teh rolling craigslist funney thread

Wakeboarding: Get Paid to Wakeboard/Kiteboard
Reply to: m✧✧✧@chap✧✧✧.c✧✧
Date: 2007-07-21, 9:33AM PDT

Wakeboarding boat owner/wakeboarder seeks wakeboarder/boat driver to prepare/stow away/use boat for wakeboarding sessions with owner and his business associates. Essentially, you would be paid to go wakeboarding.

Ideally, wakeboarding boat preparer/driver/stower is a responsible, local (to Manhattan Beach or Long Beach) wakeboarder/surfer who can both enjoy the job and take seriously the importance of doing it right (i.e., prompt/reliable attitude). Typically, boat owner desires to wakeboard 2-3 sessions per week. If winds permit, you can kiteboard with owner as well (you would prepare the kites for both you and him).

Successful efforts in this regard can lead to other opportunities with boat owner, who is also an investment company owner in Manhattan Beach, CA.

Free New August issue of "Maxim" & colorful globe-like napkin holders
Reply to: sale-384256✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-07-28, 9:59PM EDT

How can you say no to "Maxim" with Hilary Duff on the front, right(ha,ha)? I also have some cute little globe-like plastic napkin holders from another Craigslister that have water and a butterfly inside the 16 of them. I will try to add more to this list.
God bless you for your time.

ha,ha

I didn't know it was pink til it bloomed

Mamma bird needs papa bird to help bring worms back to the babies - w4m - 45

Hi there! Im a single momma with a nice round behind. I enjoy walking, book clubs, and making casserole. I also enjoy giving head and taking it up the pooper. I may be a single mom of 3, but i know how to party. How do you think those 3 kids came to be? well to tell you the truth, for two of them i dont even remember how they were concived. Anywho, I just want a giant penis. hit me up fellas!

not very funny:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/30593810.html

I chased you for 12 years around the world, and I still can't find you - m4w

Date: 2004-05-07, 2:06AM PDT

When I met you in 1990, you said that you'd marry the man who'd follow you around the world. We were just sophomores in high school, so I didn't know what to think. I thought it was just some school girl romantic fantasy. All I knew was that you were the girl for me. We were only 15 years old, but I had this feeling that you'd play a major role in my life. After we graduated from Aragon High School in San Mateo, you revealed to me that you were accepted to Berkeley, but you wanted to go to Germany for college. Remember that night we spent ice skating at Fashion Island? You said that you loved me, but you had to cut off all ties with to be able to move on. That was the last time I ever saw you. I said I'd wait for you, but you told me not to and to just move on...but I remember what you said sophomore year.

You were accepted at the University of Tübingen, Berlin. I left home for Berlin. For 4 years I looked for you. You made the impact you always did in Berlin. People heard of you, but didn't know where you were. Nobody helped me. I wasn't good enough for Tübingen, so I attended Technische Universität Berlin where I earned a degree. I am now fluent in German, a language I never intended to learn. After graduation, I returned to San Mateo thinking you returned as well. I called your mother on the summer after you graduated, she said you had left for grad school in Tokyo. I left again, this time, to Tokyo. Auf Wiedersehen.

Your father said you are studying business at Keio University in Tokyo. I looked all over Tokyo for you. From the morning rush at Shinjuku Station, to the last train on the Tozai-line bound for Nakano. You were never found. To make ends meet, I got a job at NOVA, then in 1998 I got a real job at DoCoMo. I fell in love with Japan and its culture. I learned the language, and I am now fluent. Another language I never intended to learn. I went to the graduate office at Keio University's school of business seeing if you were set to graduate. There you were, on the list. I was denied entry to the ceremony since I had no tie to anyone graduating. That was the closest I had ever come to seeing you since grad night back in high school. Two months after graduation, I resigned from DoCoMo. I recieved an email from your cousin (You know, Jerry's ex-girlfriend) saying you had gotten a job in Hong Kong. I left my friends, my job, my home, my fiance, and everything Tokyo gave me to search for you. I'm so sorry Mizuki. Kima wa itsumo kokoro no naka ni iru.

It was 1999, and I had just arrived in Hong Kong, and so did you. Six months later, I found out you had left Hong Kong because you didn't enjoy your new job. From Causeway Bay to Kowloon, there were traces of you, but never the real entity. Your father told me you went to India for training for a tech company, then were to be set up in London. I don't know if I searched for you for no reason, but then again, my searches have always been fruitless. I went to Seoul to take up a lucrative job offer at one of LG's sister companies, Hiplaza, Inc.

In late 1999, I had already been established in Korea. I worked for Hiplaza, then 3 years later, LG. For the first time, I was free of the feeling of having to look for you. I was in a place I knew you weren't It was like a dream. A world without you. The dream ended 3 months ago when I left LG. Now the curse of your existence has returned. An nyonghi jumuship siyo.

I'm now back in San Mateo. I haven't been here in the bay area since 1996. All my high school friends are either married, dead, or gone without a trace. I have nobody here but my dysfuctional family. Your brother said last month that you're still in London and will return to the bay area permanently this summer. I chased you around the world for 12 years, learned 3 languages, made quite an amount of money, just to meet you in the town where it all began. Fashion ISland isn't even there anymore, but the ice skating rink is still there.

I'm not German, I'm not Japanese, and I am not Korean, but I can say anything in those languages, but I can't say anything to bring you back. You made the biggest changes in my life without barely stepping foot into it. I don't know if I should thank you or hate you, but one thing I'm sure of, I miss you dearly. Your cousin told me what your brother couldn't bring himself to tell me. 3 hours ago I recieved an email saying the reason why you're coming back is because you want to have your wedding in San Francisco, and that it was your fiance's idea.

Fuck you.

PostingID: 30593810

That is clearly a fictional story: the University of Tübingen isn't in Berlin, but in southern Germany. I know this because I was just in Berlin with a friend of mine who studies at Tübingen, and it took her nine hours to get there from Berlin. Do your research better, chap!

also nobody says goodbye that way in korean ever

http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/zip/458905427.html

FREE RECORDS
Reply to: sale-458905✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-10-24, 11:08PM EDT

GUY AGE 33 LOOKING TO GET RID OF A VERY LARGE RECORD COLLECTIONS
TELL ME WHAT YOU LIKE
YOU KINDA HAVE TO BE WILLING TO GO THROUGH THE COLECTION A BIT WITH ME SAY I KEEP THAT ONE THAT ONE IS OK TO TAKE LIKE THAT
WHO ARE YOU?
DO YOU LE COFFEE ?
IF YES BRING YOUR OWN-SAFE ENVORONMENT IF YOU DONT TRUST ME DONT WASTE MY TIME WHEN I GIVE AWAY FREE THINGS ITS KINDA INSULTING TO HAVE TO PLACE IT IN THE HALL AND CLOSE MY DOR SO AN ANIMAL CAN TAKE TH BAIT ITS NOT BAIT AND I DONT NEED TH INSULTS JUST BECASUE I AM A LONG HAIRED BIKE DONT MEANS I ISA CREEP

New "Loft Life" Atlanta based magazine looking for Bloggers
Reply to: job-457450✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-10-23, 5:08PM EDT

Our new magazine will serve as a manual for Atlanta loft living and everything that this entails. The urban, cultural, and economical nature of the loft life in Atlanta is a deliberate choice that so many people are making right now. The love of space, design, loft architecture combined with the benefits of living in a loft in the city are just a few reasons why people are choosing Loft Living.

If hired, we will pay $25.00 for every approved Loft Living post.

We are seeking the following themes:
- The "Finder": this blog is devoted to posting about cool loft finds, specifically things that are great to decorate or use in lofts.
- The Culture Person: blog about all the cultural and design related events in Atlanta loft culture
- Bachelor: The male perspective of loft life; how to create the best bachelor pad, the best bar to watch the game, etc.
- The Bachelorette: The female perspective of loft life
- Cheap Finds: devoted to listing the places to get "loft things" that are on the less expensive side.

If you meet this description, live in a loft in the city of Atlanta, are passionate about this fact, and would be interested in blogging about it, please respond with a breif description of your current situation and a writing sample or am example of a post you would write for the Loft Life blog.

* Location: Atlanta
* Compensation: $25.00 per post
* This is a contract job.
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

loft loft loft loft loft

http://columbiamo.craigslist.org/cas/506114444.html

**Please Please Baby** - w4m - 20
Reply to: pers-506114✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2007-12-11, 2:35PM CST

Hi boys, I'm a 20 year old junior at MU. I have to admit I have a bit of a fetish that I'm embarassed to tell my previous BFs, but now that im single I'm going to try to get it fulfilled:

I want a man to roleplay Dwight Yoakam with me. you don't have to look like him or even really like his music, just do a little research. we'll meet up, listen to some dwight and see where things go :)

I know this sounds weird but give me an email w/ a pic if you are interested and i'll reply back with one.

thanks

Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brothers ? - m4w - 30 (Vancouver)

http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/cas/741280535.html

uh.

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/roo/748837728.html

that mario bros one is on every message board now

what about the swap anal cherry 4 xbox 360 one?

cant say ive seen that. When did you put it up? ;)

http://theinternetisterrible.com/wp-content/things/mom.jpg

http://i30.tinypic.com/vq1tms.jpg

advertising, looks, and chops a must
no BIG HAIR!!

Capture the voice of a Generation X Serial Entrepreneur
Reply to: job-744112✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2008-07-05, 10:35PM PDT

Highly successful serial entrepreneur is seeking a part-time writer and editor to assist in preparation, writing and editing of speeches, blogs and forthcoming books. Writing style must be practical, eloquent and efficient. The verbose need not apply. Editing skills a must. Several articles and half-written chapters need to be refined and enhanced for an upcoming book. Script writing a plus/ documentary in production!

Please send credentials, samples, and your three favorite authors, and movies and why?

Work from home opportunity with meetings and brainstorming sessions held in person in Hollywood and or Beverly Hills.

This is a chance to be a part of the next best seller, only the extremely ambitious need apply.

* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 744112436

this runs through my head all the time:

I WANT SKULLS
Reply to: sale-210154✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧
Date: 2006-09-20, 10:27PM CDT

REAL SKULLS OR FAKE SKULLS, I JUST WANT ALOT OF SKULLS.

* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

― teeny (teeny), Saturday, September 23, 2006 3:35 AM (5 years ago) Bookmark

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/tlg/4929392815.html

bassist bass player (L.A.)

--
los angeles >central LA >gigs >talent gigs
--
compensation: 100,000 year

http://images.craigslist.org/00M0M_iUqcmIwzysX_600x450.jpg

Hello Folks,

We are looking for a bass player. One who isn't named Blake and doesn't drive a 2002 Blue Volvo XC70 and constantly inform you that it's the safest car in the world and that it looks good for his joint custody hearing. A guy who doesn't act like an @$$ Hole when he meets your girlfriend by trying to get her phone number as you went to get him another beer (yeah B she told me, thanks). One who doesn't take an upper decker at your parents' house on easter sunday, and then blames it on your grandma. A bass player who doesn't get the band kicked out of the Sizzlers on Highland by cornering the waitress in the hallway and telling her, "your booty is why god invented my balls". Someone who has never worn a terry cloth sun-visor upside down, to the side, and went by his initials B.R.O. until he got the manager position at work, and then started power-tripping. Specifically on those of us who use to smoke him out in Terry's Acura at the Ralph's on western.

PLEASE: No stolen equipment brought to rehearsals, what you do on your own time should not cost a fellow band member (who was just dropping you off on his way home) a night in the back of a police car.

Once you come out to a rehearsal you'll see who we are and all will be made right in the universe

If these stipulations don't apply to you please contact us.
do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
post id: 4929392815 posted: 6 days ago

^ totally wants Blake back in the band

Wanted- 3M to return to communicating.

3M is using and endless shape memory alloy belt on an extruder or
calender line. If this infringes on patent #6024907 it isn't authorized.
The following history the CEO has been made aware of. Names of individuals
(P. I. s) that infringed on patentee's rights in the last score years will soon
be published. This was a waste of stock holder money. Was taxpayer money wasted?

In May of 1974 patentee, recovered from a nervous breakdown 2 years
early, proposed a design using an endless belt. The design was based on old
patents such as #2849752 of 1958 which were mentioned at the following meeting.
This meeting , originally scheduled for the 3M Center, was changed by 3M to the
Holiday Inn in St. Paul for the afternoon of May 22, 1974. Patentee left the meeting
after a stranger walked into the room and adjusted the curtains and left. 3M's answer
to this meeting is attached. No design drawings were every sent to 3M although requested.

Extra Large custom exotic art already framed