Classic or dud: pissing on your belt

This is why my ppl are a superior ppl; we leave nothing to chance.

you guys are fucking killing me here

btw the German word for diarrhea is "Durchlauf" (literally, "runthroughiness")

you guys are fucking killing me here

^^^^

I hope the album 'The Fragrant Platform' is being demoed on your European sojourn, John.

i hate you all

holy wow, the comments:

http://www.toytowngermany.com/lofi/index.php/t764.html

The following is an excerpt from an article I wrote a few years ago on this topic.

The title is: "The Continental Shelf"

The idea of a shelf in a toilet means, in practical terms, that you either defecate very small turds like rabbit pellets or if you’re a person like myself who eats a lot and therefore lays large logs, you have to balance precariously with one hand on the toilet roll holder and one hand one the bath and lever yourself upwards inch by inch so that you can release the pasty. Otherwise you end up with piles and conical shaped shits where you’ve been forcing it against the porcelain. Either way, you inevitable end up with „Bremsstreifen“ (skid marks) along your inner thigh as the last and usually the sloppiest bit of the turd does „the scrotum scrape“. All this first thing of a morning coupled with the fact that whichever f*cker did say "yes" to the blueprint of "The Shelf" decided to add insult to injury and put a lip on the shelf and a pathetically weak flush that simply will not move the turd - no way. this means that you have to reach inside the bog and shift it with your hands. You have to wash your arse, your hands and the toilet. Stupid stupid stupid Appalling idea.

I don’t consider it taboo to talk about poo and I’ve asked a few Germans why, oh why does this phenomenon occur. The usual answer is „Well its practical if you want to take stool samples“.

Now. I, myself have a hereditary bowel condition which means that I probably have to take more than your average samples. Chefs, people who cook professionally, have to take I think three samples a year to be checked to make sure they are not passing on cholera or something. But your average person on the street - let me ask you a question. How many stool samples have you ever taken? I’m afraid I have to say, that even if I had to take a stool sample every time I dropped I would still prefer the old „turd in water“ model any day of the week. I mean it’s like a car with square wheels. The answer’s no, isn’t it?

Although these totally inconvenient toilets are becoming more and more rare, they still represent shit design.

The traditional brit crapper anytime.

I don’t consider it taboo to talk about poo and I’ve asked a few Germans why, oh why does this phenomenon occur. The usual answer is „Well its practical if you want to take stool samples“.

I mean, waht

From the comments on http://www.banterist.com/archivefiles/000212.html:

I sent a link describing the poop-shelf technology to a friend in Berlin last year, inquiring as to the possible reason for this phenomenon. His reply:
---
The question of the toilet is VERY EASY to anwer. As practically every German is health-insured, we tend to go to the doctor (as recommended) at least every two years for a throrough (and practcally cost-free) check-up. For that, you will have to bring some of your, er, feces in a specialized container the doctor will give you. So how do you get at your, er, sausage if it is swimming in water? With a German toilet, this is dead easy.

A second reason is the Germans' concern for health. We usually look at the, er, deposit, so see whether it is black (meaning that there is blood in it, could be cancer!) or has some other unusual colour not explainable by what has been taken in foodwise. So a light ochre means liver trouble of some kind and so forth. You may also see whether you got worms and so on.

So the riddle of the German toilet is none. It's oriented towards everyday health-monitoring.
---
So apparently, as bizarre as this practice may seem to us foreigners, there is some reason behind it.

Germany has awesome bakeries

I've been in France for two days & there is nothing a German bakery can show me except the quickest path to Italy

Also this thread caused pretty much the worst-case-workLOLs-scenario to happen to me just now, in which my boss heard me laughing, asked why I was laughing, and then shared with me her own unrelated and horrible poop story.

what a disaster for poop

better than pissing in the wind...

Germany has **suprisingly** awesome bakeries, for being a place that gave us the poop shelf, and also for not being France or Italy. I expected food awesomeness from those countries.

the thing that makes the fragrant platform so insulting is that, normally, if your gaze happens upon the water-filled bowl as it's carrying your shit away, no big. but every time you forget to shield your eyes when you flush the shelf toilet, which you will do, because the flushing mechanism is often a button on top of the tank, you will be greeted by a very 3-D demonstration of the specific heft of your payload. the water will rush out from behind it, and the whole mound will be carried, Marshall Will & Holly on a raft style, by this flush-wave down into the lower hole. it will leave streaks. these, too, will be washed away like tears in rain. time to die.

these, too, will be washed away like tears in rain. time to die.

LOLOLOLOL

and the whole mound will be carried, Marshall Will & Holly on a raft style,

dude.

there is something achingly existential about watching a pile of your own shit get pushed off of a shelf by water, though; I felt much closer to Kafka after my first shit shelf experience, as if I had gone through my own metamorphosis, only instead of turning into a giant cockroach I turned into a dude who had to wrap his hand in toilet paper and nudge shit into a hole due to low water pressure

'cept Kafka lived his whole life in Prague, which doesn't have shit shelves.

instead of shit shelves, they give you this:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3202/2810792993_77691c8278.jpg

imagine shitting in one of those

exactly, what was he so miserable about

xpost

Lol! That's the bathroom in a mall. I've pissed in front of those ladies a few times.

Here's my fun (non-shit-shelf) toilet:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Aw5TUvbjcKI/Sc_AX08cVcI/AAAAAAAAADU/SD0HQjXqsPw/s1600-h/toilet.jpg

the solution to this problem is obviously to shit in the bidet

I was pleased to have learned so much about American light switches from the other topic, but I'm not sure I'm quite so pleased to be an expert on the shit shelf.

That said, now I have to try one at least once. Before my metaphysical suicide, presumably.

errr.. that should've been
http://i34.tinypic.com/2e3y6if.jpg

hey that's pretty cool

secret message to thread starter:

is your belt dry yet?

"for some reason, it smells like bologna"

Chefs, people who cook professionally, have to take I think three samples a year to be checked to make sure they are not passing on cholera or something

Is this correct? American cooks don't have to do squat (heh heh) except show up for work and not bleed in the salad. (By law anyway, individual restaurants may ask for shit samples, I don't know.)

pretty certain Quiznos asks for shit samples, which they then put in the sandwiches

is your belt dry yet?

never dry again, never forget Night of the Wet Belts 13/10/09

xpost lol Dan

Related: pissing on your pants and underwear while taking a shit. It happens. The nozzle goes out of control and the stream shoots between the seat and the bowl onto your clothes.

that is the stuff of nightmares

Does anyone else have the constant battle with the "last drop" that manages to soil yr fresh underwear no matter how much you shake?

really enjoying the pisscussion here

it's a stream of conciousness

Does anyone else have the constant battle with the "last drop" that manages to soil yr fresh underwear no matter how much you shake?

there used to be a poem about it, at first a rhyming one but the free verse version was more powerful

no matter how you shake and dance
the last drop always falls
like snow on cedars

if you wanna talk about the "no. 1" of yore urine the right place

Related: pissing on your pants and underwear while taking a shit. It happens. The nozzle goes out of control and the stream shoots between the seat and the bowl onto your clothes.

Jesse you are like almost begging me to post something here that you probably don't actually want me to post.

wow i'm just gonna savor the "yore urine" euphony y'all. goddamn.

shit's getting heated on this thread^^

SPEAK JENNY SPEAK

last drop of what?

xp - Jenny, is this related to the dimensions of my manhoodliness?

(xxpost) absolutly steaming

few things are worse than the morning split stream

wait i just clicked 'bookmark'

why did i do that

dan otm

No, it's related to a similar mishap that might happen when you are standing up to pee and accidentally poop on the floor.

Whoops.

also jesse is otm, i have had ,,this'' happen

xp wait, no, god