I just left my girlfriend

I think you've got a good handle on it, in terms of time and distance being the best healers. You can go on and find someone of your own (though don't force it, or you'll end up in a horrible rebound relationship!) - or even sometimes you can find that watching your former love interest in a different relationship can give you an insight into their personality and relationship style that makes you *glad* in the end that it never happened between you! (This is my actual experience of a quite similar situation!)

Hang in there, and good luck.

BTW, yeah, I was the RPA up there. This story had a happy ending, as we talked, and we got back together a day later. No, we still haven't actually gone to Relate, or anything like that, but the fact that we both understand what's going wrong, why it's going wrong, and we're both willing to work to change it - even if that means getting outside help - gives me hope that we're going to be OK. We have similar goals and similar backgrounds and are actually remarkably well suited for one another (in comparison with Dog Latin and his Ex up there) - it's just a case of *not* arguing over the little tiny details as displacement activity for the rest of the (mainly career-related) stress in the rest of our lives.

Sorry to interrupt all this misery with a happy ray of light! I will return to being cynical now. ;-)

it'll all be terrible for a while, and it sounds like you're prepared for that, but i do think that you guys will be able to stay friends. probably first you'll be able to see her alone and both studiously avoid talking about Him, but eventually it'll all just seem normal.

and obviously the answer is to get him to invite her to the Prom on a boat. they'll be splitsville like instantly. :)

So um the point is that things take care of themselves if enough time goes by. And Gareth's advice about getting out and being the person you want to be - not dwelling on others - is key. I know I've had lots of, "if only I was different or she was different things would've worked out" dialogues go thru my head. It's worthless. Leave the past in the past. Things didn't work out for a reason.

But I don't know whether its harming my chances of getting over things as quickly as possible - being forced to see each other every day. But at the same time, I don't want to leave her under a dark cloud, I'm not otherwise especially unhappy in my job - although I had been considering moving on anyway.

I'm torn between whether to try and make a clean break with all this, or whether to sit here and see it out and only walk away once we've got things sorted. I can't help fearing that if I leave with things unresolved, and without us friendly again, we'll drift apart for good and that's the last thing I want to happen. Thankfully she's going to the Far East for a fortnight in a couple of weeks, that's about as much space between us as I could ask for, I suppose. Maybe I should set the time when she gets back as some target to work towards... see how I feel after a bit of absence.

But I certainly don't want to end up skint or in some shitty job I hate for another couple of years just because I got upset and walked out.

not spending time around her will definitely make the whole thing much, much easier, though.

neither! you have to do neither, you are putting her at centre too much. you have to deprioritize, and stop making decisions, rules, just make it less of an issue

if I leave with things unresolved, and without us friendly again, we'll drift apart for good and that's the last thing I want to happen.

you can't resolve it, its not yours to resolve, you just have to let it go a little, you cant make it alright, you can make it less of an issue though, by not focussing on it. you might drift apart, you might not, but you have to be in a position where its ok for that to happen.

you just have to back off, let it go, the more you try and do, the worse it will get...

do you believe in life after love?

He got a lot of play from the ladies, did DL. I'm assuming he offered a lot of jobbing actresses parts in his sitcom if they gave him a little boom chikka wow wow.

I even believe in life before love.

Hopefully DL will come back. I miss him.

i think he's the next grozart y/n?

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"This week Mr Stew I am curious about minimal"