Polyamory

1. Jess revives thread.

2. Somebody says "Only Ms Laura of anyone here can really talk about poly"

3. Jess replies "Why do you think I revived the thread?"

implication is J is now in a poly relationship. I think the implication is strong enough that it didn't need dot-joining and anyway this is a thread about polyamory *in theory* so if anyone doesn't want to give details that's up to them!

My sleep deprived brane is not processing things the way it should, and that's what I thought as well. Details are not necessary.

(I love how everyone is just talking like jess isn't going to come read this in a bit?)

In a polyamorous relationship aren't all 3 people (or more??) supposed to be in love with each other. Person A loves Person B. B loves C, C loves A...? I have nothing against it, really, but it seems like a rather rare situation that these people would all happen to love each other somewhat equally...

I have mentioned I had a friend in high school who didn't start dating until college - and his first relationship involved two other people - a new girlfriend and her at-the-time ex. He moved in with the two of them. He said he did things with her but he and the other dude were just like really close friends or something...

In the end, my friend married her and the other guy is - supposedly - out of the romantic picture.

I just finished my coffee, Larcole. It's obviously not helping me either!

By the way, by saying I think it would be a rare situation, I didn't mean to imply that I don't think it's possible...

I have observed a few of these relationships and found that it is RARELY a completely mutual arrangement. It is generally one partner that pushes for it and ends up reaping the "benefit", while the other partner is generally a more reserved type who has been convinced there is something wrong with them for not being immediately in agreement with it (or suggesting it themselves).

That said, I'm sure there are people out there who are honestly, genuinely making it work, but from what I've seen (admittedly not everything) polyamorous relationships are too tainted by insecurity (the very thing they think they are doing away with) for me to take seriously. Again, this is probably just the people I've met ...

On the other hand, I think an honest and open polyamorous relationship (especially if it's based on BEING IN LOVE rather than nymphozilla cock addiction) could be very quite wonderful, especially on wherein the love is shared mutually between "A, B, and C"...A loves B & C, B loves A & C, everyone's honest and straight-up. I've seen this work, and it can be a quite beautiful thing.

FoS, everything you talk about seems to be from a mono -> poly transition scenario. This is naturally a big step, and fraught with difficulties, but IME is not how most poly relationships start. It's much more usual that all parties at all stages know there is a poly-potential relationship going on, and things develop organically from there.

teach me to be subtle

Ms laura has talked abt this in quite a lot of detail in other threads. she does have periods where she doesn't post much etc so er, if its urgent or something, an email might be required etc.

I think I have the same sort of reaction as jess: the catholic in me would react against it but since I've buried that (but it is still there, deep in me) I think it is something i would consider if it ever came up.

Less snarkily, I think we've got a couple different styles of relationship on the table for which the word "polyamory" is used (ya got yer swingers, yer open relationships, yer threesomes and moresomes, yer dawgs n' doormats) so that it becomes pretty meaningless to say whether "polyamory" works or not. It's really only ever a question of whether people in a relationship (regardless of the numbers) are happy, confortable, and fulfilled in it.

At first I thought this read, "but ILM is not how most poly relationships start." And I was like, "WHAAA??? It's not???"

(jess, ILX being dicks if you ask for advice, unsurpising!)