OVERHEARD

crazy lady: "go to hell!"
sane lady: "YOU go to hell!"
crazy lady: "i'm already there."

i was in a coffee shop that was staffed by a couple of indie DUDES listening to macho-man drag city stylee BOYS WITH GUITARS. the one dude interrupted his conversation to take my order (iced coffee, sesame bagel) and went back to flirting with the cute blonde also standing there, asking her about the new age book she was reading. about 30 seconds later he turned back to me and said "uh... what did you order again?"

guy and girl, sitting out on the front stoop: "you can eat at popeye's, or you can be fly..."

scruffy-looking bearded man in wheelchair, talking to a friend walking alongside him across the quad: "...that time i interviewed page hamilton..."

By the time we make it to two words in our typical "oh sorry, we don't have any.." she blurted out "AAAAAaaaaaah, fuck you" and turned her head.

Still best being-asked-for-change story ever.

Then wiped his hands on his pants. No surreptitiousness about it at all. I started to wonder if I was on candid camera. EWW.

"I met this lovely girl, very beautiful, very intelligent. There are two problems though: One, she's Turkish, and two, she's an agnostic. In fact she's a really big liberal. She doesn't know what the rules are. She doesn't even know there ARE rules!"

I quite fancy her.

ahahhahahhahaha i just just just overheard a dude in the next row of cubicles doing a variation of the lloyd bentsen "I knew x, you sir are no x" routine, but it was about screen doors [?]. i figured it was some joke and was waiting for the other dudes around him to laugh, but nobody did... and it became clear to me that he was really pissed!! and then i figured out he was ACTUALLY ON THE PHONE with a carpenter!!

"I know screen doors. I've had screen doors for years. I'm intimately familiar with screen doors. And this screen door, sir... well the latch is just... unsatisfactory. Ok, transfer me to Bruce. Fine." etc.

hilarious

two dudes in slacks and ties at breakfast in the deli this morning while I was getting my coffee:

Moustache: So how's it goin?
Gel Spikes: It's all right
Moustache: Gotta go to a couple meetings?
Gel Spikes: Yeah
Moustache: Well God DAMN!! Welcome to the THUNDERDOME!

big ups to wherever these guys work

gff's is pretty funny

They obviously work in the Thunderdome, duh.

aw man I didn't even think of that

One, she's Turkish?? Why do Europeans think it's totally OK to completely write off an entire nationality as long as you're talking about Turks?

my younger sister shared a house with two other girls her senior year in college, one of the girls was the daughter of a turkish diplomat to the u.n. previous to his post there he worked in the turkish embassy or consulat in australia. the end result was that his smoking hot 22 year old daughter had the most alluring blend of accents. when i met her i was 23 and up to that point she was the most strikingly beautiful woman i'd ever actually seen in person.

she had some really hot, exotic name too. damned if i remember it now though.

thunderdome sounds like it might not come with a lot of job security

Last week (meant to post).

It's about noon, three 20-something women walking in the same direction ahead of me, male co-worker of theirs (I assume) walking toward them back to the office:

MC-W: Where you going?
3 FC-W: Luciano's! (all three said it in unison, with a kind of a sing-song gleeful giggle in their voices).
MC-W: Niiice.

Luciano's is a nearby storefront Italian lunch place that's OK but not warrenting that much glee, IMO.

Weirdo posh dude sitting outside the pub, talking to some other posh dude:

"Now SARah says that brings out the Romeo in me, but ReBECca says that it brings out the Little Lord Fontelroy in me. But the thing is [leaning forward, very earnestly now], I'm both."

Random loud mouth at the baseball stadium in SF (Its name has been changed so many times, I don't remember what it is anymore): It's not cold!!! It's warmly challenged.

um...ok Mr....

OK, yesterday my husband told me this story and I'm glad someone revived this thread because now I get to post it.

He was walking past a block of flats in the town where he works, and heard, loud as you like, out of the window (woman's voice):

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, GET YOUR FUCKING BALLS OFF MY FUCKING FEET"

Oh man, very sad exchange at the bank while waiting in line:

Old lady who had been in line a long time: It's a busy day, isn't it?
One of two tellers: We are so UNDERSTAFFED. Last week I had to work 50 hours.
Old lady: That's not very long.
Teller: *look of thin patience and bafflement*

big ups to tombot for shareage

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, GET YOUR FUCKING BALLS OFF MY FUCKING FEET"

This story is too funny. I was in hysterics reading it and then I realised it sounded kind of familiar. I had actually screamed this at our dog last week. Didn't realise how it might sound to people who might overhear....strange coincidence.

"I know screen doors. I've had screen doors for years. I'm intimately familiar with screen doors. And this screen door, sir... well the latch is just... unsatisfactory.

"Senator, you're no screen door"

Smartest high school student in the world (as part of a long pontification): "Was it Nixon or Reagan who ended the gold standard. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was Nixon. Nixon was pretty much the worst president ever."

Summer Casual: "Yeah, it's all the fault of politically correct lefties like the Daily Mail. They just want our children to die."

She's going to university this year.

She has just got worse: "We went swimming with his brother and it was dead funny, he looked anorexic. Oh they always make me laugh, them, with their bones sticking out."

hahaha, how long have you got her for? also, I know where you work, don't they have some sort of quality control on staff?

I don't know when she starts university. One of us may have choked her by then.

We don't necessarily do much in the way of checks over summer casuals, mainly because we don't give them anything important to do and also because they're usually the children of staff (so are already legally covered by bits of legislation).

two african american women browsing a selection of plaid head scarves at the j crew: "what is this? this is, like, SLAVE style!"

"You've gotta make sure you keep you McNuggets safe!"

WTF????

"Now SARah says that brings out the Romeo in me, but ReBECca says that it brings out the Little Lord Fontelroy in me. But the thing is [leaning forward, very earnestly now], I'm both."

hahaahah

At farmer's market:

Arugula seller: 'Have you ever burnt a Christmas tree'
Customer: 'No'
'Really? REAlly?'
'No...'
'It can be a very emotional experience'.

In Rothko Room at Phillips Collection gallery, woman to her friend after long worried pause gazing at Rothkos from bench (suddenly decisive): 'It's like a tie-die effect'.

Errr, tie-dye

Two london geezers by the door of my local, 'avin a fag. As I'm walking past they both suddenly embrace and one says

"I love you more than you'll ever know, Dave. You know that don't you."

bromance

tiny girl in exquisite clothes (sweetly): mama?
immaculate beautiful mother (in breathy cultured voice) : yes bea?
bee (in broad queensland accent): i just done a burp

:D

Hahahah thats fecking fantastic! Well done that girl.

Walking by the shore in New Zealand I see a middle-aged white haired man on a cell phone shouting in a thick Texas drawl, "I will NEVER! I will NEVER! I will NEVER do another deal with RANDY!"

Crazy blind Jamaican lady on the bus, standing up front yelling at us, preaching her wisdom: "Why do you t'ink you never see a Chinese drug addict? Or Chinese prostitute?"

Well we know why SHE doesnt oh yes I went there.

"You're awfully demanding for a Stone Age person."

teh Viceroy just got a 'QC SUPPLY' catalog & is musing over it out loud

"Huh, this thing holds up to 30 mice."
"Anticoagulants, nice!"
"There's anticoagulant resistant rodents? Gross."
"Cow de-licer. Awesome."
"Wow! A little cow cleaner stall. 'Cow goes in the stall, jets turn on.Cow becomes clean.'"

Hahah!

My upstairs the other day on the phone to a ladyfriend while in the back stairwell:

I can't believe we slept together the first night I mean . . . you must have a lot of confidence. Did you take me home thinking we were going to have sex or did it just happen?

I made my exit at that point. There are just some things I don't need to know about Luciano.

is it designed kinda like a car wash?

lol uh I thought you meant my neighbor's ladyfriend for a second there. I was very confused.

But is your neighbor's ladyfriend designed kinda like a car wash?

I don't know. Maybe if I'd stuck around and continued eavesdropping I would know more.

disgusting.

!!

http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/1701/carwashz.jpg

Well you know maybe it DOES take confidence to sleep with a carwash!

"You're awfully demanding for a Stone Age person."

Would like this said to me in bed.

Young Brooklyn woman to young Brooklyn woman, in caustic tone: "That's exactly what I fucking told him out of my mouth"

Scored an Overhead in DC on DCist a couple of weeks ago:

A twenty-something couple is sitting on a block by the FDR memorial, among the cherry blossoms.

Man: "I find ways to work smarter, not harder, and then I work harder as well."
Woman, placing hand on his knee and looking adoringly into his eyes: (sigh) "Efficiency..."

hahaha, love that

Just now on the bus from some woman sitting behind me, "I'm ok with the blood part but I just can't stomach the stool."

"...and that's why I'm dropping out of nursing school."

Close!! That's why she stopped being a medical assistant. It got better too. She told an almost poetic story about giving a homeless man with maggot infested ass sores a flu shot. Most of this stuff doesn't bother me but even I was a little O_O. I also learned that she had to drop out of school and get her "Good Enough Diploma" after getting "knocked up", that her mother and sister are both bi-polar but self-medicate and that her 14 year old black lab's name is Spike. This was all in less than 10 mins. Tbh she was pretty interesting and I might kiw given the chance.

I'll bet that man had the cleanest and healthiest wounds in the city--maggots are great for keeping wounds infection-free.

Oh, don't worry, she covered that too. ;)

maggot infested ass sores

well if you're going to get ass sores it's probably best to get maggot infested ones

There was another story along those lines but I think you've probably heard enough.

just so u remember u never have the right to accuse me of posting grossout shit ever again

I don't think I ever have!!

(dude at the next table in a Fullerton, CA coffee bar)

“My tattoo is only partially done. The artist has disappeared and I’m looking for someone who can finish it.”

at some airport security checkpoint a couple of years ago:

woman to young boy: "put on your shoes! put them on! i mean it! put them on right now!"

boy: "no one ever comes to our house."

was catching snippets of some choice conversation today but never enough to pull it together and I thought of this thread and muttered UNDERHEARD loudly enough to stop them

"I never had any kids until I had my first."

was eating lunch next to these people

person a: yeah, she doesn't come home til late
person b: oh he's white?
a: i don't even see when she comes in...yeah
b: oh he's not asian. 'cause he's white. they're all like that
a: she comes home like at 2 or 3am. she's not dating him anymore though
b: oh now she's with the korean guy?
a: yeah
b: oh that's why. all koreans do is drink and go out til late
a: well because she got it from the first guy, now she wants to keep doing it

lol

"I don't want to just run to suburbia like other christians. Run and hide".

- on the bus

"You could have had the best escort agency in the world but because of my view you won't be making 100 grand. Because of my view!"

- to phone held in front of face, gesticulating with other hand.

"you speak really good english!"

"well i have been here 61 years"

"some of em come over and dont speak a word!"

"ive no time for them whatever, especially british transport police, they probably couldnt even find Appleby

26 years it took them to find me, they aren't the sharpest tools in the box, I'm not paying my licence fee. A million pounds thats what they pay bloody Lineker

there is no way a semi-literate police constable is going to write my statement

the governor general of the bbc presided over the jimmy saville case and got a £2m pay rise!

the thing about these people, is they way laugh all the way to the bank

the boss of network rail got 300k for trains running a little closer to the time. isnt that supposed to be his job

pendolino crash, negative maintenance report. did he resign? course he bloody he didn't

its like that bloody blair, one of my friends is a champagne socialist. blair was in the miners club in sedgefield. he was in the back having a bloody glass of wine. Thats Labour for you

I was writing these down in real time but there were too many so i missed some.

Some guy in my office:

"We don't have much choice: we've either got to go the whole hog or... just some of the hog"