link
― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:43 (twenty years ago) link
― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:43 (twenty years ago) link
Which is why I find it all rather brain-breaking. I think the 2 girls are involved together somehow too... but I'm not sure... and one of the girls before this was a pretty normal well adjusted long-term relationships type, so god knows. Maybe hes like the hypno-toad in Futurama, and none will resist his demands. Or something.
― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:48 (twenty years ago) link
― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:50 (twenty years ago) link
― oops (Oops), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:52 (twenty years ago) link
― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:53 (twenty years ago) link
― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:55 (twenty years ago) link
― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:56 (twenty years ago) link
― oops (Oops), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:59 (twenty years ago) link
― That Girl (thatgirl), Thursday, 17 July 2003 06:03 (twenty years ago) link
― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 17 July 2003 06:04 (twenty years ago) link
― H (Heruy), Thursday, 17 July 2003 06:38 (twenty years ago) link
― dave q, Thursday, 17 July 2003 07:40 (twenty years ago) link
It is an excuse for one person to have their cake and eat it too. It is the refuge of the emotionally selfish who doesn't mind hurting everyone around them except themselves.
Or, on the other hand, if you're that bored with a relationship that you want to start screwing around - sorry - bringing other people into it, then that relationship wasn't built on anything particularly strong in the first place.
DUD DUD DUD DUD DUD DUD DUD!!!
Not that I speak from experience either.
― kate (kate), Thursday, 17 July 2003 07:52 (twenty years ago) link
― dave q, Thursday, 17 July 2003 07:53 (twenty years ago) link
― dave q, Thursday, 17 July 2003 07:54 (twenty years ago) link
― kate (kate), Thursday, 17 July 2003 07:56 (twenty years ago) link
― dave q, Thursday, 17 July 2003 07:58 (twenty years ago) link
― RickyT (RickyT), Thursday, 17 July 2003 08:30 (twenty years ago) link
― duane, Thursday, 17 July 2003 10:34 (twenty years ago) link
― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 17 July 2003 16:06 (twenty years ago) link
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 17 July 2003 16:14 (twenty years ago) link
― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 17 July 2003 16:15 (twenty years ago) link
― RickyT (RickyT), Thursday, 17 July 2003 16:18 (twenty years ago) link
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 17 July 2003 16:18 (twenty years ago) link
A couple of years ago, my husband and I had a girlfriend who lived in Germany, and who was involved with both of us -- again, we would see her a few times a year and all was very nice. We went to Venice together once. She dumped us in a particularly heartless manner. Plus, she was a Momus fan!
― Layna (Layna Andersen), Thursday, 17 July 2003 16:20 (twenty years ago) link
Kate nailed it from my own outside perspective, it always seemed to be one guy with an inflated sense of self-esteem and probably a too-big-dick and girls who did not have good opinions of themselves, who did a good job of seeming to be cool with everything, but in all the cases I witnessed someone was getting hurt and, away from the people in the relationship, was very obviously unhappy.
Frankly the whole thing smacks of immaturity to me.
― anthony kyle monday (akmonday), Thursday, 17 July 2003 16:20 (twenty years ago) link
quiditties sand agonies xps
― killfile with that .exe, you goon (wins), Wednesday, 5 August 2015 20:30 (eight years ago) link
Seeing ourselves as part of a larger system (whether of three or 300 people) leads to taking social responsibility for the health of that system. Can we solve polyamory’s jealousy problem? Perhaps, perhaps not. But what we can do is stop pretending that we don’t know where jealousy comes from.
300? is there a village form where they all fuck each other? is that what that shyamalan movie was about?
― goole, Wednesday, 5 August 2015 20:30 (eight years ago) link
it does actually get at exactly what bothered me about badiou's argument, though what i took as shortfalls in his argument they're taking as virtues
ha yeah, badiou is just about self-aware enough in his bourgeois maoism to avoid spelling out the silliest implications
― Merdeyeux, Wednesday, 5 August 2015 20:33 (eight years ago) link
Neoliberalism has certainly eroded our ability to rely on extended families and stable communities, which I think both makes traditional marriage more challenging and actually may be behind the growing interest in poly family structures (at least a few of my friends have said "I would be interested in raising kids with more than one other person"). I suppose inasmuch as that lack of community/extended family breeds insecurity and instability, it could also contribute to jealousy -- it's more scary to risk losing the person you're committed to when that's the ONLY person you know you can rely on.
― five six and (man alive), Wednesday, 5 August 2015 20:38 (eight years ago) link
Her point that fostering trust in every direction in the relationship helps to avoid jealousy makes sense. I did find myself wondering how much it was aided by the Japanese small plate cooking class she felt the need to mention, or rather, the material comfort implied thereby.
― five six and (man alive), Wednesday, 5 August 2015 20:40 (eight years ago) link
quiditties sand agonies xps― killfile with that .exe, you goon (wins), Wednesday, August 5, 2015 8:30 PM (24 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― killfile with that .exe, you goon (wins), Wednesday, August 5, 2015 8:30 PM (24 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
lol sand agonies
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Wednesday, 5 August 2015 20:55 (eight years ago) link
in my vagina?
― five six and (man alive), Wednesday, 5 August 2015 20:58 (eight years ago) link
Coming out of my second, and most intense poly arrangement, which offered two basic life lessons:
1. Setting boundaries should be done quickly and resolutely; nobody should feel guilty about their feelings.
2. The pleasure of fucking somebody who's not your partner > the pain of knowing somebody is fucking your partner. Then, the reverse is true.
― got a long list of ilxors (fgti), Wednesday, 5 August 2015 23:50 (eight years ago) link
Our small talk consisted of Bourdieu, Navier-Stokes equations, and Henri Cartier-Bresson.
― mookieproof, Thursday, 6 August 2015 01:22 (eight years ago) link
i dunno seems like it would be hard keeping all the hyphens straight let alone figuring out whose night was whose
― j., Thursday, 6 August 2015 01:25 (eight years ago) link
haha i hated the parts of the article where the rhapsodizing about the relationship happened, it made them sound so unappealingly pretentious
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 6 August 2015 04:23 (eight years ago) link
2. The pleasure of fucking somebody who's not your partner > the pain of knowing somebody is fucking your partner. Then, the reverse is true.― got a long list of ilxors (fgti), Wednesday, August 5, 2015 11:50 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― got a long list of ilxors (fgti), Wednesday, August 5, 2015 11:50 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
feel the shit out of this
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 6 August 2015 04:24 (eight years ago) link
These fellows just love talking about themselves!
― saer, Friday, 1 April 2016 12:41 (eight years ago) link
In the working space I'm using today, eventually two other people came in and at the coffee maker one of them asked the other how she came to be using this working space, after her short answer, his return answer was very long, a little bit about where he was from and where he had lived, then a large chunk about explaining what polyamory was.
I left and went back to my computer but forgot my headphones so could still hear him for some time. Eventually they walked past, and she said "well thank you for sharing", and he said "oh no problem I just love to share"
― saer, Friday, 1 April 2016 12:46 (eight years ago) link
I don't have problems with polyamory as such (people should be able to find whatever forms of intimacy work for them, and poly oversharing is probably less harmful, because less institutionalized, than its heteronormative equivalents), but I will probably always find this funny: https://mobile.twitter.com/merrittkopas/status/680555624917299204
― one way street, Friday, 1 April 2016 13:47 (eight years ago) link
I dont have a problem with anything, other than war and people talking
― saer, Friday, 1 April 2016 14:00 (eight years ago) link
Legit scourges, to be sure
― one way street, Friday, 1 April 2016 14:15 (eight years ago) link
http://nypost.com/2017/10/12/ive-been-polyamorous-for-almost-a-decade/
I feel like every article on polyamory relies on the same cliches. "50% of marriages end in divorce anyway" -- actually not true, one of those unsourced stats that has been repeated for generations now, and even less true when you account for education, age of marriage, age of divorce (not such a big deal if people divorce after their kids are out of the house).
Second the straw man idea that, in monogamy, "one person is supposed to meet all of your physical and emotional desires. I never got that message. I'm just a pessimist about the ability of "all" of ones needs and desires to be met anyway, and I think the ones met by monogamy outweigh the ones lost.
Anyway the author has neither kids nor a main partner so I don't really get the point. You date multiple people, cool story.
― IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Sunday, 15 October 2017 13:58 (six years ago) link
Ppl without kids and marriage exist yknow
For the rest yeah otm
― Gary Synaesthesia (darraghmac), Sunday, 15 October 2017 14:00 (six years ago) link
Oh yeah of course. I just mean I have yet to see the article that's like "I'm 55 and we raised our 3 kids in a polyamorous multi-co-parent relationship and it worked out great". Maybe one day we will.
― IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Sunday, 15 October 2017 16:22 (six years ago) link
polyamory has def gotten more exposure/press/discussion for people too young to yet be 55 with 3 kids. though we're not so far from that point probably. "the ethical slut" came out in what, 97? I feel like even at that point though there were testimonials from older, more hippie-oriented "it takes a village" type thinkers. to be fair, it is not surprising that ppl who were early adopters AND wanted kids AND had them AND chose to raise them in something other than a primarily dyadic deal AND it went well AND they want to write about it is a small subset. i imagine there's a much much larger universe of, say, ppl with a steady primary raising kids together, but they also have other relationships that are not parenting-oriented in any way.
― Doctor Casino, Sunday, 15 October 2017 16:45 (six years ago) link
as for the one-person-meeting-all-needs thing --- doesn't this mainly come up in response to objections from monogo types? like specifically in response to people expressing worry along the lines "my partner being interested in other ppl necessarily means there's something insufficient/wrong with me or our relationship." i don't think that's a strawman, I think it's something a ton of people really believe even at a pop-psych --- oh you noticed him checking out another woman, or sharing interests that you two don't share, this a sign of a problem ahhhh!!!obv there is a wide range of healthier ways of understanding this and I think most mature monogo ppl are well seasoned in recognizing that it's natural someone might have other desires and it doesn't mean something is wrong. I think most poly ppl are at that same place and just additionally would say (speaking broadly) that to take that stance and then also additionally say "but it cannot and must not be acted upon," doesn't add up or work for them --- and maybe that it amounts to the strawman position, that in PRACTICE the single partner is being expected to meet all needs, or that it is desirable/acceptable that the needs of people you love should be suppressed and go unmet. no judging here as I do know many monogo ppl who seem very happy and no doubt work through these moments in thoughtful, considerate ways through a lot of serious and emotionally honest conversations. to me it's just always seemed like being poly (with its own set of serious and emotionally honest conversations) was closer to ideal and clicked more naturally in my own specific brain. but I'm not an evangelist - it is not for everybody.
― Doctor Casino, Sunday, 15 October 2017 16:55 (six years ago) link
The thing that baffles me about polyamorous people is that they're actually able to find people to be polyamorous with. It's exceedingly rare for me to meet even one romantically interesting person; I could be as a polyamorous as you like in theory without ever exceeding monogamy in practice. But apparently there are lots of people out there finding multiple simultaneous partners, drawing only from the relatively shallow pool of other polyamorists.
The inescapable conclusion: polyamorists are the most irresistibly attractive people on earth.
― JRN, Sunday, 15 October 2017 17:56 (six years ago) link
On the other hand, the pool of available polyamorists doesn't deplete as quickly. They can be in one or more relationships and still be available.
― jmm, Sunday, 15 October 2017 18:17 (six years ago) link
Maybe they're just really good at sexing.
― Moodles, Sunday, 15 October 2017 18:18 (six years ago) link
Maybe I'm insane but I think reactionary anti-monogamy is stupid
Monogamy is awesome, the benefits of descending through the aging process with your body and your partner's body ensconced in a protective bathysphere is marvellous.
I don't believe anybody who says "humans aren't inherently monogamous" because they're wrong, humans are and society is. The psychological construct of monogamy is imo an intrinsic necessity
All the best poly-relationships, that I've observed, are just hybrids and extensions of that experience imo
― fgti, Sunday, 15 October 2017 18:19 (six years ago) link
On the other hand, the pool of available polyamorists doesn't deplete as quickly. They can be in one or more relationships and still be available.― jmm, Sunday, October 15, 2017 1:17 PM (twenty-five minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
Good point! I hadn't thought of that.
― JRN, Sunday, 15 October 2017 18:45 (six years ago) link
honestly i don't get why anybody who hadn't had direct negative experience with it would be anti-polyamory.
― bob lefse (rushomancy), Sunday, 15 October 2017 18:51 (six years ago) link
i am too needy to be polyamorous but idgaf how other people live their lives, do whatever makes you happy
― k3vin k., Sunday, 15 October 2017 18:53 (six years ago) link
If you're in a city/region with a big kink network, it normally follows that there's a decent-ish pool of poly-friendly people. At least in my very limited experience anyhow…
― carson dial, Sunday, 15 October 2017 18:59 (six years ago) link
I know a poly triad where all three are bringing kids from previous marriages. The logistics of that are beyond impressive to me. Two sets of stepchildren each, screw that.
― louise ck (milo z), Sunday, 15 October 2017 19:08 (six years ago) link
Logistics of kids full stop
Again idk why poly gets bad rap there
― Gary Synaesthesia (darraghmac), Sunday, 15 October 2017 19:52 (six years ago) link
Even if one has no interest in engaging oneself with poly-relationship stuff, this sort of line of discussion has been useful for me in conducting emotional labour for my various friends who are dealing with extra-marital affairs, cheating, open relationships, as well as poly-stuff
― fgti, Sunday, 15 October 2017 23:21 (six years ago) link
Tbf more than two people helping to raise kids can potentially be very helpful -- in laws and aunts and cousins and friends and the like. I'm just more skeptical of the ability of people to commit to each other and go parenting in that sort of complex, multidirectional way. The main thing I believe in is that kids are better off when there is at least one or two primary parents who are always going to be there. I guess if you have that nailed down, maybe the drifting in and out of others would be less problematic. But idk. The whole anti-self-denial streak I see in a lot of writing about poly worries me when it comes to parenting because parenting requires a lot of self denial.
― IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Monday, 16 October 2017 00:41 (six years ago) link
it gets a bad rap because the most vocal and visible poly people are fuckin’ insufferable
― mh, Monday, 16 October 2017 00:48 (six years ago) link
the most vocal and visible poly people are fuckin’ insufferable
― bob lefse (rushomancy), Monday, 16 October 2017 00:56 (six years ago) link
like cultists
― j., Monday, 16 October 2017 01:00 (six years ago) link
this badiouian-maoist critique of polyamory
amazing!
― budo jeru, Saturday, 11 June 2022 04:34 (one year ago) link
revolutionaryphilosophycommittee.wordpress.com is no longer available.The authors have deleted this site.
― sarahell, Saturday, 11 June 2022 12:38 (one year ago) link
rip
― the cat needs to start paying for its own cbd (map), Saturday, 11 June 2022 17:53 (one year ago) link
i wayback machine'd it, you should too?
― budo jeru, Saturday, 11 June 2022 18:30 (one year ago) link
https://web.archive.org/web/20141015103013/http://revolutionaryphilosophycommittee.wordpress.com/2014/09/01/a-communist-critique-of-polyamory/
― budo jeru, Saturday, 11 June 2022 18:31 (one year ago) link
thanking u!
― sarahell, Saturday, 11 June 2022 18:42 (one year ago) link
Those who engage in polyamory speak about loving multiple people, yet they never once ask the question, ‘what is love?’
badiou don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more
― sarahell, Saturday, 11 June 2022 18:44 (one year ago) link
― budo jeru
at least we don't have to content with a baeddelian critique of polyamory (lol as if such i could even imagine a self-identified baeddel who wasn't poly)
― Kate (rushomancy), Saturday, 11 June 2022 20:34 (one year ago) link