What shall I teach my students next week?

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I'm teaching a new class of 'elementary' English-level students next week.

Because I am a sadist, I was thinking of teaching them Shakespearian so when they went into the 'real' world they'd all be saying, (in a Brazilian accent) -

'How now, my lord, forsooth, what costeth the quince?'

How else could I traumatise them? The floor is yours... Will

― Bad Will, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

N'Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... new answers.

― Will, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Well if they are Brazillian you can certainly teach them plenty of Ron Atkinsonisms, and phrases like "Sick As A Parrot" which they will need when Brazil do not qualify for the World Cup.

Though it seems like FIFA is pulling out all the stoops to let the qualify. Despite losing nearly all their games they could still qualify by beating Australia or something. Grr.

― Pete, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

teach them geordie phrases, just to complete the effect

― Alan Trewartha, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Teach them something useful

― Nick, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Some of my pupils probably still think ^Steptoe and Son^ is the name of a Shakesperian tragedy and that ^tete de merde^ is French for ^boss^

― , Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

If you don't include A & The, how many Shakespeare plays start with the letter M? Genuine SOAS quiz question this week that no-one got right.

― Pete, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Three (I think!) - Measure for Measure, Macbeth, Much Ado About Nothing.

― Will, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Wivvout cheeting: 5? (Merry Wives of Windsor, Merchant of Venice, Much Ado, Macbeth and Midsummer Night's Dream)

― Nick, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Shit - forgot Measure for Measure. I like that one too!

― Nick, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

verily i think mr dastoor has it! Will, just teach them to speak Fatnick.

― katie, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

WITHOUT INCLUDING "A" AND "THE"

― Will, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Will - duh. When Pete said "If you don't include A & The" I assume he meant "ignore the As and Thes"

― Nick, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

D'oh! Saw-reeeeeeeeeee.
Shurely it leaves room for doubt, though? Maybe that's why no-one got it right, Pete?
What about my lesson, any way?

― Will, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I R ALREADY TELLINGS YOU to teech them fatnick. sheesh!! :)

― katie, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Teach them to say innit! (I say it all the time!)

― james, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I taught them to say 'environmentally friendly washing-up liquid' last night. It took them ages. heh heh heh.

― Will, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

cockney rhyming slang?

― Menelaus Darcy, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

terms of endeearment, fucknuckle, nincomppop, fucking galah etc

― Geoff, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

teach them all to use tv shopping netwprk style speech, or to talk like a famous five novel

― Menelaus Darcy, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

sorry, the cat was lying on my arms while I typed that

― Menelaus Darcy, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I *love* the Famous Five idea.

― Will, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Teach them "Talk to the duck".

― Jonnie, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

What's that, Jonnie?

― Will, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

You know. Talk to the duck cos the swan ain't listening.

― Pete, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Hoho! That's excellent :-)

― Will, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

con license, i suggest teaching the kizz-ids snoop speak. o to the brig to gad izz izz-o!

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

"This is a chizarming hizouse."

― Sterling Clover, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

There's a Japanese exchange student at my school who doesn't know much English. On a field trip to a museum, a couple people were calling for a guy not to abandon them, so it'd be "Don't abandon us, Pete!" 'Don't leave us, Pete!" and she yelled. "Don't touch me, Pete!" And she says "shut up" very, very often.

― Maria, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Teach them to say:
There is a peculiar fog settling on the moors...
Please be more polite to my wife!
Where are you bloody going, man?!
Kindly remove that fetid carcass from the bedroom.
The creature is baying for more blood, it's hunger is not yet sated.
I need something bigger/smaller/cheaper/cleaner.

― rainy, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I love you, Rainy.

― Maria, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I love you too!

― rainy, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

group hug

― Menelaus Darcy, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

fucking hate hugs

― Geoff, Saturday, 10 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

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