Tell me a story

end of story.

Luckily I jumped off to find a bus going in the opposite direction, got on and made it to university just in time.

I probably failed the exam though. And it wasn't a very good story anyhow.

that was pointless wasn't oh well, I cant think of any good anecdotes right now

His older brother Gavin was there. I always thought he was cool because he was really handsome. He had longish hair (but not like a rocker's). I could never tell if he was a racist. I saw him wearing a Fugazi shirt once but I didn't know if he knew that they were anti- racist.

Anyways, Gavin was there with Phil Bonell and they were doing BTs. The Canadian National Anthem began to play. Gavin looked at me and so did Phil (I was sitting down). They both stood up. Steve didn't look at me but gazed proudly at the television and stood up. I knew that if I stood up as well that they would beat me up. I also knew that they would do the same if I stayed seated. Nervously, I got up and went outside.

It was the end of September and getting cold, but the air still had that back to school smell. I lit a DuMaurier Light and listened to the Canadian national anthem, all floaty and mixed up with the outside sounds.

So I just ignored her original question and tried to be as polite as possible. I still don't know why I didn't report her to her boss. I think I was just too jetlagged and freaked out about being in a new place to nail her like I should have.

not my story.

a friend of mine from high school. a mister iain hoey. large fellow. was travelling to his first day of university. he lives in breich [tiny village between glasgow and edinburgh] and was going by train to slateford [outside of edinburgh] to attend napier university. well. the train pulled into slateford and iain decided to get off. but he had forgetten to take into account just how packed the carriage was. due to it being early morning. and he managed, by swearing and pushing, to get to the door just as it closed and the train pulled out. he had to wait to the next stop with all the other passengers looking at him and, um, not being happy about being sworn at? I dono. so he got off at haymarket and got the next train in the opposite direction. soon the train was passing over the forth road bridge miles and miles from edinburgh. um. he got to university very late.

um. yeah.

oh. and.

I had tonsillitis a while ago. when my parents were on holiday in america. my mother insisted I make an appointment with the dentist and I did so. I drove out to the dentist's the morning of the appointment feeling terrible and fevered and all. and, not thinking at all, I turned the wrong way. as if I were going into glasgow. I only realised when I was driving up the slip road onto the motorway and had to go miles before I could turn around and come back. I was already a half an hour late for my appointment when I came off the motorway where I had stupidly joined it earlier and drove into the back of another car. the man whose car I'd bumped was friendly and understanding. and english. I finally got to the dentist and he told me I have perfect teeth. I needn't have bothered going in the first place. I doubt I'll ever go again. um.

more um.

mm-hm.

I guess it was the forth rail bridge.

less of a brilliant story now. I guess. huh.

Mr.G_____ of the Immigration and Nationality Department cleared his throat and replied in a hesitant tone "I must confess that I was rather surprised to see the machine being used as well."

The French/Lingala interpreter started in his seat, as if suddenly and unexpectedly struck in the face with an invisible haddock. "It's not even working at the moment!" he blurted unconvincingly.

An almost imperceptible smile formed on the lips of the lawyer, as he leaned forward in his chair, looked the interpreter in the eye and said "Well in that case, I can only assume that you've been MENDING it for the last two hours."

She wobbled to the toilet and, upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise known to mankind. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci, for the next few minutes, continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.

She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg was a stream of brown and green syrup.

The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg (which was bent across her other leg) to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina - at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger, wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor.

Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucus. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth.

The horrified medic turned to the toilet, as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to vomit, what he saw was so horrific that, to this day, he cannot look into a toilet bowl without convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp, flipping and splashing at a furious pace.

Ms. DeLucci died from her ordeal. The post mortem revealed her death to be the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor.

The investigation into her death revealed that two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. The coroner believes that while lying in the bath tub, she inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. A lesbian porn video was found in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub.

The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings.

Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the lobster had excreted them when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her period. Doctors believe that, at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Overnight, the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp had begun to double in size every ten minutes.  

thanks for refreshing my memory Nick, I don't think!

Once, I saw a stolen car that had been pushed into the water. Only its roof was visible. The morbid thought of “What if there’s a body in the boot?” entered my mind, it was around the time of Eminem’s ‘Stan’ video. Or “What if there’s a suitcase full of gold?” But, I guess it was neither because it never made the news. Just recently, the windows of one of the earthmovers being used by the workers have been smashed. I hate to see vandalism like this. I bet the ducks do to

Slimy Donald Trump
A Short Story
by Froo
Donald Trump had always hated hot Saudi Arabia with its skinny, sticky sand. It was a place where he felt sad.

He was a slimy, bad, ice piss drinker with fat breasts and odd hands. His friends saw him as a bulbous, black blockhead. Once, he had even jumped into a river and saved a dull puppy. That's the sort of man he was.

Donald walked over to the window and reflected on his smelly surroundings. The sunny teased like rambling FLynn.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Melania Trump. Melania was a fat victim with awful breasts and small hands.

Donald gulped. He was not prepared for Melania.

As Donald stepped outside and Melania came closer, he could see the tasty smile on her face.

Melania glared with all the wrath of 6184 just awful ice-dancing Ivana. She said, in hushed tones, "I hate you and I want hand holding."

Donald looked back, even more annoyed and still fingering the gross nose. "Melania, "don't touch me you oaf"," he replied.

They looked at each other with bored feelings, like two small, snotacular Spicer farting at a very fat state visit, which had jazz music playing in the background and two stupid uncles yelling to the beat.

Donald regarded Melania's awful breasts and small hands. "I feel the same way!" revealed Donald with a delighted grin.

Melania looked hungry, her emotions blushing like a filthy, faffdorking finger.

Then Melania came inside for a nice drink of ice piss.

THE END

http://www.plot-generator.org.uk/?i=stwsycw

I feel the same way