It's pretty certain that I just got my first post-college job today. Let's discuss when we were new to office environments.

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i love being a waiter (despite my constant bitching about it) and always told myself that in middle ages, long into whatever career i end up doing, i'd still wait tables or bartend on the side. things i love about restaurant work: working with attractive young females, fast paced on feet work, constant social interaction, great benefits for social life (this ties into first item on list) -- in other words, everything that is the antithesis of office work.

so, today i got hired for some crap temp work position working in the corporate office of a large american retailer. i'll be taking product information from manufacturers and re-writing it for the retailer (webpage, catalogs, etc).

anyone else around here new to the office environment? i think i remember ronan writing something about this. let's discuss our hopes and fears.

i fear my coworkers will all be overweight conservative christian women.
i hope i'll be able to get my mediocre work done quickly and spend a significant portion of the day online without being noticed.
i fear they will have good online usage monitoring software.
i hope this experience will turn into a decent career later after this temp work ends.
i fear being a douchebag who has to wear "business casual" all week.
your turn.

― modestmickey, Thursday, 15 March 2007 04:19 (seventeen years ago) link

addendum: i fear my future employer will find this thread.

― modestmickey, Thursday, 15 March 2007 04:19 (seventeen years ago) link

or this one

― g®▲Ðұ, Thursday, 15 March 2007 04:25 (seventeen years ago) link

that too.

― modestmickey, Thursday, 15 March 2007 04:32 (seventeen years ago) link

i hope your workplace is entirely populated by overweight conservative christian women who thank jesus loudly every day between bites of donut that they have been spared from you cumming inside them then suddenly realising you are no longer in love.

― estela, Thursday, 15 March 2007 04:55 (seventeen years ago) link

awesome. seriously, if there are people around you you don't find attractive, then don't sleep with them. "problem" solved.

― horseshoe, Thursday, 15 March 2007 05:17 (seventeen years ago) link

never occurred to me

― modestmickey, Thursday, 15 March 2007 05:23 (seventeen years ago) link

ilx's modest mickey, i hate to join a pileon but the phyllises of this world are too good for you

― A B C, Thursday, 15 March 2007 05:25 (seventeen years ago) link

modest mickey, i am your office nightmare: i will fill your ears with stories of my young children's illnesses, my husband's compulsive hunting for wild game at the weekends, and the fuel efficiency of my car - GAHHH ASFKLJASDKFJ I WILL GET YOU

okay im drunk bye

― homosexual II, Thursday, 15 March 2007 05:26 (seventeen years ago) link

those stories all sound interesting.

only previous office experience i had: working in a candy store at my university directly attached to a bunch of bureaucratic offices. the employees were almost exclusively overweight white christian women who pretty much only discussed church functions, upcoming and past.

― modestmickey, Thursday, 15 March 2007 05:30 (seventeen years ago) link

end all product overviews with "great stuff...hahahaha"

― dice in my pockets, Thursday, 15 March 2007 05:39 (seventeen years ago) link

"Organically grown in southern California why because it look intresting"

― modestmickey, Thursday, 15 March 2007 05:43 (seventeen years ago) link

Welcome to the amazing world of working side by side with people of different ages and interests and personality types who aren't customers you can bitch about after they leave. You'll quickly learn that people are just people and they're pretty easy to get along with if you're not a total dickwad about it.* Also enjoy your first couple weeks, during which you'll get up early in the morning and dress up decently and drink coffee during the morning commute and it'll still feel like this fun "wow I'm a working grown-up" novelty.

* Thinking it's some giant chore to have friendly professional interactions with people you wouldn't hang out with socially, like middle-aged Christian ladies = being kind of a dickwad, sorry.

― nabisco, Thursday, 15 March 2007 06:08 (seventeen years ago) link

haha never saw the video before that guy taking off his headphones and taking off his headphones total lolz but srsly i know u guys hate mickey and all but really who wouldnt rather work hot chix than religious fattays i mean if i found out that id be spending most of my waking time in a climate controlled environment w/wallowing observants i wouldnt be all awesome rad this gives me a chance to relate to people on like a human level man (although that is an admirable pov) id be like ok lets do this then but ffs think abt it BEFORE U DOWNLOAD or get a job or whatever

― jhøshea, Thursday, 15 March 2007 06:44 (seventeen years ago) link

whoah

― gbx, Thursday, 15 March 2007 06:49 (seventeen years ago) link

The people I complain most about at my job are the young attractive people (aka student employees)

― JW, Thursday, 15 March 2007 08:09 (seventeen years ago) link

J if we're on that level of wishful thinking then why bother imagining having a job at all?

P.S. you don't have to be all psyched about a chance to relate to people -- you're just better off avoiding an attitude that goes "OMG NOOO I work with people I wouldn't be friends with, this is going to be excruciating."

― nabisco, Thursday, 15 March 2007 08:15 (seventeen years ago) link

I hope your workplace is run by overweight white middle aged Christian men. Just like it was before.

― aimurchie, Thursday, 15 March 2007 08:29 (seventeen years ago) link

^ wtf?

― JW, Thursday, 15 March 2007 08:35 (seventeen years ago) link

I worked for years behind the bar (pub rather than barisster) and now I work in an office making databases go, so I'm in a good position to compare the two.

Office work: You still get hottness, but they're usually more grown up (not nec. older) so are therefore more than just eye candy, you can have, you know, a conversation about stuff. The working hours are a godsend - srsly, 9-to-5 is given a lot of stick, but it's better than 6pm-3am every fri/sat/sun night. If it's a good office the atmosphere is nicer - cunts are wormed out far more efficiently in office life (the cold shoulder has more weight behind it when there ARE no customers to chatter to) and you can easily spend a day chillin' on the net if you so desire (at least, you can round here) so long as stuff gets done, while I remember at the bar "Clean the tables!" "I've just cleaned them." "well, clean them again." would be common. And the pay's better. The social life isn't better or worse, just different. Put it this way - less immature.

Honestly, not working behind a bar anymore is kinda like growing up. Imagine it like not being at school anymore.

― The Wayward Johnny B, Thursday, 15 March 2007 09:07 (seventeen years ago) link

why does everyone pick on mickey?

― the next grozart, Thursday, 15 March 2007 10:08 (seventeen years ago) link

BCUZ HE IS A NARC

― Jimmy The Mod Awaits The Return Of His Beloved, Thursday, 15 March 2007 10:14 (seventeen years ago) link

He got done for downloading musics... surely that's not his fault? Or is there more to it than that?

― the next grozart, Thursday, 15 March 2007 10:15 (seventeen years ago) link

how is being a CI not a job?

― That one guy that quit, Thursday, 15 March 2007 10:16 (seventeen years ago) link

i fear my coworkers will all be overweight conservative christian women.

wouldn't it be the GREBTEST thing in the world that half of the other people were cute Japanese girls who dig overweight conservative christian women and you were DENIED watching them go at it in the backroom. ;-)

― nathalie, Thursday, 15 March 2007 10:19 (seventeen years ago) link

woah... weird nat!

― the next grozart, Thursday, 15 March 2007 10:22 (seventeen years ago) link

not if you know yr ilx history, tng! :-D

― unfished business, Thursday, 15 March 2007 10:26 (seventeen years ago) link

yours specifically so i'm told.

― the next grozart, Thursday, 15 March 2007 10:45 (seventeen years ago) link

nathalie, that definitely seems like the type of thing that would happen to me

― modestmickey, Thursday, 15 March 2007 15:19 (seventeen years ago) link

mickey if you dislike the idea of office work so much why do you hope it turns into a decent career, or what sort of career do you want? just curious. and i hope it's an overall good experience.

it is time for me to apply for a million post-college office jobs too, but really i want to work outdoors on a boat. the problem is i can't sail :(

― Maria, Thursday, 15 March 2007 15:58 (seventeen years ago) link

maria, i'd love to be a reporter and do general culture and political reporting. i'd absolutely love it. i hope this job that gives me an 'editor' title will make that goal easier in the near future.

i guess i stressed my fears of coworkers too much in the original post, when what i was trying to get across is how much i love interesting, fast paced work on my feet, where things are constantly different, rather than stale, boring environments. it occurred to me recently that being a probation officer would probably be a pretty awesome job. i asked my actual p.o. about that, and he told me that it'd never happen. my only opportunity to enter law enforcement would be the military path, because they're so desperate for recruits they don't mind felons anymore. do not want!

― modestmickey, Thursday, 15 March 2007 16:09 (seventeen years ago) link

i asked my actual p.o. about that, and he told me that it'd never happen.

ok, mickey, did you seriously consider this as a job since you, y'know,... had a P.O. and thus have a record (that isn't downloadable wink wink).

― nathalie, Thursday, 15 March 2007 16:20 (seventeen years ago) link

yeah, thought it might be possible. i mean, felons can become lawyers and work in other parts of government. thought probation officer may be possible. oh well.

― modestmickey, Thursday, 15 March 2007 16:25 (seventeen years ago) link

Being in an office isn't nec. boring. Depends what you're doing. My job's varied and interesting despite me sitting behind a screen all day. But depends where your skillz are, I guess.

― The Wayward Johnny B, Thursday, 15 March 2007 16:34 (seventeen years ago) link

I've worked office jobs for the past seven years and hated every single one of them which has led me to decide to go back to school. Some people just aren't made to sit at a desk all day and I've finally realized that I'm definetly one of those people. That said, office work does have its perks. You will probably meet a lot of annoying people, it's true. However, you may be lucky enough to work with some wonderfully strange people. Here are two my favorite coworkers ever:

1) At my former job at a gov office in England I worked with a 40 year olf man who never showered, slept in the same bed as his mother, and masturbated every afternoon in the mens' toilets immediately upon finishing his lunch.

2) At current job we have a women here who I swear is slow but yet has a very high powered position. She is about 45 and wears her massive frizzy hair in two pigtails that stick straight out from her temples. She also wears slogan t shirts and recently sported one that said, "Therapy May Work But Beer is Quicker." She also goes to the bathroom every afternoon around three and washes her face with the handsoap. She then applies garish make-up in the style of Mimi from Drew Carey and tops it all off with a heavy coating of plain old talcum powder. I'm totally fascinated by her and sometimes follow her just so I can watch this ritual.

Sometimes wacky co-workers make the whole office thing more bearable.

― ENBB, Thursday, 15 March 2007 18:29 (seventeen years ago) link

all I have to say is all offices are not the same and it depends entirely on who you work with and what kind of environment they like to maintain

― Shakey Mo Collier, Thursday, 15 March 2007 18:33 (seventeen years ago) link

a 40 year olf man who never showered, slept in the same bed as his mother, and masturbated every afternoon in the mens' toilets immediately upon finishing his lunch.

and he talks about all this? goddamn

― .stet., Thursday, 15 March 2007 18:36 (seventeen years ago) link

ok, mickey, did you seriously consider this as a job since you, y'know,... had a P.O. and thus have a record (that isn't downloadable wink wink).

I kind of agree with Mickey. Why shouldn't you be a p.o. if you've got a record? I would have thought it would give you more authority, more empathy with the client, and greater all-round credibility.

― accentmonkey, Thursday, 15 March 2007 18:52 (seventeen years ago) link

open doors

― Catsupppppppppppppp dude ‫茄蕃‪, Thursday, 15 March 2007 18:54 (seventeen years ago) link

ENBB, those coworkers sound awesome! what do you hope to do when you get out of school? what are you studying?

― modestmickey, Thursday, 15 March 2007 18:57 (seventeen years ago) link

masturbated every afternoon in the mens' toilets immediately upon finishing his lunch

If you had just said "masturbated every afternoon in the mens' toilets" I'd have been grossed out, but if it's a standard after-lunch thing ... you know, maybe it settled his stomach, aided digestion, sent him back to his desk relaxed and refreshed. There's something almost cute about having an everyday post-meal wank.

― nabisco, Thursday, 15 March 2007 19:00 (seventeen years ago) link

If you had just said "masturbated every afternoon in the mens' toilets" I'd have been grossed out, but if it's a standard after-lunch thing ... you know, maybe it settled his stomach, aided digestion, sent him back to his desk relaxed and refreshed. There's something almost cute about having an everyday post-meal wank.

You know, I never thought about it that way before! heh.

MM - I'm going to talk to women about their bits. ie. I'm going to study women's health and want to work in sexual/reproductive health advocacy and promotion. I'll probably end up working in a hospital or school.

.stet. - He volunteered the info about sleeping in the same bed with his mother as if he didn't think this was a problem. I found out about the business in the toilets one night when out drunk with other less mental colleagues and the men all admitted that they'd heard him at it. Oh yeah - apparently he made no attempt to hide his, ahem, pleasure.

― ENBB, Thursday, 15 March 2007 19:18 (seventeen years ago) link

Honestly, I'm imagining a world where it's totally customary and normal for everyone to have a wank and a short nap after lunch, and it doesn't seem like the worst idea. It's like France, only better.

― nabisco, Thursday, 15 March 2007 19:29 (seventeen years ago) link

You may be on to something. The world would probably be a much more relaxed and peaceful place. You should start a campaign to make this dream a reality.

It's like France, only better still has me laughing.

― ENBB, Thursday, 15 March 2007 19:38 (seventeen years ago) link

speaking of jobs i may have to pick between two job offers in the next week or so. im a little torn because:

job a - sort of a glamour job, working with other young, edgy people in television, will probably be sent to SXSW and other fun type things for work. will either pay about what i make now, or maybe even slightly less.

job b - sort of a typical office job, in marketing dept of a well-known restaurant chain headquarters, probably pays about $5k better than i make now, at least.

whatamigonnado? although lets be serious, i probably won't be offered both positions.

― homosexual II, Thursday, 15 March 2007 19:46 (seventeen years ago) link

job a sounds horrible. nothing worse than taking ostensibly "fun" things and turning them into a job.

― Shakey Mo Collier, Thursday, 15 March 2007 19:47 (seventeen years ago) link

well i was kind of excited about job a for a while, but now i'm realizing i hate edgy, young people and working with them could potentially be awful.

― homosexual II, Thursday, 15 March 2007 19:49 (seventeen years ago) link

plus there's other sensible things like job b will pay better, offer better benefits, and probably be more likely to move up in the company there.

― homosexual II, Thursday, 15 March 2007 19:49 (seventeen years ago) link

job a sounds great, but i'm sure you expected me to say that

― modestmickey, Thursday, 15 March 2007 19:52 (seventeen years ago) link

Unless job a is EXACTLY what you want to do or directly on your roadmap towards EXACTLY what you want to do, go for job b.

― HI DERE, Thursday, 15 March 2007 19:53 (seventeen years ago) link

Agreed - job b.

― ENBB, Thursday, 15 March 2007 19:53 (seventeen years ago) link

(My rationale: There is no point to taking a job that you aren't completely infatuated with if it is going to pay you less money. The $$$ from job b will help finance other fun, soul-fulfilling things besides work.)

― HI DERE, Thursday, 15 March 2007 19:55 (seventeen years ago) link

ENBB-
I don't understand how you can think going into reproductive health/advocacy is a good choice for you when you are basically ridiculing people you work with. I suggest you read up about privacy issues for clients, since both the people you mentioned could, potentially, be clients in a health care clinic.

I'm being bitchy about this, yes - but it's stunning to me that you don't see any connection between making fun of your co-workers and, um, getting a job in a field like, um, reproductive health and advocacy.

― aimurchie, Thursday, 15 March 2007 20:08 (seventeen years ago) link

waht

― HI DERE, Thursday, 15 March 2007 20:09 (seventeen years ago) link

Aimurchie - well yes you are being rather bitchy and I don't really see your point since I do not currently work in a clinic or healthcare setting so that these are not clients of mine. Furthermore I didn't post their names and or info. Also, I didn't really ridicule them. I think that's a gross exaggeration. Also, I have read up on patient confidentiality issues. Thanks for the suggestion though.

but it's stunning to me that you don't see any connection between making fun of your co-workers and, um, getting a job in a field like, um, reproductive health and advocacy.

It's stunning to me that you do.

― ENBB, Thursday, 15 March 2007 20:24 (seventeen years ago) link

privacy issues and confidentiality issues are quite prevalant in reproductive health/ advocacy Dan.

― aimurchie, Thursday, 15 March 2007 20:26 (seventeen years ago) link

Yeah A but in her defense her coworker stories were largely about public behavior, not anything where she has some ethical obligation to protect anyone's privacy. (I think we all hope toilet-stall masturbation can someday fall under "reasonable expectation of privacy," but for some reason we haven't made it yet.) I don't think there's any reason to assume she wouldn't know the difference between confidential health-care interactions and funny public workplace quirks.

― nabisco, Thursday, 15 March 2007 20:29 (seventeen years ago) link

Exactly. Thank you.

― ENBB, Thursday, 15 March 2007 20:31 (seventeen years ago) link

But Aimurchie, I totally appreciate you taking the issue really seriously, especially given what happened last time I peed.

― nabisco, Thursday, 15 March 2007 20:35 (seventeen years ago) link

privacy issues and confidentiality issues are quite prevalant in reproductive health/ advocacy Dan.

Others have already said this but how precisely is recounting stories about other people's PUBLIC behavior an indication of a violation of privacy/confidentiality in a completely unrelated field?

― HI DERE, Thursday, 15 March 2007 20:41 (seventeen years ago) link

Is there any difference in the amount of time (official and unofficial - thinking about work, dealing with things at home, etc.) you'd be putting in with either Job A or B?

― milo z, Thursday, 15 March 2007 20:43 (seventeen years ago) link

My apologies, ENBB. I was totally over- reacting. I'm sure you will thrive in the reprodcutive health/advocacy field.
I think I am trained to be overly sensitive (not such a good skill on an internet message board). i also work in reproductive health and rape/trauma support, so I tend to react to certain scenarios, i guess, and want to change the language.

You would THINK my training would make me compassionate to Mickey, but I still don't quite get it.
Whatever, I spend a lot of time combatting stereotypes, so I react to "This fat guy is..." by defending the fat guy.
Hope this explains my reaction, and why I am forever arguing on certain threads.

― aimurchie, Thursday, 15 March 2007 21:02 (seventeen years ago) link

Milo, funnily enough, I have a co-worker who already works at job A, and she works crazy hours.. so Job A would probably be more mentally taxing, too. Job B is sounding better and better.

― homosexual II, Thursday, 15 March 2007 22:23 (seventeen years ago) link

er, I meant FRIEND not co-worker. Jeez.

― homosexual II, Thursday, 15 March 2007 22:27 (seventeen years ago) link

I know this is common on ILX these days, but...
this is also out of order in terms of me making a post and getting replies. I seem to be behind....
oh, whatever, I already apologized and explained.
Mickey should thank me!

― aimurchie, Thursday, 15 March 2007 22:36 (seventeen years ago) link

uh, i think i lost track of the conversation. why do i owe you thanks?

― modestmickey, Thursday, 15 March 2007 22:39 (seventeen years ago) link

I derailed your thread...but, well, let's get back to your question.

― aimurchie, Thursday, 15 March 2007 23:04 (seventeen years ago) link

oh. thanks!

― modestmickey, Thursday, 15 March 2007 23:17 (seventeen years ago) link

aimurchie = No worries. I was just really taken aback and surprised that you made that connection between the two things. Sorry if I was overly rude in my response to you.

― ENBB, Sunday, 18 March 2007 18:28 (seventeen years ago) link

ENBB -You were actually quite polite! I was very much out of line.
I hope you are going forward with your goals.
The world needs more reproductive health care advocates, that's for sure!

― aimurchie, Monday, 19 March 2007 01:10 (seventeen years ago) link

I hate to tell you this Mickey, but office hotties do exist, esp. in the world of temping. In a few of the jobs that I have temped (particulary the ones in an office environment), there were normally about two or three girls that were young, slender, and looked super-hot in tight pinstripe slacks and low-cut button-down blouses. Also, in menial office work, there is an absurdly high ratio of females to males so your odds of hooking up are pretty good (just make sure that she initiates all the flirting). Best of luck. [/perv]

Also, the good thing about business casual is that you can bend it pretty far towards stylish. The cut of your clothes will make a big difference between looking smart and looking schlubby. If it has to be oxford-and-khakis, go balls out: get some brown loafers and tie a sweater around your neck.

― naus, Monday, 19 March 2007 01:54 (seventeen years ago) link

Best office work: being a single female tech on a helpdesk of cute young gothy tech guys. Ratio: in Trayce's favour. Or um. Something.

― Trayce, Monday, 19 March 2007 01:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Also, the good thing about business casual is that you can bend it pretty far towards stylish. The cut of your clothes will make a big difference between looking smart and looking schlubby. If it has to be oxford-and-khakis, go balls out: get some brown loafers and tie a sweater around your neck.

dear little baby jesus, please don't let me type, 'and next, tie the sweater to a light-fitting,' for that would be plain wrong of me.

― estela, Monday, 19 March 2007 02:02 (seventeen years ago) link

Yes, type it! And I'll add: get a gold watch and monogram everything.

― naus, Monday, 19 March 2007 02:09 (seventeen years ago) link

^^post not directed at mickey, but the hypothetical horrorshow sporting khakis, loafers and a sweater tied around the neck^^

― estela, Monday, 19 March 2007 02:13 (seventeen years ago) link

estela, thank you for not direction your suicide wish directly at me. cheers, hugs and kisses

― modestmickey, Monday, 19 March 2007 02:18 (seventeen years ago) link

directing

― modestmickey, Monday, 19 March 2007 02:18 (seventeen years ago) link

i do not wish you any ill, mickey, despite objecting to some of your posts.

― estela, Monday, 19 March 2007 02:24 (seventeen years ago) link

And all I'm saying is, try to look as much like Blaine and his crew from Pretty in Pink as possible.

― naus, Monday, 19 March 2007 02:38 (seventeen years ago) link

homosexual i'd take job a but that's kinda exactly what i did in my life. and despite some angst i'm glad i did.

― s1ocki, Monday, 19 March 2007 03:06 (seventeen years ago) link

i start monday. look out office environment, here i come! you just hired a felon without even knowing, bitches!

― modestmickey, Thursday, 22 March 2007 21:57 (seventeen years ago) link

homosexual i'd take job a but that's kinda exactly what i did in my life.

best sentence ever?

― HI DERE, Thursday, 22 March 2007 21:59 (seventeen years ago) link

no dan the best sentence ever remains "i would just like to point out that i have been otm on this thread"

― ghost rider, Thursday, 22 March 2007 22:01 (seventeen years ago) link

i had another interview with job b the other day... went pretty well, they already asked me for references and asked me to come back next week. what is it with jobs having you come in for a gazillion interviews these days? . job a has been strangely silent; maybe decided on somebody else?

― homosexual II, Thursday, 22 March 2007 22:07 (seventeen years ago) link

hi dere

― Catsupppppppppppppp dude ‫茄蕃‪, Thursday, 22 March 2007 22:14 (seventeen years ago) link

Wow, from reading this thread I think Mickey would be the more annoying douchebag co-worker than any of the overwieght Christian conservative women he fears.

― jon /via/ chi 2.0, Thursday, 22 March 2007 22:21 (seventeen years ago) link

Peg wants you to know about her Lord, Jesus Christ, and the magnificence of his creation, found in jelly donut.
http://j.b5z.net/i/u/2101056/i/Fat_Peg_in_photo_house_ezr.jpg

― the table is the table, Thursday, 22 March 2007 22:41 (seventeen years ago) link

i want to play it backwards!
fears he women conservative Christian !overweight the of any than worker! co douchebag annoying more the be would Mickey! think I thread this reading from...Wow.!

― aimurchie, Thursday, 22 March 2007 22:44 (seventeen years ago) link

jon whatever chi 2.0, pleasure to meet you too!

― modestmickey, Friday, 23 March 2007 05:06 (seventeen years ago) link

well job b just called to say they picked someone else over me. SO I GUESS I DONT HAVE A CHOICE ANYMORE :(

― homosexual II, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:15 (seventeen years ago) link

Aw Mands. Well, it'll be an EXCITING CHALLENGE!

― Mark C, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:31 (seventeen years ago) link

After seeing that gravity can be overwon by loads of hairspray (in that picture above), I believe in Little Baby Jesus.

― stevienixed, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:40 (seventeen years ago) link

Summertime means that I'll hear about the state of everyone's lawn until fall. Hey guys, I had to mow my lawn twice this week!

― mh, Wednesday, 28 March 2007 17:51 (seventeen years ago) link

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