You Didn't Want It, You Didn't Ask For It; The 2016 ILX Worst Song Poll

How did a Daughtry song from 2013 get in there?

Dunno

I kinda want to vote for Darke Complex (I mean, I wrote a whole article about their awfulness), but man, that Avalanches song is such a mountain of runny shit.

Christ, I'd forgotten about that Bloc Party song. Really cringeworthy lyrics, iirc.

Train, by default

It's not the worst nor the best, but 7 Years was written by a couple of school chums of mine, so I have to vote for that, I guess.

Whoa there's so many suck in that list and unfortunately I've heard most of these.

Is that Kiefer Sutherland as in the actor?

It is. It's also really not *that* bad, just boilerplate.

"Work From Home" probably the only song here that looks to be egregiously placed amongst such company, though I can't pretend to be familiar with all the songs.

I voted Avalanches in the end which is me being kind to Madeintyo and Lukas Graham.

Some lesser-known but very deserving candidates listed above:

It Lives, It Breathes - We Didn't Start The Fire - Lyrics updated and significantly worse
Beta Boys - Tompkin's Finest - One verse mediocre rap, three verses of fucking hell, what is this?
Heene Boyz - Balloon Boy No Hoax - Balloon Boy Falcon Heene tells his stupid story over terrible hair metal
Mark Thomas - Selfie - What you would imagine Justin Bieber sounded like if you asked Reddit

Rostam. Fuck him for leaving Ezra & co. in the lurch. I will eagerly reverse my position if they both come out of this OK.

so frederik b had the chance to execute lukas graham when they were 7 years old, but did not take it. ban

Nah, you don't start at my school until your eight.

you damn progressive scandies

were you a christiania boy then btw? sorry for prying but it seems to lie at the centre of lukas guy's psyche

Nope. The school in question is an elite choir school which both Lucas, a couple of his songwriters, and me went to. You don't start until your voice has developed somewhat, so everyone starts in 3rd grade. Before that he was already famous as a child actor, btw, so I don't quite get the line about him never having any money as a kid...

he's quite obviously a complete fraud of a human being and a dreadful narcissist (sorry for denouncing your former chum)

I quite like the Avalanches track, but then I'm a Wilmot Houdini fan

that ghostbusters theme feels like everything that was wrong in 2016

Not everything, surely.

EVERYTHING

much better: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tdyU_gW6WE

Some stuff I'm hearing for the first time as a result of this thread:

Fall Out Boy feat. Missy Elliot - "Ghostbusters" (This song is way too straightforward, competent, & enjoyable to belong on this here list, despite the conceptual outrage/disguist associated with its very ~existence~)
Bloc Party - "Fortress" (Hard to listen to... I used to love this band 10 years ago)
Good Charlotte - "40 oz Dream" (really UNBELIEVABLY awful, from the opening rant abt guitars, to the umpteenth repetition of the mindless chorus that rhymes "Gin and Juice" with "Dre and Snoop", at which point I turned it off -- you'll have to tell me how this one ends)

...I DO remember choosing to bury+suppress the memory of that terrible "We Didn't Start the Fire" remake though.
I think I showed it to one person (who stopped talking to me for a while afterwards) before realizing, partway through our weird giddy forced-listening interaction, that I was actively harming someone I had always considered a friend, in service of... it's hard to say what. Mocking bad music? Feeling superior to some imaginary distorted projection of our own selves? Pure nothing, sans meaning??

C'mon, how did that Beck track get on this list? That's the catchiest thing he's done in years.

I dont have the guts to listen to all of these to give my inane opinion on each one.

that train song is easily the worst thing i've heard in ages

that train song is easily the worst thing i've heard in ages

I've said these exact words no less than three times in my life

This reminds of that time I read an epic takedown of "Rude" (by MAGIC!), which I had never heard, but sounded just awful. So of course, I had to check out the video, which they had so thoroughly skewered, and then of course I couldn't get that song out of my head for like 6 months.

Which is to say, I'm definitely going to trawl through this playlist for the best song of 2016 that pitchfork neglected to tell me about.

Europe - The Brexit Countdown

i gotta hear this

Mercifully, the Ruth B song didn't seem to make much of a dent in the public consciousness, but it was still the worst thing I heard last year.

Fergie - M.I.L.F.#

this is killing me

okay it's actually "M.I.L.F.$" which is marginally more sensible and still hilarious

from the original thread and from 2012 so not eligible but may i (not) recommend
Daniel Dahmer, Lil Debbie and Kitty Purrari - Hello Kitty Mobbin'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXfGTBVe_Kc

Have to presume Fergie's track is an MIA-style expose of the financial backers of the Moro Islamic Liberation Front.

omg y'all don't sleep on Spraygun War - "OMG" , a humorless atheist pastiche of RATM + bad 90s industrial featuring the former frontman of, uh, Buckcherry

Rostam - "Gravity Don't Pull Me"

^^ the first song from this list that is even remotely tolerable as background music for household chores
(SIDENOTE: why did I think it would be a good idea to combine these two activities??)

Comment on the Spraygun War video:

It's like a can of dog food decided to cover a Death Grips song

voting for that shitty Lucas Graham song

Lukas Graham deserves to win this poll.

^^

pff, he doesn't deserve to win owt.

Especially when that song that goes "I wasn't expecting that" exists.

Finally getting a chance to listen to the Spotify playlist today... I keep wanting to pull the trigger and vote, then I realize that I'm only like 4 songs into the list.

Strong contenders:

• Steven Tyler - Red, White & You (actually I'm not sure if this is worse than the average top 40 country song, so I'll give it the benefit of the doubt)
• Bloc Party - Fortress (as a former Kele fan, I feel more qualified to recoil in horror at this one)
• Fall Out Boy ft Missy Elliot - Ghostbusters (a remake of this song could have gone for kitsch, but this one apparently went for blockbuster CGI sub-bass pyrotechnics)

In the end, I have to go with Throwing Shade - hashtag IRL, since it just fails on every level: as a piece of music, as an amusing novelty, as a tossed-off

I love that Kula Shaker still have enough profile to make this list

Avalanches, for most disappointing after a long wait

I suppose it was inevitable that the "sharing economy" propagandic bullshit would make its way, however loosely, into song concepts. can't find a real job, ladies? don't worry, you can spend your time cheerily sexting your boyfriend, who has retconned "Bo$$"

― a self-reinforcing downward spiral of male-centric indie (katherine), Tuesday, 1 March 2016 17:09 (ten months ago) Permalink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKRWV0yjqJ0

Lil Yachty is the worst thing on the playlist, but isn't in the poll. So, Naomi Elizabeth gets my vote.

that's a very strange choice for 'worst' imo

nearly finished the playlist. lukas graham still possibly in the lead, but bloc party and lewis del mar are not far off. all to play for heading into the final stretch

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

Woo, go Grunk!

We listened to every fucking song on the list then forgot to vote

Would have voted for the winner though :)

I can't remember if I ever heard the winner; or rather, since I probably did, what it sounds like. I could easily solve this, I know, but why not spare myself?

"work from home" is still terrible sorry