Exercise For Credit: Five Names For A Fictional Open Mic

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Where's the white, dreadlocked "spoken word artist"?

Eric "Jah" Harrington?
Josh "J-Dub" Wetzler?
Alex "Sasha" Pendleton?

Some more good spam names:

Lydia Godfrey
Leticia Coates
Earline Blake
Kitty Kimball
Ananth Boyce
Scott Von Heldt (writing to me about Baron Von Sloth, which could be a band name)
Catalina Leitz
Ramona Sawyer
Agnes Petersen
Olimpia Tash
Henri M. Ramon
Bernadine Prescott
Maurice Chaparall
Toussain Swaby
Luther Eldridge

And my personal favorite, Enumerates G. Purview

― max (maxreax), Sunday, 16 July 2006 18:53 (seventeen years ago) link

It's pronounced E-nu-mer-AH-tees.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:01 (seventeen years ago) link

Jeff "Guitar" Elliott

I love the excruciating boredom that radiates from each of these three words.

-- joseph cotten (josephcotte...), July 16th, 2006.

This made me LOL

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:01 (seventeen years ago) link

I want to know what the "G" stands for.

― max (maxreax), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Speaking of radiating boredom, this dude name Keith C8rpent3r just myspaced my band.

Genre: Bluegrass/Folk/Rock

Band Members Just Myself
Influences Eric Clapton, BB King, John Mellencamp, Bill Monroe
Sounds Like Folky Blues and Bluegrass
Record Label Docwoody Studios

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:05 (seventeen years ago) link

For your token hardcore kidz band:

The Illuminati Solution
Defeat of Denial
Hillbilly Jim

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:09 (seventeen years ago) link

For the dude, or dudes, with those floppy hats you get at Old Navy and Chuck Taylots

My Life, Her Heart, Our Wound
Blood by Blood, Fate by Fate
Miranda's Last Farewell
One Sunday In June
Quel'que Chose
Unrelenting Vengeance
Sheep in Wolves Clothing

― Emily B (Emily B), Sunday, 16 July 2006 20:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Alex "Sasha" Pendleton?

i like this -- i grew up in a russian neighborhood and i knew at least six alex-sashas.

― celebrity mole: hawaii (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 16 July 2006 21:24 (seventeen years ago) link

Bongo See, Bongo Do

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Sunday, 16 July 2006 21:50 (seventeen years ago) link

Jessi Saugerties

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Monday, 17 July 2006 01:05 (seventeen years ago) link

"Sheep in Wolves Clothing" and "Quel'que Chose" are awesome. I think you also need a piano-based singer-songwriter, ideally doing Tori Amos covers, or maybe piano renditions of things like "Tears in Heaven." Their friends swear they're just the most amazing musicians! Suggestions:

Jennifer Basil
On Wing
The Dust Bowl
Hammer and Icicle
Wingardium Leviosa
One Green, Two Colorless
Valleri Indecision
The Crystal Chain
Doctor Casino
Serena Ember

― Doctor Casino (Doctor Casino), Monday, 17 July 2006 01:22 (seventeen years ago) link

Olivia Albino
The Eyes of Kenneth Mars
Andre Starr
Three Guys Named Wayne
Folksercise
The Highway and Nathalie

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Monday, 17 July 2006 01:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Peter Pascal and His Band of Rascals
Taste the Painbow
The Ink Hickies

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Monday, 17 July 2006 01:39 (seventeen years ago) link

If Joseph doesn't claim "The Ink Hickies," I will.

― Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Monday, 17 July 2006 02:23 (seventeen years ago) link

Cassandra Knows

― estela (estela), Monday, 17 July 2006 02:31 (seventeen years ago) link

i *really* like The Fret Boys.. that's gotta be one of them

― electric sound of jim [and why not] (electricsound), Monday, 17 July 2006 02:35 (seventeen years ago) link

You can have the Ink Hickies - that name is way too good for our purposes! x-post

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Monday, 17 July 2006 02:41 (seventeen years ago) link

Taste the Painbow

Michael, I'm afraid to ask, but what kind of act did you have in mind here?

"SKITTLES!" -Big Gay Al

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Monday, 17 July 2006 13:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Aleister Good
Smith Weisenstein Duo

― the doaple gonger (nickalicious), Monday, 17 July 2006 13:35 (seventeen years ago) link

Spock Bacchus

― the doaple gonger (nickalicious), Monday, 17 July 2006 13:39 (seventeen years ago) link

Three Men And Eine Kleine Nachtmusik

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 17 July 2006 13:51 (seventeen years ago) link

Evan Walsh and Flourish
Sartorian Threadbare
The Netherlands
Rosy Nosedive

― J. Grizzle (trainsmoke), Monday, 17 July 2006 14:19 (seventeen years ago) link

Publish Or Perish
What Comes Of This?
Backlash
Crawlspace
Jessie Ellen Crawley
Amanda Stratford
Square Root Of Truth

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Monday, 17 July 2006 17:01 (seventeen years ago) link

what about an obnoxious noise band that considers pissing off a bunch of latte-sippers to be high art? "Jigaboo Jihad", or something similarly invested with mild shock value.

― bernard snow (sixteen sergeants), Monday, 17 July 2006 18:18 (seventeen years ago) link

What about a ska band? (With at least one whole thread of awesome names to pick from.)

― Rick Massimo (Rick Massimo), Monday, 17 July 2006 19:12 (seventeen years ago) link

John Mayer

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Monday, 17 July 2006 19:19 (seventeen years ago) link

Also, there's gotta be one white dude poetry slammist with a vaguely Africanized name. Jimbo Mtembe.

― the doaple gonger (nickalicious), Monday, 17 July 2006 19:20 (seventeen years ago) link

or Jonas Mayer. At any rate, there ought to be a Jonas.

(xpost)

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Monday, 17 July 2006 19:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Mike and Kevin

― the doaple gonger (nickalicious), Monday, 17 July 2006 19:33 (seventeen years ago) link

Some sort of rubbish 80s pop culture reference as well. Hasselhoff's Comb or The Gary Coleman Quintet.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 17 July 2006 19:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Ken Zoan

― gekoppel (Gekoppel), Monday, 17 July 2006 19:48 (seventeen years ago) link

Mike and Kevin are totally the two guitar players from the nascent ska band.

― Rick Massimo (Rick Massimo), Monday, 17 July 2006 19:59 (seventeen years ago) link

My favorite so far is still The Other Side.

― Fetchboy (Felcher), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 05:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Generic feel-good happy lyrics and not-so-subtle drug references mixed behind walls of distortion and droney, dreamy rhythms:
The Peter, Paul, and Mary Chain

― less-than three's Christiane F. (drowned in milk), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 06:30 (seventeen years ago) link

I chuckled at "Ken Zoan" and "Square Root of Truth"

How about "Motherfolk"

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 13:06 (seventeen years ago) link

I forgot that one of those Desco retro-soul bands was called The Other Side. But they were kinda short-lived, so you could get away with it.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 13:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Ladies and gentlemen... THE TEN FINALISTS:

The Fret Boys (Ben Dot)
PAUL EDWARD WAGEMANN'S EMU (Noodle Vague)
Shaggin Wagon (Abbadavid Berman)
Jeff "Guitar" Elliott (Fetchboy)
Don't Blame Me I Voted For Kerry (Fetchboy)
What's Yours is Mind (Johnny Fever)
Josh "J-Dub" Wetzler (max)
Jennifer Basil (Doctor Casino)
Belmondo's Last Gauloise (William Bloody Swaggart)
Ken Zoan (gekoppel)

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 14:59 (seventeen years ago) link

PAUL EDWARD WAGEMANN'S EMU (Noodle Vague)

YES!

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 15:02 (seventeen years ago) link

I think I'm the token jazz nomination. I'm disappointed for Global Warning, tho.

― Annie Get Your Gin (noodle vague), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 15:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Jeff 'Guitar' Elliott will blight our lives forever, i feel.

― sonofstan (sonofstan), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 15:14 (seventeen years ago) link

Looking at the contributors' handles, I think the acknowledgments page of the book just got that much cooler...

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 15:17 (seventeen years ago) link

O man, I made the top ten! That's really exciting. It looks like blandness was the ultimate criterion, and I'm both proud and ashamed of Jennifer Basil - so inane that I'd forgotten making her up by the time the finalists were announced. I think we can all agree that Jeff "Guitar" Elliott" is the greatest of all, though. His music has already gone beyond "doesn't do anything for me" to "I hate it."

― Doctor Casino (Doctor Casino), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 15:37 (seventeen years ago) link

I was irritated by Jeff "Guitar" Elliott long before you guys had heard of him!

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 15:40 (seventeen years ago) link

Huh, I've got the tape he recorded as Jeff "Recorder" Elliott.

― Annie Get Your Gin (noodle vague), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 15:41 (seventeen years ago) link

Wow, im so honored to have two spots.
I mourn for the loss of global warning as well, though.
maybe i'll write a bunch of shitty folky environmental songs, find the worst noodly guitarist i know, and go play the local open mic night as global warning.

I have to admit it though, guys. There's actually a dude in NOLA who has posted his bumper stickers all over town and refers to himself as Jeff "Guitar" Nelson. I've seen him play, and yes, he IS that detestable.

― Fetchboy (Felcher), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 15:48 (seventeen years ago) link

"Jennifer Basil" is genius, though. She's like a dull daughter of Donovan's "Jennifer Juniper."

Okay, due to popular demand, "Global Warning" is in... pushing out "Don't Blame Me I Voted For Kerry"!

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 15:56 (seventeen years ago) link

poetry jones

not sure if this is a group or a person but it's a poetry slam type of thing.

― jhoshea (scoopsnoodle), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 16:13 (seventeen years ago) link

there's this shitty shitty doorsish jam band w/ laughable spoken word slapped all over it from the weswt coast called "the poetry band".
i got a free cd of it somehow and the frontman is all about automobile safety and bad jim morrison imitations.

― Fetchboy (Felcher), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 16:24 (seventeen years ago) link

Tabitha Starling

― M@tt He1geson, Rendolent Ding-Dong (Matt Helgeson), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 16:25 (seventeen years ago) link

automobile safety and bad jim morrison imitations

― jhoshea (scoopsnoodle), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 16:27 (seventeen years ago) link

Skipping 41 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Compliment even

― Pictish in the Woods (James Redd and the Blecchs), Monday, 22 January 2024 23:26 (four months ago) link

Anyway that post is solid gold so nice revive!

― Pictish in the Woods (James Redd and the Blecchs), Monday, 22 January 2024 23:27 (four months ago) link

Once encountered a real band, playing the social night at a phil conference, called 'The Critique of Pure Rhythm'. Nearly too clever, but also yuck.

― Fine Toothcomb (sonofstan), Tuesday, September 30, 2014 10:43 PM (nine years ago) bookmarkflaglink

LMAO

― budo jeru, Monday, 22 January 2024 23:50 (four months ago) link

also Ken Zoan is ace. great thread. also kind of amazing that this book ended up being published by FSG. did anyone ever read it?

― budo jeru, Monday, 22 January 2024 23:50 (four months ago) link

It’s in my giant pile of I’ll get to it one day.

― Pictish in the Woods (James Redd and the Blecchs), Monday, 22 January 2024 23:55 (four months ago) link

Jeff "Guitar" Elliott kills me every time.

― B. Amato (Boring, Maryland), Tuesday, 23 January 2024 02:48 (four months ago) link

In my orbit, too many pickup band names are lazy AF, referencing their practice time or their practice space or how often they rehearse. I probably shouldn't name them here but there are some decidedly lazy band names out there.

― Wine not? (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 23 January 2024 03:21 (four months ago) link

to be fair, some of the greatest bands in musical history had the laziest, most unimaginative names

― budo jeru, Tuesday, 23 January 2024 15:44 (four months ago) link

Like, The Band

― Wine not? (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 23 January 2024 15:51 (four months ago) link

or The Beatles

― Pictish in the Woods (James Redd and the Blecchs), Tuesday, 23 January 2024 18:15 (four months ago) link

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