Things That Would Be Improved If They Were Read/Narrated by Werner Herzog

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1. The Three Little Pigs

shit was shocking as fuck back then (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 20 April 2009 16:40 (5 years ago) Permalink

2. March of the Penguins (suggested on some other thread)

shit was shocking as fuck back then (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 20 April 2009 16:41 (5 years ago) Permalink

3. Miranda rights.

Suggesteban Cambiasso (jim), Monday, 20 April 2009 16:42 (5 years ago) Permalink

4. the stuff stewardesses say right before you take off re: oxygen masks, etc

Mr. Que, Monday, 20 April 2009 16:46 (5 years ago) Permalink

5. This thread.

Nurse Detrius (Eric H.), Monday, 20 April 2009 16:54 (5 years ago) Permalink

6. Product labels

Alex in SF, Monday, 20 April 2009 16:55 (5 years ago) Permalink

7. That poem from the inauguration.

Orin Boyd (jel --), Monday, 20 April 2009 19:00 (5 years ago) Permalink

8. Wall-E

shit was shocking as fuck back then (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 20 April 2009 19:02 (5 years ago) Permalink

9. "Life After People"

WmC, Monday, 20 April 2009 19:07 (5 years ago) Permalink

10. this thread is really about getting older, realizing you're dying, and lowering your expectations for life

― congratulations (n/a), Monday, April 20, 2009 6:35 PM (33 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

s1ocki, Monday, 20 April 2009 19:08 (5 years ago) Permalink

The Civil War by Ken Burns

scott seward, Monday, 20 April 2009 21:06 (5 years ago) Permalink

Peter and the Wolf

tylerw, Monday, 20 April 2009 21:09 (5 years ago) Permalink

Pharmaceutical side-effect warnings

shit was shocking as fuck back then (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 20 April 2009 21:15 (5 years ago) Permalink

Should we just have a thread of things that WOULDN'T be improved if they were read/narrated by Werner Herzog?

Alex in SF, Monday, 20 April 2009 21:18 (5 years ago) Permalink

Eh, on that note, eulogy of a loved one.

Suggesteban Cambiasso (jim), Monday, 20 April 2009 21:19 (5 years ago) Permalink

and that's about it.

Suggesteban Cambiasso (jim), Monday, 20 April 2009 21:20 (5 years ago) Permalink

Oh I don't know, I think Werner could lend a certain amount of gravitas to a good eulogy.

Alex in SF, Monday, 20 April 2009 21:21 (5 years ago) Permalink

Sex and the City

buttslam is a pretty good move (circa1916), Monday, 20 April 2009 21:30 (5 years ago) Permalink

Black Coffee Blues by Henry Rollins

one thousand BIG HOOS raging and pounding (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, 20 April 2009 21:32 (5 years ago) Permalink

lolz Sex and the City

"After a break-up, certain street, locations, even times of day are off-limits. The city becomes a deserted battlefield, loaded with emotional landmines. You have to be very careful where you step or you could be blown to pieces."

shit was shocking as fuck back then (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 20 April 2009 21:33 (5 years ago) Permalink

Really we couldn't just have posted "1. Everything" and have been done with it?

suggest banh mi (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 20 April 2009 21:36 (5 years ago) Permalink

Really we couldn't just have posted "1. Everything" and have been done with it?

― suggest banh mi (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, April 20, 2009 9:36 PM (16 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

defensive of decent LOLs (forksclovetofu), Monday, 20 April 2009 21:53 (5 years ago) Permalink

I bet you guys are a lot of fun at parties

shit was shocking as fuck back then (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 20 April 2009 21:56 (5 years ago) Permalink

I'm not opposed to the idea of this thread, but I honestly couldn't think of anything that wouldn't be improved with a Herzog narration.

suggest banh mi (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 20 April 2009 21:57 (5 years ago) Permalink

including prescriptions

defensive of decent LOLs (forksclovetofu), Monday, 20 April 2009 21:58 (5 years ago) Permalink

hahahahahah okay I think this needs to just turn into a werner herzog sex in the city thread

"Mr. Big broke up with me on my birthday. I ate a pint of ice cream and my favorite pair of shoes."

iatee, Monday, 20 April 2009 22:07 (5 years ago) Permalink

"Do not read what iz on ze laptop. NEVER read it!"

suggest banh mi (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 20 April 2009 22:12 (5 years ago) Permalink

hey look there are full Herzog films on youtube now incl Aguirre, Fitzcarraldo, Kaspar Hauser etc omg etc

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=starzmedia&view=videos

jesus is the man (jabba hands), Monday, 20 April 2009 23:22 (5 years ago) Permalink

9. "Life After People"

This is either going to be the most godawesome thing the History channel could ever do, or the most disappointing, since I liked the book so very much.

tits akimbo (kenan), Monday, 20 April 2009 23:50 (5 years ago) Permalink

watching movies on youtube is so depressing

s1ocki, Tuesday, 21 April 2009 00:21 (5 years ago) Permalink

Preach it. Even watching old-ass stand-up comedy is depressing on youtube.

tits akimbo (kenan), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 00:22 (5 years ago) Permalink

I'm not opposed to the idea of this thread, but I honestly couldn't think of anything that wouldn't be improved with a Herzog narration.

― suggest banh mi (jon /via/ chi 2.0)

OTM... especially like philosophy/psychology textbooks.

Edward Aetheling (Viceroy), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 01:10 (5 years ago) Permalink

lol old ppl

jesus is the man (jabba hands), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 01:18 (5 years ago) Permalink

The Golf Channel

Shoegaze Knight (Oilyrags), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 01:25 (5 years ago) Permalink

The entire oeuvre of Dr. Seuss

Alex in NYC, Tuesday, 21 April 2009 02:26 (5 years ago) Permalink

"How I Met Your Mother"

M.V., Tuesday, 21 April 2009 02:28 (5 years ago) Permalink

"The Wonder Years"

M.V., Tuesday, 21 April 2009 02:28 (5 years ago) Permalink

The old testament.

a short guy with a lot of power (Clay), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 02:33 (5 years ago) Permalink

The news.

invitation to rabies (╓abies), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 04:37 (5 years ago) Permalink

The old testament.

About an hour ago, I sent an email to a friend of mine with the subject line "Werner Herzog reads from the bible" and a message that said "Wouldn't that be awesome?" and he got really mad at me for getting his hopes up.

Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 04:52 (5 years ago) Permalink

Instructions on how to install a wireless network router.

MONUMENTAL_ARAB_HORSE.jpg (nickalicious), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 05:06 (5 years ago) Permalink

A teenage chess tournament.

MONUMENTAL_ARAB_HORSE.jpg (nickalicious), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 05:08 (5 years ago) Permalink

(incl profiles of some of the prominent players)

MONUMENTAL_ARAB_HORSE.jpg (nickalicious), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 05:08 (5 years ago) Permalink

One of those terrible LOST catch-up/clip shows.

MONUMENTAL_ARAB_HORSE.jpg (nickalicious), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 05:09 (5 years ago) Permalink

Marvin K. Mooney, Will You Please Go Now.

SORCEROUSES..roll on stage! (Pillbox), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 05:35 (5 years ago) Permalink

One of those terrible LOST catch-up/clip shows.

this made my day, ty nicka

as far as the bible goes I was specifically thinking of leviticus & deuteronomy.

a short guy with a lot of power (Clay), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 07:08 (5 years ago) Permalink

The phone book

billstevejim, Tuesday, 21 April 2009 07:59 (5 years ago) Permalink

"Werner Herzog Reads the Torah"

tits akimbo (kenan), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 13:15 (5 years ago) Permalink

you could have a DVD of this, with bonus material featuring Marc Anthony the stoner from the White Diamond reading the same stuff

EMPIRE STATE HYMEN (MPx4A), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 13:18 (5 years ago) Permalink

all kinds of names in this phonebook yeah this phonebook's real niiiice

EMPIRE STATE HYMEN (MPx4A), Tuesday, 21 April 2009 13:20 (5 years ago) Permalink

ay does anyone know a good place to buy Klaus' autobio online for cheap? Amazon is all 5 new and used from £stupid and Ebay's not much better

EMPIRE STATE HYMEN (MPx4A), Wednesday, 22 April 2009 13:11 (5 years ago) Permalink

the specials board

try to fix the puffiness with some nolva and then go juicin' (gnarly sceptre), Wednesday, 22 April 2009 14:02 (5 years ago) Permalink

Again...

"Green Eggs & Ham"
"Fox in Sox"
"One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish"
"The Sneeches"

Alex in NYC, Wednesday, 22 April 2009 14:12 (5 years ago) Permalink

by coincidence, 'encounter at the end of the world' arrived in my mailbox today. laughing so much already.

"i asked them why is it that a sophisticated animal like the chimp does not utilize inferior creatures. he could straddle a goat and ride off into the sunset."

<3<3<3<3

iatee, Thursday, 23 April 2009 07:16 (5 years ago) Permalink

"doctor, is there such thing as insanity in penguins?"

iatee, Thursday, 23 April 2009 08:20 (5 years ago) Permalink

7 months pass...

9. "Life After People"

Finally got around to watching this series and completely agree.

Elvis Telecom, Sunday, 13 December 2009 09:13 (5 years ago) Permalink

1. The Three Little Pigs

"The third little pig looked through the window and into the wolf's eyes. His blank stare spoke only of a half-bored interest in food."

Bay-L.A. Bar Talk (Hurting 2), Sunday, 13 December 2009 17:04 (5 years ago) Permalink

4 months pass...

jerk orbison (another al3x), Tuesday, 27 April 2010 04:54 (4 years ago) Permalink

1 year passes...

http://vimeo.com/9880377

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 25 April 2012 22:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

1. The Three Little Pigs

"The third little pig looked through the window and into the wolf's eyes. His blank stare spoke only of a half-bored interest in food."

― Bay-L.A. Bar Talk (Hurting 2), Sunday, 13 December 2009 17:04 (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

A++++

Scary Move 4 (dog latin), Thursday, 26 April 2012 11:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

Would love to hear this directly narrated from the man or have been at the scene in person (also re: #4, the stewardesses point):

Some years ago, Werner Herzog was on an internal flight somewhere in Colorado and the plane's landing gear wouldn't come down. They would have to make an emergency landing. The runway was covered in foam and flanked by scores of fire engines. "We were ordered to crouch down with our faces on our knees and hold our legs," says Herzog, "and I refused to do it." The stewardess was very upset, the co-pilot came out from the cabin and ordered him to do as he was told. "I said, 'If we perish I want to see what's coming at me, and if we survive, I want to see it as well. I'm not posing a danger to anyone by not being in this shitty, undignified position.'" In the end, the plane landed normally. Herzog was banned from the airline for life but, he laughs, it went bust two years later anyway. Herzog tells this story to illustrate how he'll face anything that's thrown at him, as if that was ever in any doubt.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2012/apr/14/werner-herzog-into-the-abyss

the europan nikon is here (grauschleier), Thursday, 26 April 2012 11:36 (2 years ago) Permalink

some of the comments on this are just :-O

http://www.sabotagetimes.com/tv-film/werner-herzogs-note-to-his-cleaning-lady/

Ward Fowler, Thursday, 26 April 2012 11:46 (2 years ago) Permalink


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