non-Hughes '80s teen movies

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obviously only a handful of these are really worth a damn, but i tried to be somewhat comprehensively while making a bunch of judgement calls about avoiding horror movies and anything that felt to much of another genre or too high concept to be a 'pure' teen flick (Back To The Future, etc.)

Poll Results

OptionVotes
Fast Times At Ridgemont High 8
Heathers 7
Better Off Dead 7
Risky Business 5
The Last American Virgin 5
Real Genius 5
Gregory's Girl 5
Say Anything 3
River's Edge 3
Adventures In Babysitting 3
Stand By Me 2
One Crazy Summer 1
Baby It's You 1
Can't Buy Me Love 1
Valley Girl 1
Revenge of the Nerds 1
Class 1
Private Resort 0
Reckless 0
Private School 0
The Rachel Papers 0
Secret Admirer 0
Some Girls 0
Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise 0
St. Elmo's Fire 0
The Sure Thing 0
Where The Boys Are '84 0
The Wild Life 0
Youngblood 0
Porky's Revenge! 0
Porky's II: The Next Day 0
License To Drive 0
Just One of the Guys 0
Johnny Be Good 0
The Hotel New Hampshire 0
Dream A Little Dream 0
Girls Just Want To Have Fun 0
For Keeps 0
Fire With Fire 0
Less Than Zero 0
Losin' It 0
Porky's 0
Oxford Blues 0
The Outsiders 0
LIttle Darlings 0
The Night Before 0
My Tutor 0
My Bodyguard 0
Lucas 0
The Chocolate War 0


admin logbs (some dude), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:26 (twelve years ago) link

st. elmos fire is no teen flick dude

balls, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:27 (twelve years ago) link

hotel new hampshire? lol

balls, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:28 (twelve years ago) link

Ooooh. I was all set to post 'Lucas just over Say Anything' but then I saw River's Edge

yeah, but I know Taser Fu (Drugs A. Money), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:28 (twelve years ago) link

I hope somebody votes Hotel New Hampshire; that movie is just way too looney

yeah, but I know Taser Fu (Drugs A. Money), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:29 (twelve years ago) link

BETTER OFF DEAD

Heady Snobbin (Pillbox), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:30 (twelve years ago) link

i dont think ive seen a single one of these movies...

Dr. Frog, B.S., M.S.E., Ph.D (Lamp), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:30 (twelve years ago) link

ha yeah apparently St. Elmo's Fire is a college movie? i was thrown off by it having a bunch of the same actors from The Breakfast Club the same year they all played high school students, i guess.

admin logbs (some dude), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:31 (twelve years ago) link

anyhow voted fast times over heathers (the bookends), many others i regard very fondly though revisiting even the ones i'm pretty sure are actually really good (eg risky business) pretty much always diminishes them in my eyes.

balls, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:31 (twelve years ago) link

anyway i am voting Real Genius narrowly over Better Off Dead. i always feel like i should like Heathers and Fast Times as much as other people do but i've never really gotten into them.

admin logbs (some dude), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:31 (twelve years ago) link

st elmos is post college, it's "about" that, it's also about the most vile group of yuppies ever captured on film, whit stillman eat yr heart out.

balls, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:32 (twelve years ago) link

real genius one of the very very few that held up for me

balls, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:32 (twelve years ago) link

I love how The Last American Virgin takes a dark, sad turn. That NEVER happened in teen films then and definitely not now.

Alpaca Lips (Johnny Fever), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:34 (twelve years ago) link

Say Anything over Gregory's Girl (show Bill Forsythe some love, bitches) and Real Genius. For lots of these movies "wretched" is too kind.

The Edge of Gloryhole (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:34 (twelve years ago) link

Fast Times, Rivers Edge and Heathers are all good fun, but I think I may vote for Valley Girl.

Darin, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:34 (twelve years ago) link

Say Anything in a walk, for me.

aguirre, the wrath of frogbs (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:35 (twelve years ago) link

funnily enough this can also double as a 'best curtis armstrong movie' poll

little dieter wants to FUCK (Princess TamTam), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:36 (twelve years ago) link

michelle meyrink you are missed

balls, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:36 (twelve years ago) link

tamtam southland tales ain't up there dude

balls, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:37 (twelve years ago) link

no The Boy Who Could Fly, no cred.

Alpaca Lips (Johnny Fever), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:37 (twelve years ago) link

its a college movie but you put it in the poll and im voting for it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3njjD41f48

little dieter wants to FUCK (Princess TamTam), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:38 (twelve years ago) link

Zapped! needed to be here

fast times probably but baby it's you and my bodyguard are good iirc

buzza, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:39 (twelve years ago) link

lol The Boy Who Could Fly, ain't seen or heard of that in a minute.

what the hell was the name of that movie, I think on Disney, about the kid that was a robot....

aguirre, the wrath of frogbs (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:40 (twelve years ago) link

I need all six days to consider my vote very carefully. This is an important poll to me!

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:41 (twelve years ago) link

movies about college freshmen generally fit under the umbrella of teen movies imo, although obv i was sloppy with including one of the Revenge of the Nerds sequels in there

admin logbs (some dude), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:42 (twelve years ago) link

ahh I know which one it was, Not Quite Human!

aguirre, the wrath of frogbs (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:42 (twelve years ago) link

one crazy summer is actually my preferred savage steve holland/cusack collab and i strongly considered voting for it

little dieter wants to FUCK (Princess TamTam), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:43 (twelve years ago) link

never really been into that one. love Cusack but the lols were fewer and far between than in the far superior Better Off Dead, imo.

aguirre, the wrath of frogbs (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:44 (twelve years ago) link

Fewer in what?

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:47 (twelve years ago) link

Better off dead is pretty hard to beat.

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:47 (twelve years ago) link

baby it's you seems qualitatively different than the rest of these

horseshoe, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:48 (twelve years ago) link

lol The Boy Who Could Fly, ain't seen or heard of that in a minute.

Saw this in the theatre lol

The Edge of Gloryhole (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:48 (twelve years ago) link

One Crazy Summer is great...except for the Demi-as-aspiring-rockstar parts.

Alpaca Lips (Johnny Fever), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:49 (twelve years ago) link

I would be kidding myself if I voted for anything other than say anything as my fav but there are some classics here.

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:49 (twelve years ago) link

my heart is breaking over the exclusion of The Legend of Billie Jean...but I guess it's not much of a comedy.

Alpaca Lips (Johnny Fever), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:50 (twelve years ago) link

you know what could have been in this poll is pump up the volume. lol.

horseshoe, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:51 (twelve years ago) link

I was weirdly obsessed with dream a little dream when I was younger. It's an incredibly weird movie.

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:51 (twelve years ago) link

baby it's you seems qualitatively different than the rest of these

yeah, and gregory's girl

buzza, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:51 (twelve years ago) link

is that a coreys movie?

xp

horseshoe, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:51 (twelve years ago) link

TALK HARD

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:52 (twelve years ago) link

But neither is The Chocolate War or Less Than Zero or...

The Legend of Billie Jean should REALLY be here. xps to me

Alpaca Lips (Johnny Fever), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:52 (twelve years ago) link

omg talk hard

horseshoe, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:52 (twelve years ago) link

Dream a Little Dream? Yeah, Coreys.

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:52 (twelve years ago) link

you know what could have been in this poll is pump up the volume. lol.

― horseshoe, Monday, June 20, 2011 10:51 PM (30 seconds ago) Bookmark

1990!

little dieter wants to FUCK (Princess TamTam), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:52 (twelve years ago) link

oh i didn't even see "80s" sorry!

horseshoe, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:53 (twelve years ago) link

Gleaming the Cube would've been eligible, tho.

Alpaca Lips (Johnny Fever), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:53 (twelve years ago) link

Surprised pump up the volume was 1990 tbh

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:53 (twelve years ago) link

also yeah Legend of Billie Jean

FAIR IS FAIR

lots of janitors have something to say (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:54 (twelve years ago) link

I loved gleaming the cube.

I was a slater fan.

\(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:54 (twelve years ago) link

so many gems here, kinda wanna go with the "underrated" canonical pick Last American Virgin.

Disney boy robot movie = The Computer War Tennis Shoes (Kurt Russell) probably?

things list is missing:
Over the Edge

bunch of stuff that doesn't qualify (Nerds, Stand by Me, St. Elmos)

lots of janitors have something to say (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 02:54 (twelve years ago) link

I have no idea what the first on-screen boobs I ever saw were... probably Porkys. funny how BOOBS was such a necessity/guiding principle for so many films

lots of janitors have something to say (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:14 (twelve years ago) link

what about something like "Brighton Beach Memoirs"?

chupacabra - a delicious burrito (DJP), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:14 (twelve years ago) link

isn't he like 10 in that...? I don't remember it very well

lots of janitors have something to say (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:19 (twelve years ago) link

he's almost 15!

chupacabra - a delicious burrito (DJP), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:20 (twelve years ago) link

and yet exploding heads were a-ok.

― strongo hulkington's ghost dad, Tuesday, June 21, 2011 12:11 PM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark

lol my dad showed me Scanners when i was like 8 or something. he also showed me and my brother Rocky Horror Picture Show and a host of other movies at a young enough age to probably permanently scar and/or pervert us.

admin logbs (some dude), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:22 (twelve years ago) link

Can I just...

http://www.youtube.com/v/E1UGjjkJTwQ&fs=1&hl=en

some dude, I don't know what list you were looking at, but it was a dumb list.

― Alpaca Lips (Johnny Fever), Tuesday, June 21, 2011 12:13 PM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark

hey man give it a rest! i already said i drew from several lists (of which NONE of them listed this movie) and i'd never heard it. don't blame me, blame society. it's not like you were gonna vote for it anyway, be real.

admin logbs (some dude), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:23 (twelve years ago) link

haha i remember my dad letting us see silence of the lambs when it came out on video (i was probably 13, my sister 11). a few weeks later my mom and step dad rent it, i'm upstairs in bed, and about 1.5 hours in i hear "MOTHERFUCKER" from my mom. deduction leads me to believe this was during the buffalo bill tucks his sack scene.

strongo hulkington's ghost dad, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:27 (twelve years ago) link

it's not like you were gonna vote for it anyway, be real.

I really would have. In its place, I went with The Last American Virgin.

It's a shame The Legend of Billie Jean has never made it to dvd—music licensing issues is the claim—its rep is disappearing altogether because of it.

Alpaca Lips (Johnny Fever), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:35 (twelve years ago) link

as I understand it, she was not Michael Jackson's lover; she's just a girl who said that he was the one (but the kid was not his son)

chupacabra - a delicious burrito (DJP), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:37 (twelve years ago) link

it's not without its pleasures, but it's a mess of a movie. the scene where yeardley smith gets her first period is lol. also the rich kid whose mansion they crash.

lots of janitors have something to say (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:37 (twelve years ago) link

it is very proto-Thelma & Louise tho

lots of janitors have something to say (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:38 (twelve years ago) link

wait we're defending The Legend of Billie Jean? Is it any good?

The Edge of Gloryhole (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:39 (twelve years ago) link

It's great! Ugh, why do I even bother.

Alpaca Lips (Johnny Fever), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:40 (twelve years ago) link

I don't think it's great, but it is worth watching

lots of janitors have something to say (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:40 (twelve years ago) link

I'm trying to think of a mainstream movie that's predates LTZ that prominently features gay hustling... is there one? (Cruising, I guess?

Midnight Cowboy? It won Best Picture and everything.

Shart Shaped Box (Phil D.), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:40 (twelve years ago) link

gay hustling not as prominent in Midnight Cowboy as most people tend to think/remember. Voight spends a grand total of ONE scene being propositioned by a guy in a bathroom that looks like Tom Hulce and iirc he turns him down and freaks out. which is a far cry from RDJ giving an on-screen bj while naked in return for coke.

lots of janitors have something to say (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:42 (twelve years ago) link

er wait no the guy who propositions him is Bobby Balaban...?! can't remember

lots of janitors have something to say (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:42 (twelve years ago) link

Voight also gets head in a movie theatre.

The Edge of Gloryhole (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:42 (twelve years ago) link

re: Billie Jean

The Joan of Arc nods are kind of heavy-handed (even thought so when I was younger) but aside from that it's a good rebellion tale starring a young, hot Helen Slater and one of Pat Benatar's best singles.

Plus Yeardly Smith, Christian Slater, Dean Stockwell, and Peter Coyote.

FAIR IS FAIR YALL

Alpaca Lips (Johnny Fever), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:43 (twelve years ago) link

is that the Balaban scene? I haven't seen it in like 10 years.

xp

lots of janitors have something to say (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:43 (twelve years ago) link

but yeah fair point Midnight Cowboy yeah. LTZ maybe just more blatant about it.

lots of janitors have something to say (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:44 (twelve years ago) link

being propositioned by a guy in a bathroom that looks like Tom Hulce

all bathrooms look like Tom Hulce to me tho

A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:44 (twelve years ago) link

In LTZ the novel the bisexuality is fairly explicit - and fairly unconvincing, like lots of Ellis.

The Edge of Gloryhole (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:46 (twelve years ago) link

gay hustling not as prominent in Midnight Cowboy as most people tend to think/remember. Voight spends a grand total of ONE scene being propositioned

You're not counting the John McGiver or Barnard Hughes scenes.

clemenza, Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:47 (twelve years ago) link

i think just one of the guys was my second tit flick.

Cindy Mancini can ride my lawnmower anytime (thebingo), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:48 (twelve years ago) link

stripes even had bush.

Cindy Mancini can ride my lawnmower anytime (thebingo), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:48 (twelve years ago) link

I think the first movie I ever saw boobs in was Kramer v. Kramer. Woohoo.

Shart Shaped Box (Phil D.), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:49 (twelve years ago) link

BTW they were Dustin Hoffman's boobs.

Shart Shaped Box (Phil D.), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:49 (twelve years ago) link

IIRC, in LTZ the book there is a fairly graphic paragraph detailing how difficult it is when dried-up semen sticks your tongue to the roof of your mouth

chupacabra - a delicious burrito (DJP), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 16:50 (twelve years ago) link

One Crazy Summer is on TV right now...Joe Flaherty's speech is so classic

admin logbs (some dude), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 17:27 (twelve years ago) link

Joe Flaherty is classic.

I don't know who Cerebus is, and I'm 6'0 and 192 (Nicole), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 17:27 (twelve years ago) link

Got The Last American Virgin off netflix. Egads, that "I Will Follow" sequence...

Mucho! Macho! Honcho!: Turn Off The Dark (C. Grisso/McCain), Thursday, 23 June 2011 15:33 (twelve years ago) link

Less Than Zero could've been a great 80s black-and-white movie, a la Stranger Than Paradise and Chan is Missing, but glossy.

Let me tell you something about that song. (Eazy), Thursday, 23 June 2011 15:37 (twelve years ago) link

Speaking of firsts, was there a scene somewhere where Tom Selleck dropped his pants to reveal male frontal nudity, maybe in 9-5 or something? That really traumatized me.

Virginia Plain, Thursday, 23 June 2011 15:51 (twelve years ago) link

did it have its own mustache?

some dude, Thursday, 23 June 2011 15:51 (twelve years ago) link

Probably. I tried to block it out. The memory, not the mustache.

Virginia Plain, Thursday, 23 June 2011 16:01 (twelve years ago) link

uh Tom Selleck is not in 9-to-5

winoa ryder sexes creatures of the night (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 23 June 2011 16:02 (twelve years ago) link

his penis is, tho (credited as "Dabney Coleman")

chupacabra - a delicious burrito (DJP), Thursday, 23 June 2011 16:03 (twelve years ago) link

Apparently Selleck goes full frontal in "An Innocent Man" (89) but that's a bit late for me to have been traumatized. Maybe it was just some random mustachioed man who ruined my childhood.

Virginia Plain, Thursday, 23 June 2011 16:30 (twelve years ago) link

Hot Dog: The Movie
Private Lessons
Midnight Madness

thirdalternative, Thursday, 23 June 2011 17:07 (twelve years ago) link

Voted Fast Times.

By the way, watched "My Bodyguard" for the first time in many decades last weekend and detected a homoerotic subtext I hadn't noticed back when I was the film's target audience. Anyone else notice this or am I just getting gayer as I age?

thirdalternative, Thursday, 23 June 2011 17:09 (twelve years ago) link

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

System, Sunday, 26 June 2011 23:01 (twelve years ago) link

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

System, Monday, 27 June 2011 23:01 (twelve years ago) link

never saw these results!

why would anyone vote for Risky Business, honestly, idgi

some dude, Saturday, 2 July 2011 01:54 (twelve years ago) link

^^^Bob Seger is a lurker.

Mucho! Macho! Honcho!: Turn Off The Dark (C. Grisso/McCain), Saturday, 2 July 2011 01:55 (twelve years ago) link

three years pass...

http://the-toast.net/2014/09/30/sexual-racial-politics-nerd-culture-dialogue/

Interesting--and, to my memory, spot on--observations on Revenge of the Nerds. I doubt that there is anything that they're talking about here that was at all out of sync with the sexual politics of the time (Animal House, RotN's own "urtext," contains a similarly rapey gag, remember), but as this film seems to enjoy a better reputation than the most of the others listed in this thread, probably worth minding nonetheless.

That shit right there is precedented. (cryptosicko), Saturday, 28 March 2015 18:10 (nine years ago) link

i have never seen this movie and literally the only thing i know about it is rape. it's because i've read thinkpieces, obv, but i could prob have just deduced it from the title.

difficult listening hour, Saturday, 28 March 2015 19:40 (nine years ago) link

The Last American Virgin is out on blu-ray May 26. Budget accordingly.

That shit right there is precedented. (cryptosicko), Wednesday, 1 April 2015 01:18 (nine years ago) link

^^That one got a Criterion-style release on blu from Arrow in the UK.

Don A Henley And Get Over It (C. Grisso/McCain), Wednesday, 1 April 2015 02:40 (nine years ago) link

ten months pass...

Class 1

I was curious enough about this film--having caught pieces on it cable as a kid--to pay $1 for a VHS copy at Goodwill some time ago, and now having finally watched it I'm not sure how there even exists one person in the world who thinks that Class is superior to Say Anything, Heathers, My Bodyguard or even Fast Times at Ridgemont High, but it is not unwatchable. It actually flirts with sympathy for the Jacqueline Bisset character, though in the end her character remains underwritten to the point I actually got angry with the film for diverting scenes that could be devoted to fleshing out her character in favour dumb slapstick, teenage stoner antics and a boring test-cheating subplot. It's not a good movie, but there are moments where it feels like it is striving towards being a good one, and that's more than can be said for many of its contemporaries--or the still inexplicably overrated American Pie, for that matter.

pitchforkian at best (cryptosicko), Friday, 26 February 2016 18:50 (eight years ago) link


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