Dating Someone Who Suffers Panic Attacks

[obv is one works fine that's great; it just did absoluetly nothing for me]

i've never heard of xanax causing those side effects either, unless by "unreasable" you mean ludiciously laid back abt shit and it sounds like you don;t. it's a v good drug, just use it wisely is all.

I get panic attacks occasionally, and when I do, I either try to distract myself as quickly as possible, or just take a deep breath in and out,.. either way, I don't try to attract attention to them, as it would just make them worse.

Again, different strokes, different folks. I don't want to claim that your gf is taking advantage of me, but this one example just sounds suspicious, that's all. Are there other times she has panic attacks that seem more legit?

It's a shitty thing to use something like that as an excuse to be shitty to you, regardless.

perhaps I should ask more specific questions. That day when she had to shop, was she having to step aside a lot and just sit down and relax a bit lest she would pass out or faint? Is she having weird existential crises or what not during sleep hence not being able to sleep?

I started on Paxil initially to relieve the panic attacks and it did me no good, and I had REALLY awful trouble sleeping, and had to resort to leaving the TV on all night in order to sleep. I got off it within weeks thankfully.

Did your gf just start the meds recently, like weeks ago? If so, maybe she's going through the difficult initiation that's not uncommon when starting panic medication.

As to Donut, no, I'm thinking maybe they aren't "panic attacks" after all, but they are some sort of "attack" beyond just being stressed, like she gets so anxious that she becomes hypersensitive, unable to function, etc.

Yes, she does usually show gratitude later, and even feels sort of bad about the way she acted.

xpost: Ok I'll allow it.

I have to admit, I see some connection between this and her needing to be controlling, even if the anxiety is real.

"maybe she expects people to do her bidding when she has them and hasn't learned to deal with them on her own. Probably an unfair accusation, though."

No, you might be right Bryan. She does have that tendency in general.

The thing is I got much better at asserting myself over time (we've been together three years), and I feel a bit like the attack became the last card she can play.

If her case is extreme, maybe she should be taking it regularly, too? That's certainly a doctor's question though, so don't follow my advice.

xpost: Oh yeah right, just feed her some drugs!

Tracer, are you talking about me? I was just relaying my personal experience. I was playing doctor here. did you actually read my last post?

er wait actia;;y o do request xanax but that's diff...the lexapro shit they prescribe is just rotting in a closet somewhere.

it's just drug conspiracy bullshit and all those pshrinks u see are beholden to them like you wouldn't believe. just fuck the whole process really. maybe therapy or seomthing, not that i'd ever do it.

if this has nothing to do w/ this thread whasoever, sorry.

While I'm not anti-meds, I certainly don't resort to meds as a first solution to issues like these...(as I posted above.)

Ok, but when it gets down to the moment of her feeling like she can't get through it without my help, but on the other hand I have other shit I need to do, should I give in or not?

I tried months of non-meds related treatments when my panic attacks became really bad, but I eventually broke down and saw a psych, as I wasn't getting any better at all.. and it certainly has been the best solution (so far) in my case. That's all I'll say regarding my experience from here on out.

xxpost Hurting I think at least with some people you have to make your case and you take it from there. "Look even if my whole day was clear, you know I can't STAND those places, the whole thing stresses me out! But today it's totally impossible, I'm up to my ears in things I gotta do! Look when you get home I'll (x) and then we'll (x)" And maybe she's not having any of it. Maybe she's just like I don't care you HAVE to come and help me. And then, I mean you have to go, don't you?

Basically I'm giving the "not-so-tough love" accompanying answer to Tracer's very cogent "tough love" suggestion.

Just my .02 (with the obvious caveat that ultimately your girlfriend should look to the advice of an appropriate psychiatric/counseling professional, if it's really causing significant problems for either herself or your relationship):

With panic, as in much anxiety, assuming she doesn't want to be taking meds for the rest of her life, I think you should encourage her to seek Exposure Therapy as a recommended course of psychotherapeutic treatment. That form of therapy has to deal with, essentially, confronting the fear of what will happen head-on. For example, with the ramifications of a panic attack: "Afraid you're going to have a heart attack and die? Afraid you're going to go 'berzerk' and completely lose it? Okay, well...Bring It On! Let's see what happens when you get an attack..."

For example, if you knew someone who has a fear of getting into an elevator because the person envisions that the cables will snap and they will crash to the ground, you have to encourage the person to ride the elevator repeatedly...and not with feelings of trepidation (e.g., putting one foot in the elevator fearfully, then pulling it out, then back in, then finally stepping in and riding it, the whole time white-knuckled with the constant fear that it really is going to crash--a person who does this has done ZERO exposure). Exposure would mean stepping fully into the elevator with a sort of resigned attitude that "Okay, either this sucker crashes into the ground and kills me...or else it doesn't" and doing this for hours, multiple times per week, monitoring the results of whether it crashes or not. Same principle with OCD (fear of germs and contamination, etc.)

To use a metaphor, with anxiety, you have to throw away the chairs and whip you are using to 'ward off' the beast, and let the beast pounce on you: "Either kill me...or begone from my life!" Often, the best course (which, I reiterate, should be done under the care of a trained mental health professional) is to compose a hierarchy of situations she thinks will induce mild great panic, and going up the scale of these situations systematically.

Every opportunity to place yourself in a situation that *increases* anxiety is an opportunity to learn about it. Chances are, I'll bet she'll find that the beast does not have fangs. Best wishes!

um, no