Do I have OCD?

If you want to put your mind to rest about this sort of shit, force yourself to do the opposite of what the numbers suggest and keep a diary of the results.

Please don't call it that.

I think the real reason they say Kabbalah should not be read by anyone other than a Talmudic scholar over 40 is because number patterns no substitute for intellectual activity. RIGHT MADONNA?

It's funny, if you search wikipedia for Qabalah, it redirects you to Kabballah and says it's a "Hebrew form of mysticism," completely ignoring evidence that Greek Qabalah pre-existed any records of Jewish Kabballah by at least hundreds of years. Yet, if you wikipedia Gematria, the first line is: "Gematria (Heb. גימטריה, ultimately from the Greek γεωμετρια) is numerology of the Hebrew language and Hebrew alphabet, and is used by its proponents to derive meaning or relative relationship."

Talk about ass-backwards: "ultimately from Greek, it is a numerology of the Hebrew language..."

Not that anyone cares. I'm just sayin'...

It's kind of like how most people take for granted that the Hexagram is the "Star of David." It represented no tribe of Israel. The "Star of David" is a recent development in Jewish culture dating back only to the middle ages. It's oldest origin derives from pagan Saturn worship of the Chaldeans (Saturn is the old latin term for "Satan") and was used by King Solomon when he became involved in pagan worship. Saturn in Chaldean is Stur, which enumerates to 666, as does the Greek solar god Abraxas. Interestingly, Saturn was called the star of the sun by the Chaldeans and both Saturn and the Sun play an important role in the Western Mystery Tradition to this day. Indeed, even in Hebrew Mysticism, the letter Tav, whose planet is Saturn (Binah on the Tree of Life) is the CENTER of the Cube of Space according to the Sephir Yetzirah. Interestingly, Binah is part of the Supernal Triad above the Abyss. This puts Saturn/Satan above YHVH, the god of the Jews, who is placed at the first station BELOW the Abyss.

Not that anyone cares, I'm just sayin'...

I've been Bipolar since my late teens. Number compulsions have been part of my manic symptoms for a long time - for example, one of the ways that I can tell when the illness is getting worse is that the number 22 takes on a terrible significance.

Random events take on huge significance - I read signs and signals in everything, numbers, names, mythological significance in imagery.

In my experience, this is *absolutely* connected to the Bipolar thing, not a form of OCD at all. Some medications for the treatment of manic depression actually made this aspect of it worse. Research your medication, find out if it has those side effects. If not, bring it up with your psychiatrist again, but stress that it is a symptom of the mania, not a separate OCD thing.

Hope that helps.

Um, isn't suggesting a systematic way of dealing with OCD and statistically analysing the result kind of feeding the number compulsion just a tiny wee bit?

I wouldn't consider myself to have any OCD tendencies whatsoever, but I still like symmetry with numbers and find it really pleasing if I glance at the clock as see that the time is 2:22 or exactly on the o'clock etc, or if my supermarket bill comes to exactly £30.00 or whatever. I sort-of mentally punch the air with joy when it happens, and think to myself "woo, what are the chances of that, eh?". I also prefer it when the volume on the car cd player is set to an even number, but it doesn't make me freak if it's on an odd number. I just think even numbers are neater, somehow.

I'm sorry that 22 takes on a terrible significance for you, Kate. 22 is a happy two-little-ducks number, so it can't possibly be terrible. Unless you are scared of ducks, of course.

Thing is, this goes beyond symmetry or finding numbers pleasing in and of themselves. You really can't explain it to someone who doesn't suffer from it. When it gets really bad, it's almost like the numbers are *controlling* you - like they're messages sent to guide you or warn you. It can be quite scary.

My 22 thing isn't as bad as it used to be. I've kind of recconciled myself to the 22's. I decided that they weren't a good omen - *or* a bad omen, just a sign that I was "supposed" to be there. Like a little "hello" from the cosmos. Once I managed to strip them of their ominousness, I stopped noticing them so much.

Are you able to reassign meanings to threatening numbers? To associate 22 (say) with something which always makes you happy whenever you see it, in a sort of cognitive therapy way? Or do you have no control over the numbers whatsoever?

It's not the threatening vs. happy aspect of the numbers that is terrible, it's the *control* they seem to have over you.

I don't know that 22 was ever "threatening" (unless of course I got it in a flight number or something) - but it really felt like I was being controlled by something. It felt terribly significant.

Thanks for explaining that, Kate. Did the feeling that particular numbers were so significant ever actually stop you getting on a plane because they appeared in the ticket number or the flight number, fr'instance? Or do you just have a heightened awareness that particular numbers 'exist'?

Sorry if I'm boring you with all these questions, but I do find this stuff genuinely very interesting :)

I just wanted to reassure the original poster that this "numerical mania" is a fairly common symptom of our disease.

i have some er 'knowledge' of this sort of OCD thing and also agree with the above; my email works if anyone would like to talk about anything they don't want to be googleable or archived on ILX forever

Yeah, given that my mania is really crazy when I'm off my meds and centers on referential stuff, it makes sense that this is just a lesser version of that.

Best,

C.C.

I say, "Satan, what is the square root of Jehovah, motherfucker?!?!"

I am never let down.

heyy! soooooo OCD

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRjH9xI8JyuLMN4ACl9qoUmwLZ8dX15oGzN599SjYEDvcEUEDbwOOeSsQ8kSg

is this the thread?

what do you know about obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)?

You might be looking for this one?