LAY OFF NATALIE MERCHANT

nabisco, I was with you on those two My Favorite threads, if nothing else.

1. They have similar singing voices -- a low boomy range that projects out over the whole mix.

2. They have similar quirks of diction, both in terms of enunciation and word-choice -- see "Katrina's Fair" for the line "a journal laced with sedimentary prose," which is all-Morrissey and delivered like it, too. (Conversely, imagine 10,000 Maniacs covering "Ask.")

3. They both write abnormally character-based songs about one type of character -- Morrissey's teenage thugs and Merchant's human-interest cases.

4. They're both obsessed with the working class of the middle of the 20th century -- Morrissey's kitchen-sink and teakettle Englishness, Merchant's Catholic-immigrant union-worker upstate-NYness.

5. Merchant had a personal assistant named Morrissey, Morrissey had a personal assistant named Merchant.

6. "Hateful Hate" = "Meat is Murder," overblown to the point of camp, except that Morrissey cares about cattle and Merchant cares about Africans.

7. Both were rumored, during my freshman year of high school, to be sleeping with Michael Stipe.

8. I admit that Brittle Lemon is right about "if you don't mind / I will beat on your behind" not being quite as good as "a crack on the head / is what you get for (not) asking."

9. Both started off from a point of seeming totally sheltered and bookish and awkward and virginal, and writing in a way often described as "pretentious" about their bedroom enthusiasms. Merchant went to college and therefore obsessed about bookish things (you can seriously figure out her course schedule from the Hope Chest lyrics; hello song-about-De-Chirico), whereas Morrissey, to my knowledge, stayed home and therefore mostly thought about sex and his mother and sex with his mother.

10. Their last names both start with M / I freakin' said so.

Hahahahahaha

yeah, community college!

while at the same time showing very little comprehension and a heap of self righteousness.

cue "Gun Shy" from In My Tribe.

*goes to cry bitterly*

blind man's zoo is pretty awful though, it + traumatic experience meeting her totally outweighing what fond feelings i felt towards 'like the weather' or those late era tunes that probably remind me of clinton coming into office more than anything (except 'don't stop' maybe).

what the hell do you know? who are you, anyway?

She's an ugly girl, does it make you want to kill her?
She's an ugly girl, do you want to kick in her face?
She's an ugly girl, she doesn't pose a threat.
She's an ugly girl, does that make you feel safe?
Ugly girl, ugly girl, do you hate her
Cause she's pieces of you?

She's a pretty girl, does she make you think nasty thoughts?
She's a pretty girl, do you want to tie her down?
She's a pretty girl, do you call her a bitch?
She's a pretty girl, did she sleep with your whole town?
Pretty girl, pretty girl, do you hate her
Cause she's pieces of you?

You say he's a faggot, does it make you want to hurt him?
You say he's a faggot, do you want to bash in his brain?
You say he's a faggot, does he make you sick to your stomach?
You say he's a faggot, are you afraid you're just the same?
Faggot, Faggot, do you hate him
Cause he's pieces of you?

You say he's a Jew, does it mean that he's tight?
You say he's a Jew, do you want to hurt his kids tonight?
You say he's a Jew, he'll never wear that funny hat again.
You say he's a Jew as though being born were a sin.
Oh Jew, oh Jew, do you hate him
Cause he's pieces of you?

Oh God, that Jewel song -- how did my mother manage to listen to that crap? Oh yeah, I remember, impressionable influence from ex-boyfriend. Before 1997 she used to make fun of Jewel.

I must now slay humanity.

You still want it?

I quote one review that mentions lyrics, triggering a back-and-forth about the merit of those particular lyrics, and now ILM gives a shit about lyrical content as a whole? Wow!

I am so so so proud of Dan's new handle it isn't even funny.