A car alarm keeps going off outside my house....what should I do?

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What is the answer to this dilemma?The car is only a G reg fiesta,and no-one seems remotely interested in coming out to turn it off.There are just the occasional shouts of annoyance from other householders,but no-one is doing anything about it.From my years as a grease monkey,I can have a fiesta bonnet open in seconds,and could then forcibly remove said alarm,but is this morally correct?It's half eleven at night,it's still very humid and difficult to get to sleep as it is.Should I do the neighbourhood a favour and get busy with the wire cutters?Or should I just shut the window and try and ignore the dull wailing from outside?I'm not bothered about the legal issues,just what would you do faced with the same problem?

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 21:30 (twenty years ago) link

Disconnect that fucker. Not fooling around. Seriously, do it.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 21:34 (twenty years ago) link

Kill it with guns.

― That Girl (thatgirl), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 21:35 (twenty years ago) link

I don't have a gun.But I do have the potato bazooka!

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 21:38 (twenty years ago) link

Disconnect it. Your neighbours will thank you. (wear gloves, and don't leave finger prints!)

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 21:40 (twenty years ago) link

Right,then.It seems that the general opinion is to do away with the offending noise maker.I have wire cutters and a torch,this should take all of a couple of minutes....be right back!!!

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 21:43 (twenty years ago) link

You should have logged out when posting!

― Leee (Leee), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 21:52 (twenty years ago) link

Empty milk bottle, handkerchief, flammable liquid, match.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 21:53 (twenty years ago) link

If it's going to beep give it a fuckign reason.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 21:53 (twenty years ago) link

How feckin funny was that?!I have 'removed' the alarm,and it's still going off!!!I've stuck it in the kitchen sink,full of water,and it's still doing it's thing!Surely it has to stop soon?!?!I've had to shut all my windows and I'm keeping an eye out on the street for the car owner to appear,but nobody has shown up as yet.Bloody mental!

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 21:59 (twenty years ago) link

an alarm on a fiesta? maybe the trunk is filled with kilos of the finest blow.

― kephm, Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:00 (twenty years ago) link

Can't you wrap it up in old blankets to muffle the sound, and bury it in your garden?

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:01 (twenty years ago) link

eugene speed, you are the hero of many.

kudos.

― gygax! (gygax!), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:03 (twenty years ago) link

Wrap it in a blanket to muffle the sound,then bury it in the garden....That is a somewhat worrying statement,I hope I never upset you in the future.....

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:04 (twenty years ago) link

Wow, and I worried about vigilanteism when someone I know egged a car with an extra-sensitive alarm.

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:08 (twenty years ago) link

Right,now I do have a problem.The alarm is under water,I've stuffed a load of laundry on top of it,and now there is someone at the car!!!Just my friggin luck if I got spotted,never mind eh?They gotta prove it was me!I'll just sit here with the lights off,and ignore the doorbell if it rings!

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:13 (twenty years ago) link

um-use your potatoe bazooka to pelt the fiesta?!?!

i dont buy any of this by the way*

― kephm, Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:14 (twenty years ago) link

Yeah,well you tell that to the f**kin alarm in my sink,then!

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:17 (twenty years ago) link

This is killer.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:23 (twenty years ago) link

Maybe that wasn't an alarm, but rather a FLUX CAPACITOR!

― Leee (Leee), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:26 (twenty years ago) link

ex-greasemonkeys lost with neighbors car alarms in the sink C/D?

― kephm, Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:30 (twenty years ago) link

Okay,alarm has finally given in to the water,at least I hope that it has.It's not making any more noise,unless it is resetting itself.The bloke at the car has gone,but I don't know if he was the owner or just another angry neighbour.Could be both,come to think of it!I'm going to sit up a bit longer,just in case the feds arrive.Doubtful,but possible.What a nitemare.Why didn't it just stop after the first time,I would assume that an alarm buff enough to survive submerged for a few minutes should be able to tell if it is going off for no reason.It's a Scorpion alarm,and doesn't look like one of those crappy Halfords jobs.Hopefully it's dead now,maybe it would be REALLY funny to go and put it back on the car in a few hours?!

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:31 (twenty years ago) link

"This alarm has clearly been drowned -- but there's not a lake in sight!"

It'd be like an episode of Monk, for robots.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:33 (twenty years ago) link

Oh I see,you all egg me on to go kill the alarm,then give me a hard time once I've done it!Where's the moral support,you yellow-bellied varmints!

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:37 (twenty years ago) link

Go Eugene! Kill the alarm!

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:40 (twenty years ago) link

no no! you are a hero of the people! tickertape parades for mr. speed!

― teeny (teeny), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:41 (twenty years ago) link

Can you imagine the phone call....

"Hello,police?I'd like to report a theft from my car."

"A theft,sir.If I could just take a few details.What is it that has been stolen?"

"Erm...my car alarm."

"Are you trying to be funny,sir?Wasting police time is an offence,you know."

"No,seriously.Someone has stolen the alarm from my car.It's been going off all night,and when it stopped,I came out to have a look,and it was gone!"

"What,the car or the alarm?"

"Just the alarm.The car is still there."

"Have you been drinking this evening,sir?"

I reckon you can come up with the rest yourself.....

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 22:55 (twenty years ago) link

*laughing and crying*

― fields of salmon (fieldsofsalmon), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 23:56 (twenty years ago) link

this is the best thread ever

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 17 July 2003 00:01 (twenty years ago) link

"...It's been going off all night,and when it stopped,I came out to have a look..."

If I were a cop and someone said this to me I'd arrest him on the spot!

― nickn (nickn), Thursday, 17 July 2003 00:33 (twenty years ago) link

I applaud your actions. You have fought a viscious enemy : noise pollution. Job wel done.

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Thursday, 17 July 2003 00:53 (twenty years ago) link

Right,it's now 8.20am and here's the latest.The alarm unit is now several streets away,in someone's dustbin.The fiesta has gone,which is a shame as I missed getting a look at it's owner,and shouting abuse at him/her.I'm going to have fun this evening waiting for them to get back,going to hide behind my blinds making car alarm noises when I see them!

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Thursday, 17 July 2003 06:48 (twenty years ago) link

You disposed of the evidence in someone else's dustbin in broad daylight?

― C J (C J), Thursday, 17 July 2003 07:12 (twenty years ago) link

No,I done the old 'five in the morning going for a jog' routine,with my bottle of water in one hand and the alarm unit in the other.When I stopped to chuck my water bottle in a bin...oops,looks like the alarm went in as well!Shame.

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Thursday, 17 July 2003 07:50 (twenty years ago) link

The fiesta is back!I bought a roll of pallet-wrap today,it's like heavy duty cling film,and I'm going to wrap me a fiesta!I am going to get so arrested(possibly)or beaten up(more likely)but it's a laugh and the last time I tried this,my mate took over twenty minutes with a stanley knife to get it all off his VW Beetle!

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Thursday, 17 July 2003 20:06 (twenty years ago) link

please take pictures

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 20:26 (twenty years ago) link

OH MY GOD this is fantastic!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 17 July 2003 20:45 (twenty years ago) link

You are bonkers, Eugene:)

― C J (C J), Thursday, 17 July 2003 20:48 (twenty years ago) link

but we're entertained, so keep it up!

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 17 July 2003 20:57 (twenty years ago) link

Eugene, I'm so happy you created this thread. You've made my day.

― jewelly (jewelly), Thursday, 17 July 2003 21:00 (twenty years ago) link

Pictures,now there's a thought!I have one of those camera phones,but I'm not sure A)if it works in low light or B)how to then get said picture onto this thread.But I'll give it a go,and see what happens.This pallet wrap stuff is also very handy for catching unsuspecting persons in telephone boxes.Two people run at phone box,one with the loose end of the pallet wrap,the other with the roll.Just pull a foot or so of the stuff through the handle,as the other person starts to run around the phone box with the roll,keep wrapping until you are satisfied that your job is done!BUT,if you are the peson who has to attach the loose end to the handle,remember to duck low IMMEDIATELY or you risk getting caught up in the oncoming plastic wrap,thus ruining the whole thing.However,cling wrapping someone to a tree or lampost is equally amusing.Nuff said!I'm going out at three to do the fiesta!

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Thursday, 17 July 2003 22:01 (twenty years ago) link

R Kelly to Eugene's neighborhood to provide the accompanying music.

― Carey (Carey), Thursday, 17 July 2003 22:06 (twenty years ago) link

Eugene you are the man of my dreams! I think the cling-film thing is hubris, but I am a wuss!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 17 July 2003 22:06 (twenty years ago) link

I must buy large rolls of this 'pallet wrap' immediately

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 17 July 2003 22:15 (twenty years ago) link

The next time you're at a drunken party at someone else's house, Saran Wrap the toilet.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 17 July 2003 22:22 (twenty years ago) link

And once you have wrapped the toilet,spray a little Deep Heat muscle spray on the toilet roll.It livens up the dancing!

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Thursday, 17 July 2003 22:36 (twenty years ago) link

Eugene Speed = ILE's Prankster Id Motherfucker of the year. We can (and will) learn a lot from you.

Maybe you'll have internet access in gaol.

― Neudonym, Friday, 18 July 2003 02:12 (twenty years ago) link

HAHAHAHA!!!!THE LOOK ON THAT C*NT'S FACE THIS MORNING!WORTH A MILLION QUID!!!!!I almost pissed myself watching as he tried to unwrap his car!I'm going to work with a big smile on my face,what a great way to start a Friday!I did get a couple of pics on my phone,I'll see if I can get them posted on here when I get home this evening.

And I'll only go to jail(gaol)if I get caught.There is no evidence,I used the WHOLE ROLL on his rustbucket fiesta,so no tell-tale half rolls of pallet wrap here,mate!

Have a good day,everyone!Har Har!

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Friday, 18 July 2003 06:32 (twenty years ago) link

you are my hero...

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 18 July 2003 06:34 (twenty years ago) link

So what was this fiesta person like?

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Friday, 18 July 2003 07:03 (twenty years ago) link

Skipping 28 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Shout at him from a car!

― Cozen (Cozen), Saturday, 19 July 2003 18:34 (twenty years ago) link

I'm not YAAAY HAA at all, I think this is appalling. But then I'm all into civility and stuff.

― amateurist (amateurist), Saturday, 19 July 2003 18:37 (twenty years ago) link

Are you trying to say I'm uncivillised!I'm flattered!

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Saturday, 19 July 2003 19:02 (twenty years ago) link

Secretly he admires his neighbour for letting his car alarm keep everyone awake.

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 19 July 2003 19:06 (twenty years ago) link

Eugene is starting to remind me of Christian Slater's character in Heathers. At first, it seems like harmless fun; then, the bodies start piling up. Dude, your vigilantism was okay back when it was just directed at the car alarm issue, and we've all been there. You taught him a lesson. Now move on, and let him move on too. Just thaw the fish and eat it yrself.

(I originally wrote "thaw the fist and eat it" and that would be really disgusting advice.)

― Neudonym, Saturday, 19 July 2003 19:11 (twenty years ago) link

fuck me gently with a chainsaw!!

― mark s (mark s), Saturday, 19 July 2003 19:16 (twenty years ago) link

I am expecting this story to escalate, making the news and a lame G2 follow up feature on neighbour rage.

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 19 July 2003 19:18 (twenty years ago) link

Hmm.Chainsaw.I like your style........

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Saturday, 19 July 2003 19:33 (twenty years ago) link

it is borrowed off a girl

― mark s (mark s), Saturday, 19 July 2003 19:35 (twenty years ago) link

GIRLS WITH CHAINSAWS

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 19 July 2003 19:37 (twenty years ago) link

Sorry, in an ideal world that would have been a link.

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 19 July 2003 19:37 (twenty years ago) link

Girls with power tools in general would have been a BRILLIANT link!

**thinks of Emily Booth on TV show 'DEMOLITION'**

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Saturday, 19 July 2003 19:38 (twenty years ago) link

Was that a L!VE TV show I somehow missed? Did it surpass the soft-porn carpentry slot 'You've Got Wood'?

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 19 July 2003 19:43 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.fondantfancies.com/dualactionsaw.jpg

― Graham (graham), Sunday, 20 July 2003 00:11 (twenty years ago) link

she's only got one eye!!

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 20 July 2003 00:14 (twenty years ago) link

the other was lost in a bizarre gardening accident

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Sunday, 20 July 2003 00:15 (twenty years ago) link

yes but w/o depth perception you can't juggle!!

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 20 July 2003 00:16 (twenty years ago) link

We cancelled the fish episode.I hope you lot are pleased with yourselves.Spoilsports!

Nice chainsaw pic....should bring the usual gags regarding her having a good grip on a TOOL,or the size of that CHOPPER,etc,etc....

― Eugene Speed (Eugene Speed), Sunday, 20 July 2003 09:48 (twenty years ago) link

Looks like she's into "dual action" as well...

― nickn (nickn), Sunday, 20 July 2003 22:24 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.queenkong.com/Glowpics-new-11-08-01/bad%20girls/images/chainsaw.jpg

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 21 July 2003 01:54 (twenty years ago) link

seven months pass...

wow and wow

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 12 March 2004 16:04 (twenty years ago) link

three weeks pass...

and wow

― Sym (shmuel), Friday, 2 April 2004 04:17 (twenty years ago) link

kill it with cinder blocks through windshields

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Friday, 2 April 2004 04:22 (twenty years ago) link

one month passes...

i dont know about you, but i crave updates on the car

― chrisco (chrisco), Sunday, 9 May 2004 16:15 (twenty years ago) link

six months pass...

they are demolishing a building outside my house! where is mr speed?

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 18 November 2004 03:56 (nineteen years ago) link

six months pass...

IT'S BEEN GOING OFF FOR OVER AN HOUR

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 13 June 2005 12:35 (eighteen years ago) link

oh hey it stopped! but now there is some sort of strange slow jackhammer going on.

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 13 June 2005 12:50 (eighteen years ago) link

oh hey it's going off again, now with the jackhammer.

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 13 June 2005 12:58 (eighteen years ago) link

Teeny, are you sure it's not the baby trying to escape early?

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Monday, 13 June 2005 13:04 (eighteen years ago) link

the baby's not big enough for me to feel yet, although I'm impatient for that! How do people with this kind of noise going on all the time get babies to sleep? Do they just get used to it?

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 13 June 2005 13:11 (eighteen years ago) link

The babay will get used to it if it's something that happens all of the time.

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Monday, 13 June 2005 13:19 (eighteen years ago) link

Or, conversely, long rides in the car.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 13 June 2005 15:44 (eighteen years ago) link

Teeny, surely Eugene upthread has shown you what to do...

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 13 June 2005 15:49 (eighteen years ago) link

this is an underrated thread that doesn't get mentioned often enough when people talk about the all-time greatest ilx threads!!

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 13 June 2005 15:56 (eighteen years ago) link

This is novel written about murdering people using bombs that go off when the victims reset their car alarms, set in my old DC neighborhood

This is an article in the New Yorker about the situation in Ally's old NYC neighborhood

Now we live under the flightpath for just about everything entering or leaving Ronald Reagan National Airport and it's just peachy!

Y'all=Pussies.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 13 June 2005 17:20 (eighteen years ago) link

four months pass...

AWSOME! Wheres the rest of it!!!!!!! Has the fiesta been pinched or something! To think the only reason i got to this page was because i searched for "alarm keeps going off" in google, because my alarm sometimes decides to wake me up. - I then ended up reading the whole page.

― Jucks, Friday, 4 November 2005 00:46 (eighteen years ago) link

and so it begins

― oops (Oops), Friday, 4 November 2005 01:16 (eighteen years ago) link

this is the biggest crock of shit thread i've ever read

― jaxon (jaxon), Friday, 4 November 2005 02:05 (eighteen years ago) link

this thread is amazing.

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Friday, 4 November 2005 02:12 (eighteen years ago) link

ten months pass...

A black ford mustang, (TX 399 JWY) has been parked in front of our house all afternoon, probably someone watchin the TX/OU game. It's alarm goes off constantly, shuts down after about five minutes, then quickly comes on again.

I think I want to be Walter Sobchak.

― 100% CHAMPS with a Yes! Attitude. (Austin, Still), Sunday, 10 September 2006 02:09 (seventeen years ago) link

five months pass...

HI DERE!

― The Amazing Randy, Saturday, 24 February 2007 11:46 (seventeen years ago) link

one month passes...

HI DERE AMAZIGN RADNY

― John Splith, Saturday, 21 April 2007 09:40 (seventeen years ago) link

I think Dan's sleeping, Randy

― nathalie, Saturday, 21 April 2007 09:40 (seventeen years ago) link

I just find it kind of hard to believe that an Ilxor would know how to disable and remove a car alarm.

― Pleasant Plains, Saturday, 21 April 2007 20:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh yeah, this is some bullshit. But entertaining!

― forksclovetofu, Saturday, 21 April 2007 20:35 (seventeen years ago) link

three years pass...

http://www.scorpionauto.com/gallery/BK1023SGA_L.gif

― kkvgz, Friday, 18 June 2010 18:43 (thirteen years ago) link

seven months pass...

Back again! Seems like only yesterday we were having fun with this, how time flies. For anyone who actually cares, the Fiesta that started all this eventually 'disappeared' from my street. Nowt to do with me, honestly. ;)

Anyone for pallet wrap?

― Eugene Speed, Thursday, 20 January 2011 01:01 (thirteen years ago) link

hey there um can you blow up my neighbors car, she keeps yelling "C'MON JAKE" at her dog and I figure that will send her the message to shut up.

― i love tampon spaceship (San Te), Thursday, 20 January 2011 02:07 (thirteen years ago) link

I rented a car FOR A FUNERAL and the alarm went off at the funeral dinner, so embarrassing and inappropriate because it was an unfamiliar car, it was at a FUNERAL, and it took me a good three minutes to figure out how to shut it off! Be sure when you rent a car you know where all the controls are!

On the bright side, if you live in a crowded urban area or are walking in a dark parking lot, it will surely scare any criminals away.

― how about "shut the fuck up" then (u s steel), Wednesday, 26 January 2011 14:37 (thirteen years ago) link

two years pass...

I'd almost forgotten about this marvelous episode! A decade later and pallet wrap still comes out now and again for deserving causes. ;)

― Eugene Speed, Thursday, 23 January 2014 14:36 (ten years ago) link

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