in these, the waning days of stern: 2013-2014 NBA regular season thread (part 1)

the whole tanking thing is mostly media-created garbage anyway. Most of the supposed tanking teams have been pretty fun to watch, it's the ambitious teams that have been miserable

― Matt Armstrong, Saturday, January 11, 2014 7:03 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

agree 100%

i guess the nuggets are just going to average 30 point quarters now

what a schizoid season by the nuggz so far

kinda terrifying

― Clay, Saturday, January 11, 2014

like a fascist youth-group rally.

lawson's really having a quietly great season. he'd be one of the best guards in the east

i am very excited for rondo to come back i miss that guy

he'd be one of the best guards in the east

all within like the last 30 seconds of the suns game

PJ tucker 3 to tie
JOsh Smith 3 to go up 3
gerald green fouled on a 3 point attempt - makes all 3 to tie
josh smith hits a crazy runner from the right side with a second left
gerald green misses a wild shot

seems like very few starting pgs in the west wouldn't be one of the top guys in the east?

dirk 40 points on 20 shots, poor guy has to play for the mavs

they'd be good in the east

very nice 13-11-5-2-2 for Giannis

Giannis the third youngest player to put up 10-10-5 (McGrady and LeBron)

smh presti

http://www.basketball-reference.com/play-index/psl_finder.cgi?request=1&match=single&type=totals&per_minute_base=36&lg_id=NBA&is_playoffs=N&year_min=2014&year_max=2014&franch_id=&season_start=1&season_end=-1&age_min=0&age_max=99&height_min=0&height_max=99&birth_country_is=Y&birth_country=&is_active=&is_hof=&is_as=&as_comp=gt&as_val=&pos_is_g=Y&pos_is_gf=Y&pos_is_f=Y&pos_is_fg=Y&pos_is_fc=Y&pos_is_c=Y&pos_is_cf=Y&qual=&c1stat=per&c1comp=lt&c1val=8&c2stat=mp&c2comp=gt&c2val=500&c3stat=&c3comp=gt&c3val=&c4stat=&c4comp=gt&c4val=&c5stat=&c5comp=gt&c6mult=1.0&c6stat=&order_by=ws

haha awesome

Jon Hartzell ‏@jhartzell2 16m

"I'd go to war with a guy like that any night." - Durant on Giannis

ILH now prepared to sign Giannis to max deal once we figure out an appropriate nickname.

http://knickerblogger.net/knicks-102-sixers-92/

J.R. Smith, SG
27 MIN | 5-8 FG | 1-2 FT | 3 REB | 6 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 14 PTS | +20
[INT. a sterile white room with a large metal table at its center. A laboratory. Camera holds on a large box sitting on the table. Pan out to reveal MIKE WOODSON and JAMES DOLAN standing in an adjoining room, staring into the laboratory through one-sided glass.]

[A DOCTOR enters]

DOCTOR: Good afternoon gentlemen, I hope you haven’t been waiting long.
DOLAN: Just so long as the results are…satisfactory.
WOODSON: Results don’t play the game.
DOCTOR: I think you’ll find them more than adequate. [Presses a red button on a console under the one-way glass] Yes, bring in Subject A, please.

[The door in the laboratory opens. JR SMITH enters wearing a hospital gown, his eyes wide but dispassionate. He sits at the table. An ORDERLY follows behind him]

ORDERLY: Open the box, Subject A.
WOODSON: [Concerned] Boxes don’t play the game.
JR: [Opens the box in silence, peers in to examine the contents, his face suddenly distorted in panic but his body unmoving, as if wrapped in an unseen straitjacket]
DOCTOR: [Presses the button again] You may proceed.
JR: [His arms springing into action, he turns the enormous box over, spilling its contents on the large, metal table. A dozen pairs of size-14 high-top sneakers, their laces all untied. He feverishly begins to tie them]
WOODSON: Shoes don’t play the game.
DOLAN: [His lips curled in a smile of ecstatic disbelief] Just as you told us it would be.
DOCTOR: My methods may be irregular, sir, but my results are above reproach. While his brother Chris sat on the bench in his stead last night, providing a near perfect body double, we performed the controversial Pipenovsky treatment. To the Subject, the sight of a shoelace secured with anything less than a firm double-knot is now as abhorrent you or I would find, oh, I don’t know: maybe the carcass of a brutally murdered kitten.
WOODSON: [Nodding in agreement] Brutally murdered kittens don’t play the game.
DOLAN: And this is for real?
DOCTOR: [Pressing the button] Phase Two!

[Three more orderlies enter the room, roughly yanking JR away from the table and holding him securely by the arms. The first orderly picks up a pristinely tied shoe, walks up to JR, stops 3 feet from his face, and, in one continuous motion, pulls one end until the knot is utterly dismantled]

JR: [Eyes bulging, face contorted in tortured dementia] WHA—NOOOOO!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [He throws one of the orderlies off in an effort to get to the untied shoe and has almost freed himself of a second when the third plunges a syringe into his arm. JR falls limply into the arms of his aides]
WOODSON: [At a whisper] Powerful horse tranquilizers…don’t play the game.
DOLAN: And when he wakes up, he’ll still be like this?
DOCTOR: Absolutely. The treatment is irreversible. Actually, one thing: just make sure he doesn’t have a hot shooting night where everyone praises his indisputably brilliant play right when he gets back because if that happens there’s no telling what the fuck he’ll do next.

[SCENE]

that...shows a lot of effort

I was thinking on the plane today that Dwyane and Blake both had major knee operations and both came back and were explosive

but blake getting an ACL repair is diff than having a ligament completely removed

Wait who's getting a ligament removed?

You mean the meniscus

yeah whatever it is

there's a fundamental difference b/w something getting repaired/replaced than removed all together

I think it was revealed that DWade had his menisci removed in college and that's why his knees are so fucked up now

But it was a glorious few years when he first entered the league

http://espn.go.com/nba/truehoop/miamiheat/story/_/id/9760169/dwyane-wade-miami-heat-regrets-having-meniscus-removed-college

I thought blake just broke his kneecap

i bet he does!

wonderin why meniscus missed us

The cavs are down 70-111 to the Kings

careful cavs, lebron is watching, evaluating.

72-116

https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-qMQ8wU7rwWk/UtLX-jLAVmI/AAAAAAAAYxo/xTrSb_mEssQ/w426-h240/LeBron+Finger+Roll+Shot+Science.gif

ppl not voting bron mvp are fucking haterz

srayl, he should have two more bc dirk and drose are walking around w them, bet theyll give kd the award bc they wanna spread the wealth, totally clouding the fact that bron has running this league for years now shit

all awards shd just be canceled, theres one true award that thats the mfn ring, everything else is bs

Megha Rajagopalan ‏@meghara 10m
Dennis Rodman appeared to break down and cry and repeated "I'm sorry" at Beijing airport this morning, our story coming shortly

yeesh

no way i love awards just not award shows but i feel like there should be a pwn index where mark-ass betas like d rose never win mvp trophies just bc sports writers felt some type of way

what prompted this MVP rant

also tbf durant has a strong case this year imo

if theyre gonna carry on they shd at least rename it "the best player award" so sportswriters will stop thinking theyre clever

its late, im avoiding grading, im in awe of lebron, feel like i read a "kd is the true mvp bc shooting" piece recently

tbh i also feel like lebron already has a lot of mvps. kd isnt rose ..

someone said lebron pisses me off, and he pisses me too.

but its a completely diff than the way like, kobe bryant used to make me hate him

just cuz lebron has lots of mvps doesn't mean he isn't the mvp

like jordan should probably have ~ 11 mvps but he had a lot so they gave them to other people b/c variety is the spice of journalism

also, lebron isn't anything like kobe

yeah i know. but why nash has 2 and KG just one? bad management all the way

OTM, i dont give a fuck if kd saves a baby from a burning ford expedition in the middle of tornado season, as long as lebron is a shutdown defender and impossible to guard he's mvp

steve nash should have 0 mvps, fuck white joiurnalisst forever