List your culinary disasters.

that sounds fairly tame as my recipes go tbh

one time I got drunk and poured whiskey in everything

My mom tried to deep fry a pot roast once. It only cooked the outer shell, and when it was sliced open, it was a Shining-style curtain of hot bloody water. This would not have been so bad had she not volunteered to feed missionaries that night.

I learned qwhen you have company, stick to something you've tried before.

Please tell us that it was sliced open at the table in front of the guests...

Yes it was!!! :D

my latest minor "disasters" have been, umm relatively minor, ever since the time I accidentally put twice as much water as should have been in the cake mix and made Weird Cake:

- tossed potato wedges with garlic, rosemary, onion, and oil, but then accidentally left the oven set on a high broil and, after the flames were dealt with, had roughly edible potatoes covered with the ashy corpses of the other items

- shredded big fresh brussel sprouts into a slaw and cooked with ginger, to serve under fish; I think this was sound in concept, except that I always, always greatly misjudge the power of fresh grated ginger

- if trying to make a lemon + cream sauce, use some sort of already-tangy dairy like sour cream or something, or you might make something more like a "curdle sauce"

- I don't even know how to start going into what went wrong with the cornmeal-breaded fried chicken

Weird Cake

Would that be like a cake soup?
First time cooking sponge cake in the microwave, the resultant mass turned out like packing foam.

Weird Cake actually looked and felt like dense cornbread, except sweet and cake-tasting -- would have been edible and tasty and non-weird to anyone who had never had either cornbread or cake

I did the ginger thing again on Sunday, btw. Possibly my problem is that a whole big-ass chunk of ginger somehow grates down to like one teaspoon of "you will not be able to taste anything else you put me in"

Tried making tacos the way my mom makes them one day. Sauteed the vegetables to put in the meat and got some lightly fried tortillas going, but I guess the ground beef I used was a little old. As soon as the meat hit the saucepan, my roommates knew something was wrong because the steam that rose had a terrible, unrecognizable stench to it. My roommate described it as the smell of ground beef cooking if the ground beef came from zombies. I always use unfrozen meats the day I buy them now.

worst thing i've done lately is put way too much mint in a frittata but that still ended up pretty good. mint + sriracha = pleasant lip-numby-burny sensation

nabs, to make a lemon cream sauce you should probably mix the citrus with wine or pan drippings or something first, then add the cream SLOWLY while stirring.

totally makes sense -- thanks!

can i just

if you never poured homemade luxury chocolate and camembert cheese over tilapia, you probably don't belong itt

thread now locked to all but one person in the entire history of the planet then

the phrase "luxury chocolate" is killing me.

How else can you describe chocolates filled with with low-grade rum and brandy? Especially those with chocolate sprinkles on top?

maybe LJ should write The Ween Cookbook, complete with this fabulous "Chocolate and Cheese" repice

We're trying to bring this thread back to "the culinary disasters of normal human beings" rather than "LJ does fusion and by fusion we mean fusion atom bomb".

ginger somehow grates down to like one teaspoon

Key point is, fresh ginger is about a billion times stronger than the dried powder. Actually I use this Julian Graves' Chinese Stem Ginger in syrup, which is pretty good, hot but not bleeeeeeeeeeurrAAAAARRGGH.

there's nothing wrong with chocolate and cheese by itself -- a cup of hot chocolate is often served with cheese for a snack. pretty typical south american thing iirc.

but melting it all and pouring over a heavily seasoned piece of whitefish? dear god.

The fish is the real problem here.

if using tequila & limes to marinate chicken prior to grilling, please remember to use the tequila sparingly, unless you enjoy eating hot booze

adding cooked rice to canned tomato soup is a fine idea; cooking the rice in the tomato soup is not

what happens? tomato gruel?

or a dry red lump?

(xxpost) use Malibu rum in trifles sparingly...

i'm guessing undercooked rice and overcooked soup

roasted potatoes -- if a lot of rock salt makes them taste amazing, a WHOLE lot of rock salt doesn't make them taste more amazing.

it was a gummy glutinous burned tomato mess xxp

Not my personal disaster, but one I had to eat: chicken noodle soup is not an acceptable substitute for cream of chicken soup in a casserole.

Wasabi-lemon-olive oil dipping sauce was a sadly tasteless fail this past weekend. Wasabi powder really tasted of not much of anything, maybe it has to sit around to develop spiciness or something.

my experiences with powdered wasabi have all been underwhelming, jaq

yeah I'm sorry LJ, but your stuff is an offence to food. a heinous offence.

LJ - you should have been made to sit and eat all that food for wasting the fuck out of it. in fact I should report whoever was there who didn't make you to social services for neglect of duty.

I once put a bunch of salt and cayenne on popcorn. I can generally handle cayenne. the heat doesn't bother me. but for some reason after the first few kernels I started coughing violently and couldn't stop for like 5 minutes and almost vomited at a few points.

I had a similar popcorn failure last weekend actually!

I often like to add things to microwave popcorn once its done, just a little paprika or whatever, but this time I thought "hey I'll add some of this vegetable stock powder, thatll be great!"

It was queerly unpleasant. I think the fake butter clashed with it somehow.

my roommate a few nights ago topped her popcorn with the following:
-hot sauce, lime juice, tequila

she was surprise when it turned into a soggy mess!!

i like to put curry powder on popcorn btw.

housemate with a flair for 'improvising' decided that while making a thai curry one evening, that evaporated milk was a fine substitute for coconut milk. I could only politely eat a mouthful before begging off. Ugh. The texture...the taste...ARG it was all so bloody WRONG

the recipe I used for my first ever pumpkin pie said that cooking the pie on the floor of the oven was the best way to go for a crispy crust and evenly cooked pie. the pie looked a treat when it came out of the oven. Thanksgiving Day, in front of my husband's family I cut the pie and as I placed a segment on a plate, I notice the bottom half, including some of the filling was BLACK. the crust felt like burned wood, the thing was charred to within in an inch of its life. Luckily the top half was still in tact, so I told everyone to grab a spoon and scoop up some filling...recommending that they not dig too deep.

housemate with a flair for 'improvising' decided that while making a thai curry one evening, that evaporated milk was a fine substitute for coconut milk.

Thats interesting cos Carnation do make a coconut-flavoured evaporated milk thats meant to be some kind of lo-cal substitute for coconut milk. I imagine it'd be hideous.

it's the consistency of DeWitts. Chalky, nasty.

i like to put curry powder on popcorn btw.

― ian, Wednesday, July 15, 2009 7:36 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

A+++++++++

Love the story about using Schlitz to mask alfredo eggnog pasta; classic example of punching yourself in the stomach when you have a headache!

adding cooked rice to canned tomato soup is a fine idea; cooking the rice in the tomato soup is not

Can't speak to this but I routinely cook quinoa and couscous in tomato soup and it's just fine -- did it tonight in fact.

http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs132.snc1/5654_121922482089_596287089_3122791_3579048_n.jpg

no luxury chocolate & camembert sauce = A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

Microwaved Kraft singles and Texas Pete quesadilla did not work out.

how could you screw that up

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THE PAST IS A GROTESQUE ANIMAL

lol we did well there