Does God answer your prayers?

Maybe I should just have no expectations. After all they say if you have no expectations you can't get dissappointed. Maybe when I pray I should just pray for what I need or want, Ie a room-mate and then leave it and not have any expectations of God. That way when it doesn't happen I'm not dissappointed and if it does happen I will be surprised and thankful.

God is like that imaginary friend we had as a child or that imaginary sex partner we conjure up when we masturbate.

Yes, Your God DOES answer your prayers.

Your God is whomever you want Him or Her Or It to be.

MY God happens to be a black woman with very large breasts wearing crotchless panties.

Except, perhaps, to Linkey, who is only a visitor on this planet.

I understand.

My wife and my goat were out in the field and they were both struck dead by a lightning bolt out of the blue.

Oh, God...I miss that goat.

I'm not quite sure why you are so keen to acquire yourself a husband - all they do is leave the toilet seat up, drop dirty socks on the bedroom floor, snore loudly and hog the TV remote control (although, give them their due, they're great at getting rid of spiders) - but I can't help feeling that your continued spinsterhood is as a result of you being far too picky.

If you people can't come up with anything more humorous than this...

I may be tempted to re-create you.

You know those penises and vaginas you have so much fun with? Consider having scales and webbed feet and asexuality. I can do that. I'm God.

Jacob? YOU stay out of this.

I CAN send Bukowskie or whatever his name was to haunt you.

"If you want to know who God is, ask a drunk."

Heh, heh. I must admit...that amused me.

I do not think puppies are anything to joke about.

If you want to make light of something...how about a giant comet or some atomic bombs or some shit like that.

Sorry.

Puppies happen to be a soft spot with me.

(I hope God does not mind me responding to a post which may have been directed to Her)

She may be gone sometime, but She has plenty of time of course.

Who should She leave in charge whilst She is away???

I'm in a rather bossy mood today, so it'd suit me quite well to Be In Charge Of Everything.

How is your overwhelmingly awesome Magnificence today?

My overwhelmingly awesome Magnificence is okay, I think. I'll ask it, when it gets back from the pub.

Out on a magnificent bender?

They aren't very clear. In fact, I'm not sure that what I have are pictures of her through her bathroom window or a rainy day in Tanzania.

Thankfully, I have a vivid imagination. I can imagine a vivacious redhead senusally soaping herself or a wildebeast rolling in the dirt.

At my age, both images are equaly exciting.

Tota pulchra es, Maria,
et macula originalis non est in te.
Vestimentum tuum candidum quasi nix, et facies tua sicut sol.
Tota pulchra es, Maria,
et macula originalis non est in te.
Tu gloria Jerusalem, tu laetitia Israel, tu honorificentia populi nostri.
Tota pulchra es, Maria.

You are all beautiful, Mary,
and the original stain [of sin] is not in you.
Your clothing is white as snow, and your face is like the sun.
You are all beautiful, Mary,
and the original stain [of sin] is not in you.
You are the glory of Jerusalem, you are the joy of Israel, you give honour to our people.
You are all beautiful, Mary.

do Jerusalem and Israel not decline in Latin? slack

a suggestion:

Jerusalem (n)
Jerusalem
Jerusalem
Jerusalemis
Jerusalemi
Jerusaleme

Israel (m)
Israel
Israelum
Israeli
Israelo
Israelo

I'm a lifelong agnostic, but sometimes I'll say something like "please god, let this work" - like specifically last week when I was trying to fix the bathroom faucet - and then it works! I'll spend the rest of the day wondering if I should become a Methodist or whatever.

it's more likely evidence that you should become a plumber