if you want to know the truth about pizza express, i'll tell you everything

They only made one!

everything was once frozen, bar perhaps three things.
this includes the DOUGH, the 'Italian Roasted Vegetables' and every pasta.
Sorry libcrypt, just don't read if this is too hard to take.

more

Hey, this is mild compared to the "abattoir floor compress'n'grind" style employed by the likes of Maccy D's...

oh noes freezing!!!!!

As long as they don't freeze the vegetables while they're still alive I think I can accept it.

"the chicken is from brazil" = "the chickens all have shaved pubes"

"the lamb is from new zealand" "the beef is from argentina"

"the prosciutto ham is from a processing plant just outside bracknell"

Pizza Express pizzas are delicious, yes/no?

ugh NO

they are watery, flimsy and undercooked

OTM. Absolutely soaking in their own juices. You can't cut them up properly because of this, and it's very unsatisfying.

Why are they called Pizza Express? It connotes a nasty dog-shit on the floor joint with a dude who wipes his nose on the back of his hand before handing you the food. It's actually a fairly middle-market restaurant with a fairly nice decor etc.

Pizza Express used to be very kind to the playscheme I work for in the summer, giving groups of kids a pizza-making session and free pizzas and stuff at no charge to us. I haven't been in one for years. I noticed they went on some sort of Chiantishire kick and now the one in town has closed and is being replaced by a chain Mexican cafe/bar. Which is fine by me.

I tell you what tho, I went to that Est Est Est once and it were shit.

better than ask. i'm not sure what people want a standardized mass-market chain restaurant to be, tbh -- though there is some local variation. the one in cambridge is worth doing just cos it's located in... a library.

pizza express is this restaurant in the UK that is sort of like maybe the equivalent of california pizza kitchen

this is unfair! they are really quite tasty, for a chain! and the doughballs...

I think they're okay, but I don't really understand why people go seeing as every high street or town centre you care to name has at least four Italian restaurants that aren't Pizza Express/Ask/Strada. Actually the one Strada I went into was quite good.

This thread reminds me of the conversation I had with Prominent Old-Skool Foody Ilxor who works in the logistics industry. He was all "don't go to Pizza Express this weekend, their supply chain's fucked and they don't have any dough". When I suggested a way around this problem he scoffed "dude, they don't know how to MAKE the dough". So the premise of this thread doesn't surprise me in the slightest.

we have two pizza expresses in wimbledon.

x-post

back in the 70s/80s they were sort've the 'acceptable' middle class fast food chain - two of their most popular restaurants were in hampstead and fulham - but they were bought out in the 90s, many more branches were opened and quality control went out the window (deborah ross in the spectator wrote a v. funny article abt how TINY the pizzas are now in pizza xxpress.) luke johnson, current chairman of C4 and son of red-faced reactionary loon paul johnson, first made his name/fortune by 'rescuing' pxpress and exploiting the brand (so that you can now buy their product in Sainsburys etc.) i still prefer their pizzas to the cakey stodge served up by pizza hut etc, and their garlic dough balls are divine - but as a 'meal experience' it is now v.v. poor value for money.

some pretty excellent jazz acts have played the soho square branch over the years.

they are watery, flimsy and undercooked

Uh no, at least not the approximately 100 times I've had them. Watery? That's so bizarre - I usually add oil to mine because I like them with a certain wetness and if anything they're drier than most. I dunno what flimsy even means in pizza terms - and undercooked, must be bad luck on your part. Oh, I get it - you require your pizza bases to be crispy the whole way through?

The pizzas ARE small relative to the competition but that means you can eat the dough balls/dessert with less guilt :)

I think one reason people go to chain restaurants is that they tend to be comfortably informal and especially if you have kids this can feel less stressful than taking a chance on unknown local business. That said we never really opt to go to a chain unless we're taking the kids or we need to get a mediocre Tex-Mex fix at Chiquitos. And I kinda liked Nando's when I went. I often don't enjoy eating out cos I feel this subliminal pressure to not relax or something.

mark the center of any pizza - where the tips of all the slices meet - should be firm, imo. but you're right that my sample size is not large. the open-plan fern bar chainstore vibe is enough to put me off further gustatory investigation.

is maletti's in soho any good?

oh and mark if we're going to do a point by point rundown of each other's posts: eating should have nothing to do with guilt or its mitigation, and eating bread with pizza is one reason why british people are made fun of when they travel abroad. get one (1) pear, blue cheese and endive salad and throw the guilt out the window!

We have Pizza Expresses, though probably unrelated to UK P.E.'s. Ours are like the photomats of the pizza world.

I love that the subtext of this exchange is 'Daer British guy, stop getting Italian food wrong', when the British guy in question is actually Italian.

I quite like Pizza Express (who have the much better name of Milano in Ireland). Their pizzas are reasonably tasty and at least they have the chain advantage in that you know what their stuff will be like.

yes, it is a delicious twist! i dunno, if i ever was going to feel guilty about eating a meal in a restaurant i think i would want it to be somewhere besides pizza express.

i will admit to being a little hardcore about wanting my pizza "well done". i consider it the line that separates those who r being serious about their pizza with those who r not being. if it's kind of doughy in the center and the toppings sort of slide around and fall off the tip of the slice, u r being in the latter category.

xpost

Why are you slicing a thin-based pizza like that anyway? You don't need to cut them into slices, they're meant to be eaten whole off the plate, surely?

Pizza-eating methodology may be the key here. My favourite pizza place does them with very soft, very thin bases and they are delicious, but do suffer from that whole slidey topping thing. I think I actually like them with soft thin bases because frankly the dough is the least important thing about any pizza for me.

Prezzo's do a pretty good mid-market chain pizza. And other stuff too.

Thin base pizza (i.e. pizza) will never be crispy in the middle unless it's burnt.

Well if we're picking apart the responses to each others' posts, Tracer, perhaps I meant it's nice to still be able to fit in side dishes of whatever sort. Either way, Lol at you telling me how Italians eat and being all rockist about it :)

the pizza in your friend's restaurant in ny was absolutely amazing tracer

Pizza Express were actually early pioneers of genetic enegineering in an effort to breed long, thin, spicy pigs to make pepperoni production less expensive and time consuming.

oh wait, this is the truth about Pizza Express thread. nm.

i think they're alright, as far as sit-down family pizza places go. comparison to California Pizza Kitchen was a low blow. they at least try to inject a little class.

I have always suspected that 99% of restaurants, chains or not, are selling you some sort of shite of dubious provenance.

The only real alternative (if like me, you're too lazy to dig your own spuds and too squeamish to slaughter your own cattle)is to go to a supermarket and cook the dubiously-sourced shite yourself.

I desire pizza now.

so much I could post here right now but........can't, it's a bit....political.....

pizza express really isn't *that* bad, folks

zero degrees kicks the living shite out of it (and every other pizza place ever); only matt dc will have the foggiest what i'm on about, though.

this thread makes me want to never visit london again

I think I actually like them with soft thin bases because frankly the dough is the least important thing about any pizza for me.

Then you have never had good pizza.

Seriously I can barely read this shit

Also, nothing especially bad happens to dough if you freeze it, unless you leave it frozen for months and months. If you freeze it, thaw it, and refreeze it, that can be a problem, I believe.

well given that pizza hut is pretty much the worst food ever (except kfc), pizza express doesn't do badly, given its massively widespread chain status.

oh fuck me, pizza hut is absolutely honking. (it's the same chain as KFC, isn't it?) it's not even food. just ... wrongness, vaguely pizza-like in shape.

i've only eaten at pizza express once, and i was whammed and don't remember much about it -- other than phil oakey being there, and me wandering up to talk to him. lovely bloke.

zero degrees kicks the living shite out of it (and every other pizza place ever); only matt dc will have the foggiest what i'm on about, though.

Haha Louis, that was the exact place I was referring to upthread. My housemate is addicted to their caramlised pear and gorgonzola pizzas but I've always shied off them. I actually saw someone who really looked like you in there a few weeks ago but figured you were probably out of town.

i think everyone is losing sight of the fact that no matter how lousy it is it's still pizza and thereby better than like 90% of everything in the world.

Haha Louis, that was the exact place I was referring to upthread. My housemate is addicted to their caramlised pear and gorgonzola pizzas but I've always shied off them. I actually saw someone who really looked like you in there a few weeks ago but figured you were probably out of town.

Trio of Crostini followed by Roasted Garlic Chicken (sometimes Grilled Garlic Prawns) with a pint of house-brewed ale every goddamn time. Bliss. I actually think their RGC approaches affordable culinary perfection.

Uh who goes to the UK to eat pizza? Try some braised rabbit or suckling pig or blood cake ffs

I think kevin is losing sight of the fact that really bad anything is still really bad.

xpost: we have some damn good curry places. and heston blumenthal! we have heston blumenthal! look at him go.

Firezza = very hit and miss. but when they hit, very mmmm

This is insane!

btw
I quite like Pizza Express (who have the much better name of Milano in Ireland

this is where I work. Milano are actually meant to be alot nicer than Pizza Expresses, which I would believe.
Many tourists from the UK come in and do not register, despite identical branding and menu, that they are in Pizza Express. Most Irish people would believe Milano is an upmarket chain, which is fine for me.

With recent menu changes, they can no longer use a 'regional' approach, as they have run out of regions of Italy that do not hike up the price and expertise. Emphasising too much on the south of Italy would require a return to using buffalo mozzerella, making good pizzas and better vegetables.
Their latest attempt at a new menu contains only new spicy meat dishes, as 'winter is coming, and people want to be heated up'. We will no longer have anything to do with parmesan, and legally cannot say these words, as what we will be using and offering will be a low cost alternative, I think called 'grano padana'.
We do not serve San Pelligrino as it is too expensive. Our mineral water retails at around €3 a bottle, but a box of twelve is less than 50 cent.

The new menu booklets ignore completely that Irish people would not be impressed with the phrase 'the best thing to hit the UK, since, I don't know when'. Also, ranting about how the new Italian sausages are better than Cumberland sausages is a bit bizarre.

Many nights we have run out of tomato sauce, most of the frozen desserts. And yes, they cannot make the dough, as they do not know how and we would not be allowed to.

I know that this is the same with most restaurants of a similar nature, basically all of their competition.

We have 'How To' cards for everything, from making pizza boxes, slicing cucumbers, greeting customers, and yeah pretty much everything.

Enough of this rant...I wasn't anticipating such a response.

How is this different from any other chain restaurant then? Impersonal, huge mark-up on drinks, pre-prepared food? I mean, I know you said "I know that this is the same with most restaurants of a similar nature", but to home in on Pizza Express (other than that you work there) seems unnecessary. I could tell you the same shit about Little Chef, JD Wetherspoons, Garfunkels and many other places that I, or friends, have worked. You're paying for the uniformity, you know what you're getting.

whoa spill the beans on little chef please!!!!!!!!! little bastard more like amirite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"You're paying for the uniformity"

my question is, why would anyone do this?

Many people believe that this isn't the case with Pizza Express/Milano. I don't know anything about the places you mentioned, what do people consider the standard to be. This level of food processing entering the restaurant sphere in Ireland is new I imagine, as people are willing to fork out for basically frozen pastas they can buy in Tesco.
There is a big effort within the company to ensure it is not impersonal, and this is working...
I thought people might like to know, is all.

o-ness, this is very interesting, and if anyone did think Pizza Express was somehow high-rent and unique then it must be a bit of a shock, but you're not really saying anything bad about the place as far as I can tell!

a low cost alternative, I think called 'grano padana'

Um, it's cheaper than parmigiano reggiano, and not quite as nice, but it's hardly "low cost" - it's a proper cheese made to proper standards in the same region of Italy. I guess it's cava rather than champagne, whereas you're making it sound like Asti Spumante.

"You're paying for the uniformity"

my question is, why would anyone do this?

Tracer, do you know why Mcdonalds is the world's biggest restuarant chain?

"o-ness"?

"You're paying for the uniformity"

my question is, why would anyone do this?

-- Tracer Hand, Monday, November 5, 2007 10:49 AM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

seriously? practically everything else about industrial/urban society tends towards standardization and uniformity... why not food?

i don't know what "open-plan fern bar chainstore vibe" but p-express goes for it *less* than some places. wagamama kind of aestheticizes the canteen feel. i don't see the problem.

so far the 'truth' of this thread is at a "did u know that pubs are dominated by the major breweries" level of mindblowingness.

Really there is no room for anything 'bad' to occur, due to open kitchens and stringent guidelines on everything. we even must provide our own float. I get that beyond the shock factor there is really nothing.
People expect to read things about spitting, wanking etc but it doesn't happen. Really the worst you're going to get is changed day dots or a hungover waiter washin' your lettuce.
These days people want and expect fresh, however, especially with the high prices they pay.
I do enjoy working there, and I don't know anyone there who doesn't, but that is thankfully due to the good morale and tips, not due to the cunting customers.

so far the 'truth' of this thread is at a "did u know that pubs are dominated by the major breweries" level of mindblowingness.

I'm really into that these days too...

ok i guess if i decide to be willfully disingenous i should be willing to be condescended to

let me rephrase: why do YOU do this, i.e. pay for the uniformity, though you know the ingredients are bad?

So far the 'you can take the kids there without it feeling like a big deal' argument is the best defence I've seen on this thread. Part of the reason restaurants like Pizza Express exist is to fill this niche, because eating out, especially at independent restaurants, is still considered kind of a big deal in Britain in a way it just isn't in, say, France.

I made a fucking wicked king prawn sag balti for dinner on Friday, and I have leftovers to eat cold with chapatis for my lunch today: is it too early for me to eat it already?

I just picked the first food-related thread I saw to ask that, btw.

though you know the ingredients are bad?

Who knows this? o-ess and porkpie know what they're talking about and cheap and frozen != bad

so it's a place where people feel ok about annoying everyone else with their mewling brood

man this place just sounds better and better

xxxpost haha mark are you serious??

let me rephrase: why do YOU do this, i.e. pay for the uniformity, though you know the ingredients are bad?

-- Tracer Hand, Monday, November 5, 2007 11:18 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

cos going to restaurants where they source fresh ingredients from the market that morning = $$$; it's kind of why high-end places are high-end.

a lot of places, including independent places, get their ingredients from big distributors.

there are obviously independent places that are better than pizza express; otoh you can't compare "independent places" with a chain, because there's huge variation in the first category. and that's why people go with the second.

i've been annoyed by children in all sorts of places.

so it's just a money issue. if you could, you'd eat somewhere else.

lol @ "just a money issue"

I refuse to give the children 'colours', as cunting parents outloud suggest that 'the man will bring them now'.
Irish parents are still having 4+ children all within a few months of each other. My friend Eve, viewing houses with her mum, said that 5 bedroom houses are becoming standard.
We often consider offering 'any desserts, coffees, contraception?'.

Drop on by, I'll give you free coffee.

Really going to work is just a money issue, if you could you'd stay at home all day

you said you'd "pay for the uniformity" but now you're saying you're only paying for pizza express because it's cheaper than the bespoke competition. hence "just a money issue" rather than something more, as you had earlier implied. lol!

dom plz stop projecting

I go to work for the aforementioned free coffee.
Halfway through your free pizza you realise the hunger was a better feeling.

you said you'd "pay for the uniformity" but now you're saying you're only paying for pizza express because it's cheaper than the bespoke competition. hence "just a money issue" rather than something more, as you had earlier implied. lol!

-- Tracer Hand, Monday, November 5, 2007 11:33 AM (52 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

no contradiction there. within your money-reach, you can afford either p-express or some other independent place (ie NOT a posh restaurant with sourced fresh ingredients, etc -- also no booking blah blah class ssystem blah). so you go for the chain over the unknown, which in all likelihood, unless you know otherwise, doesn't have a markedly superior ingredient hook-up.

Tracer - I think you need some more condescension. Pizza Express isn't particularly cheap, doesn't use grade A fresh ingredients and is run on extremely rigid lines of uniformity. BUT in the absence of known cheaper/better pizzerias, and when you need to find a place on any high street with which a group of people will all be happy, when you know the quality, hygiene etc is going to be of an acceptable level, and at a price most people are okay - it ticks all the necessary boxes.

Also I really like the food there.

Mark's pretty much got it. Of course I prefer to go to places where the food is freshly sourced and prepared, but sometimes it is nice just to not have to cook/wash up and on occasions like that then all I want is food that I know that I, and others in my company, will enjoy. Pizza Express/Chiquitos/Nandos etc all do that pretty well. I'm not pretending they are anything special or fancy, but they aren't McDonalds either.

(the first time I was ever in Pizza Express was one in, I think, Fulham, with Mark C and a whole bunch of other people. It was a pretty good night)

Little Chef is the expert at everything frozen and cooked in a microwave - bags of microwaveable frozen ready-cooked tagliatelle etc. Though you're pretty much getting what you need there, no-one is ever going to go looking for freshly prepared home cooking in a service station in this country.

I ate the curry. Fucking good it was.

You can't beat a Sloppy Giuseppe, a Peroni and a slice of cheesecake.

if you know what i mean

I'd love to have the time and motivation to search out authentic little sicilian places every time I fancy a pizza, but meanwhile back in reality Pizza Express is fine, as far as I'm concerned. I go in them a lot as they fit various needs :

1) Can't be arsed to cook tonight, but we're not really going *out*, and don't want to spend loads,so let's pop in there.
2) Out shopping or whatever and need more than a sandwich, but want to be quickish.
3) The kids like it.

The diavolo is a very fine pizza indeed, and I have to have one once in a while.

great place to take GF for her birthday, just so she knows her place.

past and pizza = not that hard to make, i can't understand having pasta when you're out. the difference between pasta and pizza available in uk & italian restaurants = not that vast imo.

pizza express pizza is f'in horrible, yuk! tiny, doughy, tasteless, overpriced. i'd take a chance on an unknown independent every time, maybe sometimes i will lose (in a pub in essex i ordered lasagne and when it came it was 90% full of SWEETCORN wtf, who puts sweetcorn in lasagne? i had to pick it all out and then there was nearly nothing left) but at least i don't walk in there KNOWING i'm going to be fleeced.

hilarious

https://twitter.com/PizzaExpress/status/506542316627443712

some pretty excellent jazz acts have played the soho square branch over the years.

THE CHICKENS ARE FROM BRAZIL