damn button fly pants
― a full circle lol (J0hn D.), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:31 (fourteen years ago) link
lololololololololololololololololololololol
― as strikingly artificial and perfect as a wizard's cap (HI DERE), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:32 (fourteen years ago) link
just to continue my european bathroom series
I go to Germany tomorrow so you know shit will get stirred up something proper then
― a full circle lol (J0hn D.), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:32 (fourteen years ago) link
did you do this because you had to piss in the dark due to outside light switches?
― dan m, Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:32 (fourteen years ago) link
I wish ILX had "sticky" functionality, I would pin this to the top of SNA for MONTHS
― as strikingly artificial and perfect as a wizard's cap (HI DERE), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:33 (fourteen years ago) link
xpost no, I did it for love
― a full circle lol (J0hn D.), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:33 (fourteen years ago) link
I'd do anything for love but I won't do THAT
is this a euphemism that i've never heard of, or some weird sex position?
― pariah carey (Mr. Que), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:34 (fourteen years ago) link
German toilets have the 'shit inspection shelf', J0hn. Have fun!
― rube goldberg variations (suzy), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:34 (fourteen years ago) link
. . . curious to see if anyone will say "classic."
― Daniel, Esq., Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:35 (fourteen years ago) link
suzy as I mentioned between a few choice Tuomas koans, the fragrant platform is well-known to me, I often use it as a metaphor for everything that's wrong with being alive
― a full circle lol (J0hn D.), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:35 (fourteen years ago) link
what's wrong with peeing on your belt? it's just urine, and i thought urine was sterile </tuomas>
― pariah carey (Mr. Que), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:36 (fourteen years ago) link
is this just some weird thing where Americans are afraid of their own urine?
i don't understand the physics of this
― congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:36 (fourteen years ago) link
i'm not afraid of urine, i just don't understand it
What is the shit inspection shelf?
Nick, I think this happens when you undo your belt to pee and it dangles into your urine stream.
xp LOL
― unused user (Jesse), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:38 (fourteen years ago) link
omg mr que have mercy
― a full circle lol (J0hn D.), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:38 (fourteen years ago) link
it's a cruel thing, what you guys are doing to a poor dude who just pissed on his belt
for SHAME
― as strikingly artificial and perfect as a wizard's cap (HI DERE), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:39 (fourteen years ago) link
It could also happen if you remove your belt, put it on the floor, and piss on it.
― unused user (Jesse), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:40 (fourteen years ago) link
Jesse otm
― a full circle lol (J0hn D.), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:40 (fourteen years ago) link
Americans want to control their own pants so badly they have to use belts
― pariah carey (Mr. Que), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:41 (fourteen years ago) link
classic or dud, dropping the pear you were eating on a hotel room floor because you were lol'ing too hard at mr que's tuomas impression
― a full circle lol (J0hn D.), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:42 (fourteen years ago) link
xpost LOL, LOL, FUCKING STORM OF LOL
Is it true that in Europe, the belt goes on the inside of the pants?
― as strikingly artificial and perfect as a wizard's cap (HI DERE), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:42 (fourteen years ago) link
someone please tell me about the shit shelf?
― unused user (Jesse), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:43 (fourteen years ago) link
toilets in Germany look like this:
http://jingalex.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/toilet_bowl.jpg
― as strikingly artificial and perfect as a wizard's cap (HI DERE), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:44 (fourteen years ago) link
hahahah look at that fuckin german toilet, it looks like a goddamn shit jacuzzi for SHIT
― Andrew Kornfan, Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:45 (fourteen years ago) link
that seems like it would result in a lot of "painting of pictures" xp
― unused user (Jesse), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:45 (fourteen years ago) link
they are the worst thing in the entire history of the world.
― a full circle lol (J0hn D.), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:45 (fourteen years ago) link
in an underheated German apartment, they will teach you that God is a lie.
it looks like a goddamn shit jacuzzi for SHIT
this... this is like a koan
― as strikingly artificial and perfect as a wizard's cap (HI DERE), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:45 (fourteen years ago) link
shit hits the pan...
― a gift from your mind in the form of the perfect beat (snoball), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:46 (fourteen years ago) link
Normal non-german toilets have been having the same effect for my 5-year-old, which has been a bit of an issue lately.
― kingkongvsgodzilla, Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:46 (fourteen years ago) link
is this just some weird thing where Germans are afraid of their own shit-splashback?
― dan m, Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:47 (fourteen years ago) link
I bet God would be an even bigger lie in a hot German summer with no AC.
― WmC, Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:47 (fourteen years ago) link
this is pure hero material
http://www.banterist.com/archivefiles/000212.html
― as strikingly artificial and perfect as a wizard's cap (HI DERE), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:47 (fourteen years ago) link
do button fly jeans really make this more of a danger? i don't think i've pissed on anything important since i started wearing them.
― Ømår Littel (Jordan), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:48 (fourteen years ago) link
if a person has used the fragrant platform even once and still purports to think Germany is "nice," that person should be considered insane & incurable
― a full circle lol (J0hn D.), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:49 (fourteen years ago) link
no, the main thing is German males love the prospect of "accidentally" letting their nutsacks brush across the top of a steaming pile of their own fresh waste
― a full circle lol (J0hn D.), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:50 (fourteen years ago) link
Do they have diarrhea in Germany?
― cool app (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:50 (fourteen years ago) link
that is one for the Zen Book of Poop
― pariah carey (Mr. Que), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:51 (fourteen years ago) link
oh hey, come on now; there is still tons and tons of beer in Germany so I can endure a little bit of shit shelf every now and then
― as strikingly artificial and perfect as a wizard's cap (HI DERE), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:51 (fourteen years ago) link
yes, it is awarded to several lucky people by lottery each week
― a full circle lol (J0hn D.), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:51 (fourteen years ago) link
Germany has awesome bakeries
btw the true secret to navigating the German toilet is to sit on it BACKWARDS
― as strikingly artificial and perfect as a wizard's cap (HI DERE), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:52 (fourteen years ago) link
i don't understand how flushing works on those things. not that i entirely understand how it works everywhere else but that's a needless digression
― Andrew Kornfan, Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:52 (fourteen years ago) link
just visualizing this makes me very very sad.
― pariah carey (Mr. Que), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:52 (fourteen years ago) link
It's diarrhea timeThere's no need to be afraidAt diarrhea time, we let in light and we banish shadeAnd in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joyThrow your arms around the world at diarrhea time
But say a prayer
Pray for the other onesAt diarrhea time it's hard, but when you're having funThere's a world outside your windowAnd it's a world of dread and fearWhere the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tearsAnd the poo shelves that ring there are the clangingchimes of doomWell tonight thank God it's them instead of you
― cool app (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:52 (fourteen years ago) link
― a full circle lol (J0hn D.), Tuesday, October 13, 2009 1:50 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
aka the "weiner shitzel"
― congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:53 (fourteen years ago) link
When you've eaten sauerkrautand your bottom drops right outDiarrhea
― Euler, Tuesday, 13 October 2009 18:53 (fourteen years ago) link
there is some technique involved, yes
― yuppie bullshit chocolate blogbait (contenderizer), Thursday, 19 April 2012 06:26 (twelve years ago) link
theeeese days
― JoeStork, Thursday, 19 April 2012 06:47 (twelve years ago) link
There's no technique involved in using a urinal; they all have a parabolic design which causes the urine to splash perpendicular to the direction it hit the back wall, so if you are getting splashed that means you are either using a dirty urinal or standing in the urinal.
― an independent online phenomenon (DJP), Thursday, 19 April 2012 12:34 (twelve years ago) link
Classic or dud: pissing on your belt while standing in the urinal
― dayo, Thursday, 19 April 2012 12:35 (twelve years ago) link
xp ok but dirty urinals aren't exactly some rare species in the wild
― call all destroyer, Thursday, 19 April 2012 12:41 (twelve years ago) link
No, but considering that a significant number of guys basically hump them while pissing (you know you've all seen this), it's not really a surprise that something designed to to splash them during use might splash them
― an independent online phenomenon (DJP), Thursday, 19 April 2012 12:45 (twelve years ago) link
in a way the best urinals are the old-fashioned ones that go all the way to the floor
― call all destroyer, Thursday, 19 April 2012 12:47 (twelve years ago) link
how about the ones that are just a slanted wall with water running down them?
― dayo, Thursday, 19 April 2012 12:49 (twelve years ago) link
by the way I wish DJP had chosen a picture of a german toilet that did not look like it uses jagermeister as flushing water upthread
― dayo, Thursday, 19 April 2012 12:50 (twelve years ago) link
sometimes I take my belt off before I piss and just drag it against the back of the urinal as a sort of opening gambit, just get all the suspense outta the way and wet up the belt, I know my belt pissers feel me
― same old song and placenta (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Thursday, 19 April 2012 12:51 (twelve years ago) link
yeah i used to attend a teen disco where it was the wall, with a trough running along the floor. Good times.
― diafiyhm (darraghmac), Thursday, 19 April 2012 13:07 (twelve years ago) link
and it was packed for space so the tall fellas would just stand akimbo over the short fellas and have at, i was, thankfully, a taller fella.
― diafiyhm (darraghmac), Thursday, 19 April 2012 13:10 (twelve years ago) link
i feel you, aero
― mh, Thursday, 19 April 2012 14:45 (twelve years ago) link
"opening gambit" just killed me
― epistantophus, Thursday, 19 April 2012 14:49 (twelve years ago) link
guys its true its all true
― irrational angst that makes me innocuously thingy (darraghmac), Thursday, 21 June 2012 14:43 (eleven years ago) link
we have a nozzle we can direct anywhere and a prostate, not that hard to keep it where you want it imo
― Impetuous hybrid (Matt P), Thursday, 21 June 2012 14:47 (eleven years ago) link
What's the prostate got to do w/ it?
― Je55e, Thursday, 21 June 2012 14:55 (eleven years ago) link
/tinaturner
― Meet the G that Skrilled me... (snoball), Thursday, 21 June 2012 14:56 (eleven years ago) link
nah the sceisseschelffen
― irrational angst that makes me innocuously thingy (darraghmac), Thursday, 21 June 2012 14:58 (eleven years ago) link
they are worse here than in holland. i dont think theyre as deep...
― irrational angst that makes me innocuously thingy (darraghmac), Thursday, 21 June 2012 14:59 (eleven years ago) link
*looks it up* ok pc muscle, it's close by, you know what i mean xp
― Impetuous hybrid (Matt P), Thursday, 21 June 2012 14:59 (eleven years ago) link
Oh. No, I thought there was something about the prostate that I didn't know. Something specific, I mean.
― Je55e, Thursday, 21 June 2012 19:17 (eleven years ago) link
I've never seen the shelf in Holland! I guess the advantage there is you might be stoned as fuck and what goes better with weed than the powerful smell of your own rich poop
besides "literally anything," I mean
― decrepit but free (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Thursday, 21 June 2012 22:56 (eleven years ago) link
The Dutch have to make their shelves slightly higher so that your poop sits above sea-level. It's the law.
― gonna send him to outer space, to hug another face (NickB), Thursday, 21 June 2012 23:05 (eleven years ago) link
the continental shelf
stansted hasn`t much going for it at midnight on a thursday but the cooling backsplash of a released turdtle makes up for almost anything
― irrational angst that makes me innocuously thingy (darraghmac), Thursday, 21 June 2012 23:19 (eleven years ago) link
I'm serious about that Dutch law btw. They did recently have a debate about it in parliament, and though the upper chamber held it up, the motion was eventually passed.
― gonna send him to outer space, to hug another face (NickB), Thursday, 21 June 2012 23:42 (eleven years ago) link
true, but a few months later it was blocked in a lower circuit court however
― un® (dayo), Thursday, 21 June 2012 23:48 (eleven years ago) link
yeah I heard about that - it seems every year it's harder to push stuff through that lower court
― decrepit but free (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Friday, 22 June 2012 04:32 (eleven years ago) link
the early day motions can be particularly sticky
― give me back my 200 dollars (NotEnough), Friday, 22 June 2012 07:13 (eleven years ago) link
they all have a parabolic design which causes
what the actual fuck, america
― the hat's filthy lesson (sic), Friday, 22 June 2012 13:20 (eleven years ago) link
love/hate this thread
― nakh is the wintour of our diss content (darraghmac), Tuesday, 2 September 2014 08:37 (nine years ago) link
new (ish, since February) flatmate has caused much bafflement chez sktsh with his terrible aim and mystifying insistence on always putting down both lids, which - coupled with the fact that he either doesn't notice or doesn't care enough to clean it - means you basically have to hope that there's not a hidden puddle of urine on the porcelain when you lift the lid to go next. (There usually is.) You can always tell when he's been because a) the top lid is down; and b) there's a little puddle of piss on the floor in front of the toilet
― sktsh, Tuesday, 2 September 2014 13:09 (nine years ago) link
is your flatmate 5?
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 2 September 2014 13:11 (nine years ago) link
i know rite
(he's 29 I think)
― sktsh, Tuesday, 2 September 2014 13:16 (nine years ago) link
i told a doctor friend about this in the pub and he looked very serious and said "perhaps he's got dual streams"
― sktsh, Tuesday, 2 September 2014 13:17 (nine years ago) link
piercing?
― nakh is the wintour of our diss content (darraghmac), Tuesday, 2 September 2014 13:22 (nine years ago) link
the thing that makes the fragrant platform so insulting is that, normally, if your gaze happens upon the water-filled bowl as it's carrying your shit away, no big. but every time you forget to shield your eyes when you flush the shelf toilet, which you will do, because the flushing mechanism is often a button on top of the tank, you will be greeted by a very 3-D demonstration of the specific heft of your payload. the water will rush out from behind it, and the whole mound will be carried, Marshall Will & Holly on a raft style, by this flush-wave down into the lower hole. it will leave streaks. these, too, will be washed away like tears in rain. time to die.
― a full circle lol (J0hn D.), Tuesday, October 13, 2009 8:31 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
bravo!
― cajunsunday, Tuesday, 2 September 2014 13:30 (nine years ago) link
xp hadn't occurred but i fucking bet that's what it is. what's the best way to surreptitiously find out? magnets?
― sktsh, Tuesday, 2 September 2014 13:38 (nine years ago) link
mystifying insistence on always putting down both lids
why is this mystifying?
― example (crüt), Tuesday, 2 September 2014 13:41 (nine years ago) link
oh no sorry, badly worded: mystifying in the context of pissing underneath it first.
in other circumstances i'd heartily approve
― sktsh, Tuesday, 2 September 2014 13:44 (nine years ago) link
We got a new toilet, which has a long and shallow bowl and while it's not a shit shelf toilet, let's just say I think about this thread and JD's post a lot.
― carl agatha, Tuesday, 2 September 2014 13:45 (nine years ago) link
― sktsh, Tuesday
pissin magnets, how do they work
― nakh is the wintour of our diss content (darraghmac), Tuesday, 2 September 2014 14:09 (nine years ago) link
Michael Lewis's Vanity Fair essay relating a German fascination with scheisse to the European economic crisis merits a mention.
― panic disorder pixie (Sanpaku), Tuesday, 2 September 2014 17:16 (nine years ago) link
Right after I started to piss, the lower panel of my top coat, which I thought I had positioned safely to the side, fell back into place in front of me. Most of the stream was deflected onto the floor, but some splashed back onto my trousers too.
― how's life, Wednesday, 10 December 2014 13:30 (nine years ago) link
#safespace
― Ecomigrant gnomics (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 March 2016 19:34 (eight years ago) link
the cheap toilet seat in my apartment has this horrible habit of occasionally drifting down while i'm in the act and the result is, when the stars align and i'm the right mix of sleepy or otherwise reaction-time-inhibited, just really awful.
what is my life
― art, Thursday, 3 March 2016 19:47 (eight years ago) link
oh yeah, we've got a "soft-closing" toilet seat or somesuch and you really have to keep your eye on that fucker or it might start drifting down mid-stream.
― how's life, Thursday, 3 March 2016 19:52 (eight years ago) link
"european bathroom series"
― lute bro (brimstead), Thursday, 3 March 2016 20:02 (eight years ago) link
I will piss on my belt, video it and post to ilx to create the positive energy required here
― Ecomigrant gnomics (darraghmac), Friday, 4 March 2016 16:43 (eight years ago) link
Watching anvil the story of anvil
― Ecomigrant gnomics (darraghmac), Saturday, 19 March 2016 00:05 (eight years ago) link