teh rolling craigslist funney thread

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Reply to: pers-197051261@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-08-21, 2:51PM PDT

*Edit* Note: please do not respond if you are not familiar with the term "indie", look like a douche bag, hang out at the lobby and try to impress girls by ordering bottle service, or are over 29.

ok. im not sure why i decided to do this. i am currently dating mainly one person, but as each day passes i feel like i'm wasting time. he's just not right for me. (also note that i am not in an exclusive relationship with him, we are both open about the whole seeing other people thing.) i should make it clear right now, i'm not looking for a relationship at all, but if someone great comes along..that's a different story. if i make a friend off this, thats cool.. i guess i'm just kind of testing the waters though to see what kind of people actually read these ads. i wandered on here off the apartments ads entertaining myself by looking at the pictures people posted in their ads. and after reading a couple well-written posts i thought i might give it a try.
about me. i have a good job in the music industry, do some modeling, i live in my own nice place in los feliz/ silver lake area, and i enjoy going to dive bars/shows/etc. around here. i am really into indie music, but tons of different kinds as well...mainly genres of rock, some hip hop, some electronic. i have longish blonde hair and am a slender, petite girl, green eyes and around 5'5". good style. funny when you get to know me.. random.. have been called weird but usually by people who don't get "it".. if that makes sense. i can handle my alcohol and enjoy drinking all kinds of stuff, the occasional cigarette though im not a full time smoker, and 420 sometimes.
i'd like to meet an interesting, not extremely shy, has friends, good looking, nice hair, good music taste, good conversationalist, has a sense of humor, intelligent guy, under 29. musicians, artists, all good~ has a 9-5 but enjoys something creative good too. im going to be completely honest- i am generally attracted to caucasian guys......preferably with brown hair.. maybe a little scruff..though im not opposed to blondes.. im sounding kind of shallow here, but i do think attraction is important, but so is chemistry to keep things going.
im absolutely not going to send a photo unless you send me one first. if someone i knew, saw me on here, i would be pretty embarassed.
send me your myspace if you have one.
PS- i tend to get along best with leos and aries, virgos too.. but hey astrology isnt always the key.
ok. thats it.

SHUT DOWN

haha meeder you bastard

run like a shamp

http://c.im.craigslist.org/5u/QO/9wIQ6Ojc7JEbAfnU8sCvU3GOY1p7.jpg

Reply to: pers-203267580@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-09-05, 1:48PM EDT

Yes, you.
I don't think your stories are funny.
Learn how to speak without cliches.
Learn how to type, motherfucker.

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

fake sex ad experiment on craigslist, fake 27 year old slut wants...

the context
http://www.waxy.org/archive/2006/09/08/sex_bait.shtml

the replies: text, pictures, and audio [warning: not safe for work environment]
http://tinyurl.com/oumon

REAL SKULLS OR FAKE SKULLS, I JUST WANT ALOT OF SKULLS.

* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Reply to: pers-211001482@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-09-22, 8:58PM EDT

Oh, Firehouse it was as if I leapt out of the Globe, skipped over the Mercury and was standing right next to the sun. Last Friday night: You were wearing a Miami Heat cap and could yell "Go Dawgs" louder than all of your friends. Your flickering eyes caught mine. My interest was promptly ignited and I started sweating ya. Your gaze sent my heart afire and I felt as though you were looking into my damned soul! I went through a chemical change, you made me like magma to lava. Before this I just burnt time with too much lighter fluid and vulcanized rubbers.
I tried to be cool and went over and asked you for a cigarette, but I was already smokin'. I went outside with you, but then I couldn't tell the difference between you and your friends. I felt Sparks that night coarsing through my bloodstream, but I hesitated. At my best I was a campfire before this. Time is of the temperature and this is like hell. Let's forge ahead, we may be the perfect match. Molotov cocktails sometime?

Ms. Doubtfire

this is in or around Firehouse
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

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Reply to: pers-211150968@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-09-23, 10:22AM EDT

NOW! hello?! he sells crack out of his tow truck!!!!! will you please arrest this s.o.b.

this is in or around alexadria/falls church

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Free 8 year old Boy
Reply to: sale-229371910@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-02, 4:35PM PST

To good home-or reasonably good home (hell-you can be Sikes from Oliver Twist for all I care)
Granted, he's not mine, but I've had to put up with him for the last year, and I don't think we'll make it another 8 months (capital gains, thank you IRS)
I'd tell he's sweet, but I might get struck by lightning. You can get him to work sometimes, if you have any demolition around the house, he's your guy. OR maybe you just need someone to stand on your porch and shout four-letter words at the neighbors (depends on your neighbors I suppose).
All I ask is that he's out of here before 5 pm. when his Mom comes back from the store. She probably won't miss him, but I don't want another scene with the plastic pitchfork and the family cat.
No perverts need apply

* this is in or around Portland
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

229371910

"Angel Wanted" (Midtown)
Reply to: sale-257535749@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-04, 1:16PM EST

I'm an inventer who has had concepts years before regarding "teddy ruxpin"; the Frisby that "glows" in the dark' ;and I "made a "coffie Bag 6 years before it came out on the international market.

I have a number of very important "concepts" for new product ideas that could be very worth while regarding investing. I'm also a "healer" who is looking for a "media Consultant"; a book publisher; someone to finance an office. I'm fully documented:,Radio; television' medical records; and a number of professionals who can be contacted.

* It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

257535749

with a pussy deomocrat lefty omert running isreal listening to condalisa dyke jew hater rice on the phone running the isreal war and tony blair dem jew hater with ants is his british reuters nazi pants worring about what isreal does to defend itself and the nazi united nations and the eruopean nations anti jew hatred and repopulated and liberally taken over by jew hating muslims, russia hates and killed jews throught history.the vaticans dislike of jews is legendary,a large perportion of blacks hate jews,nelson aparthaid mandella attened antiholocost meeting in iran and is a huge jew hater he learned this in moscow the commi black rat that he is...but of course loved by the world and a huge victim just like the poor palestian terrorist lying murdering no peace for land hesbola ville new nation the bush/saudi/clinton dream come true.

process headed fool

Casting Call for Music Video
Reply to: TENCast✧✧✧@gm✧✧✧.c✧✧
Date: 2007-07-21, 1:45PM PDT

Casting Call for Laidback Luke's "Rocking With the Best". Laidback Luke is a Dutch House/Techno DJ. The video is very story driven and we need the right actors to make it all come together. We are casting the following roles:

ENRICO / Lead / Male / Hispanic / 27-37
A hispanic gangmember with a beard, bold head and his skin covered in gangtatoos. He’s well trained (tight, not like a pumped up bodybuilder) and has a deadly look in his eyes. He is the leader of the gang and is around 30, 35 years old. MUST have dance training or background, as there will be choreography to learn.
Wardrobe: typical gangster attire for most scenes. Will have to wear a cheerleading outfit in one scene.
Rate: $200 a day, shoots 7/28-29

LUIS / Lead / Male / Hispanic / 23-28
Luis is a bit younger than Enrico, but even more dangerous. He is the fighter of the three. gangsters. He’s even more muscular and also covered with tatoos. MUST have dance training or background as there will be choreography to learn.
Wardrobe: typical gangster attire for most scenes. Will have to wear a cheerleading outfit in one scene.
Rate: $200 a day, shoots 7/28-29

CASTEL / Lead / Male / Hispanic / 20-27
He’s the smallest of the three gangsters and has to work hard to earn his friends’ respect. He’s also trained, but he’s not covered in tatoos that much, he’s only got his gangname on his back and some on his arm. MUST have dance training or background, as there will be choreography to learn.
Wardrobe: typical gangster attire for most scenes. Will have to wear a cheerleading outfit in one scene.
Rate: $200 a day, shoots 7/28-29

FULL FIGURED DANCING WOMAN / Lead / Female / African Am, Caucasian, Hispanic / 18-60
A very large, but charmismatic lady. She can dance with high energy and wears her weight with pride. She is not afraid to let loose and let the music take over her body. Very important role!
Wardrobe: TBD
Rate: $200 a day, shoots 7/28

GYM GUYS / FEATURED BACKGROUND / MALE / Caucasian / 18-40
Muscular men that will be working out in a gym. Must have healthy and athletic bodies. Prefer men that are bald. Interviews will be held later in the week.
Rate: $50, half day shoot on 7/28

Auditions will be Sunday July 22nd from 10-1pm in Hollywood. Please email a headshot and resume to TENCast✧✧✧@gm✧✧✧.c✧✧. Please state any dance experience you may have. If we would like you to come in I will email back all the information.

Thanks,

Tiffanny Nelson
Casting Director

Wakeboarding: Get Paid to Wakeboard/Kiteboard
Reply to: m✧✧✧@chap✧✧✧.c✧✧
Date: 2007-07-21, 9:33AM PDT

Wakeboarding boat owner/wakeboarder seeks wakeboarder/boat driver to prepare/stow away/use boat for wakeboarding sessions with owner and his business associates. Essentially, you would be paid to go wakeboarding.

Ideally, wakeboarding boat preparer/driver/stower is a responsible, local (to Manhattan Beach or Long Beach) wakeboarder/surfer who can both enjoy the job and take seriously the importance of doing it right (i.e., prompt/reliable attitude). Typically, boat owner desires to wakeboard 2-3 sessions per week. If winds permit, you can kiteboard with owner as well (you would prepare the kites for both you and him).

Successful efforts in this regard can lead to other opportunities with boat owner, who is also an investment company owner in Manhattan Beach, CA.

Free New August issue of "Maxim" & colorful globe-like napkin holders
Reply to: sale-384256✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-07-28, 9:59PM EDT

How can you say no to "Maxim" with Hilary Duff on the front, right(ha,ha)? I also have some cute little globe-like plastic napkin holders from another Craigslister that have water and a butterfly inside the 16 of them. I will try to add more to this list.
God bless you for your time.

ha,ha

I didn't know it was pink til it bloomed

Mamma bird needs papa bird to help bring worms back to the babies - w4m - 45

Hi there! Im a single momma with a nice round behind. I enjoy walking, book clubs, and making casserole. I also enjoy giving head and taking it up the pooper. I may be a single mom of 3, but i know how to party. How do you think those 3 kids came to be? well to tell you the truth, for two of them i dont even remember how they were concived. Anywho, I just want a giant penis. hit me up fellas!

not very funny:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/30593810.html

I chased you for 12 years around the world, and I still can't find you - m4w

Date: 2004-05-07, 2:06AM PDT

When I met you in 1990, you said that you'd marry the man who'd follow you around the world. We were just sophomores in high school, so I didn't know what to think. I thought it was just some school girl romantic fantasy. All I knew was that you were the girl for me. We were only 15 years old, but I had this feeling that you'd play a major role in my life. After we graduated from Aragon High School in San Mateo, you revealed to me that you were accepted to Berkeley, but you wanted to go to Germany for college. Remember that night we spent ice skating at Fashion Island? You said that you loved me, but you had to cut off all ties with to be able to move on. That was the last time I ever saw you. I said I'd wait for you, but you told me not to and to just move on...but I remember what you said sophomore year.

You were accepted at the University of Tübingen, Berlin. I left home for Berlin. For 4 years I looked for you. You made the impact you always did in Berlin. People heard of you, but didn't know where you were. Nobody helped me. I wasn't good enough for Tübingen, so I attended Technische Universität Berlin where I earned a degree. I am now fluent in German, a language I never intended to learn. After graduation, I returned to San Mateo thinking you returned as well. I called your mother on the summer after you graduated, she said you had left for grad school in Tokyo. I left again, this time, to Tokyo. Auf Wiedersehen.

Your father said you are studying business at Keio University in Tokyo. I looked all over Tokyo for you. From the morning rush at Shinjuku Station, to the last train on the Tozai-line bound for Nakano. You were never found. To make ends meet, I got a job at NOVA, then in 1998 I got a real job at DoCoMo. I fell in love with Japan and its culture. I learned the language, and I am now fluent. Another language I never intended to learn. I went to the graduate office at Keio University's school of business seeing if you were set to graduate. There you were, on the list. I was denied entry to the ceremony since I had no tie to anyone graduating. That was the closest I had ever come to seeing you since grad night back in high school. Two months after graduation, I resigned from DoCoMo. I recieved an email from your cousin (You know, Jerry's ex-girlfriend) saying you had gotten a job in Hong Kong. I left my friends, my job, my home, my fiance, and everything Tokyo gave me to search for you. I'm so sorry Mizuki. Kima wa itsumo kokoro no naka ni iru.

It was 1999, and I had just arrived in Hong Kong, and so did you. Six months later, I found out you had left Hong Kong because you didn't enjoy your new job. From Causeway Bay to Kowloon, there were traces of you, but never the real entity. Your father told me you went to India for training for a tech company, then were to be set up in London. I don't know if I searched for you for no reason, but then again, my searches have always been fruitless. I went to Seoul to take up a lucrative job offer at one of LG's sister companies, Hiplaza, Inc.

In late 1999, I had already been established in Korea. I worked for Hiplaza, then 3 years later, LG. For the first time, I was free of the feeling of having to look for you. I was in a place I knew you weren't It was like a dream. A world without you. The dream ended 3 months ago when I left LG. Now the curse of your existence has returned. An nyonghi jumuship siyo.

I'm now back in San Mateo. I haven't been here in the bay area since 1996. All my high school friends are either married, dead, or gone without a trace. I have nobody here but my dysfuctional family. Your brother said last month that you're still in London and will return to the bay area permanently this summer. I chased you around the world for 12 years, learned 3 languages, made quite an amount of money, just to meet you in the town where it all began. Fashion ISland isn't even there anymore, but the ice skating rink is still there.

I'm not German, I'm not Japanese, and I am not Korean, but I can say anything in those languages, but I can't say anything to bring you back. You made the biggest changes in my life without barely stepping foot into it. I don't know if I should thank you or hate you, but one thing I'm sure of, I miss you dearly. Your cousin told me what your brother couldn't bring himself to tell me. 3 hours ago I recieved an email saying the reason why you're coming back is because you want to have your wedding in San Francisco, and that it was your fiance's idea.

Fuck you.

PostingID: 30593810

That is clearly a fictional story: the University of Tübingen isn't in Berlin, but in southern Germany. I know this because I was just in Berlin with a friend of mine who studies at Tübingen, and it took her nine hours to get there from Berlin. Do your research better, chap!

also nobody says goodbye that way in korean ever

http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/zip/458905427.html

FREE RECORDS
Reply to: sale-458905✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-10-24, 11:08PM EDT

GUY AGE 33 LOOKING TO GET RID OF A VERY LARGE RECORD COLLECTIONS
TELL ME WHAT YOU LIKE
YOU KINDA HAVE TO BE WILLING TO GO THROUGH THE COLECTION A BIT WITH ME SAY I KEEP THAT ONE THAT ONE IS OK TO TAKE LIKE THAT
WHO ARE YOU?
DO YOU LE COFFEE ?
IF YES BRING YOUR OWN-SAFE ENVORONMENT IF YOU DONT TRUST ME DONT WASTE MY TIME WHEN I GIVE AWAY FREE THINGS ITS KINDA INSULTING TO HAVE TO PLACE IT IN THE HALL AND CLOSE MY DOR SO AN ANIMAL CAN TAKE TH BAIT ITS NOT BAIT AND I DONT NEED TH INSULTS JUST BECASUE I AM A LONG HAIRED BIKE DONT MEANS I ISA CREEP

New "Loft Life" Atlanta based magazine looking for Bloggers
Reply to: job-457450✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-10-23, 5:08PM EDT

Our new magazine will serve as a manual for Atlanta loft living and everything that this entails. The urban, cultural, and economical nature of the loft life in Atlanta is a deliberate choice that so many people are making right now. The love of space, design, loft architecture combined with the benefits of living in a loft in the city are just a few reasons why people are choosing Loft Living.

If hired, we will pay $25.00 for every approved Loft Living post.

We are seeking the following themes:
- The "Finder": this blog is devoted to posting about cool loft finds, specifically things that are great to decorate or use in lofts.
- The Culture Person: blog about all the cultural and design related events in Atlanta loft culture
- Bachelor: The male perspective of loft life; how to create the best bachelor pad, the best bar to watch the game, etc.
- The Bachelorette: The female perspective of loft life
- Cheap Finds: devoted to listing the places to get "loft things" that are on the less expensive side.

If you meet this description, live in a loft in the city of Atlanta, are passionate about this fact, and would be interested in blogging about it, please respond with a breif description of your current situation and a writing sample or am example of a post you would write for the Loft Life blog.

* Location: Atlanta
* Compensation: $25.00 per post
* This is a contract job.
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

loft loft loft loft loft

http://columbiamo.craigslist.org/cas/506114444.html

**Please Please Baby** - w4m - 20
Reply to: pers-506114✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-12-11, 2:35PM CST

Hi boys, I'm a 20 year old junior at MU. I have to admit I have a bit of a fetish that I'm embarassed to tell my previous BFs, but now that im single I'm going to try to get it fulfilled:

I want a man to roleplay Dwight Yoakam with me. you don't have to look like him or even really like his music, just do a little research. we'll meet up, listen to some dwight and see where things go :)

I know this sounds weird but give me an email w/ a pic if you are interested and i'll reply back with one.

thanks

Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brothers ? - m4w - 30 (Vancouver)

http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/cas/741280535.html

uh.

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/roo/748837728.html

that mario bros one is on every message board now

what about the swap anal cherry 4 xbox 360 one?

cant say ive seen that. When did you put it up? ;)

http://theinternetisterrible.com/wp-content/things/mom.jpg

http://i30.tinypic.com/vq1tms.jpg

advertising, looks, and chops a must
no BIG HAIR!!

Capture the voice of a Generation X Serial Entrepreneur
Reply to: job-744112✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2008-07-05, 10:35PM PDT

Highly successful serial entrepreneur is seeking a part-time writer and editor to assist in preparation, writing and editing of speeches, blogs and forthcoming books. Writing style must be practical, eloquent and efficient. The verbose need not apply. Editing skills a must. Several articles and half-written chapters need to be refined and enhanced for an upcoming book. Script writing a plus/ documentary in production!

Please send credentials, samples, and your three favorite authors, and movies and why?

Work from home opportunity with meetings and brainstorming sessions held in person in Hollywood and or Beverly Hills.

This is a chance to be a part of the next best seller, only the extremely ambitious need apply.

* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 744112436

this runs through my head all the time:

I WANT SKULLS
Reply to: sale-210154✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2006-09-20, 10:27PM CDT

REAL SKULLS OR FAKE SKULLS, I JUST WANT ALOT OF SKULLS.

* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

― teeny (teeny), Saturday, September 23, 2006 3:35 AM (5 years ago) Bookmark

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/tlg/4929392815.html

bassist bass player (L.A.)

--
los angeles >central LA >gigs >talent gigs
--
compensation: 100,000 year

http://images.craigslist.org/00M0M_iUqcmIwzysX_600x450.jpg

Hello Folks,

We are looking for a bass player. One who isn't named Blake and doesn't drive a 2002 Blue Volvo XC70 and constantly inform you that it's the safest car in the world and that it looks good for his joint custody hearing. A guy who doesn't act like an @$$ Hole when he meets your girlfriend by trying to get her phone number as you went to get him another beer (yeah B she told me, thanks). One who doesn't take an upper decker at your parents' house on easter sunday, and then blames it on your grandma. A bass player who doesn't get the band kicked out of the Sizzlers on Highland by cornering the waitress in the hallway and telling her, "your booty is why god invented my balls". Someone who has never worn a terry cloth sun-visor upside down, to the side, and went by his initials B.R.O. until he got the manager position at work, and then started power-tripping. Specifically on those of us who use to smoke him out in Terry's Acura at the Ralph's on western.

PLEASE: No stolen equipment brought to rehearsals, what you do on your own time should not cost a fellow band member (who was just dropping you off on his way home) a night in the back of a police car.

Once you come out to a rehearsal you'll see who we are and all will be made right in the universe

If these stipulations don't apply to you please contact us.
do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
post id: 4929392815 posted: 6 days ago

^ totally wants Blake back in the band

Wanted- 3M to return to communicating.

3M is using and endless shape memory alloy belt on an extruder or
calender line. If this infringes on patent #6024907 it isn't authorized.
The following history the CEO has been made aware of. Names of individuals
(P. I. s) that infringed on patentee's rights in the last score years will soon
be published. This was a waste of stock holder money. Was taxpayer money wasted?

In May of 1974 patentee, recovered from a nervous breakdown 2 years
early, proposed a design using an endless belt. The design was based on old
patents such as #2849752 of 1958 which were mentioned at the following meeting.
This meeting , originally scheduled for the 3M Center, was changed by 3M to the
Holiday Inn in St. Paul for the afternoon of May 22, 1974. Patentee left the meeting
after a stranger walked into the room and adjusted the curtains and left. 3M's answer
to this meeting is attached. No design drawings were every sent to 3M although requested.

Extra Large custom exotic art already framed