Come anticipate EMOJI: THE MOVIE with me

i'd expect james fucking corden to be involved in this but ilana glazer? damn that's disappointing

💩

Patrick Stewart is set to voice the poo emoji in animated adventure The Emoji Movie.

The actor, known for his stage and screen work, will play Poop alongside Silicon Valley star TJ Miller, Broad City star Ilana Glazer and James Corden.

The plot follows an emoji born with multiple expressions who goes on an adventure in a teenager’s phone. The announcement of Stewart’s involvement was accompanied by news that Christopher Guest’s longtime collaborator Jennifer Coolidge and Bridesmaids star Maya Rudolph will also voice characters in the film.

The film is being directed by Tony Leondis and among the script’s many writers is Mike White, whose work includes School of Rock and acclaimed HBO comedy Enlightened.

A teaser trailer was recently released to largely negative feedback online. The majority of its trailer uploads on YouTube are currently swayed by dislikes, with one featuring more than 11 times disapproval versus approval.

Streaming music on your phone is also a literal stream of music, as in music notes that make up a river.

That's even worse than the Train of Thought in Inside Out.

in other news, because nothing is out of the question in our bold new era of casually unsettling surreality: Lisa Frank Live-Action/Animation Hybrid Movie in Development

welp, this is happening

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8pJt4dK_s4

the cynical crossbreeding of wreck-it ralph and inside out that no-one demanded

I was hoping that this had already come and gone without me noticing and that we were now safely in the post-release phase of collectively pretending that it had never happened.

But since its release is still impending, I'll go ahead and predict that it breaks at least one box office record and spawns at least two sequels and possibly a spinoff.

i mean i'm fervently hoping it breaks at least one box office record but it's not the one that would lead to sequels and/or spinoffs

Always worth reiterating that Patrick Stewart is voicing an animated pile of shit in this children's movie.

i can only assume that becoming a stoner late in life has catastrophically affected his judgement

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwWfX5ihbr0

so this shit is really happening huh

this is a poster I've seen around town

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rrjlvHYb3mg/WVxFg8h9tII/AAAAAAACk70/PbENGIldNxAh5Sjqx2S_Lq_3QfWBExV0wCLcBGAs/s800/emoji%2Bmovie%2Bpoop%2Bbillboard.jpg

fuck hollywood

I want to walk in every theatre showing this and just fling actual poop at audience members

Every now and then I'm reminded afresh that this movie exists and I reel in horror and disbelief. Anyone who ever pays a cent to see this thing should be disenfranchised and institutionalised immediately.

yeah seeing this movie means you're part of the problem

inches away from CAN YOU GET 85% ON THIS QUIZ?: THE MOVIE

^ will be greenlit depending on this movie's success

At last, the movie America deserves.

but not the one it needs right now

the Social Media universe trilogy is probably due out soon

from EW review:

Gene has to go on the run with another misfit, Hi-5 (James Corden), one of the most horrifyingly Cronenberg-y cartoon creations since John Lasseter gave a car a tongue. Hi-5 is a talking hand, and whereas most of the Emojis look like rubber, Hi-5 has uncanny-valley skin. His palm has cheeks, and a belly that can stiffen into a 4-pack. At one point, Hi-5 turns around, and we see that this hand has a butt.

that is phenomenal

does every age of civilization have its Emoji Movie? what was the nadir of fucked up, meaningless creativity while Rome was collapsing?

I will assume you are fiddling around with that question

Dad jokes aside, I would dearly liked to have been in the meeting where they decided the hand should have a butt

Does the poop have a butt?

what comes out of the poop's butt? corn on the cob?

does not appear to have a butt based on this clip, although it raises more questions than it answers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmqscxta_Fc

The poop came out of the hand's butt

There's a theater up here where one can kludge together a Mike White doubleheader of BEATRIZ AT DINNER and this

Howard the duck is shooting from inside the phone

Is black policeman or Easter Island head in this

What about Crying Laughing, and are there tit/dick pics on the phone?

Justin McElroy (of the podcast My Brother My Brother & Me) took his kid daughter to see it, whole thread is hilarious

Patrick Stewart is a literal pile of shit. On leaving the bathroom with his son: "Should we wash our hands?" [uproarious laughter]

— Justin McElroy (@JustinMcElroy) July 29, 2017

Not from us, obviously. Charlie is watching with an expression like I'm teaching her to balance a checkbook while at Barney's funeral

— Justin McElroy (@JustinMcElroy) July 29, 2017

Favorite character so far? Easy! The silent ones, because every word spoken makes the ending further from my current fixed point in time

— Justin McElroy (@JustinMcElroy) July 29, 2017

Maybe in the sequel the emojis can come out of the phone and into the pocket where the phone is and they can meet Lint and Penny and Used Kleenex and hopefully there will be stuffed animals and lunchboxes emblazoned with those soon to be much-loved characters and maybe I'll get fed into a wood chipper before that happens and maybe if I'm not fed I'll just like gracefully dive into the whirring spinning blades of my own volition.

"There's a theater up here where one can kludge together a Mike White doubleheader of BEATRIZ AT DINNER and this"

wait what, Mike White wrote this????

this review is great

In the end — and I am going to spoil this movie here, please prepare yourself for the loss — the emojis turn into GIFs, I guess. Because Gene’s ability to turn himself into multiple feelings helps his user Alex express complicated feelings to the girl he likes everyone gets on board with Gene’s defect.

What? There's no way I'm trusting anarchic emojis with minds of their own in an important text message.

So fucking excited to see this tonight

pvmic

ah fuck i can't go anymore... sometime this week

booooooo

😱😱😱😱😱

I don't get why the reviews for this are so bad. I saw it last night and it ruled. Charlize Theron kicked so much ass and the 80's soundtrack was Cold War-tastic.

YOOOOO CHANGE OF PLANS IM FUCKIN GOING

Lol Neanderthal

OK, briefly... it's not a well constructed or well written movie, a huge missed opportunity. But the disgust and over the top loathing that this movie is receiving isn't because it's not engaging or even that it's a lazy Inside-Out ripoff, it's because it's the complete opposite of an escapist summer movie. There are so many rich philosophical and social questions posed - time and relativity, multiple universes, and the emojis' condition - being restricted to one emotion at birth and imprisoned within Textopolis in the same way that we complain about being imprisoned by social media and our smartphones. It's a pretty heady movie that squanders its premise and isn't engaging. But the Paris sequence with the parents was kind of beautiful, being able to walk inside of your user's Instagram photo roll and explore a frozen world. I mean, it gets pretty fucking out there at times. Wonder Woman is escapism, The Emoji Movie is reality, and it's horrifying. No wonder people have such a visceral reaction to it.

Is it as good as the third matrix movie, Speed Racer, or The Conversation?

It's definitely better than Matrix Revolutions. I didn't see the 2008 Speed Racer. if John Cazale were alive and in The Emoji Movie, it would be better than The Conversation.

the one person who didn't find this interesting must have made the competing "Emoticon Epic"