itt blogs instruct you how to be a man

defend the indefensible, if you dare.

http://therulesofagentleman.tumblr.com/

http://rulesformyunbornson.tumblr.com/

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm96k2nGuU1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

i mean

No. 214 : "Do not touch the hiney unless you have earned her trust"

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm96o9GSWP1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

"rape discourse is very much alive."

Like someone mentioned in another thread yesterday, I wish there were glasses that would allow me to see the people in real life that post this kind of shit so I could avoid them completely.

xp: I see how that translates to rape discourse, but I think the intent was for things like opening doors and pulling out chairs (unless sex is now officially a "small thing")

wondering where this stuff fits in with the bizarre constellation of PUA artistry, "men's rights" advocacy, and reader's digest coffee table books.

DJP - I think it was more just a snarky commentary on the use of the phrase, "she's really looking for it".

This one's a podcast, not a blog, and it's actually mostly good.

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lltcg3L9TV1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

"bad advice"

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llee4ffcZ01qj29d6o1_500.jpg

i mean how is this not utterly horrible, like some yawning chasm of possessiveness & jealousy beneath a thin screen of romantic sentiment.

"how to be a colossal creep and repel women"

Guys I gotta run, some dude at my wife's work just cracked a joke that made her smile. I have to go shoot him, iirc.

you must not love her, if you even let that happen.

I am not a real gentleman I guess.

a man's biggest mistake

Some of these things have 8,000 odd comments underneath!

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkuxehTxHr1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

Erm...

okay I really thought this was all massive overreaction until those last two

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk9mk1B66s1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

^^^ Clearly whoever wrote this has never been in a black taxi in London.

15,000 comments underneath that one.

The Art Of Manliness is aight when the topics are practical things like how to trim your mustache or how to make jerky or how to tie a tie; obnoxious when it editorializes about the pussification of the American male. overall it comes across as the Boy Scout handbook for self-conscious men's rights activists who wish they'd been born in 1880.

ALWAYS SAVE SOME TURKEY FOR HER

these have to be some sort of joke right, love?

I think that 175 can work for some guys. Depends on how it's said and by whom imo. The suggestion that it'll make "her melt everytime" is lol though. The rest of these are just ridiculous.

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llrdobGYLc1qj29d6o1_r1_500.jpg

not sure "apathy" is the right word.

-xpost-

Well, that's how they come across to me (as a joek). Not looked at the blog.

Although I do remember that guy chatting up girls in the bakery…

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llj4bmNQYL1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

what if you like girls that swear??

xpost "I should really be writing you passive-aggressive emails right now, but pffff...."

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llj32oOhtP1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

first rule of fight club is never talk about fight club

http://img848.imageshack.us/img848/7974/tumblrljl0htdvwk1qj29d6.jpg

out of context, a lot of these read as practical advice for the parents of 3-year-old girls.

Yeah I think this all has to be a not very funny joke.

lol bedtime story

djp i really don't have a problem with promoting courtesy, respect, civility, discretion, & other 'gentlemanly' virtues, whatever, but a lot of this 'advice' is just weighed down with so much gender insecurity and total cluelessness.

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llht3w8xz21qj29d6o1_500.jpg

strangely hurt and jilted tone to this one.

No.200 - now I know this is a joke. "I love how he only fights with me when nobody's watching. It makes me feel special".

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llbjugEajG1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

wasn't this a rick astley b-side??

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llht3w8xz21qj29d6o1_500.jpg

IDIOT. ARE YOU GETTING THIS, IDIOT? OMG WHAT AN IDIOT.

lol xp

Elmo that's why I think that the author is being facetious. It's just too ridiculous.

if this is a joke it's actually hilarious

but it isn't a joke.

That last one Local Garda posted is so so creepy.

i can assure you that no matter the intent, this shit gets reblogged in total sincerity. i can't go on tumblr to look at menswear blogs without one of these bits of fucked up advice popping up on my dashboard.

no. 200: "let her know there's a private world that you and her share that is chock-full of acrimony and bitterness"

djp i really don't have a problem with promoting courtesy, respect, civility, discretion, & other 'gentlemanly' virtues, whatever, but a lot of this 'advice' is just weighed down with so much gender insecurity and total cluelessness.

All I'm saying is that the tone you were seeing in the initial ones you posted seemed like they were reaching for the worst possible interpretation; out of context from some of the later ones, I don't think they are terrible pieces of advice, but taken as a whole I totally agree with you.

http://img2.wantitall.co.za/images/ShowImage.aspx?ImageId=Family-Guy-Diamonds-Sticker-S-FG-0054|31wmBnQcB0L.jpg

http://www.crazymadwriter.com/Images/crazy%20eyes.jpg

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll2on5oLch1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljzur7fWyc1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

Advice from a jaded bitter dude there.

I think Noel G and Scholesy need to submit a few entries.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll2okcnVuy1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

finally the way my ex used to bite her lip during non-commital discussions of the future explained

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljqerv4i6B1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

!!!!!

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljyl466UB51qj29d6o1_500.jpg

braggin'

Trans women and nonbinary people can do that too.

i change my own tires and then eat the old tires

there's a repair shop in our town whose motto is "fixing transmissions is our trans mission"

not really

i change my own tires and then eat the old tires

have you ever spread the resulting paste between two intact tires?

think i read about that in a savage love column

i *patched* a tire once

*bows down*

I agree with ∞ that most stereotypical male activities are just an assortment of applied skills, often useful ones such as using a saw or changing oil in a car (nb: this is equally true of stereotypical female activities such as cooking or cleaning). What makes them odious is their association with the domineering attitude adopted by some men to emphasize their imaginary ascendancy over others.

GIS for "manly tire"

http://www.capecentralhigh.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Blown-tire-01-26-2014_5905.jpg

note the beard

Patching a tire's trickier than changing a tire.

Though I wouldn't know first-hand, having never patched a tire.

yeah well the way i'd go about it is, first, grab th

goole? GOOLE?

i think a certain fetishization of "self-sufficiency" is what is really at the root of this stuff.

there's a paradox at the root of all this: that to sufficiently pursue "manliness" is to more or less call your own manliness into question. I think advertisers get around that by knowingly ironizing masculinity (like those diet dr. pepper commercials) so that your investment/detachment from notions of masculinity can always be subject to a kind of plausible deniability. hence you can enjoy your constructed "manliness" as derived from consumer choices while also being so manly as to know that your manliness is a real inherent quality not affected by consumer choices etc.

like, this is why hetero-normative guys wear pink shirts so often, maybe.

it's really all kind of clever way to preserve, in the last instance, some essentialist notion of masculinity.

Can we get into the cultural connotations of "peacocking" and how that factors into masculinity for a second? Because ryan's explanation doesn't make any sense to me in the context of why African-American men would wear brightly-colored clothing.

yeah scratch that...i just notice frat type dudes wearing pink a lot...no idea why.

in this context i often think about how brad pitt is sort of feminized towards the end of fight club (eye liner, i think, and fur--fashion conscious choices that also try to pass themselves off as not fashion-conscious)

idk the right term for it, not "contrary indicator", but something like that. the negating or shoddy effect of a fashion choice just highlights the underlying strength or desirability of the body -- shows of the essential (unfair) differentiation of bodies

like, american apparel can get away hawking garish and ill-fitting clothes because it's meant to be worn by skinny 19 y/o's -- ie people for whom clothing can 'cut against' rather than flatter. we sell ugly shit because it's meant for the beautiful, for people for whom fashion doesn't even matter (for now)

so pitt in FC can wear p much the same wardrobe as helena bonham carter because he's already brad pitt

white frat dudes in the prime of life can wear whatever goofy or fey getup they want, because it advertises what they can get away with and still be themselves

good stuff

i don't mind the preppy pink shirt thing, it's just another version of the pale blue/yellow summer shirt thing.

i'm less on board with dudes dressing like they're richie tenenbaum getting ready for coachella.

i think people should wear whatever makes them feel good

well of course. we're just doing amateur sociology here.

around turn of the century pink was a boy's color (a pastel version of red) and blue a girl's color (for the virgin mary) - i think anything that troubles the genderization of colors is probably a good thing (for our collective sanity if nothing else - colors shouldn't have genders unless you have weird synesthesia)

I'm on record as finding toxic masculinity toxic.

But if some aspects of femininity can be performed as a lark - that is, if strong confident women can kick ass generally, but still enjoy a spa day or a night of frivolous frilly frippery for fun with friends - then there might also be an equally harmless way to perform masculinity.

Anyway the trick about tire-changing is not to jack it up all the way at first. That is, if you get the flat tire completely off the ground, you've gone too far. It will spin too much when you're trying to unscrew the lug nuts, especially lug nuts put on by compressed air. So you should leave the tire touching the ground while you remove the nuts. One may even need to stand on the wrench. Then once they're loosened you can subsequently jack the car up far enough to fit the spare.

You're welcome, pansies.

personally i just lift up the car with one of my hands and loosen the lug nuts with the other, it's not that hard and it saves a lot of time

to ye

that is true

it's funny how we sometimes take things as a given

if the lug is (too) tight keep the tire low put a wrench on it and step on it to loosen it up

righty tighty, lefty loosey

righty tighty, lefty loosey

my manliest prayer

unfortunately about half of the things i'm obligated to regularly unscrew seem to be exceptions

it's a good thought exercise to occasionally imagine that you're a screw. if you're getting screwed, it's righty loosey lefty tighty.

TIGHT, bros!

empathy's for girls iirc

*flying chest bump*

there's a paradox at the root of all this: that to sufficiently pursue "manliness" is to more or less call your own manliness into question. I think advertisers get around that by knowingly ironizing masculinity (like those diet dr. pepper commercials) so that your investment/detachment from notions of masculinity can always be subject to a kind of plausible deniability. hence you can enjoy your constructed "manliness" as derived from consumer choices while also being so manly as to know that your manliness is a real inherent quality not affected by consumer choices etc.

Yeah, this is a thing with hegemonic masculinity that's discussed a lot in gender studies and critical men's studies: that one of the basic tenets of the hegemonic ideal masculinity is that a "real man" is self-sufficient, but another equally important tenet is that his masculinity needs to be constantly reaffirmed by other men. This is identified as the driving force beneath such masculine phenomena as bragging about your sexual conquests; it isn't enough to just know you've had sex with such and such beautiful women, other men need to know about it too, so that they can reaffirm your masculinity.

So stereotypical masculinity, which is often thought to be "innate" and "natural", is just as performative as stereotypical femininity, which is sometimes derided as "artificial" because of its use of make-up, clothes and other such signifiers. The masculine performance just requires other kinds of building blocks, but it's no more "natural" than performing any other social position.

I wrote my gender studies thesis on masculinity in Finnish rap music, and I had to think a lot about all this stuff, about how masculinity is performed, particularly with all the sex stories that are as common in the local rap music here as they are in its American counterpart. I included this joke to my text, because I think it's a nice summation of how hegemonic masculinity requires constant affirmation to work:

A cruise ship founders on a reef, and a man just manages to swim some miles and crawl up on a desert island. After recovering from the ordeal, he begins to explore and finds to his great surprise (and pleasure) that the only other survivor of this terrible tragedy is Cindy Crawford.
They build a lean-to and find some food and water. After a few weeks, it becomes clear that help is not on the way, so they start to get intimate. The guy is clearly ecstatic for a couple of weeks, but one morning she awakes to find him moping under a tree.
"What's the matter?" Cindy says: "Is there anything I can do?"
"Well, I am a little shy about asking you," he replies: "But could you take some of that charcoal from the fire and paint a mustache on your face?"
"A mustache? Well... I... I suppose so", and she does it.
"Now, there's just one other thing. Can I call you Bob... like my friend?"
"Bob? Well... if it will make you feel better... all right."
"Great!" he cries, looks at her and says: "Bob! You're never gonna believe who I'm fucking!"

Can we get into the cultural connotations of "peacocking" and how that factors into masculinity for a second? Because ryan's explanation doesn't make any sense to me in the context of why African-American men would wear brightly-colored clothing.

Critical men's studies writers like R.W. Connell would say that, at least in larger societies, there isn't just one form of hegemonic masculinity; different social groups and subcultures can have their own variations of "real" masculinity. So in mainstream African-American culture "peacocking" may be a way of performing hegemonic masculinity, even if it isn't so in mainstream WASP culture. Though obviously ideals of masculinity vary not just within different social groups but within history too: in 18th century Europe, for example, something similar to "peacocking" was a part of hegemonic masculinity, at least among the upper classes.

And you don't even necessarily have to belong to the hegemonic group of straight white men to come up with your own pecking order of masculinities. For example, I've noticed that some gay men who identify as bears deride more feminine gay men for being "twinks", i.e. for not being "real" men like they themselves feel they are.

guilty lol at that joke

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/2b/3b/35/2b3b35921c282686efe7e265ebc46d3b.jpg

50/50 on trading my balls for fully functional wings

never mix whiskey and red bull btw

I mean, in your stomach is fine. But not in a glass. No sir.

I want to say I was 16, maybe. My family went to Florida. I was—and still am—a passionate SCUBA diver. The water is the only place I feel graceful. I went by myself on a dive boat. There was me and maybe six other divers—all big, brawny men. I felt very small and hairless.

— Chris Jones (@EnswellJones) July 17, 2020

Incredible

i get irrationally annoyed at the "i can't stop thinking about..." framework, but for the first time in forever, i read that and now i really can't stop thinking about that part at the end where one of the guys is lamenting that they didn't use cups instead

Stick around for this sub-thread too

It's all sorts of insanity like that. Last year I went to Cozumel on a dive trip with my dad and brother. The one guy on our boat spent the entire trip grilling me on why I didn't like Donald Trump, and then in the resort pool...

— Dr. Buck Mulligan (@MorganBALROG) July 17, 2020

the story is almost certainly fiction but at least it was funny

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lllm5lhVHy1qktoezo1_400.png

i can't turn my <3 into a condom

the skull and crossbones condom is great because it hurts so badly

Deuteronomytip #1016

Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and put on a heart condom