In My Country
by Anonymous
In my country, we respect other people’s property.
In my country, we obey both the letter of the law and the spirit of the law.
In my country, we aid our neighbor’s in their endeavors; we do not obstruct them.
In my country, we do not leave our trashcans sitting out on the curb for months, obscuring the sidewalk, spreading disease.
In my country we do not race down the street at unsafe speeds when children are present. We do not throw trash out our windows at pedestrians. We do not drive home drunk from the bar, sideswipe our neighbor’s car, and hide our car in the garage, lie to our neighbors and avoid our responsibility.
In my country, we do not tamper with or in any way interfere with the postal service. We do not remove documents from our neighbor’s trash.
In my country, we do not leave the droppings of our foul, untrained Shih Tzu all over our lawn and our neighbor’s lawn.
In my country, we do not smoke marijuana while grilling in our underwear. We do not pass out half-naked by an otherwise untended garbage can fire. We do not burn leaves within city limits. We discard our bottles in the recycling.
In my country, we do not give other people’s children inappropriate nicknames like “Kid Crappy Pants” and “Jail Bait”. We do not give other people’s children “secret” presents.
In my country, we do not smoke cigarettes under our neighbor’s window and interject rude comments into their domestic conversations.
In my country, we do not intimidate law abiding citizens.
In my country, God is respected, not blasphemed.
In my country, certain people should understand where they’re not wanted.
In my country.
― Anonymous, Thursday, 29 March 2007 15:27 (seventeen years ago) link
In my country we are 'down' with O.P.P., being naughty, at least by nature.
In my country we aid our neighbor’s in their endeavors; we do not obstruct them, unless those endeavors include murder, rape, kiddie fiddling, placing apostrophes in inappropriate places &c.
― Grandpont Genie, Thursday, 29 March 2007 15:45 (seventeen years ago) link
In my country we remember that, not only was this the opening line of virtually everything Don Warrington's character Philip said in
Rising Damp, but also that the fact that he was not an African prince but actually from Croydon was not revealed until the relatively unknown film version.
― Grandpont Genie, Thursday, 29 March 2007 15:47 (seventeen years ago) link
In my country, we do not leave our trashcans sitting out on the curb for months, obscuring the sidewalk, spreading disease, but dump them in the front gardens of ppl we don't like.
― Grandpont Genie, Thursday, 29 March 2007 15:54 (seventeen years ago) link
In my country, we do not tamper with or in any way interfere with the postal service, unless we actually work for the postal service, in which case we stash the letters in our lofts or under our beds if we can't be arsed to deliver them.
― Grandpont Genie, Thursday, 29 March 2007 15:55 (seventeen years ago) link
If you think of it as a letter written to a neighbor -- or as a poem written by a nerd with neighbors, with the idea that it might be delivered to said neighbors (but never actually delivered to said neighbors, instead taped to wall by desk and compulsively re-read) -- it's pretty fucking funny.
― Pye Poudre, Thursday, 29 March 2007 17:25 (seventeen years ago) link