Do I need to call an exorcist for my girlfriend?

wish vic XI still posted tbh

My boyfriend woke up and started talking to me in Polish last week. Also this, from months ago:

C, asleep in a chair: "What did you do with the sticks?"
Me: "The sticks?"
C: "The sticks I gave you."
M: "What sticks?"
C: "The sticks I made you, for the fence."
M: "What fence?"

We never figured out what fence.

Ha!

My bf seems obsessed with cats in his sleep haha.

I accidentally semi woke him the other day to be greeted with this frightening grin, and then he said "did you see it? The cat? How cool is the cat!?"

When he woke properly he was all "it was a big ginger tabby!"

I haven't had new material for this in a while - I guess she's mellowing. However, I realized I never posted one of my favorites, which I think may actually have been the first instance of this in our relationship, back when she was about to finish her degree:

H (very agitated): I'm worried about my boobipoo!
Me: Your what?!
H: My diploma!
Me: Why are you worried about your diploma?
H: I'm worried it doesn't say my name! I think it says something else!
Me: What do you think it says?
H: Boobipoo!

irl lol

lolled for 30 seconds straight

Ah my fave thread. I posted this one on FB the other day but bf said whinily in sleep "I dont WANNA be the king of Moomba!".

Another recent one:
"Why is everything a thing? 90 degrees, zero degrees, straight up and down!"

i woke jordan up last night by pulling the covers off him, then sleepily said 'oh sorry, i was looking for the birds in my dream'. no recollection what i was dreaming about, or why they would be on top of my husband, under the covers...

Last night:

Her: No!
Me: No?
Her: No. Don't do anything with the capitalists.

***
later:

Her: Tights! Tights!

Just got: "It's just a warm hole, stick it in there."

lol

Damned if u do,etc

B (in his sleep): ....I dont believe you!
Me: Huh?
B: I'm sorry, I'm very confused now...which side should I be on... your side probly... fuck them! You did the right thing.
Me: uh.... thank you?

B: ... I came out of that alright I thought!

way to go B

I wonder what he thinks he got away with, haha.

A Catholic friend today is to undergo an exorcism at 3:30 Eastern. She has been through all the psychiatric diagnostics the Church requires. This is real. This is a horrifying situation, like something out of the movies. Her husband asked me to beg your prayers.

— Rod Dreher (@roddreher) November 15, 2018

Wow, that IS like something out of the movies.

http://www.joblo.com/newsimages1/333923-full11.jpg

do non catholics ever need catholic exorcisms do they

It is a well-known fact that solely Orthodox exorcisms are effective post-Great Schism.

whats a sizzum?

to answer that, you need to know the pizzarts

lizzol

how long does an exorcism take? should we be checking back at 3:45 eastern or will it last through supper?

anyone got the link to the Twitch livestream

why are converts always getting mixed up in weird shit like exorcism?

maybe because of weird shit like exorcism

schism flizzum exorcism

[rod dreher voice] Chelsea Manning is deluded, as there’s no such thing as “being trans”. now plz excuse me, I need to go cast some Harry Potter spells on my friend’s wife so she will poop out the fearsome demon Belphegor pic.twitter.com/1IbTzzmlLV

— KT NELSON (@KrangTNelson) November 15, 2018

krang otm as ever

how long does an exorcism take?

http://imgur.com/BBzdsiNl.png

The book Hostage to the Devil is crammed with useful info. How can you tell if you have a demon? "Violent physical transformations seem sometimes to make the lives of the possessed a
kind of hell on earth. Their normal processes of secretion and elimination are saturated with inexplicable wrackings and exaggeration."

sounds like my teenage years

Actually thinking about how fucked this exorcism shit is. This is most likely a woman with schizophrenia or some other mental condition that leads to her not sharing consensus reality, shall we say, and they're telling her "it's because you're possessed by a malevolent supernatural force", should be criminalized tbh.

to be fair exorcisims are exceedingly rare, plus how the fuck do you know

dreher seems to have recounted the story of the couple in question before:

https://www.theamericanconservative.com/dreher/nathan-story-occult-sabrina/

a sick, sick man

Mind you, Nathan is one of the least woo-woo friends I have. Again, he works as what you might call a “symbolic analyst” in a very worldly occupation, and lives in one of the biggest and most secular cities in America. He’s been a faithful Catholic for as long as I’ve known him, but not especially interested in that mystical side of the faith.

“Once you’ve seen reality through the eyes of spiritual warfare,” he told me yesterday, “you can’t go back. It’s everywhere.”

He told me other detailed stories, including accounts of bizarre, poltergeisty things happening in their apartment, and his wife being unable to stand the presence of blessed objects (a classic sign of possession). Again, readers: if you knew these people, Nathan and his wife, you would be even more shocked by all this than you are now. This is the kind of family that takes European vacations, and lives a sophisticated cosmopolitan life. And yet this horror has overtaken them. The wife goes through periods in which she hears foul blasphemies, and feels compelled to commit suicide. In the exorcism sessions, Nathan says the demons, under compulsion from the exorcist, speak of these things — in particular, how they intend to destroy Nathan’s wife, and her family life.

Kronsteen1963 says:
October 3, 2018 at 2:00 pm
In the summer of 2000, my father-in law passed away. He was a devout Christian and spent the last 6 weeks of his life at his home under Hospice care. The day after we brought him home, he began to see things. He would look out his bedroom window and complain that he saw 3 men standing in his garden. They weren’t doing anything except staring at his house. We looked out the window and saw nothing. He insisted that they were there and asked us to chase them away because they frightened him.

Later that day, we had some friends over to his house to visit him. During dinner, he pointed towards a friend and asked, “Who is he? I don’t recognize him.” We replied, “That’s our friend Kyle, you know him.” He replied, “Yes, I know Kyle. But who is standing next to him?” There was no one there. We told Dad that we couldn’t see anyone. I asked Dad if this person frightened like the three in the garden. He replied, “No, he doesn’t frighten me at all.”

What did my father-in-law see? I’m sure rationalists have an easy explanation – a dying old man who is having hallucinations. But, he wasn’t drugged up or losing his mind. Until the last two weeks, he was a lucid as you or I, and we had numerous conversations about all sorts of issues.

As a Christian, I have my own ideas of what my father-in-law saw. I believe this stuff is real. The Bible says it is. Jesus, his disciples, and Paul all cast out demons. I fully understand why an atheist would think this is nonsense, but have a tough time understanding why a Christian would.

[NFR: It is common for people in the last days of life to see figures who are invisible to the rest of us — usually people they knew in life, who have since died. Talk to hospice nurses. It’s also in the literature. I don’t think there is necessarily anything sinister about this stuff. Though my father’s hospice nurse did tell me that once she had a patient who screamed in his final moments that demons were dragging him to Hell. It unnerved her. He was an Episcopal priest, she said. — RD]

Mind you, Nathan is one of the least woo-woo friends I have. Again, he works as what you might call a “symbolic analyst” in a very worldly occupation, and lives in one of the biggest and most secular cities in America.

love these bits he always puts as a preamble that are implicitly saying "this person isn't a bumbling rube from buttfuck nowhere therefore this deeply superstitious and irrational behaviour of his can't be put down to lack of sophistication, but must instead be grounded in fact"

fuck i shouldnt have opened this thread in the dark

u kno wut they say

This is the kind of family that takes European vacations

Probably picked up some kind of evil infection when they were over there.

Love the use of “Again, readers” there — it really adds to the atmosphere and sense that this is an insane man who believes he’s privy to insider occult intel.

Did I never outline the time B sleepwalked into the kitchen one morning (there had, to be fair, been a LOT of drinking the night before) and proceed to ramble to me in a flawless Irish accent about how he had to be sure they'd cut the RED wire, and not the BLUE wire, or else the whole thing would blow up, and we had to hurry or the others'd be after us.

It was like he was channeling someone else and was reaaaally disconcerting.

Did he pee on the rug right after that?

Thankfully no.

before, then

Probably my favourite ILX thread, the phrases "did the envelope pengalope" and "is there bingling", will never leave me.