Tiger Woods car/life crash

Jokes cracked by me and my mates in pub when this came on as breaking news on Sky Sports News:

Obviously needs a good driver

Wonder what his handicap will be after this

Time to dust off one of his 35 never-driven LeSabres.

This reminds me of the time I got shitfaced and drove into a fire hydrant at 2:23am

this will fuck up his stats re: driving accuracy

― Bob Saget's "Night Moves": C or D (WmC), Friday, November 27, 2009 3:47 PM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^i used this tonight w/ some friends who are really zing-y and it got big lols

yeah but kudos for this too:

Wonder what his handicap will be after this

this bit is bullshit right?

Tiger Woods' wife used a golf club to smash a window of his Cadillac Escalade and get her injured husband out of the SUV after he crashed

i thought you'd be chipping in with a few puns

Denise Higgins used a snooker cue to fend off youths attacking her husband John Higgins

Coleen Rooney saved Wayne from drowning in lake with football.

I'm sure there's no chance his wife was chasing him with a golf club following an argument and that he's wasn't reversing too quickly because of his fear of being clubbed.

Wife saves Rolf-Dieter Heuer from burglars by colliding intruders with large hadrons at CERN HQ.

plot to die hard 5 right there

collide hard

Live Hard or Die Hydrant </ken c>

fuck, I didn't even pun the right fucking title. Brandy is evil, kids.

I kind of like the enraged wife story that's developing

rumours of an affair, eh? the plot thickens

the whole, "omg let me help my husband out of the car by SMASHING THE REAR WINDOW WITH A GOLF CLUB" just screams Desperate Housewives to me

putt his balls into one ho' too many

^no need for that to be capitalized
xp

lol sandtrap

wouldn't he have put in his 5-iron instead of balls? Or do I not understand how this is done.

back window of an escalade, what's that? 4 iron, maybe a 3 depending on breeze?

one thing I know for sure, if I had that kind of money I wouldn't be driving a fucking escalade.

yeah if he had an escalade, I don't think I mind him getting hurt a lil bit

xxxpost he must have got wood, surely

gotta be honest i think i heard escalade mentioned but i'm not 100% sure

i think his caddy lacks an escalade

stop that

caddy was genius but the pun is a bit sloppy. 6/10.

Tiger Woods: Injuries Caused by Wife, Not SUV

Posted Nov 28th 2009 12:08AM by TMZ Staff

Tiger Woods did not suffer facial lacerations from a car accident. They were inflicted by his wife, Elin Nordegren -- according to a conversation Woods had Friday after the accident.

Tiger has yet to be formally interviewed by the Florida Highway Patrol -- that should happen this afternoon. But we're told Tiger had a conversation Friday -- with a non-law enforcement type -- detailing what went down before his Escalade hit a fire hydrant.

We're told he said his wife had confronted him about reports that he was seeing another woman. The argument got heated and, according to our source, she scratched his face up. We're told it was then Woods beat a hasty retreat for his SUV -- but according to our source, Woods says his wife followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club.

Tiger WoodsWe're told Woods became "distracted," thought the vehicle was stopped, and looked to see what had happened. At that point the SUV hit the fire hydrant and then hit a tree.

We're also told Woods had said during the conversation Friday he had been taking prescription pain medication for an injury, which could explain why he seemed somewhat out of it at the scene.

Read more: http://www.tmz.com/2009/11/28/tiger-woods-elin-nordegren-fight-accident-suv-lacerations/#ixzz0Y8Qow27E

Yeah, I buy all this a lot easier than I do the original story. I hardly ever even remembered Tiger was married before this story (I wonder if he had the same problem).

O____________________________________O

xp

Yeah, I buy all this a lot easier than I do the original story. I hardly ever even remembered Tiger was married before this story (I wonder if he had the same problem).

― Johnny Fever, Friday, November 27, 2009 11:07 PM (3 minutes ago)

ayo P, you're still hetero right?

?

His wife's okay-looking, but whatevs.

oic

I just meant Tiger solo is a much greater public persona than "Tiger & wife," and the only time I ever remember he's married is when I see a picture of them together.

Kind of like Bono. The only time you remember he's been married for 20+ years is when he brings his wife out for some reason.

like for a walk or to get her rabies shot

wait bono is married?

which one is she (l? r?)

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/10/25/article-1080636-023AEDFF000005DC-479_468x374.jpg

c'mon, she's not hard to look at:

http://www.thedailygreen.com/cm/thedailygreen/images/56/bono-ali.jpg

http://evilbeetgossip.film.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/tiger_elin-500x592.jpg

sorta reminds me of anna nicole smith

Where's that thread about how Bono sans glasses is Robin Williams....

LOL have been calling Bono 'Mork from Cork' since the release of October.

B-but he's from Dublin.

(duh I know but too OPEN GOAL not to pass up for the sake of a joke)

i mean wtf

I'm one of the top 10 best drivers in the country and I speed all the time

Two-car accidents happen to good drivers all the time, for sure--you're on the wrong end of someone else's bad driving. A one-car accident where the weather's not a factor, it seems unlikely to me that he's blameless. He could be swerving to avoid an animal--if that were the case, then I don't blame him. But I put speeding, texting, and/or getting behind the wheel when you're too tired to drive all under bad driving.

As a former school bus driver, I have fairly exacting standards for "good driving", which could be briefly summed up as 'There is no good driving which is not also safe driving'.

Falling asleep at the wheel is exactly the kind of thing I was thinking about

The car Woods was driving, a Genesis GV80 loaned to him by the manufacturer that sponsored the tournament last weekend, has an interior camera that alerts the driver if they're falling asleep:

https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/cars/2021/02/24/genesis-gv-80-tiger-woods-car-accident-suv-safety/4573081001/

well you all make good points glad this piece of shit got his legs broke

I'm sure you know this, but that's not even remotely what I mean. I've always been a huge fan, as most of this thread makes clear. Just suggesting that there's likely more to this than a simple bad-luck accident. We may never know. There are no charges and seemingly no desire to investigate, and since no other driver is involved, and his life has been irrevocably damaged, I think that's a good call.

Sorry to press the point--I have a particular animus towards speeders in everyday life.

First news I've heard in months.

https://www.cnn.com/2021/11/29/golf/tiger-woods-full-time-golf-over-spt/index.html

I thought he was basically picking and choosing when the accident happened.

Would be shocked to ever see him playing again tbh. Dude now has more major surgeries than major titles

alright, consider me shocked.

life crash?

https://www.espn.com/golf/story/_/id/35812811/tiger-woods-girlfriend-asks-judge-resolve-nda-dispute