how to take a poop at work.

i CAN FUCKING HEAR YOU DIRTBAG. wait 2 seconds and you can have the place to yourself to indulge all your various farting delights.

wtf! like it is other people's responsibilities to back up their gastrointestinal systems in order to spare you hearing it? it's a public bathroom for christ's sake!

this thread makes me feel like Tuomas

Use ear- and nosebuds, listen- and smellbag.

wtf! like it is other people's responsibilities to back up their gastrointestinal systems in order to spare you hearing it? it's a public bathroom for christ's sake!

― Tracer Hand, Monday, June 22, 2009 3:00 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

srsly!

what's wrong with texting while you poop?

You'll be wiping your 455 with that hand, ew!

shext

shext ha. well, my reaction is that shitting at work is ok if you hafta, as taking care of one's necessities is just life and if youre sanitary its all good. but i guess shexting is my hangup then, i dont wanna borrow anyones shexting device

its good, resume shposting

when Cherry phones become Chocolate

Ok, dude at work just brought an open laptop and headphones into the stall, and then effortlessly dispensed tax advice to his gf/wife over the phone while typing on his computer and ripping an endless series of bowel explosions! Inscribe this guy's lifestory on a titanium disc and send it out into space in the hopes of communicating with extraterrestrials - this guy is the first legend of the 21st century IMHO.

this is what america is about!

did you wait around to shake his hand as soon as he emerged from the stall of champions?

I couldn't even blurb out an "I'm honored to poop next to you sir", I was in such awe. I'll be keeping a close eye in the future, though, no doubt about it. If I was in a position to promote him, I would, even over (no - ESPECIALLY over ) a more qualified candidate.

I bet his efficiency at his job is a significant percentage higher than people who don't type and use the phone whilst shitting. Next time you need a problem solved I'd take it straight to him.

I've got a grunter in the stall next to me.

http://begonias.typepad.com/srubio/images/triumph.jpg

this thread makes me feel like Tuomas

― Tracer Hand, Monday, June 22, 2009 8:01 AM (3 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i am kind of in agreement with this

although i suppose really the entire thought is "this thread makes me feel like the tuomas of taking a shit"

what's wrong with texting while you poop?

― harbl, Monday, June 22, 2009 7:52 AM (3 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

we are all tuomas

One thing I hate is that being tall, and being a "standing wiper", my head comes over the door. so some schlub walks into the bathroom, he can like...see my face. that's all they can see but there is something unsettling about being seen at all while you are wiping your ass.

You should look into other methods of wiping. I believe there's even a thread dealing with it here somewhere.

I'm not changing my wipe style simply because the person that built the stall door had midgets in mind

Turn around so they can only see the back of your head.

or I could put my feet on the right wall then hold myself up with one hand on the left wall so that I'm horizontal and wipe that way

The bad thing about pooping at my work is that the light is activated by a motion sensor near the door, so if you're sat on the bog for more than five minutes or so and no-one else is around, the light goes off and you're suddenly plunged into darkness. It's kind of a relief when someone comes in and activates the light again, but then you're hit with this dreadful flush of shame that you've been sat there furtively dumping in the dark like some sort of poop criminal.

http://passitonsv.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/smooth-criminal.jpg

ahahahhahahahaha

wait standing wiper what

I prefer the jump and wipe.

its like some sort of poop olympics in here

poolympics

i won the gold medal but was dqed from the last event

pooping standing up sounds so inefficient because your buttcheeks are pushed closer together

IT'S HOW THE PACK OF WOLVES TAUGHT ME

wolves don't have buttcheeks, so it's all well and good for THEM

ok, this is an appropriate thread to quote these lyrics:

Plagued with diarrheal secretions
Post-anal drip
Unable to stop the flow of fecal matter
Colostomy irrigation necessary
Colon brought to the surface of the skin
For intestinal drainage
Obsolete anus sewn closed
Remnants of my bowels flood into a bag

I have a new ass

Porthole constantly leaking
Cavity always stinking
I just long to be normal
Secrete from an open bunghole
Overflowing liquified feces
I can't keep it a secret, the evidence stains my clothes
Colostomy has a hole

I soiled myself

("Bag", Malignancy)

People where I work like to sing hymns and pray while poopin'.

Amazing Deuce?

I never poop at work, but today was my last day at a job where the toilets are like McDonald's clean, they're inspected every hour, so I thought what the hell.

wait, standing wiper

Well yes both actually.

I mean, the restroom was clean, but not that clean.

wait so.... when you need to poop during the day do you go to starbuck's or something? idgi

i was also not aware that mcdonald's bathrooms were a byword for cleanliness, times must have changed

I was gonna say, if you're using McDonald's as your bathroom cleanliness barometer there is pretty much no bathroom you won't find acceptable for pooping

xp Well McD's are inspected every hour or something, so they're probably clean. And to clarify, I was at work. Or at least where I used to work up until late this afternoon. And no it wasn't a McDonald's.

xp I actually haven't been in a McDonald's - toilet or the establishment in general - for about 10 years, so I guess they've gone downhill?

did you get fired for pooping?

No, my short term contract ended. Although I could have got fired for using my mobile on the premises (big signs warning that YOUR MOBILE MUST BE SWITCH OFF and MOBILE PHONE USE WILL RESULT IN INSTANT DISMISSAL). Or possibly excessive breaks resulting from excessive pooping.

i actually got the sack once for taking too many toilet breaks. production line at a door-knob factory, i wasn't heartbroken