Do I need to call an exorcist for my girlfriend?

Two nights ago, her head pops out the bedroom doorway -- "The rush Michael tree!"

Tonight - I find out I got a couple of job interviews, I go in to tell her, hoping she might be awake.

Me: "I've got good news!"

Her: "Why does love need news?"

It's a fair question.

On her way to the bathroom, she just informed me that "Shaman definitely wanted to stay at Leparla (?) home"

Man, all I ever got was a girl who occasionally sat bolt upright in bed and stared at me in UNBLINKING FEAR AND HORROR until I stroked her head and laid her back down for a cuddle. It wasn't funny at all! As has been said, but it's v true, YOU ARE V LUCKY dude

Mrs. H. napping. I think I hear her call out to me and I come in.

Me: Did you make a noise?
Her: (suddenly opening her eyes and looking upset) What?!
Me: I thought you made a noise
Her: WHAT????!!! I bought the sea pie-pen! What's so bad about that?
Me: (laughing)
Her: Everything is bad!
Me: (still laughing) I have no idea what you're talking about! I think you're half asleep!
Her: So?!
Me: It's ok, you can buy whatever you want.
Her: (calming down) ok

d'ya reckon she's doing it deliberately by now

no it's very real

Her: "Why does love need news?"

this is all-time cutecelsior fwiw

i sleep-talk, too, and if someone points out that i am asleep i have sometimes argued and said "i am not asleep!" indignantly

hahaha, I totally forgot about "Parents?! What the fuck is Parents?!"

This is the most classic thread.

This thread is awesome.

I once saw a girl who talked and sang in her sleep. Nothing as good as some of Mrs h's stuff on this thread but she did once nestle in to me and lay her head on my chest and say "fuck off, jamie" :/

hahahahahaaaaa

it simply wasn't to be

hahaha, great thread. My SO last night, mid-slumber apropos of nothing: "There's always somebody above you." When prodded for more: "You know, the man. Always someone trying to push you down." She NEVER talks like this so I started laughing and then she started sleep-giggling and then stopped, deadpan: "There's nothing funny about this." Then I started LAWLLIN and she kept giggling, then back to dreamland.

one time I apparently sleep-told my gf that I needed my glasses so I could see my dreams properly. I'm not so twee in waking life, I swear.

Woke up being punched in the face by a girlfriend once, not the best wake up i've ever had.

I kneed a bf in the back once in my sleep. Lucky he wasnt facing me. In my dream I really was trying to knee someone in the nuts.

why does love need news so good

I come in to bed (not talking).

Her: "Will you please stop talking in a Mexican accent! It's really annoying!"

I just walked in with some groceries and she was napping. She opens her eyes looking very upset:

"Son of a gorilla! EW!"
"Who's a son of a gorilla, me?"
"NO!"

After finally getting K to sleep, I climb into bed next to her.

"Mmm"
"Hi there"
"Are you an ice cream?"
For a second I think she's hinting at something... Nope, she's asleep and thinks I'm a walking, talking ice cream.

(*her = my wife, obv, not K)

I slept over on a sofa at a friend's house and when they came in the room, apparently I blurted out "OF MICE AND MEN!"

Took me ages to find this thread. I keep thinking about it now I've discovered I have a rampantly florid sleeptalker for a partner.
This morning I sat up and sneezed and muttered that it might be hayfever. He informed me "no, its catbus." Five minutes later he sat up, looked confused and said "aw - catbus just left the bed!". Then he told me he was having sausages.

He frequently hums tunes, and once blurted out "BABY COME BACK" (as in, the Player song). He often goes on about numbers, or levels, and if I ever ask him what he said he retorts "I dont KNOWWW!" in this grumpy voice. It is hilarious.

omg

catbus just left the bed :'''(

He has bad sleep apnoea so i think that adds to it, as it semi-wakes him constantly. I've been recording him, its gold.

xpost hahah yes he was so sad!

the one time I had my sleeptalking reported to me, I had been to an anarchist demonstration over the weekend. I was talking about how flexi-discs make much better roadblocks

when mine has bad dreams he yells out wordlessly, a friend named it the "hilltop holler".

Yeah my guy has done that too, silent screams... very disconcerting.

Fascinating, weirdly funny thread. Tempted to start a parallel "Do I Need to Get a Girlfriend for My Exorcist?" thread.

i don't really talk but i laugh a lot in my sleep, sometimes i wake myself up. my sister has always talked streams of absolute guddle in an adamant tone, her partner can't believe his sensible ears.

wish vic XI still posted tbh

My boyfriend woke up and started talking to me in Polish last week. Also this, from months ago:

C, asleep in a chair: "What did you do with the sticks?"
Me: "The sticks?"
C: "The sticks I gave you."
M: "What sticks?"
C: "The sticks I made you, for the fence."
M: "What fence?"

We never figured out what fence.

Ha!

My bf seems obsessed with cats in his sleep haha.

I accidentally semi woke him the other day to be greeted with this frightening grin, and then he said "did you see it? The cat? How cool is the cat!?"

When he woke properly he was all "it was a big ginger tabby!"

I haven't had new material for this in a while - I guess she's mellowing. However, I realized I never posted one of my favorites, which I think may actually have been the first instance of this in our relationship, back when she was about to finish her degree:

H (very agitated): I'm worried about my boobipoo!
Me: Your what?!
H: My diploma!
Me: Why are you worried about your diploma?
H: I'm worried it doesn't say my name! I think it says something else!
Me: What do you think it says?
H: Boobipoo!

irl lol

lolled for 30 seconds straight

Ah my fave thread. I posted this one on FB the other day but bf said whinily in sleep "I dont WANNA be the king of Moomba!".

Another recent one:
"Why is everything a thing? 90 degrees, zero degrees, straight up and down!"

i woke jordan up last night by pulling the covers off him, then sleepily said 'oh sorry, i was looking for the birds in my dream'. no recollection what i was dreaming about, or why they would be on top of my husband, under the covers...

Last night:

Her: No!
Me: No?
Her: No. Don't do anything with the capitalists.

***
later:

Her: Tights! Tights!

Just got: "It's just a warm hole, stick it in there."

lol

Damned if u do,etc

B (in his sleep): ....I dont believe you!
Me: Huh?
B: I'm sorry, I'm very confused now...which side should I be on... your side probly... fuck them! You did the right thing.
Me: uh.... thank you?

B: ... I came out of that alright I thought!

way to go B

I wonder what he thinks he got away with, haha.