teh rolling craigslist funney thread

Before emailing your resume PLEASE take a moment to review whether or not you have the following qualifications and whether you can commit to the following requirements as there is ABSOLUTELY no flexibility:

1. Must have atleast 2-3 years+ of PERSONAL ASSISTANT experience within a residence.
2. Must have worked as a PERSONAL ASSISTANT within the entertainment, media or for some kind of Public figure who is known for their fiery personality.
3. Must be willing to travel (with no obligations)spontaneously to fabulous places during major holidays.

If you possess these three MAJOR requirements you should read on. This is a fabulous opportunity for someone whose vocation is to make sure others feel happy and comfortable. This is a high profile position, but it is NOT for the purpose of being a stepping stone job into acting, directing or producing. No other credentials other than the ones listed will be accepted. The right person for this job will be able to juggle, multi-task, shop at the most exclusive places, know the best stylists, make-up artists, handle publicists, make reservations at the best restaurants...basically just be "in the know." You must be organized, smart, articulate, polished and poised. The right individual must also be very thick skin and not react to brash comments or four letter words rolling out of the boss' tongue.

This is an immediate hire!!! Excellent benefits and fabulous perks, travel, bonus and unexpected, almost new and sometimes new "hand me downs."

Hours are 10am-7pm or 11am-8pm. No weekends unless there is travel.

I am an asshole, and I need a personal assistant to do all of the shit that my lazy, elitist ass is too busy/good to do my own damn self. That means cooking, cleaning my apartment (especially my shower and my toilet); fetching my lunch and coffee and cigarettes; looking through my CDs on a minute's notice when I decide that I MUST hear some obscure 80s british post-punk/90s west-coast gangsta cd RIGHT away; typing my letters, etc. As a token of my gratitude for doing all of this shit work, I will treat you like an illegal Mexican alien in a sweatshop. If yer hot, I might fuck you too.

Serious replies only. At least I'm honest.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: anon-74217712@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-05-19, 9:08AM PDT

This woman is the biggest bitch. I had the dis-pleasure of working with her and she was the most unfair and mentally ill director the crew had worked with. People were counting the days to finish and hoping they wouldn't be next to get fired. She is more concerned with her food than the film and her writing is atrocious. No wonder Carl Bernstein dumped her skinny ass..she was so scorned she had to write a movie to disgrace herself. As far as Bewitched..who cares? Even the stars won't plug this piece of crap. She complained about the actors that weren't A list the entire time she shot...backstabbing bitch!

Talk to the people who run Sound One in NYC about her..they'll tell you!

this is in or around Sony

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

yes -- ok to transmit this posting into outer space

(nb don't think that this is in my price range or anything)

yes, i've done it offering to build shit for people.

I just answered this post (as an honest girl looking to make extra cash) and was then told that I would have to perform oral sex on him as part of the interview process!! This man is a pig and I advise you all to not respond to this ad -- unless of course, you're a shameless pig yourself!

* this is in or around This man is a pig!
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Stuck in Katrina we need some good weed
Reply to: anon-93877534@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-08-28, 11:42AM CDT

We have $200 to spend on some real good WEED

Hydro or better...

No cops
It's not a Hurricane party with out good Weed

hook up us

* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Call Me Noah and Come Aboard My Ark
Reply to: anon-93919167@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-08-28, 8:46PM CDT

Pastel colored polo shirts so I can meet a lacoste-titute and have fantastic conversation about, uh, something? check. Copy of 1991's big summer blockbuster "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead" on VHS signed by Christina Applegate? check. First seasons of Scrubs and Arrested Development on DVD? check. Swiss Army Knife grandpa gave me that breaks apart into a badass fork and spoon? check. Sealed fireproof safe with dual combination lock/keyguard containing a cassette version of Marky Mark & The Funky Bunch "Feel the Vibration- the Remixes," passport, birth certificate and coins from a few different countries? Quadruple check.

Oh, what's that, I'm just packing for the impending flood that is apprently going to wipe out New Orleans. I went to a wedding this week and it was all my Grandma would talk about with me... "I am worried about you, I was watching the Weather Channel and they say theyz got some crazy ass shiznit dat's bout to be goin' down in that town with floods and thangs, some like biblical crazyness type shit man, you feel me?" Unfortunately I could feel her, but that was because her saggy left breast was on my thigh. Well, on her thigh really, but it sort of drooled over onto my leg under the table. No big deal. Can't hate on gravity. But I digress...So anyway, after saying peace out to grandma and her taffy like titties and all the other wedding guests I did a little online reasearch and saw that NO could in fact be completely covered with water if a storm were to hit that badly. It would be what National Geographic called a possible "disaster." Gasp. Now I know last year there were some warnings/evacuations, but this year I'm not even that worried. Mostly because my whole family is worried enough for me. I am new to New Orleans so my mom is gonna send me with all the left over canned food, batteries and LiquidPlumr she has stockpiled since the cuban missle crisis days in case I am relocated and can't get supplies. Before deciding to move to NO though I asked a few people what should be done if a flood was gonna take place.
"Build an ark with that sweet pocketknife I gave you" (thanks grandpa)
"Twist up a blunt and spark dat shit" (thanks grandma)
"Call home to see if we can get you on a plane before a storm hits" (thanks mom)
"Construct a womansuit" (thanks hannibal).

"So aren't you worried about going there during monsoon season, I mean, what if there is a flood?" all the wedding attenders asked me. For some reason after I predicted that Y2K was all just hoopla and that nothing would happen my friends think I have some Tupaciavellian view of things to come. Well, it wasn't all hoopla, damn Ron Popiel Bread Maker turned on us and tried to attack my sister. Good thing Grandma shot it down with her glock. Nothing like a grandma with a glock. And a 40 tucked under her titty. Yeah, she's fly. So what do I actually hope happens regarding the flood issue? Nothing of course. But if something does I'll be the guy widdling the ship that will save us all. And hopefully my ark would be better than Costner's raft in that strange apocalyptic land of "Waterworld" where it seems that nothing exists but pirates and tattooed little girls and my copy of Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch Remixes (if they could pick both locks). But I think a world like that would be fun. Wait, what am I talking about?!?? Waterworld wouldn't be fun. Especially for a bad swimmer like myself. So, what is fun because I will need some fun things if everything is 20 ft. under water? Yeah, I'm gonna need some fun for the ark. Fun..hmm. What's fun? Backgammon? No, kinda lame. Backdraft? No, it will burn the boat. Blackstreet? No diggity. Ahh screw it. This is too much. Forget the ship and forget the floods. Maybe some of those people posting in Rants & Raves will come with me to dry land where we don't have to worry about water levels and stuff, anyone up for Iraq or Afghanistan?

Praise be to all free thinkers and i hope all of you can tread water.

* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: anon-92864425@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-08-23, 8:49AM PDT

hi there. yes, like bruce wayne, I live in a mansion -- behind gates... secure in my own realm... enjoying lavish luxury and stoic self-denial... feasting and fasting... watching Pat Robertson wince and pray one day (sincerely trying to understand), chatting with my liberal friends the next at a cafe like Psychobabble while drinking a double latte and playing chess (I have played in tournaments).... I teach judo on the side, merely to keep in shape (my abs are awesome)... some say I resemble Brad Pitt, but I think I'm really more like, well, Matt Damon... but you never know who you are by looking in a mirror, you must look within, to your soul... and what do I see there? A gentleman who longs for a lady... a tender yet strong lady with a good sense of humor... who knows that when I drive my moped, it is for laughs, because I could be in my Rolls instead.... who knows when I eat only tofu, it is for spiritual reasons... who knows that Rush Limbaugh is not my uncle and I am not a vegan and cats, though cute, are not to be pampered like humans, eating from crystal bowls like on the TV commercials .... we must do 100 pushups a day, a thousand stomach crunches, and yet remain relaxed and spontaneous.... do you understand me? Can we cavort in my castle while violins are played by my staff of hopelessly amusing former jugglers? Shall we jet to Vegas to the Palms, but pretend to be tourists from the midwest while there, in awe of the hipster hedonists? Should I put on my fake ponytail and my sunglasses and speak with a fake accent? Let's pretend, my dear, that we are Scott and Zelda, or Jean Paul and Simone, or Jennifer Jason Leigh and Crispen Glover....

awesoem

women seeking men > Can you handle this?
last modified:Thu May 05 08:01:28 2005

Can you handle this? - 26
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: anon-71774806@craigslist.org
Date: Thu May 05 08:01:12 2005

I really don't think I need to be posting this, but my family thinks I should have a boyfriend and I guess this is in an effort to humor them. I am 5'6, 115lbs, blonde hair, green eyes, tan skin...well you get the picture. Anyway, my life is already full right now, as I work a great office job and my after hour time is completely consumed by my cats. I have thirteen of them and they are my life. That is why I don't think I need a man. I love my cats so much, especially Winky, he's all black except for a white patch over one of his eyes, that's why I call him "Winky".

Obiviously, if you want to be a part of my life, you have to like cats, all the time. I keep the litter boxes clean and all my cats are fixed. They are not noisy and for the most part are people friendly. But they are always watching. Always watching. I close the door when I use the toilet now. Sometimes they speak to me, they think I can't hear them but I can. They are plotting. I know it. Eyes always following me. I don't even get to watch what I want on tv anymore. Wait...Ok, they're gone. Winky is the only one I trust. I've had him the longest and he would never turn on me, at least I don't think so. God bless you Winky. The other twelve are Judases. Sometimes I'm scared to come home, sometimes I'm scared to leave home. I don't feel like it's my home anymore, it belongs to them.

I haven't been with a man biblically so to speak in quite some time. I have toys, but they're mostly cat toys. I am afraid that if they don't like you they may try and do something to you, maybe even try to hurt you, and I couldn't handle that on my conscience. NO DOGS!!! They hate dogs. If they even smell a dog on you, there is no telling what may transpire.

So, I like men that are a few inches taller than me, have a good sense of humor, do not smoke or do drugs, but a little wine is okay every now and again. I don't like men who steal my pills, cause they are for me and only me. Oh God somebody please help me. I can't do this anymore. They tell me they can read my mind, they tell me to watch what I say, but I don't believe them.

P.S. No Fatties!!!

this is in or around Boston
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: anon-94234527@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-08-29, 6:47PM PDT

To the Blonde at Sunset Junction With The Bright Red Lipstick And The “Rock & Roll Is Dead” T-Shirt,

You probably don’t remember me, but I stood directly behind you during the New York Doll’s set. Great show, huh? I was the hipster kid with the shaggy hair and cool sunglasses. If you saw me, you would recognize me. The purpose of this letter is to tell you that I love you, or could love you, or did love you. The current status of my affection for you is unnecessary at this juncture, for I feel unless you reply to this letter, it will ultimately come to a tragic close. As Romeo would die for Juliet, I too would die to drench you in maple syrup and eat you like a pancake.

Has any one ever told you that you’re awesome? Well you are. I would have told you during the show, but like a hunter I never reveal myself to my prey before the kill, and I was waiting for that opportune moment, but it never presented itself. Well guess what you’re awesome and I love you, or could love and did love you.

Gentlemen prefer blondes. Are you a natural blonde? It doesn’t really matter. I think you look great the way your hair is now. Your face, wow what a beautiful face. I’ll have to give it to you, I’m usually not into bright red lipstick. I think it makes women look like whores, but you totally pulled it off with out me ever thinking, “geez, what a whore” or “mom, do you have to have sex with every friend I bring over to the house?” Just kidding.

Do you workout? I have to say it, without coming across sleazy, but you have a real hard body. I have a feeling that you are all natural, like the girls in Perfect 10 magazine. Do you model? Seriously, you’re pretty hot. I know a few agents at a big time modeling agency, if you want I can introduce them to you. No matter the case, your “genes” look great on you. Did you like the pun, I wanted to show that I could be witty. How do you feel about scars? I’m not saying you have any, I’m sure your perfect. It’s just that I have a few, some rather large. It’s unimportant as to how I came to have these scars, I just wanted to let you know they existed. I feel like I should be upfront and honest with you now, if we are going to spend any or the rest of our lives together.

I’m not going to beat around bush, I would to love take you out. If you say yes, I’ll let you choose what type of food we eat on our dinner date. Although I would probably convince you Chinese food was what you really wanted. I love Chinese food; I eat it all the time! Have you ever been to Asia? I hear the Chinese food there is out of this world. But silly me, of course it is going to best over there, they invented it! Maybe one day, we could take a vacation over there together. I would like that.

Well if you read this, which I hope you do, maybe you could find the time to love me back. I’m not a bad guy and I shower everyday. So shoot me an email, and we’ll go grab a cup of joe ;). I’ll take you to my favorite coffee house, I do open mike there once a week.

Silverlake (really Echo Park) Guy

Hi there.

I have two tickets to see Cracker on Friday night and thought it would be swell if one of the tickets didn't go to waste.

Now here's the part where *you* come in! (Yes, you.) If you would like to see Cracker, and I mean you actually like Cracker and know many of their songs and might even sing/shout along to a few of them, and even, maybe, possibly, have a bit of a liking of Camper Van Beethoven stuff, well, um, uh, where am I with this sentence? Oh yeah... Well, then, please send me a wonderful little message telling me that, yes, you would like this very much. And also tell me *why*. Or something.

Oh, and I'm not a freak. I mean, not really. Not any more than you. Well, maybe a *little* less than you. Hopefully.

Okay... Thanks for reading this.

Of all the ways to end the "I have toys" sentence in this context, "they're mostly cat toys" has to be the least probable

Please paste your resume into an email if you have the following:
*5+ years executive experience
*Word, Excel and basic PPT
*Ability to work 10-7pm Monday through Thursday
*Confident personality - able to let things roll off back

Benefits include 3 weeks vacation

Hello, my name is Cloud Starchaser, I am an aspiring professional hero and I am looking for an all purpose assistant to handle various tasks in the running of my professional hero team Heroic Destiny Squad.

FIRST OF ALL: THIS IS NOT A JOKE AD! I WOULD NOT BE PAYING THE $100 IT COSTS TO POST THIS THING IN 4 CATEGORIES FOR A JOKE!

Now since I am currently (to my knowledge) the only aspiring professional hero currently in existence there are no other jobs like this. Basically you will be responsible for organizing things and helping out in various ways with our operations here at Heroic Destiny Squad, the world's #1 professional hero team (well we are #1 by default since there are no others right now, but if any others pop up we might slide to last place since we're not doing so hot). Here are some examples of tasks you might do:

If I need a motorcycle (well a Cloudcycle), you would be responsible for preparing reports on places to buy them, where to get paint jobs, and how to get them.

If I need graphic artists to design stuff for my website you would be responsible for placing ads and searching for artists and all.

You would also be responsible for helping with production aspects because I am working on a T.V. Show.

You would often be working as a camera-person. I will teach you how to do it if you don't know how. You will be using a small prosumer camera, the DVX-100A.

You might also be doing some editing and other film related work. you don't have to know this stuff now but you should be smart enough that you can learn these things quickly.

Also right now I don't have an office and I work from home but my roommate is moving back to Philly so I thought it would be better to find an assistant rather than some random roommate. So you would be living here at my headquarters in Bay Ridge and have your own bedroom for free.

Listen this probably sounds like a joke or that I'm some kind of weirdo but it's completely real and I know what I'm doing. Currently I am working on making a pilot episode for our T.V. show and working on my website. I hope to build up large traffic to make money off of ads and merchandise and then break into mainstream T.V. As we are a real hero team, we fight real villains. Right now our main mission is stopping the persecution of Falun Gong by the Chinese Communist Party.

Here is my website where you can learn about me and the squad. I am the leader Cloud Starchaser.

http://www.heroicdestinysquad.com/

Right now I am working on getting a budget for hiring an assistant so I'm not sure if I will have the money yet, but I am looking for resumes from interested parties in the hopes things will work out.

Also if anyone wouldn't mind working as a part time assistant in exchange for a free room that would be fine too.

Please, you must include your age, bio, and a picture in your application.

IMPORTANT: I WILL BE DOCUMENTING A LOT OF THE THINGS THAT GO ON WITH MY TEAM, SO YOU WILL BE FILMED AND POTENTIALLY BE IN OUR SHOW OR ON OUR WEBSITE. YOU HAVE TO BE OK WITH THIS KIND OF EXPOSURE.

This job is probably a pretty good opportunity for someone looking to break into either show business or human rights. Well more show business than human rights because we don't do human rights traditionally and I don't think we're going to have a lot of fans at Amnesty International when we break out the Moogle Girls in skimpy outfits for our fund raisers. But good for an actor or actress or a camera guy or just anyone who wants to have fun and save the day and become rich and famous all at once.

PRIORITY WILL GO TO CUTE GIRLS! This is because since everything is filmed and written on the website and blog, everything about us is public. So I'd rather have a cute girl assistant living with me than some guy or else everyone will think I'm gay or something, as you can tell by how they talk about Batman and Robin.

So please submit a resume and picture and bio if interested and I will arrange an interview. Also please state if you could do the job for just a free room because then you'll get priority, like if you're in college and in exchange for the free room would help out part time.

Also: Our motto is "Sex, Drugs, and Human Rights!" And I dress like an anime character from a Final Fantasy game.

Here again is our website so you can learn about the team. There are others in it but I am the leader and main driving force behind everything.

http://www.heroicdestinysquad.com/

Also if anyone wants they can repost this ad anywhere since it's hard to find good sidekick assistants these days.

My e-mail is cloud@heroicdestinysquad.com

* Job location is Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
* Compensation: Free room + maybe $1,500 - $2,000 a month or so
* Hiring Organization: Heroic Destiny Squad

* yes -- OK for recruiters to contact this job poster.
* no -- Please, no phone calls about this job!
* yes -- You may contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
* yes -- Reposting this message elsewhere is OK.
* yes -- OK to repost to Job Developers for Persons with Disabilities.

http://www.heroicdestinysquad.com/Images/moviestills/captainslog4.jpg

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: job-109544014@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-11-07, 5:18PM CST

Okay here is the deal, I hired a woman obviously, named Laura. She was a great help to me for the last 7 months. I gave her a raise and promoted her, she left! I guess I was paying her too much :-) On a serious note....since I promoted her, I ordered Note pads, and a name plate, business cards, etc... with the name Laura on them. These items cost me quite a bit of money, and I don't want to just throw them out. So................

IF your name is Laura (spelled like that, not Lora or any other way....APPLY NOW!)

IF you have ANY office experience at all, APPLY NOW!

IF you are looking for a cool, but SERIOUS boss, APPLY NOW!

Here is what I basically need you to do:

Answer the phone whenever it rings. Greet every single person that walks through the front door (not many, maybe 15 a day), type my letters (template is already made, just fill in the blanks), coordinate the mail, schedule for UPS and FedEx to pick up packages, straighten up the office when needed, order supplies including magazines for the office lobby, oh yeah, and coffee/soda/water/cookies too. Take notes during meetings, Create and maintain spreadsheets, research the internet for specific projects, and you must like to have FUN and WORK at the same time. You must be a person who gets everything that needs to be done that day, done that day!

In return this is what I will give you:

Wear what you want, just not pajamas with print. I ask that you just look casual but decent, not like you just rolled out of bed, and don't look like a slob, or you WILL not return. I will let you play whatever* music you want, just as long as it is not loud enough for customers/clients to hear. (*nothing with profanity or a forgein language). If you need to leave early, I'm flexible, just make up your time that week. If you're going to be late, make up your time. Just DON'T let it happen more than 2 times a month, or you won't return. I will pay you weekly, on whatever day YOU choose. I DO hold 1 week back though!! You will have your own parking spot, 1 hour lunch, I will pay for 1/2 of your insurance if you choose to have it. Free coffee/soda/water/cookies, and often times I will order lunch in for everyone for doing a geat job and keeping me in a great mood, so that's my gift for everyone! FREE LUNCH (occasionaly)!! Yay! :-) There is a kitchen in the office, so you can cook your lunch here if you would like to. There is a full fridge with freezer, stove, microwave, dishwasher, dishes, glasses, mugs, silverware, etc.... We have everything here! Feel free to put your food in the kitchen, and NOBODY will take your food. I have a "living room" area, with a couch and t.v. to relax on lunch if you choose. There are 17 of us here now, and I can't work with an odd number, so apply now, and get in here!

As you can see, I'm an easy-going person...sometimes! But I can be strict too!!

IF YOU CAN BE HERE ON TIME, WILLING TO LEARN, WILLING TO STAY A LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG TIME, APPLY NOW!

Monday - Friday
8:00 a.m. - 4:30 p.m.

**11/4/2005**

OKAY, I HAVE RECIEVED AN ABUNDANCE OF EMAILS, UNFORTUNATELY NOBODY THAT REALLY PAID ATTENTION! If you're name is NOT Laura, but willing to be called Laura for the next year or so, then fine. But, for those of you who are responding back for an Administrative Assistant Position, please note: this is in the CUSTOMER SERVICE SECTION! For those of you whom are out of state....if you can get here every day, ON TIME, GREAT! Otherwise, please, let's not waste each other's time. Read the entire posting, I am OFFERING/GIVING you $11.25 an hour, don't reply with your salary requirements of $55,000! You're NOT going to get that here! (Very well possible in a couple of years though :-)) I'm not one to waste time, so don't waste mine. ALSO, I don't want to see how "desperate" you are for a job, that you will "take" this one! You will NOT even get close to an interview if you think this is going to be a "right now" job!

Please keep in mind that I hire and fire clients, vendors, employees EVERY DAY! I know what I am doing. I am asking one LAST time, to READ THE ENTIRE AD, before replying. If you STILL fail to understand, do NOT send in your resume.

This is a FULL time Position (that means you're here EVERY day , on time!)

Oh, one more thing, I am posting anonymously so you don't bombard me at the office! Just because I gave you the closest intersection, don't take it upon your self to come in! As soon as you tell me you are there for a job, I will ask you to leave! You will NOT get the job! This a professional office, not the unemployment office! Don't start a line in my office.

**11/7/2005**

Just another note, for all those people (must be unemployed and/or bitter!), who have nothing else better to do than write back with unnecessary comments. Just to clarify; I have received candidates that tell me my salary is fair, are looking to make a little less, or is just right! If you think I should pay more, evidently, this is not a job for you! Quit reading this, and continue on your "have nothing better to do" time!

NEXT....spell check. For Brian....IF I was looking to hire a proofreader, you would be the winner Buddy! Hands down. Just a quick question for you: Why are you reading a customer service position which you stated was less than you would accept? And as far gender prefrences....yeah, I don't care if you're in between operation procedures, if you can do what I'm asking, YOUR'RE HIRED! Male or female, or in-between! Heck if an animal could do the job, I'd take that! So, you can go look at other job postings now, so you can find something better to reply to them.

For the NOT-SO-DESPERATE@comcast.net, Obviously you are desperate enough to read the ENTIRE posting, in hopes that your name was who I was looking for. You are absolutely correct, I would not pay you $11.25 p/h, I wouldn't hire you. I said I don't want someone to "beg", a phrase to describe people that beg, are desperate people - what I said I didn't want...so mr/mrs NOT-SO-DESPERATE...who's desperate now?

This is for a serious person who like to have fun while doing their job, working. We have a fun office, and consistenly receive awards of recognition for performance!

I have also received a plethera of emails from people rolling on the floor, peeing in their pants, crying, having tears of joy, from laughing so much from this posting. I have gathered so many of your resumes with all your humor, and you will be receiving and email shortly to notify you, to come in for an interview. Then I will call you shortly after to confirm. I'm sorry, I'm an honest person, I'll tell you how it is, and expect the same from you. If you think I'm being harsh, then don't apply. For everyone that was laughing because they love the posting, GREAT! YOU are the "type" of person I WANT to hire!! I love every single response I have received from all the a.k.a., can be, my future employee, the soon to be, the want to be Lauras! With the overwhelming amount of resumes I have received, if you haven't received a email yet stating your status, you should receive it shortly. If youdon't receive one at all, you will be one of the few I call in for an interview!!

I'm not the "standard" person who is going to give this job description, then waste your time with a phone interview, then person-to-person interview, just to tell you....ummmm, NO! I have laid everything out on the table, if you can handle it (which I don't think is much)....then please send me your resume!
Job location is NEAR Harlem & Talcott

Compensation: $11.25 p/h, promotion considered after 6 months

no -- Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.

no -- Please, no phone calls about this job!

no -- Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

no -- Reposting this message elsewhere is NOT OK.

That's my favorite part.

I was the surgeon that did your wifes operation last week. You thanked me with a long hug and it seemed like you felt me up a bit. Was feeling the same connection just didn't think I should feel you up. Your wife is going to be out of service for quite some time now, no need for you to go un-serviced while she is flat on her back. Maybe you need a bud like me to help you out some nights, wouldn't mind getting my chance to feel you up too. If you are having any scheduling problems let me know, I can increase her pain meds and that will knock her out so we can have a good couple of hours together. Hey this is just between buds, right, its a man thing women just don't understand. Let me know which night is good for you.
TTYL
Doc Paul BTW Did you notice the instant hardon when you hugged me? Yeah I think you hot too.

* this is in or around Hospital
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

104851129

Everyone has heard of a starving artist...I am a "starving" artist. Over the years I've written many songs which turned into five Cd's...People who like smooth jazz like my music....I thought to turn my liability (starving artist) into an asset....in exchange for a homecooked meal I'll give you a CD...I am easy to get along with, a good conversationalist....like meeting new people...and I like most music....I am willing to travel within 45 minutes of Lanc Pa...

Inventor is trying to improve on the 'pleasure devices' of the past for women.Just don't have the 'equipment'(myself) to prove some ideas and need feedback,guidance and 'real time' application to get much needed data for success.
Needless to say,this person must be open minded.I will be as professional as one can be in this kind of situation.Hours would be to your convenience.Will be part time/temporary but I have several different approachs I'd like to pursue,so work could be on going for a while.Pay will be reasonable for such easy work (more than most jobs around) and by the hour.Write for more info.

* this is in or around ITHACA
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: Negotiable

Looking for someone to turn dictation into a short book. Although much is based on my reality, it will be written as fiction with liberties given to a gifted writer within limits. This book will not be for publication, I'm simply wanting to record unfortunate series of circumstances so that if others discover my role in this and I eliminated, the story won't die with me.

It involves an innocent virgin, criminals, love, betrayal and finally an international market for cultivated human organs.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's like right by where my mom works. Huh.

Hey. I’m a very busy 28 year old hedge fund trader; I’d like to hire someone to help me take care of my personal errands. Things like shopping, paying bills, help keeping me organized, light cleaning, ect.

In addition, I may need you to attend business dinners and help entertain clients with me (which are usually fun). So you must be comfortable in a client situation, well dressed, and friendly.

This job will probably require about 15 hours a week of your time and will pay $20 per hour. Please send something about yourself and a picture. thanks

Special residence for only the most discerning individual~ The last known U.S residence of Jim Morrison ("The Doors.") at 8214 W. Norton Ave, West Hollywood. Walk to the Sunset Strip. Fully furnished upper 2 BR. 1 1/4 bath turnkey. Coin laundry. $2000 mo. rent includes water. A shared rent roommate situation is acceptable, so don't hesitate to call! We will even find you one! Website: CHERIWOODS.COM click on "THE DOORS" link.
TOUR THIS SATURDAY, March 11, or by special appointment. Email: CheriWoods1@yahoo.com or phone: (818)225-5347.

8214 W. Norton Ave. at Crescent Heights google map yahoo map

* this is in or around West Hollywood
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

140234764

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: pers-145834208@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-03-27, 6:12PM PST

I wasn't hitting on you when I asked how many more sets you had on the bench press-but then I actually saw you and DAMN BRO!! I noticed we checked each other out after that and you got me interested. I would be into chilling see what's up. CONNECT up bro!

this is in or around hollywood

I found a cracker in my bed this morning and I realized that I really like white women. I have had a case of yellow fever lately with a touch of coco madness. But I think that I am ready to start dating white women again. Just as long as they are not stale.
I am 29, white, and really enjoy eating crackers in bed.

* this is in or around Sacramento
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

We are a power and finesse vocalist/harmonica player/songwriter and a bassist/keyboardist/multi-instrumentalist seeking a drummer of equal caliber (John Bonham) for an original and touring band. We will be touring Europe this summer.

We hold real finances to be used for a solid, independent project/partnership. As a vocalist and harmonica player, I have few equals. (Though I also play some guitar, usaully in open tunings for delta blues derivative music, and some percussion, I'm a vocalist.) The bassist, in his sphere, bass/keyboard/mandolin/etc. is equally as authoritative. We will be auditioning for our guitarist seperately and guitar will not be reflected in all the provided recordings.

I speak from the fire and strike heavy with of the sword, in a chorus championing people long oppressed and long suffering. Music is the gift from God to definitively pronounce our uprising and redemption. This means the poor, the meek, and the oppressed.

The name of this band is: The Epsilon Rising.

We are seeking a drummer/percussionist who has a command of dynamics, who creates melodies, and then counter-melodies, and then more in his playing that intermingles with the bass, guitar, and vocals in meaningful ways that goes beyond "just keeping the beat" or "pocket playing". We desire a drummer who gives off the impression of hard-hitting, stick-twisting band foundation at one moment, who equally commands elegants with brushes or a low key ballad. Though jazz IS a must, without the authoritative, aggressive backbone, it would not be appropriate for this band. Our drummer must rock. Equally, the typical "rock" drummer who is just loud and repetitive, or is overly obsessed with counting numbers as in a "Tool-like" fashion would also be inappropriate for this band. Our drummer will be equally concerned with sophistication.

If a song requires an over dub of congas, finger cymbals, tympani, or, maracas, you would have this awareness and the sensibilities to apply them in a thought-provoking way. Consistently, when a person listens to our band, we wish them to hear the drums and say "wow"! An understanding of ROCK/blues/J A Z Z /bluegrass/old country/classical/bossa nova/punk/reggae/etc. is a must and only the tip of the iceberg as of the songs that we will be creating. Whether originals, traditionals, covers, rearrangements -- there are no limitations or rules in our methodology. Simply put, we are seeking the drummer who believes that he has the potential to be the best ever, as part of the greatest band ever, and it is his life ambition to realize that end. While pushing the barriers of percussion, the drummer will elevate are music to an even more profound statement.

Not everyone believes in this in themselves, let alone others. If this is not you, or you do not believe that we are the forum to compliment your talents, or you are in disbelief of this opportunity, remember, there are other bands for you. We wish to hear from people who feel a connection to our music and can actually prove through music that they can create it and enhance our vision.

Our goal is to continually create classic songs that we can call our favorites, to be hyper-jammed out live, with exceptional stage presence. After written and recorded, our songs will still constantly evolve in the live set. The drummer of this band will that take all of us to the rock higher and vice-versa, we WILL inspire and expect the same from you. Though we desire someone in a similar age bracket, 21 - 29, for similarities in life focus (music first), come one, come all. Again, we will be touring Europe starting summer 2006, so any "issues" (girlfriend, school, family, fear) will not work in this situation. You must feel that pursuing music in this way is your destiny. In fact, if you feel that the words that I'm writing are somehow your own ideas, that's what we're talking about.

The less limits you have, the better. Regarding image, the longer the hair, the better. If you believe in revolution through music, and you have your place to prove in the world of musical giants, then this is the opportunity you have been seeking. Ethnicity is encouraged as we are dealing with the reality of God and all man, not just modern white materialistic, celebrity craving "reality", but truly, the counter culture of human reality.

However, be you black, asian, white, latin, indian, etc, if you have the soul (backed by musical recordings), the spirit of music, then it's game as music is color blind; an auric utopia.

This band hails from the mystics and spiritual, exploring dark and light, as we know that Christ is the Forever King at all cross roads, and the that the people are the poor and downtrodden. We view ourselves as champions of that cause, the representation of liberation in the hearts of the people.

I'm not interested in an e-mail or phone liasons as experience tells us that it produces very little. I'm interested in music. As such, we are providing four recordings on the web site that we would like you to listen to gain a perspective of how we are approaching music. To successfully audition for this band, please provide us with as many songs as possible which demonstrates a diverse and masterful understanding of drums and percussion. To make and extra effort, you could overdub drums to the song "Waves" provided on our website and/or provide a drum solo piece. From this we will be able to get a gauge of your essence and creativity. Low quality recordings are fine, so make the recordings happen with whatever means you have, if necessary.

If we feel that the package you send demonstrates our match, then we will fly you to Europe as our drummer. DO NOT REPLY TO THIS E-MAIL WITHOUT INCLUDING THE MUSIC REQUESTED ABOVE AND PICTURE. We ask for a picture because if you are afraid that your image won't go over well, you are probably right. A TOURING musician does not have these insecurities and can not in order to be successful at conveying the imagery that we wish to convey. Nevertheless, music will be the determining factor.

Double read this!!!! ---This is for a serious, DISCIPLINED, dedicated musician who is in our mindset and wishes to audition for this band. Come with the expectations of working, critiquing, being critiqued, long songwriting sessions, use of white boards and notes, discussing theory, long recording sessions, playing out often, being in a bus often, and awful lot of practing and rehearsing, frustrations, communicating, success and fun!!! I mentioned practicing because we plan to continuosly push our limits, and being satisfied with the level we are at is complacency, and not a part of this band. If what we are asking to complete this audition seems demanding, we recognize it is. If you are unable to go this distance, then this band is not for you. There are many others to audition for or create on your own. It is not necessary to critique our expectations, but rather we hope that you take a pro-active approach and create great music that meets your own vision!

Again, we self-critique and explore many variations of our music and covers. What we do not do is compromise our music in order to avoid dissagreements or tension and just "move on". This is a way of life, my life, the bassist's life, and in this band, we struggle with the music until we are all satisfied. Please be in the same mindset and have experience working in this manner. If you can not take constructed criticism, or give it, if you can not focus in on the same song for days and weeks as it evolves, then this band situation is not for you. If what we are saying is does not reflect your personality, save your time and words as this band is not for you -- there are many other bands to audition for to suit your expectations or create a band in your own image. This is for a drummer in our image, and it is not for everyone, but one.

I will mention that this is niether a "straight-edge band" nor "pro-drug" band. We do smoke cannibus but have no expectations for the drummer of this band other than great music. YOUR RECORDINGS, whether professional studio or from a tape deck, will speak for themselves.

Again, in your e-mail response please send a link or attachment to your audition recordings and a recent photograph. Responses without this, will not be considered!!!!

We have links to the rough drafts of the music you will use to understand our music complete your audition at:

http://www.theepsilonrising.com

These are not final products, but will provide plenty enough foundation to successfully provide perspective completing the audition recordings. Again, a drum overdub on the song Waves will mean bonus points, as it shows the effort that we are seeking. We anticipate that it will take you some time to learn and some significant effort.

I must stress that this band has no singular "style", as others have failed to grasp the concept that as musicians we play music. The unifying standard is that the music we produce is consistently classic. The sound sketches here are indicative of different expressions on different days. All of which we wish to develop further in addition to much, much more.
If your audition proves you to be our drummer, we will provide you with airfare to Europe and advance shelter expense as we live as a band together developing our set for the first two to three months.

The drummer who successfully fulfills the audition and that we select will have the option to receive a weekly living advance in addition to shelter cost. This is, in fact, the opportunity for actualization of the musical dream for the drummer in our image and mindset.

----

to stand amongst giants:

led zeppelin - jimi hendrix and the experience - cream - nirvana - pink floyd - radiohead - the doors - weather report - pearl jam (pre no code) - debussy - the velvet underground - the beatles (post revolver) - rage against the machine - charlie patton - bach - robert johnson - the guess who - alice in chains (dirt and beyond) - james brown (early) - the flaming lips - beethoven - blind melon ( later ) - bob marley - jeff buckley- regina spektor - bjork - hawkwind - tori amos - the greatful dead (early) - credence clearwater revival

may we go forward.

* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Reply to: happy420dog@msn.com
Date: 2006-04-25, 9:41AM PDT

Are you a younger girl on her own needing a place to start from..there are a few things you need not to be.......on depression med's, have a skinny boyfriend that does lawn care, dates men with home made tat's from the good ole days in Inglewood..matter of fact if you even know where Inglewood is ...don't respond!!!!! The first word out of you mouth is no sex..involved, a good indicator of your previous poor choices in men!!!!!!....you have a serious relationship with a man and you can't stay longer than a hour after sex because his roommates don't allow that ( hint..that is not a boyfriend..refer back to above description)...you moved out here for love and you still have to find your own place..that's not love..but your man screwing more girls than just you and living with him would get in the way of his cheating on you!!!..(my personal favorite thing dumb girls do)...so be on your own..clean cut..single and really want a guy friend and really just need a bit of help...so p
lease do say hello and to the rest of you...ladies..poor choices in men equal a poor life...not my problem!!!!!!!!!...Take care!!!!!!!

this is in or around Santa Monica

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Hello. I'm TheWeinsteinCompany

My Comments:

Hey! I just want to say that my allegaince has always been with you and it's a shame that Disney didn't renew your contracts and keep you guys running Mirimax. You're one the best things to happen to independant film, ever.

I'm attaching a short film I made along with this. It's nothing that special, but hopefully you'll get a laugh out of it (assuming you get a chance to watch it, seeing aas how you're so busy and all).

Enjoy, and I'd love to work for you someday,
J***** M****

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=theweinsteincompany

The New Heineken Light...
Reply to: pers-154497783@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-04-25, 2:10PM EDT

...looks like a cock and balls. Dumbass package designers...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: pers-197051261@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-08-21, 2:51PM PDT

*Edit* Note: please do not respond if you are not familiar with the term "indie", look like a douche bag, hang out at the lobby and try to impress girls by ordering bottle service, or are over 29.

ok. im not sure why i decided to do this. i am currently dating mainly one person, but as each day passes i feel like i'm wasting time. he's just not right for me. (also note that i am not in an exclusive relationship with him, we are both open about the whole seeing other people thing.) i should make it clear right now, i'm not looking for a relationship at all, but if someone great comes along..that's a different story. if i make a friend off this, thats cool.. i guess i'm just kind of testing the waters though to see what kind of people actually read these ads. i wandered on here off the apartments ads entertaining myself by looking at the pictures people posted in their ads. and after reading a couple well-written posts i thought i might give it a try.
about me. i have a good job in the music industry, do some modeling, i live in my own nice place in los feliz/ silver lake area, and i enjoy going to dive bars/shows/etc. around here. i am really into indie music, but tons of different kinds as well...mainly genres of rock, some hip hop, some electronic. i have longish blonde hair and am a slender, petite girl, green eyes and around 5'5". good style. funny when you get to know me.. random.. have been called weird but usually by people who don't get "it".. if that makes sense. i can handle my alcohol and enjoy drinking all kinds of stuff, the occasional cigarette though im not a full time smoker, and 420 sometimes.
i'd like to meet an interesting, not extremely shy, has friends, good looking, nice hair, good music taste, good conversationalist, has a sense of humor, intelligent guy, under 29. musicians, artists, all good~ has a 9-5 but enjoys something creative good too. im going to be completely honest- i am generally attracted to caucasian guys......preferably with brown hair.. maybe a little scruff..though im not opposed to blondes.. im sounding kind of shallow here, but i do think attraction is important, but so is chemistry to keep things going.
im absolutely not going to send a photo unless you send me one first. if someone i knew, saw me on here, i would be pretty embarassed.
send me your myspace if you have one.
PS- i tend to get along best with leos and aries, virgos too.. but hey astrology isnt always the key.
ok. thats it.

SHUT DOWN

haha meeder you bastard

run like a shamp

http://c.im.craigslist.org/5u/QO/9wIQ6Ojc7JEbAfnU8sCvU3GOY1p7.jpg

Reply to: pers-203267580@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-09-05, 1:48PM EDT

Yes, you.
I don't think your stories are funny.
Learn how to speak without cliches.
Learn how to type, motherfucker.

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

fake sex ad experiment on craigslist, fake 27 year old slut wants...

the context
http://www.waxy.org/archive/2006/09/08/sex_bait.shtml

the replies: text, pictures, and audio [warning: not safe for work environment]
http://tinyurl.com/oumon

REAL SKULLS OR FAKE SKULLS, I JUST WANT ALOT OF SKULLS.

* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Reply to: pers-211001482@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-09-22, 8:58PM EDT

Oh, Firehouse it was as if I leapt out of the Globe, skipped over the Mercury and was standing right next to the sun. Last Friday night: You were wearing a Miami Heat cap and could yell "Go Dawgs" louder than all of your friends. Your flickering eyes caught mine. My interest was promptly ignited and I started sweating ya. Your gaze sent my heart afire and I felt as though you were looking into my damned soul! I went through a chemical change, you made me like magma to lava. Before this I just burnt time with too much lighter fluid and vulcanized rubbers.
I tried to be cool and went over and asked you for a cigarette, but I was already smokin'. I went outside with you, but then I couldn't tell the difference between you and your friends. I felt Sparks that night coarsing through my bloodstream, but I hesitated. At my best I was a campfire before this. Time is of the temperature and this is like hell. Let's forge ahead, we may be the perfect match. Molotov cocktails sometime?

Ms. Doubtfire

this is in or around Firehouse
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: pers-211150968@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-09-23, 10:22AM EDT

NOW! hello?! he sells crack out of his tow truck!!!!! will you please arrest this s.o.b.

this is in or around alexadria/falls church

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Free 8 year old Boy
Reply to: sale-229371910@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-02, 4:35PM PST

To good home-or reasonably good home (hell-you can be Sikes from Oliver Twist for all I care)
Granted, he's not mine, but I've had to put up with him for the last year, and I don't think we'll make it another 8 months (capital gains, thank you IRS)
I'd tell he's sweet, but I might get struck by lightning. You can get him to work sometimes, if you have any demolition around the house, he's your guy. OR maybe you just need someone to stand on your porch and shout four-letter words at the neighbors (depends on your neighbors I suppose).
All I ask is that he's out of here before 5 pm. when his Mom comes back from the store. She probably won't miss him, but I don't want another scene with the plastic pitchfork and the family cat.
No perverts need apply

* this is in or around Portland
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

229371910

"Angel Wanted" (Midtown)
Reply to: sale-257535749@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-04, 1:16PM EST

I'm an inventer who has had concepts years before regarding "teddy ruxpin"; the Frisby that "glows" in the dark' ;and I "made a "coffie Bag 6 years before it came out on the international market.

I have a number of very important "concepts" for new product ideas that could be very worth while regarding investing. I'm also a "healer" who is looking for a "media Consultant"; a book publisher; someone to finance an office. I'm fully documented:,Radio; television' medical records; and a number of professionals who can be contacted.

* It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

257535749

with a pussy deomocrat lefty omert running isreal listening to condalisa dyke jew hater rice on the phone running the isreal war and tony blair dem jew hater with ants is his british reuters nazi pants worring about what isreal does to defend itself and the nazi united nations and the eruopean nations anti jew hatred and repopulated and liberally taken over by jew hating muslims, russia hates and killed jews throught history.the vaticans dislike of jews is legendary,a large perportion of blacks hate jews,nelson aparthaid mandella attened antiholocost meeting in iran and is a huge jew hater he learned this in moscow the commi black rat that he is...but of course loved by the world and a huge victim just like the poor palestian terrorist lying murdering no peace for land hesbola ville new nation the bush/saudi/clinton dream come true.

process headed fool

Casting Call for Music Video
Reply to: TENCast✧✧✧@gm✧✧✧.c✧✧
Date: 2007-07-21, 1:45PM PDT

Casting Call for Laidback Luke's "Rocking With the Best". Laidback Luke is a Dutch House/Techno DJ. The video is very story driven and we need the right actors to make it all come together. We are casting the following roles:

ENRICO / Lead / Male / Hispanic / 27-37
A hispanic gangmember with a beard, bold head and his skin covered in gangtatoos. He’s well trained (tight, not like a pumped up bodybuilder) and has a deadly look in his eyes. He is the leader of the gang and is around 30, 35 years old. MUST have dance training or background, as there will be choreography to learn.
Wardrobe: typical gangster attire for most scenes. Will have to wear a cheerleading outfit in one scene.
Rate: $200 a day, shoots 7/28-29

LUIS / Lead / Male / Hispanic / 23-28
Luis is a bit younger than Enrico, but even more dangerous. He is the fighter of the three. gangsters. He’s even more muscular and also covered with tatoos. MUST have dance training or background as there will be choreography to learn.
Wardrobe: typical gangster attire for most scenes. Will have to wear a cheerleading outfit in one scene.
Rate: $200 a day, shoots 7/28-29

CASTEL / Lead / Male / Hispanic / 20-27
He’s the smallest of the three gangsters and has to work hard to earn his friends’ respect. He’s also trained, but he’s not covered in tatoos that much, he’s only got his gangname on his back and some on his arm. MUST have dance training or background, as there will be choreography to learn.
Wardrobe: typical gangster attire for most scenes. Will have to wear a cheerleading outfit in one scene.
Rate: $200 a day, shoots 7/28-29

FULL FIGURED DANCING WOMAN / Lead / Female / African Am, Caucasian, Hispanic / 18-60
A very large, but charmismatic lady. She can dance with high energy and wears her weight with pride. She is not afraid to let loose and let the music take over her body. Very important role!
Wardrobe: TBD
Rate: $200 a day, shoots 7/28

GYM GUYS / FEATURED BACKGROUND / MALE / Caucasian / 18-40
Muscular men that will be working out in a gym. Must have healthy and athletic bodies. Prefer men that are bald. Interviews will be held later in the week.
Rate: $50, half day shoot on 7/28

Auditions will be Sunday July 22nd from 10-1pm in Hollywood. Please email a headshot and resume to TENCast✧✧✧@gm✧✧✧.c✧✧. Please state any dance experience you may have. If we would like you to come in I will email back all the information.

Thanks,

Tiffanny Nelson
Casting Director

Wakeboarding: Get Paid to Wakeboard/Kiteboard
Reply to: m✧✧✧@chap✧✧✧.c✧✧
Date: 2007-07-21, 9:33AM PDT

Wakeboarding boat owner/wakeboarder seeks wakeboarder/boat driver to prepare/stow away/use boat for wakeboarding sessions with owner and his business associates. Essentially, you would be paid to go wakeboarding.

Ideally, wakeboarding boat preparer/driver/stower is a responsible, local (to Manhattan Beach or Long Beach) wakeboarder/surfer who can both enjoy the job and take seriously the importance of doing it right (i.e., prompt/reliable attitude). Typically, boat owner desires to wakeboard 2-3 sessions per week. If winds permit, you can kiteboard with owner as well (you would prepare the kites for both you and him).

Successful efforts in this regard can lead to other opportunities with boat owner, who is also an investment company owner in Manhattan Beach, CA.

Free New August issue of "Maxim" & colorful globe-like napkin holders
Reply to: sale-384256✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-07-28, 9:59PM EDT

How can you say no to "Maxim" with Hilary Duff on the front, right(ha,ha)? I also have some cute little globe-like plastic napkin holders from another Craigslister that have water and a butterfly inside the 16 of them. I will try to add more to this list.
God bless you for your time.

ha,ha

I didn't know it was pink til it bloomed

Mamma bird needs papa bird to help bring worms back to the babies - w4m - 45

Hi there! Im a single momma with a nice round behind. I enjoy walking, book clubs, and making casserole. I also enjoy giving head and taking it up the pooper. I may be a single mom of 3, but i know how to party. How do you think those 3 kids came to be? well to tell you the truth, for two of them i dont even remember how they were concived. Anywho, I just want a giant penis. hit me up fellas!

not very funny:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/30593810.html

I chased you for 12 years around the world, and I still can't find you - m4w

Date: 2004-05-07, 2:06AM PDT

When I met you in 1990, you said that you'd marry the man who'd follow you around the world. We were just sophomores in high school, so I didn't know what to think. I thought it was just some school girl romantic fantasy. All I knew was that you were the girl for me. We were only 15 years old, but I had this feeling that you'd play a major role in my life. After we graduated from Aragon High School in San Mateo, you revealed to me that you were accepted to Berkeley, but you wanted to go to Germany for college. Remember that night we spent ice skating at Fashion Island? You said that you loved me, but you had to cut off all ties with to be able to move on. That was the last time I ever saw you. I said I'd wait for you, but you told me not to and to just move on...but I remember what you said sophomore year.

You were accepted at the University of Tübingen, Berlin. I left home for Berlin. For 4 years I looked for you. You made the impact you always did in Berlin. People heard of you, but didn't know where you were. Nobody helped me. I wasn't good enough for Tübingen, so I attended Technische Universität Berlin where I earned a degree. I am now fluent in German, a language I never intended to learn. After graduation, I returned to San Mateo thinking you returned as well. I called your mother on the summer after you graduated, she said you had left for grad school in Tokyo. I left again, this time, to Tokyo. Auf Wiedersehen.

Your father said you are studying business at Keio University in Tokyo. I looked all over Tokyo for you. From the morning rush at Shinjuku Station, to the last train on the Tozai-line bound for Nakano. You were never found. To make ends meet, I got a job at NOVA, then in 1998 I got a real job at DoCoMo. I fell in love with Japan and its culture. I learned the language, and I am now fluent. Another language I never intended to learn. I went to the graduate office at Keio University's school of business seeing if you were set to graduate. There you were, on the list. I was denied entry to the ceremony since I had no tie to anyone graduating. That was the closest I had ever come to seeing you since grad night back in high school. Two months after graduation, I resigned from DoCoMo. I recieved an email from your cousin (You know, Jerry's ex-girlfriend) saying you had gotten a job in Hong Kong. I left my friends, my job, my home, my fiance, and everything Tokyo gave me to search for you. I'm so sorry Mizuki. Kima wa itsumo kokoro no naka ni iru.

It was 1999, and I had just arrived in Hong Kong, and so did you. Six months later, I found out you had left Hong Kong because you didn't enjoy your new job. From Causeway Bay to Kowloon, there were traces of you, but never the real entity. Your father told me you went to India for training for a tech company, then were to be set up in London. I don't know if I searched for you for no reason, but then again, my searches have always been fruitless. I went to Seoul to take up a lucrative job offer at one of LG's sister companies, Hiplaza, Inc.

In late 1999, I had already been established in Korea. I worked for Hiplaza, then 3 years later, LG. For the first time, I was free of the feeling of having to look for you. I was in a place I knew you weren't It was like a dream. A world without you. The dream ended 3 months ago when I left LG. Now the curse of your existence has returned. An nyonghi jumuship siyo.

I'm now back in San Mateo. I haven't been here in the bay area since 1996. All my high school friends are either married, dead, or gone without a trace. I have nobody here but my dysfuctional family. Your brother said last month that you're still in London and will return to the bay area permanently this summer. I chased you around the world for 12 years, learned 3 languages, made quite an amount of money, just to meet you in the town where it all began. Fashion ISland isn't even there anymore, but the ice skating rink is still there.

I'm not German, I'm not Japanese, and I am not Korean, but I can say anything in those languages, but I can't say anything to bring you back. You made the biggest changes in my life without barely stepping foot into it. I don't know if I should thank you or hate you, but one thing I'm sure of, I miss you dearly. Your cousin told me what your brother couldn't bring himself to tell me. 3 hours ago I recieved an email saying the reason why you're coming back is because you want to have your wedding in San Francisco, and that it was your fiance's idea.

Fuck you.

PostingID: 30593810

That is clearly a fictional story: the University of Tübingen isn't in Berlin, but in southern Germany. I know this because I was just in Berlin with a friend of mine who studies at Tübingen, and it took her nine hours to get there from Berlin. Do your research better, chap!

also nobody says goodbye that way in korean ever

http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/zip/458905427.html

FREE RECORDS
Reply to: sale-458905✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-10-24, 11:08PM EDT

GUY AGE 33 LOOKING TO GET RID OF A VERY LARGE RECORD COLLECTIONS
TELL ME WHAT YOU LIKE
YOU KINDA HAVE TO BE WILLING TO GO THROUGH THE COLECTION A BIT WITH ME SAY I KEEP THAT ONE THAT ONE IS OK TO TAKE LIKE THAT
WHO ARE YOU?
DO YOU LE COFFEE ?
IF YES BRING YOUR OWN-SAFE ENVORONMENT IF YOU DONT TRUST ME DONT WASTE MY TIME WHEN I GIVE AWAY FREE THINGS ITS KINDA INSULTING TO HAVE TO PLACE IT IN THE HALL AND CLOSE MY DOR SO AN ANIMAL CAN TAKE TH BAIT ITS NOT BAIT AND I DONT NEED TH INSULTS JUST BECASUE I AM A LONG HAIRED BIKE DONT MEANS I ISA CREEP

New "Loft Life" Atlanta based magazine looking for Bloggers
Reply to: job-457450✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-10-23, 5:08PM EDT

Our new magazine will serve as a manual for Atlanta loft living and everything that this entails. The urban, cultural, and economical nature of the loft life in Atlanta is a deliberate choice that so many people are making right now. The love of space, design, loft architecture combined with the benefits of living in a loft in the city are just a few reasons why people are choosing Loft Living.

If hired, we will pay $25.00 for every approved Loft Living post.

We are seeking the following themes:
- The "Finder": this blog is devoted to posting about cool loft finds, specifically things that are great to decorate or use in lofts.
- The Culture Person: blog about all the cultural and design related events in Atlanta loft culture
- Bachelor: The male perspective of loft life; how to create the best bachelor pad, the best bar to watch the game, etc.
- The Bachelorette: The female perspective of loft life
- Cheap Finds: devoted to listing the places to get "loft things" that are on the less expensive side.

If you meet this description, live in a loft in the city of Atlanta, are passionate about this fact, and would be interested in blogging about it, please respond with a breif description of your current situation and a writing sample or am example of a post you would write for the Loft Life blog.

* Location: Atlanta
* Compensation: $25.00 per post
* This is a contract job.
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

loft loft loft loft loft

http://columbiamo.craigslist.org/cas/506114444.html

**Please Please Baby** - w4m - 20
Reply to: pers-506114✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-12-11, 2:35PM CST

Hi boys, I'm a 20 year old junior at MU. I have to admit I have a bit of a fetish that I'm embarassed to tell my previous BFs, but now that im single I'm going to try to get it fulfilled:

I want a man to roleplay Dwight Yoakam with me. you don't have to look like him or even really like his music, just do a little research. we'll meet up, listen to some dwight and see where things go :)

I know this sounds weird but give me an email w/ a pic if you are interested and i'll reply back with one.

thanks

Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brothers ? - m4w - 30 (Vancouver)

http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/cas/741280535.html

uh.

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/roo/748837728.html

that mario bros one is on every message board now

what about the swap anal cherry 4 xbox 360 one?

cant say ive seen that. When did you put it up? ;)

http://theinternetisterrible.com/wp-content/things/mom.jpg

http://i30.tinypic.com/vq1tms.jpg

advertising, looks, and chops a must
no BIG HAIR!!

Capture the voice of a Generation X Serial Entrepreneur
Reply to: job-744112✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2008-07-05, 10:35PM PDT

Highly successful serial entrepreneur is seeking a part-time writer and editor to assist in preparation, writing and editing of speeches, blogs and forthcoming books. Writing style must be practical, eloquent and efficient. The verbose need not apply. Editing skills a must. Several articles and half-written chapters need to be refined and enhanced for an upcoming book. Script writing a plus/ documentary in production!

Please send credentials, samples, and your three favorite authors, and movies and why?

Work from home opportunity with meetings and brainstorming sessions held in person in Hollywood and or Beverly Hills.

This is a chance to be a part of the next best seller, only the extremely ambitious need apply.

* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 744112436

this runs through my head all the time:

I WANT SKULLS
Reply to: sale-210154✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2006-09-20, 10:27PM CDT

REAL SKULLS OR FAKE SKULLS, I JUST WANT ALOT OF SKULLS.

* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

― teeny (teeny), Saturday, September 23, 2006 3:35 AM (5 years ago) Bookmark

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/tlg/4929392815.html

bassist bass player (L.A.)

--
los angeles >central LA >gigs >talent gigs
--
compensation: 100,000 year

http://images.craigslist.org/00M0M_iUqcmIwzysX_600x450.jpg

Hello Folks,

We are looking for a bass player. One who isn't named Blake and doesn't drive a 2002 Blue Volvo XC70 and constantly inform you that it's the safest car in the world and that it looks good for his joint custody hearing. A guy who doesn't act like an @$$ Hole when he meets your girlfriend by trying to get her phone number as you went to get him another beer (yeah B she told me, thanks). One who doesn't take an upper decker at your parents' house on easter sunday, and then blames it on your grandma. A bass player who doesn't get the band kicked out of the Sizzlers on Highland by cornering the waitress in the hallway and telling her, "your booty is why god invented my balls". Someone who has never worn a terry cloth sun-visor upside down, to the side, and went by his initials B.R.O. until he got the manager position at work, and then started power-tripping. Specifically on those of us who use to smoke him out in Terry's Acura at the Ralph's on western.

PLEASE: No stolen equipment brought to rehearsals, what you do on your own time should not cost a fellow band member (who was just dropping you off on his way home) a night in the back of a police car.

Once you come out to a rehearsal you'll see who we are and all will be made right in the universe

If these stipulations don't apply to you please contact us.
do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
post id: 4929392815 posted: 6 days ago

^ totally wants Blake back in the band

Wanted- 3M to return to communicating.

3M is using and endless shape memory alloy belt on an extruder or
calender line. If this infringes on patent #6024907 it isn't authorized.
The following history the CEO has been made aware of. Names of individuals
(P. I. s) that infringed on patentee's rights in the last score years will soon
be published. This was a waste of stock holder money. Was taxpayer money wasted?

In May of 1974 patentee, recovered from a nervous breakdown 2 years
early, proposed a design using an endless belt. The design was based on old
patents such as #2849752 of 1958 which were mentioned at the following meeting.
This meeting , originally scheduled for the 3M Center, was changed by 3M to the
Holiday Inn in St. Paul for the afternoon of May 22, 1974. Patentee left the meeting
after a stranger walked into the room and adjusted the curtains and left. 3M's answer
to this meeting is attached. No design drawings were every sent to 3M although requested.

Extra Large custom exotic art already framed