OVERHEARD

oooh my turn!

2 ladies in the cafe at whole foods columbus circle discussing the merits of working or staying home:

"but if i have to work, i have to get a nanny. nannies are SO expensive - like $15 an hour!!"

i hate you people and your willingness to underpay the people taking care of what is supposedly the most important thing in your life.

I wish I could post the TONE of the ring woman's voice and the way she was talking to her poor fiancee. I seriously wanted to walk over and spit my coffee in her face.

I guess rich people be self-entitled because they rich and self-entitled people be rich because they self-entitled.

self help book in the making

coworker one: anthrax goes in the butt
coworker two: yeah and it's all thick and gooky
coworker one: yup

a woman sitting behind me at a cafe:
"these are veneers (sound of a tooth being tapped with a fingernail). when i got them i'd had these whitened so now the veneers are always whiter than the others. it makes them stand out, it makes them look bigger. see? they look heaps bigger than the others."

"you remind me of marianne faithful. you DO know who marianne faithful is, don't you?"

"yes of course, i love her voice."

"did you know she did it with mick jagger on the top of a mountain? did you know that?"

two dudes walking down the hallway at work. 1, to the other, very serious:

"I think wikipedia is wrong sometimes."

Woman talking on her mobile about her friend to another friend:

"There's fat, and then there's just greedy"

Oh, and another favourite was a lady talking about how she'd smashed someone's head in, and then she suddenly switched to talking about the Olympics, and described the British swimming lady as "the honky with the big nose, she done well"

At farmer's market:

Arugula seller: 'Have you ever burnt a Christmas tree'
Customer: 'No'
'Really? REAlly?'
'No...'
'It can be a very emotional experience'.

In Rothko Room at Phillips Collection gallery, woman to her friend after long worried pause gazing at Rothkos from bench (suddenly decisive): 'It's like a tie-die effect'.

Errr, tie-dye

Two london geezers by the door of my local, 'avin a fag. As I'm walking past they both suddenly embrace and one says

"I love you more than you'll ever know, Dave. You know that don't you."

bromance

tiny girl in exquisite clothes (sweetly): mama?
immaculate beautiful mother (in breathy cultured voice) : yes bea?
bee (in broad queensland accent): i just done a burp

:D

Hahahah thats fecking fantastic! Well done that girl.

Walking by the shore in New Zealand I see a middle-aged white haired man on a cell phone shouting in a thick Texas drawl, "I will NEVER! I will NEVER! I will NEVER do another deal with RANDY!"

Crazy blind Jamaican lady on the bus, standing up front yelling at us, preaching her wisdom: "Why do you t'ink you never see a Chinese drug addict? Or Chinese prostitute?"

Well we know why SHE doesnt oh yes I went there.

"You're awfully demanding for a Stone Age person."

teh Viceroy just got a 'QC SUPPLY' catalog & is musing over it out loud

"Huh, this thing holds up to 30 mice."
"Anticoagulants, nice!"
"There's anticoagulant resistant rodents? Gross."
"Cow de-licer. Awesome."
"Wow! A little cow cleaner stall. 'Cow goes in the stall, jets turn on.Cow becomes clean.'"

Hahah!

My upstairs the other day on the phone to a ladyfriend while in the back stairwell:

I can't believe we slept together the first night I mean . . . you must have a lot of confidence. Did you take me home thinking we were going to have sex or did it just happen?

I made my exit at that point. There are just some things I don't need to know about Luciano.

is it designed kinda like a car wash?

lol uh I thought you meant my neighbor's ladyfriend for a second there. I was very confused.

But is your neighbor's ladyfriend designed kinda like a car wash?

I don't know. Maybe if I'd stuck around and continued eavesdropping I would know more.

disgusting.

!!

http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/1701/carwashz.jpg

Well you know maybe it DOES take confidence to sleep with a carwash!

"You're awfully demanding for a Stone Age person."

Would like this said to me in bed.

Young Brooklyn woman to young Brooklyn woman, in caustic tone: "That's exactly what I fucking told him out of my mouth"

Scored an Overhead in DC on DCist a couple of weeks ago:

A twenty-something couple is sitting on a block by the FDR memorial, among the cherry blossoms.

Man: "I find ways to work smarter, not harder, and then I work harder as well."
Woman, placing hand on his knee and looking adoringly into his eyes: (sigh) "Efficiency..."

hahaha, love that

Just now on the bus from some woman sitting behind me, "I'm ok with the blood part but I just can't stomach the stool."

"...and that's why I'm dropping out of nursing school."

Close!! That's why she stopped being a medical assistant. It got better too. She told an almost poetic story about giving a homeless man with maggot infested ass sores a flu shot. Most of this stuff doesn't bother me but even I was a little O_O. I also learned that she had to drop out of school and get her "Good Enough Diploma" after getting "knocked up", that her mother and sister are both bi-polar but self-medicate and that her 14 year old black lab's name is Spike. This was all in less than 10 mins. Tbh she was pretty interesting and I might kiw given the chance.

I'll bet that man had the cleanest and healthiest wounds in the city--maggots are great for keeping wounds infection-free.

Oh, don't worry, she covered that too. ;)

maggot infested ass sores

well if you're going to get ass sores it's probably best to get maggot infested ones

There was another story along those lines but I think you've probably heard enough.

just so u remember u never have the right to accuse me of posting grossout shit ever again

I don't think I ever have!!

(dude at the next table in a Fullerton, CA coffee bar)

“My tattoo is only partially done. The artist has disappeared and I’m looking for someone who can finish it.”

at some airport security checkpoint a couple of years ago:

woman to young boy: "put on your shoes! put them on! i mean it! put them on right now!"

boy: "no one ever comes to our house."

was catching snippets of some choice conversation today but never enough to pull it together and I thought of this thread and muttered UNDERHEARD loudly enough to stop them

"I never had any kids until I had my first."